On the third morning at the Lilia and Alfred Rice Psychiatric Unit, Mara masked the nightmare of Jude with a clown-sized grin. Her thin hands clenched under the table at breakfast to keep the doctors from noticing them trembling at her sides. Her brown eyes glanced around the cafeteria and believed that no one stood out without doing anything outlandish like throwing a plate, but that wasn't outlandish either. The biggest fuss came from a girl a couple tables away from Mara. She had large, expressive eyes and bright blonde hair that would have been envy worthy if it weren't so morbid. She was refusing to eat her food; only drank her tea. The coaxing doctors made the situation worse until she collapsed on the table and sobbed. Mara couldn't imagine being alone in this place for the rest of her life. She curled her fingers into her palms. On any normal day she would have drawn blood.
With an unsatisfying mixture of paranoia and stale oatmeal in her stomach, Mara followed the rest of the children to the common area. Two girls sketching vicious black swirls occupied the crayons, but it was okay, Mara knew of more methods to appear normal.
To the left of the common area was a group of young teenagers, sitting at a small replica table with equally indistinguishable plastic seats. Mara decided that she would sit with them. She heard that socialising was a regular part of a teenager's life. At the table was a Japanese boy shuffling a pack of cards constantly biting his lips as if in disgust. He faced a ginger boy with jagged scars, vibrant as his hair lacing across his arms. Mara shook her head and sat down at the end of the table. She faced opposite the third teenager. She was the girl from breakfast. Her eyes trained on the cards with unwavering concentration. Her head rested on her tiny arm. Mara felt compelled to draw her thin frame and its comparison to her large head. She looked like a doll; obviously broken, but still a doll. None of them seemed to notice Mara but she felt oddly welcomed in their sedated presence. For once she was almost at ease. The Japanese boy dealt the cards out to the misfit group whilst counting under his breath. Mara decided to count along with him and the number arrived at fifty-one.
"Damn it!" He bit his agitated red lip again in frustration. "Why is it that we only always have fifty-one cards?" He looked at the ginger boy who shrugged nervously and then at the girl, who didn't seem to care.
He shook his head in disapproval and his chair screeched as he rose from it and left the table.
"R-R-Ren!" The ginger boy said and followed him, "W-Wait f-f-for me."
The girl wasn't fazed by their hasty exits and still didn't notice Mara sitting right opposite her. Instead she reached into her blue and white dress pocket and pulled out the missing card. The Queen of Hearts. Mara was perplexed as well as intrigued. She held the paper-thin card so delicately in her hands and turned it so that the queen's face was looking back at her own; contorted so as to be sinister.
"Off with your head." She said and ripped off one of the queen's head. She rotated the card around. "Off with your head." She restated. That was when Mara noticed the British accent and the girl repeated the action and shooed the card pieces under the table. Mara saw an invisible tension break in the girl's shoulders, and they slumped comfortably by her sides. The girl stared directly at and beyond Mara and grinned widely.
"Hello, I'm Alice." The girl said at last. The way she spoke suggested that she always knew that Mara was there. "What is your name?"
"M-Mara." She answered and looked at Alice's scarred hands.
"I know you must think I'm weird," Alice said, "But when you have a problem, you must face it."
She paused to allow Mara to take in what she was saying. Any average person would not and pretend to listen to a mentally ill child's ramblings, except Mara wasn't normal.
"Have you ever seen something that people claim is impossible?" Alice asked.
Was that the reason why Alice was ripping the card? Mara assumed she had done it many times before and there was a psychological name for what she was experiencing. But her words hit a cord within her.
"And that what you are seeing isn't true. Something you can't catch and no one believes you."
Mara was speechless. She closed her eyes breathed in deep to clear her thoughts. When she opened them, Alice was still smiling.
"Is that why you don't eat? Because you think that you're fat?"
Alice shook her head like a little child.
"It's because I'll grow too big. Or I'll shrink. I like the size I am."
"Okay-"
"I want to be the same size when my sister visits me. Even if I were big enough for my head to hit the ceiling, she still wouldn't see it because only one person believes me." Alice spoke in one breath, yet Mara couldn't catch hers. Every rushed word held so much meaning for her, and she craved to see Noah.
"Who believes you?" Mara asked.
Before Alice could open her mouth, Nurse Jana came to the table.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation," Jana smiled. "But, Mara, Dr Kells wishes to see you in her office now."
Mara turned to Alice who was distracted by something at the other side of the common area.
"Oh, okay." Mara said and got up from the table. "Bye, Alice."
Alice didn't reply. She just stared at a stuffed white rabbit.