The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 1: Prologue
SUBJECT-XVI: Hello and welcome to my house of infinite madness! This is SUB-16 back after a long year+ hiatus. Trust me it wasn't planned and just kinda happened. Anyway I shall begin writing in earnest once more. AND THIS TIME I WON'T STOP UNTIL EVERYONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE AS CRAZY AS I AM! XD
Eve: Oh would you get off you're fucking soap box!? It's too fucking early in the morning for this shit.
Raxs: It's 3 'o'clock
Eve: Exactly!
SUBJECT-XVI: Oh God Damn it! I thought you two would have at least had the decency to die! How the fuck did the two of you survive!?
Eve: We ate the audience.
SUBJECT-XVI: Oh… Well don't just stand there! Go and "Recruit" a new Audience!
Raxs: Okay! Any preference this time?
SUBJECT-XVI: Yeah! Make sure they're the kind that review!
Eve: Please Note that InsanityInc. Is not responsible for any and all death caused by your a totally voluntary and not kidnapped participation in InsanityInc.'s studio audience extravaganza. We of the company also suggest bringing your own food and beverages for we will not be feeding you. Also we highly suggest getting used to the idea of cannibalism because if your buddy keels over before you at least you'll have a snack.
SUBJECT-XVI: Anywho let's start the Episode! Eve! Start do the Disclaimer! Once our newest recruit wakes up she can do it! Also next time don't use so much Clorophorm!
Eve: But it's so funny the way they twitch when I use a lot!
SUBJECT-XVI: Yes but we don't want our victi- I mean volunteer to die because you like to watch people go into shock/have a stroke.
Eve: Meh fine! SUBJECT-XVI does NOT own FF7 or any of its series. The broke motherfucker also does not own Avatar the Last Airbender, nor does he own any of the other obscure and random things that will be pumped into this story! Warning this story contains: Blood, Violence, Painful crotch shot inspired deaths, The violent destruction of other people porn, the crushing of children's dreams, A ridiculous amount of eventual sexual innuendo induced jokes, cursing, swearing, and most importantly Lots and Lots and Lots of Hot sticky lesbian sex! Did we mention that there was a lot of the last one? This shit is rated M for a reason people! Deal with it!
Eve: Hey Dumb Ass! What's the name of this girl again?
SUBJECT-XVI: I think her ID said Aría Yukine! Why?
Eve: Because knowing your dumbassness you probably forgot to mention her name in the actual story!
SUBJECCT-XVI: … I'll be right back I need to fix something…
Note: A Big thanks to R L Keeper who's story The Last Avatar- Gamer Edition inspired this fanfic. Thanks Rue!
Intrigue: Life rarely makes sense. It tends to make even less sense when something that has no godly reason for being there up and kills you.
The Last Gamer Bv2.0 Chapter 1: Prologue
(STORY START! 3rd person POV! Aría Yukine's POV!)
Aría couldn't help but stare at the oncoming prehistoric monstrosity with anything short of incredibility. She knew that she was in danger but the pure absurdity of her situation prevented her from doing anything about it.
"How the hell did a miniaturized T-Rex get into my hallway?" was all she managed before she got hit with eight-hundred bounds of live dinosaur slammed into her.
CONGRATULATION'S! You're Dead!
Continue?
Yes
No
"What the fuck?" Aría asked staring blankly at the small screen floating in front of her face. "SERIOUSLY! SERIOUSLY! Are you fucking kidding me?" she yelled into the void she had quite rudely found herself standing in.
When she got no answer (not that she was honestly expecting any) and subsequently turned her anger toward the screen.
"Do I want to continue? OF FUCKING CORSE I WANT TO CONTINUE!" she grumbled hitting yes.
LOADING!
LOADING!
LO-! ERROR! SAVED_FILE_CORRUPTED!
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
EMERGANCY REBOOT IN PROCESS! REROUTING ALL ASSESTS TO MENU SCREEN!
"Whoa!" Aría shouted in surprise as she was suddenly dropped about a foot and a half. "What the fuck is this?" she asked incredulously. In oppose to the previous void she'd found herself, Aría was now in what looked like a Museum or something. Though in all honestly she couldn't really tell since almost everything a blinding white.
