Title: There is Always a Reason to Wait
Author: Katie
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it
Summary: Derek has a decision to make, his wife or the love of his life.
AN: So this story is a little bit of a twist on Bring on the Pain and Into You Like a Train and then kind of jumps ahead to around Losing My Religion. I know that is an unreasonably huge gap, but it will make sense once you start reading, hopefully. As always read, review and enjoy.
"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count." I remember using that quote years ago when I was writing a paper for my sociology class in college. You know sociology, the study of what and why people do what the hell they do. We all wait…in the hopes that the situation will unfold the way we want it to. Yet rarely does life go the way we intended, sometimes for the better, but most of the time for the worse. Deep down inside of us we keep a flame lit; a flame that holds a small percentage of reason as to why we do what we do. We, as humans, have reasons for everything we do. We get drunk…reason, we like to have fun. We have sex…reason, we're turned on. We laugh…reason, something was obviously funny. We cry…reason, we're upset. Our hearts break…reason, assholes lie. Whoever said reasons don't count needs to be shot point blank in the face.
It seems that I have always been waiting for something…when I was a child I waited for my mom to help me off of the carousel, but she was being left by the love of her life. A week later I was waiting till she passed out from the loss of blood after she slit her wrists so that I could call 911. As an adolescent I waited to one day discover that my run-away father had been sending me letters and birthday cards. A few months ago I was waiting for my world-class boyfriend to take me on our real first date, but so was his wife. And now here I am… like a little child on Christmas…waiting…for him to walk through that door and tell me that he picked me.
I haven't been able to stop the day from replaying in my head…José will do that to you.
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The Past 24 Hours
We finally went on our first real date, steak, wine and all. Today had been a good day, Addison had presented Derek with divorce papers and told him that if he signed them she would do the same and be on the first plane back to New York. This was it; this was our chance…our chance to go back to the way our lives had been before she showed up, Prada bag and all. I had planned on ending our evening the way most couples do after a long romantic night, in bed. Of course like I said, things rarely turn out the way we would like.
"I am done having this conversation with you, I am done with this, you didn't sign the papers."
Just for him to respond with, "Meredith..."
Seriously, he has got to be kidding he's a damn brain surgeon shouldn't that mean something…"Seriously…seriously, seriously." I repeatedly hit him with my purse kicking him out of my house and far, far away from my eyes.
I ran upstairs, walked into George's room to find Izzy lying in bed next to him…apparently her date with Alex went just as well as mine did with Derek.
So I went into work just to find out that the one person I did not want to work with "asked" for me. What the hell, how can he be a neurosurgeon and not have the brain to realize that I am pissed off at him.
"Meredith…"
I look up to his gorgeous blue eyes looking down at me; damn I have to find a way to get over those.
"Your wife is looking for you." I blatantly said, not really caring if I hurt him or not, by this point my heart was too damaged to care.
"I can't do this…" what the hell does he think that this is easy for me…I was convinced when I met him that I had found the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, so I was done with everything, because I had him now. Then his wife, freakin Isabella Rossellini, showed up and everything was gone. Everything.
"Well, let me make it a little easier for you…I am not going to be the woman who breaks up a marriage…so you can sign the papers or you cannot…it's your choice. Either way I am done with this relationship. Now where is this patient that you want me to see."
I walked away, without even thinking about looking back…I had officially cut off any chance of us rekindling our romance. Our patient was a young Asian girl named Anna. She had been experiencing severe pain in her back and numbness in her legs. Her MRI revealed that she had a tumor in her spinal canal, with surgery she had a 95 chance of fully recovering, without surgery she would become paralyzed. It's a no brainer right. But no, her parents wanted to take her home, what kind of parents are willing to let their daughter become paralyzed. Stupid idiots…that's who.
So we decided to contact social services, see if someone could come down and talk some sense into these lunatics, but I still had to process her discharge papers, it was the stupid freakin law. Next thing I know Derek starts telling me about this patient he had years ago in New York.
"Do you need me for anything else?" I think I hit a nerve because he gives me this look, rolls his eyes and steps back.
"Look I was married for elevens years. Eleven years. Do you know how many holidays and birthdays and anniversaries that is? I am entitled to a little hesitation before I sign eleven years of my life away. You know, a little understanding from you would be nice."
Understanding from me, why do I owe him understanding? He had eleven weeks to tell me, 'Meredith, I'm married'. And he wonders why I am pissed off. So I continue on my way to social services to get someone to go talk to Anna, but when I get there, no one is able to help, because they have bigger priorities right now. The powers gone out, woopty freakin do, social workers can't do anything about that. So I decided to try and go talk some sense into her myself.
"Hey Anna, this pump will provide you with a morphine drip which will stop the pain."
"I told you, I don't need that, I am going home."
"You realize you will have to sign a form stating that you are leaving against medical advice."
