It was going to be good to have everyone together again. After relocating in Portland there had been a bit of a period of adjustment. Eventually Sophie grew to accept the new home base, throwing herself into her newly acquired theatre complete with acting classes. Hardison's devotion to the Brew Pub and his eclectic taste in beer creations kept him busy, and constantly threatened to send Eliot into apoplectic fits. Finally giving up on trying to control Hardison's impulses, Eliot simply took over the kitchen of the pub, altering the menu and creating a Portland restaurant that had become one of the "go to" places in town. After several months of back to back jobs, and possibly just a little too much togetherness, they decided a bit of down time might be a good idea, even if it was just a couple of weeks. Of course, they had a slightly different definition of quiet than most people. Hardison and Parker planned a bit of travel time, and maybe a few repelling lessons. Nate and Sophie also spent their time together, but hadn't strayed far from home, Sophie being unwilling to abandon her future Oscar winners so early in their training. Nate kept busy with a bit of client review and a lot of sailing and relaxing. Eliot's plans, as always, had been a mystery, but the others were willing to bet he hadn't been working on his tan on a tropical beach. In some god-forsaken desert maybe, but not a beach.
Now Nate was at his usual spot at the Pub bar while Sophie was upstairs freshening up as they anticipated the arrival of the rest of the team. She came in from the offices just as Hardison and Parker arrived, discussing the merits of various vacation plans.
"Trust me, Eliot will be on my side on this Parker. No way is he going to agree to a team trip to repel off the Eifel Tower."
"Sure he will – he has a sense of adventure."
"Yeah, but his idea of a good time is liberating a country, not jumping off a tourist attraction. Nate man, back me up on this."
Nate just grinned at the two of them, and walked over to the bar to refill his coffee as Sophie joined them at the table.
"I would love to go to Paris with you Parker, but my plan would be shopping. There are some fabulous designer boutiques, and the shoes! But no towers, and definitely no jumping!"
"Someday you have to explain to me why you need so many shoes. I mean seriously, you can only wear one pair at a time. And none of yours are even remotely practical for climbing or repelling. Even your boots are wrong." Sophie shook her head sadly at everything she believed Parker was missing out on.
Hardison turned to Nate. "So, you have any jobs lined up, or do we have a day or two to regroup."
"A couple of possibilities. We can go over everything when Eliot shows up; assuming he remembers today was our rendezvous date."
"Don't suppose you know where he was, or what mischief he was up to this time?"
"Hardison, when has Eliot ever provided details?"
They moved over to a table near the back, sipping coffee and filling the others in on their assorted adventures, waiting for their 5th member to arrive. After about an hour, Nate was ready to head to the office and start without him, when a familiar but unexpected figure came through the door. Nate's greeting caught in his throat as he saw Shelly spot them at the table and head over. The look on the soldier's face sent a chill through him. The others at the table turned when they saw Nate's reaction.
"Shelly." Nate nodded his welcome. "How much trouble is he in?"
Eliot's friend reached out to the empty chair at the table. He started to pull it toward him, then looked at it as if he had decided he was intruding on someone's space. He really hadn't expected to find them all here together, almost like they'd been waiting for him. Of course, they weren't. They were waiting for Eliot. He remained standing as he started what sounded like an well rehearsed monologue.
"Five of us went on a recovery mission. We had intel on a couple of American's who had been grabbed by a terrorist faction. Both of them had served with me and Eliot a million or so battles ago. I knew he'd want to help, which is why I called him in, along with some other old friends. We found the encampment. Along with our boys there were a bunch of civilians, including about 25 girls that had been taken from a school a few weeks earlier. We scoped it out and made our move in. Took out the guards and started to clear out our targets and the civilians. That's when the second wave of terrorists came in and all hell broke loose. Eliot kept going back in, bringing out more kids." His voice dropped to just above a whisper, and was raw with emotion. "Damn idiot kept going back in."
Shelly stopped for a moment to rein himself back in. No matter how many times he had run this speech in his head, saying it out loud, to these people, was more than he had expected. He looked at them watching his every word. They knew where he was going, or at least they thought they did. He knew they expected him to tell them where Eliot was being held, and to tell them what the plan was to bring him home, and how they could help. He wished to God that was where the story was going. They continued to stare at him.
