The Rogue of Heart
A/N: It's another sadstuck :o! I seriously need to stop watching all these shitty romcoms. They mess with my head.
Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you are the rogue of heart. You are also too young to be dealing with all this horse shit. The horse shit being the ever cumbersome enigma that you and your dancestor (who you do not know exists.) call "feels".
Feels are a terrilovely clusterfuck of hormones and mental stability that every person has to deal with. Yes even the humans, but the sad thing for you and the rest of your race is that your guys' deal is fourfold. Yep, quadruple the opportunities for having your vascular pump taken by some troll or human or some shit and possibly having it violently culled and shredded before your adolescent looking apparatuses. You just happen to be stuck in one of the most emotionally painful kind. Unrequited redness.
You wax a bright red for a loudmouthed troll who's actually the biggest fucking softie in both universes. He just happens to like like your good friend. You just know they're gonna get together, hell they're practically matesprites by this point. You're currently in denial about the whole thing. The denial gives you hope that you'll one day be with him, and the hope is just enough to keep the curtain of happy-go-lucky-ness you always got up.
Oh shit, moths are starting to fly over. Shoo! Shoo! You need a way to have these moths go away. They're gnawing away at the remaining hope you've got.
You know how to get these pesky little bastards away: quit being such a pussy and fight for your man!
Sadly, most of your personality is based on being a (literal) pussy so you cannot stop yourself. Also he has never been your man, nor do you think he ever will be. He's already pretty I'm damn deep water in with Terezi, and you can't do anything about it because, well… Cats are afraid of getting wet.
You vaguely remember a time when you almost had him. Your curtains had never been more beautiful. You wanted to tell him how you were red for him then, but back then you were new to all this troll puberty hormone crap and had no idea of what or how to tell him. Somewhere down the road he met her and gave up on you. You guess it was because you were too fucking slow.
It's hard loving someone who doesn't even know you exist anymore. It's hard and no one understands. Except for him, your moirail.
You nearly forgot he was in the exact same predicament as you.
So that must be why he is the only one you can confide in; find peace with. The void that surrounds him worms its way into your rogue heart, keeping it in check, and balanced. He let you sob grossly in his arms the day you knew you'd lost him for good. That day you'd lost a potential matesprite and found your one true palemate.
One day you just started shipping. You found temporary happiness in putting two and two, or six by nine, or any other number for that matter. Seeing all those smiling faces (or frowning faces for the darker romance) made you feel better. You even think you know how to express your redness for Karkitty now. So you talked to him, and he acted like he barely even knew you. He even went as far as asking if you were autistic for wanting to share your feelings and new interests with him!
Strangely, no tears were shed that night, you and Equius sat in thick silence tangled in a pile of kitty blankets towels and random robot parts. Both of you wondering when you'll get your train wreck of a redrom life off its ass and out to do something useful.
The Game started and it seemed to spur your busted up rogue heart back to life with the hope of having a chance with him outside of your own universe. Your mind and body knew you didn't and were ready to move on, but your heart rebelled. Went rogue, and out on its own. You knew it would get hurt. Especially if your still friends with him. Not close ones, but still friends.
You talk with him about romcoms and ships sometimes, and you think you have a lot in common with him. But then Terezi would show up and take Karkat away from you after pleasantries were exchanged. You wouldn't say, or do anything. You'd just leave the room feeling horrible about how disgusted you are at how obviously red they are for each other.
Equius comforts you saying you'll find love one day; that you're too good for Karkat. You say the same thing to him about Aradia.
Every day that passes it gets worse and worse. Your rogue heart accelerating at a speed you no longer have the energy to catch up with. Your mind and body brace itself for the heart's injuries. The hope your heart held onto starting to snake down your hearts legs, ready to trip it.
You absolutely hate the warm heavy feeling in your chest when he so much as accidentally brushes by you. You hate it and you want to move on, but are unable to. The love you feel for him is genetic. It's been burned and carved into your olive green blood. And you can't break free of the genetic curse because you've been bound to it for too long.
The heart has gone rogue. Yet the blood continues to flow, driven by the mind. It still came from and passed through the heart, but it would flow up to the mind and they'd dance together in a waltz of complexity and productivity. You, the heart were (quite literally) left to beat.
You knew you should've stayed hidden, you knew you should have backed off, but the one time you were required to be a pussy is when you weren't. You were too consumed by the rage that seemed to be emanating off of your indigo blooded ex-friend. It's funny; you'd always thought he was such a cool guy for a highblood, not being all snooty about the hemospectrum. Now you realize he's just been high off his crazy juggalo ass this entire time.
He beat you within an inch of your life. Then he just left you there, like you were just a punching bag too beaten up for use. You didn't think about that, you were too busy trying to get to your fallen pale pity. You propped yourself up with your dying strength and looked into his dead navy eyes. Your own dying ones shed tears and sobbed just as hideously as the day you lost Karkat. No one was there to comfort you this time. The comforting void taken away by a poem of rage and snapping of bows. You lay beside him, dying slowly and painfully, muttering soft apologies about being too slow, for stepping out of line, for not doing anything to help. You figure these apologies applied to everyone you knew.
Your heart was the last thing to shut down. You died in the next nine minutes. In your final breath you intertwined your hand with Equius's in hopes of finding him in your forever dream.
Her dreambubble welcomed her with void. Your palemate stood in front of you, arms open and smiling a broken smile. You tacklepounced him and apologized over and over. He said that at least they were together now. You wonder who 'they' were, and you notice that two red figures stood behind a wall of void. You immediately knew they were Aradia and Karkitty.
You ran to greet the Karkat and he ran to greet you. He led you through several dreambubbles. You got to re unite with your fallen friends and you felt completely happy and content for the first time in sweeps.
In a certain dreambubble you were gliding by with your knights hand intertwined with yours. You chattering about your newly discovered dancestors and him saying that he heard his was a douche. As you both laughed a large tear opened up in the sky and a grotesque green skull beast crashed onto a time questbed. A loud almost deafening roar was released and you clung to him as tightly as possible. Your dersite dress and his knightly cape fluttered violently as the wind picked up.
Karkat stood in front of you and your view of the muscle skull monster. Lord English crossed your mind before you heard the knight speak words you have wanted to hear since you'd first met him.
"I love you."
He kissed you softly, and gently. All those sweeps of staying silent felt worth it due to how much feels went into this kiss. Both of you pulled away, and a light in the background was swiftly approaching "I have always loved you." You say softly, before moving in to kiss him again. This time the love wasn't genetic, it was all on her own, and she knew it was the same for him when he kissed back with just as much passion.
The beam of lights burned as it caught up to you two.
You Nepeta Leijon, the rogue of heart, had just had your first and second real kiss. To top it off it was from the troll you loved. It was such a shame you died before you could celebrate.