Main Menu
New Game
New Game+ (Locked)
Continue (Locked)
Extras
Options
Credits
"Well this is just great!" she sighed desperately trying not to go snow blind from the glaring white that surrounded her.
Error_Message! X
We're sorry for the inconvenience. However it appears that you're previous save file was corrupted beyond repair and has subsequently been delete. Please Select New Game to restart your journey.
"Well fuck!" Aría stated before tapping the little X dismissing the message. Sighing in trepidation Aría moved to select New Game but stopped and instead selected Options.
Options: X
Help
Mini Map On/Off
Error Report On/Off
HUD On/Off
Tutorial On/Off
Bitchy Complain Send?
Aría felt her eyebrow twitch in irritation at the last option. Sigh she selected the options that looked the most helpful. I.e. Mini Map, HUD, and Tutorial. Though that last option nearly made her brain herself. But hey some tutorial could reveal some pretty useful shit.
Closing the window Aría sighed with trepidation and finally selected New Game. And watched deadpanning as another screen appeared in front of her.
Congratulations! You Have Selected New Game! We At InsanityInc. Would Like To Thank You For Participation In Selecting New Game!
As such as a complimentary prize we shall be loading all of your Achievements from your previous playthrough!
We Sincerely Hope You Enjoy Your New Game!
And Now Without Further A Due!
WELCOME TO CHAOS MECHINATIONS!
Loading_Achievements
Sky High: You were born mid-flight. Well ain't you special?
Born to Travel: Spent the first year of your life in a mobile home.
The Lone Star: Finally got a home… In Texas no less.
Vegan Powers Activated!: How can you live without meat!?
All Star Rookie: Instead of playing with Barbie's like a normal girl YOU joined the little leagues for T-ball
Like A Cannon: Hit a 100 MPL pitch straight back into the pitcher's face. SUCK IT MCREED!
This. Means. War.: Gained +1 friend… Through Pranking your middle school teacher with a whoopee cushion full of whipped cream and dog shit. (+2 Stealth, +3 Build/Traps/Repair)
Hello Dolly: Participated in your first Play… It sucked.
Lonely Day: Moved Away from Texas and you're only friend.
The One Finger Salute: Learned a great way to piss people off.
Sarcasm Is My Second Language: The best reply to a stupid question is by insulting the person who asked it. Learned love of sarcasm. (+5 Speech)
I Am A Cunning Linguist: Discovered Love of Dead Languages (+4 to Speech)
The Fairer Sex: Discovered you attraction to the same sex. Your parents didn't approve.
School Days: Pft Freshman
Dead Poets Society: Gained +2 friends and discovered love of poetry.
1-Up on Good Ol' Edgar: Wrote a depressing poem that'd make Edgar Allen Poe proud.
Prankster Queen: In less than 1 year successfully prank the ENTIRE school faculty and avoid capture at least 12 times. (+2 Stealth, +4 Repair/Trap/Builds)
The Furry: Discovered love of all things soft and fluffy.
Game Master: Found love of all things gaming.
The Ecchi: You're quite the pervert aren't you? Discover love of Hentai… You Perve. (+3 Seduction)
Commando: You ran out of clean panties so you went to school without them… In a skirt…
Sexiest Bitch On The Block: Successfully managed to get 13 boys chasing you ass. (+4 Seduction)
Ice Queen: You're one frosty bitch ain't ya? Showed ALL 13 of the boys hounding you for a date exactly where you think they can stick it by dumping icy-water on their crotches.
You Queer Fuck: Successfully unnerved someone not even aware of your presence by staring at them from across the cafeteria.
The First: Get your first crush.
Rivalry At Its Finest: Get a rival for your crush's affection.
The One That Got Away: For some reason everyone still thinks you're straight even after you have made it abundantly clear you're into girls and have subsequently lost the war for your crushes affection… To her sister… Guess is wasn't really a war after all.
I Can Bench Press Social Rejection: Got over your crush.
The White Blouse: Favorite shirt ruined by the popular school bitch.