"Look forget the whole trying to talk me into it speech. I understand, it's my father. I come from a group of people who have rules that are rooted so deep, you just don't mess with the ancestors."
So according to Anna we needed a Shaman. A Shaman is basically a medium, someone who connects the real world with that of the spiritual. They practice rituals for healing and other things. So I was convinced that if we were able to get a Shaman to the hospital and perform the ceremony Mr. and Mrs. Chue would be fine with the surgery.
Two hours later we were standing in Anna's room waiting on the Chue family Shaman. I wasn't quite sure what to think of this whole thing, I mean I have never been a religious person, but at Anna's age I was far from believing in anything. I was impressed by how much faith this young woman held. Derek and I stood outside the room during the ceremony, I was watching intently and he was watching me intently. I could feel his stare and to be honest it was driving me crazy. And then Anna turned towards me, looking at me with a sense of fulfillment in her eyes. She had told me that I would know when her transformation was complete and at first I hadn't believed her. I mean how can someone see a person change in the blink of an eye right in front of them, but I was wrong.
We immediately rushed her into surgery, which only took an hour and a half and was very successful. We expected her to make a full recovery. As Derek was finishing up I went out to tell the parents that everything had gone as planned and she was in recovery and would be awake shortly. I was walking towards the ICU to go check on Anna, when this memory popped in to my head. During surgery I saw Derek look up to the gallery and the only possible person he could be looking at was Addison. He looked at her for a few seconds just holding her gaze and then they did something that I thought would never really affect me, they smiled at each other. And I just stood there looking back and forth between them; I knew I had lost him to her. Then that flame that's deep inside of you seemed to grow a little bit. All the thoughts of our conversation earlier in the day came flooding back, 'you can sign the papers or you cannot, it's your choice' 'I am done with this relationship.' What had I been thinking, I opened the door and pushed him back to her. I quickly changed direction to head back to the scrub room, praying that he hadn't left yet.
I slowly opened the door, noting that he was still there, but I didn't want to talk to him quite yet, there were others in the room. He caught my eye and cleared his throat, which lead to the others quickly exiting. I took a second to organize my thoughts and then I walked up to him, looked him in the eye and was praying to God that he saw the love and devotion in my eyes.
"I lied…I'm…not out of this relationship…I'm in…I'm so in its humiliating because here I am begging"
"Meredith just…just" he interrupted, but I needed to get this out before I lost all confidence.
"Shut up…you say Meredith and I yell remember"
"Yea" he laughed a little.
"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me…I'll be at Joe's tonight so if you do decide to sign the papers meet me there."
I had said it, I loved him and he had wanted to respond, but I didn't let him, I wasn't ready for him to say 'Meredith, I'm sorry, but she's my wife, I have to make this work.' I just was not ready for that. So I left. As I walked into the locker room, my pager went off, something about a quick meeting in the conference room. I quickly found Christina and stood right next to her.
"I told him." She looked at me with this shocked expression on her face.
"And…"
"I didn't give him time to answer; I told him I would be at Joe's and when he made his decision to meet me there."
Before she could respond he walked in, looked at me with a depressed look on his face and went and sat next to her, Addison, he had picked Addison, it was obvious. He leaned down and whispered something into her ear and she looked up at him and smiled.
"That doesn't mean anything" Christina said.
"Sure it does, but I am going to let him tell me that to my face, I deserve that much right? I am still going to Joe's."
"Alright people, this shouldn't take long. As most of you know my niece has been admitted again and we just found that the cancer has returned."
The room was dead silent. Camille had developed ovarian cancer at the age of fourteen, now she was eighteen and it was back and had spread.
"You know I usually don't ask for favors from you all, but Camille's prom was supposed to be tonight. Obviously she wasn't able to attend. So I have come in contact with some of her friends and we are going to throw a prom here. You are all required to attend, this is not a volunteer thing, you will be there. Understood?"
Great just what I needed now, a big fancy romantic whatever, my boyfriend had just chosen to stay with his wife and now I was supposed to go to prom. I didn't go to prom when I was in high school why would I want to go now, but it was for the Chief and he had done plenty of favors for me over the years.
After the meeting I met Christina, Izzy and George in the lobby and we headed over to Joe's so I could wait to hear how he was going to spend the rest of his life with Isabella Rossellini. Yep it was defiantly a night for me and José.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
Back to Present
"I actually said pick me…right? I did? Pick me?" What the hell was I thinking, pick me? Who's the stupid lunatic now?
"I think it's romantic!" Joe replied as he poured me another shot.
"It's not romantic Joe, its horrifying…horror movie horrifying…Carrie at the prom with the pig's blood horrifying."
"Ok fine its horrifying, but Carrie took out an entire senior class as revenge…I gotta say I like that in a girl."
"I said pick me…"
"When you tell someone I'll meet you later at a bar tonight, how long exactly does that mean you are supposed to wait?"
