What is it when you love someone like a friend, and lust for him, but have absolutely no romantic feelings towards him? Or what if you love him as a brother?
Oh, god. Alex, what have I done?
It started when we got home from Alex's house after Liz had gone postal on us. I stopped crying when Liz had gone crazy. It wasn't--couldn't have been my fault.
At least I cared.
Anyway, I'd stopped crying, but I was shaking now. I was furious at Liz. How could she have been so insensitive? "Hi, Isabel, how's that mourning coming along? Oh, not to add to your grief or anything, but it's all your fault, bitch."
Max noticed, and put his arm over my shoulder to comfort me. Then he lead me upstairs to his room. That was a good thing, because I didn't want to be alone right then.
We were sitting on his bed, not talking. I kept thinking about what Liz had said, and started to shake again. Max saw again, and pulled me into his arms for a hug. "It's all right, Isabel," he kept saying. "It's all right. Just let it out."
I let out a choked little sob, but didn't say anything. If I started now, I'd start to cry and never stop. Max hugged me more tightly. "Is this about what Liz said?"
I let out another whimper and buried my shoulder in his neck.
He pulled me back a little, and lifted my chin so that I was looking him in the eye. He looked angry, and a little surprised. "It is?" I nodded, and he let out a sigh. "Listen, Isabel, it's not true. Even if it was an alien thing, it's not our fault, and it's sure as hell not yours." He looked so sure of himself. I would love to be like that. Why wasn't I that strong? "In fact, it would be closer to Liz's--she's the one who told him about us!"
My jaw dropped. He was right. Liz was the one who'd dragged him into this mess. Not me. And yet, on some level...
Max took his hand off of my shoulder and started to stroke my hair. "God, I'm going to kill her. I can't believe she said that to you. That little wench." He scowled, got up, and walked over to his desk.
But... "Max, I thought you loved Liz." I went over and stood next to him. "Why are you...?" Why was he what? I didn't finish the sentence because I shouldn't have started it. I had nothing to finish it with.
He looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "No. Not as much as I love you," and I shivered.
We were just staring at each other. I think I was the one who made the first move. I leaned in, and then he leaned in, and then I kissed him.
And then we had sex. And I loved it. And I love him. And I'm attracted to him. But what does that mean? I could never imagine having a romantic relationship with him. I couldn't be committed to him that way.
But I love him!
Alex. Help me!
Please.
Oh, God.
Oh, god. Alex, what have I done?
It started when we got home from Alex's house after Liz had gone postal on us. I stopped crying when Liz had gone crazy. It wasn't--couldn't have been my fault.
At least I cared.
Anyway, I'd stopped crying, but I was shaking now. I was furious at Liz. How could she have been so insensitive? "Hi, Isabel, how's that mourning coming along? Oh, not to add to your grief or anything, but it's all your fault, bitch."
Max noticed, and put his arm over my shoulder to comfort me. Then he lead me upstairs to his room. That was a good thing, because I didn't want to be alone right then.
We were sitting on his bed, not talking. I kept thinking about what Liz had said, and started to shake again. Max saw again, and pulled me into his arms for a hug. "It's all right, Isabel," he kept saying. "It's all right. Just let it out."
I let out a choked little sob, but didn't say anything. If I started now, I'd start to cry and never stop. Max hugged me more tightly. "Is this about what Liz said?"
I let out another whimper and buried my shoulder in his neck.
He pulled me back a little, and lifted my chin so that I was looking him in the eye. He looked angry, and a little surprised. "It is?" I nodded, and he let out a sigh. "Listen, Isabel, it's not true. Even if it was an alien thing, it's not our fault, and it's sure as hell not yours." He looked so sure of himself. I would love to be like that. Why wasn't I that strong? "In fact, it would be closer to Liz's--she's the one who told him about us!"
My jaw dropped. He was right. Liz was the one who'd dragged him into this mess. Not me. And yet, on some level...
Max took his hand off of my shoulder and started to stroke my hair. "God, I'm going to kill her. I can't believe she said that to you. That little wench." He scowled, got up, and walked over to his desk.
But... "Max, I thought you loved Liz." I went over and stood next to him. "Why are you...?" Why was he what? I didn't finish the sentence because I shouldn't have started it. I had nothing to finish it with.
He looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "No. Not as much as I love you," and I shivered.
We were just staring at each other. I think I was the one who made the first move. I leaned in, and then he leaned in, and then I kissed him.
And then we had sex. And I loved it. And I love him. And I'm attracted to him. But what does that mean? I could never imagine having a romantic relationship with him. I couldn't be committed to him that way.
But I love him!
Alex. Help me!
Please.
Oh, God.