Dirty Deeds: Picked a fight and framed the other girl and got her expelled. You rather vindictive aren't you? -1 School Bitch.
History Buff: Discovered love for all things old and dusty… That's long dead…
The Escapist: Finished High school
Black Out: You're first exploration into the world of drinking has revealed that you have an astoundingly high alcohol tolerance… Unfortunately that didn't prevent you from the fury of 1,000 burning suns after downing an entire bottle of vodka.
One Small Step Into The Rest Of Your Life: Went to college… Pft Freshman…
Why? Just… Why?: Achieved 4 majors for your entire college carrier: Music, Science, Dead Languages, Ancient History (+5 Seduction, +6 Repair/Builds/Traps, +7 Speech,) (Unlocked Dual Character Class Selection)
Socially Retarded: Awkward Made a friend in collage. +1 friend.
Must Have All The Memes!: Made +1 meme obsessed friend
The Unwritten: Wrote over 350 works of poetry that shall never see the light of day.
So You Think You Can Language?: Made +2 Friends who share your weird love of all things in Dead Languages
Burn In Hell Bitch: Found out that your childhood friend has been spreading horrible rumors about you around Collage. -1 Friend
My Teacher Is Stalking Me: Wow. Luck is just not on your side. History teacher wants you to be his latest "Book Mark" in his line of "Conquests" and isn't being subtle about it at all.
Boom Head Shot: Ensured your creep of a History teacher will never grace the world with his spawn by shooting him in the nuts with a paintball gun full of marbles.
Get Me Outa Here!: After 4 year of collage you've decided that you're finished
The Penny Pincher: Got a cheap ass apartment even though you could afford a pent house, because you're a cheap ass mother fucker. (+18 Barter)
Aperture Science: Your first job and they want you to perform some… Questionable experiments.
Law Bringer: Brought the FBI down on your first place of work despite the fact that if they found out before the sting you were liable to getting to pretty fucked up experiments done to you. (+12 Speech, +25 Courage)
Night At The Museum: Well it wasn't a Skeleton T-rex/dino-dog… But honey you just died to a dinosaur.
Continue?
Aría couldn't help but chuckle at some of the achievements. Nor could she help but shed a few tears realizing that her old life was indeed over. It was pretty funny though that all 22 years of her life had been narrowed down to about 46 small achievements. Though she honestly felt sorry for the poor fuck that had to watch through the entire thing and think up awards for it.
"Continue? Meh. Why the fuck not?" Aría asked herself hitting the button.
Congratulations you have unlocked new character classes!
Discovered New Weapon Classes!
Discovered New Character Costumes!
Loading…
Classes Selection:
Veteran
Survivor
Scribe
Bender
Jack of All Trades
Smith/Mechanic
Weapon Selection:
Unlocked Sets:
Unarmed (Not Suggested)
Long bow
Short bow
Long Sword
Short Sword
Dagger
Dual Handguns
Shot Gun
Spear Shot Gun
Unlockable Weapon Set:
Masamune
Mjölnir
A Mother Fucking RPG
Da Law
SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER
Crescent Rose
The Un-Holy Bible
Gun Blade
The Hand O' God
The Wabajak
The Unasked Question
Hitler's Mustache
Airbender's Staff
Rebellion
The Hell Raiser
Zeus' Thunder Bolt
Harry's Wand
A Turkey Leg
Bone Blade
Athena's Bow
Weapon_Selected_?: Unarmed
Dual_Character_Classes_Selected_?: Survivor&Smith/(Mechanic)
Continue?
Aría felt a deep seated sense of irritation of all the cool sounding weapons unviable to her.
"Why the fucked would you tease me like that?" She huffed. Really wishing she could get Masamune or Mjölnir… Though "SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKER" did seriously Peak her interests as did Crescent Rose.
But hey at least she got to choose from some pretty cool classes.