Christina, Izzy and George had been great. It had been at least two hours since we had left the hospital and they were still there, waiting, with me.
"Do you think he's really not coming?" I heard George ask.
"It is getting a little hard to watch."
"It was hard to watch an hour ago now it's just pathetic."
"Who's pathetic?" I asked, slamming my glass down on the bar.
Christina looked between Izzy and George before saying, "What?"
"You who pretend to be my friends are calling me pathetic behind my back in front of my face…why don't you just dump the pig's blood on me now and get it over with."
The bells on the door rang and I turned around hopeful that it was Derek coming to just put me out of my misery, but no it was Tyler.
"He's really not coming." I finally start to realize as I down my eighth shot.
I hear the bells jingle again, but it's not worth turning around because I know it's not him. It hasn't been him the last three hundred time the bells jingled so why now?
"Is this a good place to hang out?" I hear the voice that I would recognize anywhere and I instantly get a feeling of security and warmth inside, of course that could be José talking. I turn to my right to see him sitting next to me and behind me I can feel the glare of my friends watching very, very closely.
"No, but I hear it's a good place to be dumped."
"Meredith…"
"Look you don't have to drag out the process, all you have to say is, 'Meredith, I'm staying with Addison." I interrupted.
"Meredith, will you go to prom with me?" I hear him ask, but am not completely sure I understand what he is saying.
I look at him in complete disbelief and utter shock. I tried to speak, but I couldn't, no words were coming out. He grabbed my hand, which sent bolts of electricity through my body.
"Holy shit," I hear Christina say, "he picked her, he left his wife."
"Meredith, I'm picking you, I'm choosing you…I'm in love with you."
Oh my god this has to be a dream right, I mean all the signs, the smiles, the whispers, this has to be a dream right?
"Seriously…" I barely get out.
He laughs a little, "Seriously." He says as he puts his hand on my cheek and rubs it with his thumb. "So what do you say, will you go to prom with me?"
"I've never been to prom…" I still am unable to use the full capacity of my words.
"Me either, it can be something we experience together."
We sat in silence for a few minutes while I was trying once again to organize my thoughts.
"You really chose me? Why?"
"Yea, I did. Because I love you…I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you a year ago. You let me be who I want to be and you love me for it. Addison and I…we never had what you and I had, what we will have."
He paused looking deep into my eyes, his deep blue eyes causing my insides to go run together like silly putty. Then his lips were on mine and I was reminded of how much I missed his mouth on mine. He touched his forehead to mine, "I love you." It was said so easily now, so freely and it sounded meaningful.
"I love you too."
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Two Weeks Later
I was standing at the nurse's station on hold for the millionth time today, when I felt two strong arms come up and wrap around my mid section. Ever since Addison had left, it seemed as though he wasn't able to get enough of me, every chance he got he was holding me or kissing me and telling me how much he loved me. And I'm not going to lie; I loved every minute of it.
"Whatcha doin?"
"I'm on hold with the caterer. I'm trying to make sure everything is on schedule for tonight."
"So what are you wearing tonight Dr. Grey?" he asked with a very suggestive eyebrow.
"That's for me to know and you to find out Dr. Shepherd."
The lady finally came on the line and I finished confirming tonight's order. As I hung up the phone Derek took me in his arms, turned me around and his mouth came crashing down on mine.
"I have to go home and shower if I have any hope of getting here tonight, I'll meet you in the lobby at 8?" I asked breathlessly.
"K, I love you."
"I love you too." I gave him a quick peck on the lips and went home.
Three Hours Later
I spent an hour figuring out which dress I wanted to wear, I wanted to look hot for Derek that was for sure. I decided on a floor length royal blue dress. The color of the dress matched his eyes. It had a very low cut back and the straps crisscrossed in the back. I pulled my hair up and had just a few loose curls hanging around my face.
As I was walking downstairs I heard a knock, I went to the front door to answer and it was Derek, standing on the other side holding a bouquet of deep red roses.
"What are you doing here? I thought I was meeting you in the lobby."
"Well this is the proper thing to do on a date, Mer, you are hot, how am I going to be able to keep my hands off of you all night?"
"That's the plan, for you to have your hands on me all night." I answered as I gave him a quick wink.
I grabbed my purse and we left heading to the hospital for prom. We walked in, arm in arm, it felt so perfect so right. The past two weeks of my life have been amazing, I never imagined that I would know the feeling of being loved, but he has given me all of that and more. Letting go of my arm he brings me out of my trance.
"Hey Mer do you mind waiting here for just a second, I just need to go check on something really quick."
"Sure." I say as I smile.
Waiting…It's the story of my life, but now…now I have a reason to wait…do you have a reason worth waiting for?
AN: Hope you guys enjoyed…sorry I know it was a little cheesy and maybe way stupid!! Please review!! Thanks for reading!