I stood there, debating with myself, as her chest rose and fell.
Her hair was splayed across her pillow. The moonlight was catching her milky skin in all the wrong places—or at least, wrong for me. It might be better if-
But I refused to think about it. The monster in my head snarled. He wanted it done, and now. But I just couldn't force myself to do it.
Or maybe I could?
Yes, I could, my throat argued with my heart. It would certainly be easy enough. She's sleeping.
I clenched my teeth as both wanted and unwelcome images poured into my brain, invoking the flow of venom in my mouth. Bella….
A human would have grinded his teeth to dust were he clamping his jaws with as much force as I was right now.
Her thick lashes were kissing her cheekbones. They fluttered restlessly in her sleep.
I could hear her heart beating, the blood pulsing through her veins…
I tightened my hand into a fist. I saw my face in the mirror behind Bella's bed—my jaw tight, my onyx eyes whirling with longing and thirst.
You could do it, the monster said persuasively. No one would care but her parents. No one would care but Carlisle.
Ah, Carlisle, I thought, but the thought was quickly dismissed when Bella rolled over and her scent hit me again. My throat tightened instantaneously.
He's right, I realized. Nobody would care. She was nobody. Even Jessica disliked her.
I recalled what Emmett said. 'I don't see why you don't just bite her already. You haven't slipped up once in all what, 80 years? Who cares, dude?'
I sighed as quietly as I could. Carlisle wasn't the only one who'd be upset. Esme would be so disappointed as well. But they'd get over it, right? I mean, just look at Rosalie. She's killed far more than one human. What's my one slip going to mean in the long term? It's not like I'm going to become one of them.
The longer I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. The beautiful curve of her silky neck was exposed, lit up by the moonlight from the window.
I thought about how I'd step over to her bed frame and slip quietly onto the bed, careful not to rustle it. How I'd wrap my arms around her waist and settle my nose against the sensitive area underneath her earlobe. Perhaps I'd have a little fun with her beforehand…she wouldn't scream, I was sure of it. If she even realized what was happening was real. I groaned a little louder than silently, imagining my teeth breaking through her flawless skin… I closed my eyes, giving in to the vision.
"Edward…" I heard.
My eyes snapped open, my heart dropping into the very bottom of my stomach. Her eyes were still closed, a smile now playing at her full lips. She turned over in her bed, and whispered again, "Edward." She sighed.
If it could have, my heart would have skipped multiple beats.
She loved me?
I was unprepared for the rush of exhilaration, of utter joy, that flooded through my being. My heart swelled. She loved me. There was no other feasible explanation!
The dirty, now inconceivable thoughts were completely rinsed from my mind. I walked to her bed and moved a small strand of hair from in front of her eyes to behind her ear, and then leaped out her window.