Survivor:
You Graduated Suma Cum Laude in the school of ass kicking. +5 Repair, Dexterity, Strength, Scavenging, Tracking, Agility, Trapping (Unlocks Hunter Sense)
Veteran:
You Survived the War… Good luck with that PTSD I hear it's a real bitch. +8 Repair, Trapping, Light Arms, Heavy Weapons (Unlocks Old Timers' Story)
Scribe:
You are a no life who finds pleasure in books… Yeah good luck with that… +10 Speech, Mana -7 Social, Seduction (Unlocks Loveable Nerd Costume)
Bender:
One of the few who were born lucky. You have the unique ability to harness the power of 1 element at will… LIKE A BOSS! +20 Mana +3 Social (Note Unlockable In game by Joining the Team Avatar and Defeating Cerberus Boss)
Jack of All Trades:
You are a lone wanderer who's picked up a little know how on your journeys +2 All trades (Unlocks Lone Wanderer Costume)
Smith/Mechanic:
You are an Ex-apprentice to the arts of Smithing or Mechanization. Though your master didn't teach you much what you did learn you can employ to the fullest. +9 Repair, Scavenging, Metallurgy or Builds (Warning Must Chose Smithing or Mechanization)
Feeling satisfied with her selection Aría hit the continue button with a sense of finality. Which immediately died when the next window popped up.
Unarmed Selected
Are you Sure?
Yes/No
Sighing in Irritation Aría hit yes, only to feel her face harden when the next window opened.
Are You Positive?
Warning Unarmed makes the start of the game exponentially harder, seeing as you will be unarmed.
Continue
Yes/No
"YES! YES! YES!" Aría shouted in irritation. "I fucking beat fucking Dark Souls and made it my bitch! Stop fucking asking me!" Aría shouted stabbing the button.
It's Your Funerals.
Costume Selection:
Water Tribe (North
Water Tribe (South)
Fire Nation
Earth Nation
Solari
Aztek
Hunter
The OG Aría
Unlockable Costumes:
Sexy Guard (Faction Armor)
The Law (Faction Armor)
Red Cross Academy (Faction Clothes)
The Model (Mission Unlockable)
Thief Garb (Mission Unlockable)
Lara Croft (Survive Prologue Unarmed WITHOUT Dying)
Ninja (Meet and befriend Naruto Uzumaki)
Norse God (Defeat Thor AND Loki)
The Devil In Red (Be a total bitch to someone for no reason)
Indiana Jones Bitch (Make A Lasso)
Dante of Devil May Cry ("Acquire" Rebellion)
Start Game?
"Yo! If it ain't broke don't fix it!" Aría chimed happily before selecting The OG Aría. A Mirror Popped up in front of her showing off her clothes.
"Whoop!" She cheered seeing her favorite outfit which consisted of: A custom white reversible hooded sweater-jacket with the other side being a bright Orange (what? Orange and white are awesome colors), A Crimson red V-neck, A Dark Green pair of cargo pants, and a set of Black steel toed boots.
"Alright Baby! Aría is in the house!" She cheered happily snuggling into her jacket. "Let's start this thing!" Aría proclaimed before hitting Start.
Pre-Game Message: X
Dear Gamer
We at InsanityInc. Would like to apologize. It appear that along with you previous game most of you age has been corrupted. We saved all that we could, however you will be starting your game at age Eight-[glitch] Sixteen! Please note that we did indeed try our best. But you will have to make due.
(Consider this payback for that little temper-tantrum back there you little Bitch XOXO Marley)
"Yeah? Well fuck you too!" Aría shouted flipping off whoever it was above her before closing the window.
Costume_Selected
Character_Cemented
Loading World…
Pre-Game_Set-Up_Complete
Preparing_Transport
Loading_NPC's
Setting-Up_Vendors
Writing_Quests
Prepping_Achievements
In-Game_Set-Up_Complete
Enjoy Your New Life Aría
(I hope you die a ton you little shit)
"Yeah? Well I hope you get crabs!" Aría shouted in defiance before blacking out.
SUBJECT-XVI: And that's the end of chapter 1! I hope you guys enjoyed it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! The faster you guys do the faster I will pump out more chapters! Your reviews fuel my will to write. Without my will to write I won't do it so… REVIEW!
SUBJECT-XVI: Well from all of us down here at InsanitInc. I hope ya'll have a pleasant day! Good Bye and Good Luck!