"The compound was wired. When they realized the battle wasn't going their way, they set everything off. The blast left a crater where the main building had been. It was bad Nate – real ugly. We did a fast search for injured and retreated to a refugee camp." He held up a hand to stop the interruption he saw coming. "Eliot put his life on the line to save those kids – we owed it to him to get them outta there. It's what he would have told us to do – if he could." Nate gave a barely perceptible nod of agreement and waited for him to continue.
"We went back to search for any other survivors. And to bring back the dead." There – he'd said the word. He reached into his pocket and brought out a small black velvet bag, placing it on the table. Swallowing, he wet his lips and forced himself to keep his voice steady. "We didn't find…there was nothing… I found his watch, and a leather bracelet. Couldn't even find the damn dog tags. He always wore them on this kind of job, just in case. They weren't his military issue, but they…" His voice began to crack as his focus seemed to fade. "Ah shit. The building disintegrated when it blew Nate. There just wasn't anything else to bring back. I'm so sorry guys. I wish I'd never called him. I never should have…" He turned to leave, not wanting them to see him lose control, but Nate stopped him, directing him instead to a nearby table.
"Give us a few minutes. I want to talk to you, but give us a couple of minutes." Shelly nodded numbly and sat as Nate turned back to his team. There were no words being spoken. None of them looked at the others, each wanting to believe that denying the moment would somehow negate the reality. Slowly, Hardison reached out for the bag, picking it up, but not opening it. He hefted it in his hand, feeling the weight of so much more than just the contents. Parker's hand covered his, lightly touching the last connection they had to their friend, then pulling her fingers back quickly, as if burned.
Sophie had not moved, mumbling "no, no, no" repeatedly under her breath, shaking her head ever so slightly. Nate gently placed a hand on her shoulder and she practically jumped out of her seat at the unexpected touch. "This can't be right. It's a mistake. He's wrong Nate. He must be wrong."
"Shelly wouldn't be here if he didn't believe it. He'd still be there looking. You know that Sophie."
Parker found her voice. "No – Eliot wouldn't leave us. He wouldn't abandon us."
"He didn't abandon us – he was helping his family" Hardison spoke softly. "You know that's exactly what Eliot would do."
"We're his family."
"So were they Parker. Brother's in arms. You've heard him talk about Shelly and the others like that. They were his brothers too. Hardison, take Sophie and Parker back to the office. I want to talk to Shelly for minute, and then I'll be there."
Slowly the trio walked to the back, ignoring all that was going on around them. Nate inhaled deeply, trying to find the reserve to keep it together at least a few more minutes. He pulled up a seat at the next table, and looked at the stricken young man sitting there.
"Shelly, you know Eliot would be pissed off at you for blaming yourself about this. Like I said to Parker, he thought of you all as brothers. This is what you do for brothers. How do you think he would have felt if you'd been the one killed while he sat at home oblivious to what was happening?"
"I owe him for this Nate. I know what you're saying, and you're not wrong, but I owe him. I can't do what he did for you – for the team. I'm not – what did he call it? – a retrieval specialist. We aren't the same guys that way. But if you need me, if you need back up – you call. Please. Let me do that for him."
"If we need you, we'll call. Is there anything we – I – need to do about Eliot? I know there aren't remains…" Nate had no idea how he could sound so calm and rational when he could feel himself falling apart.
"I've notified Colonel Vance – he will take care of any official, or for that matter unofficial, notification. That includes his family in Oklahoma. Nate, I just...I wish…"
"Shelly, it was good of you to come out here from Boston to let us know. It was right. We appreciate it and so would Eliot. I know it wasn't easy. We'll stay in touch." Nate patted him on the shoulder and walked over behind the bar, grabbing a bottle of Jack before going back to join what was left of his team in the office.
They sat at the desk, looking at anything but each other. No one spoke, not finding any words to adequately deal with the situation. Nate put the bottle in the centre of the table before heading over to the wall safe. Once opened, he pulled out an envelope, and retrieved a memory stick from it that he tossed to Hardison. The hacker looked at it, then back to Nate.
"It's from Eliot. He left it and these" Nate pointed to the envelope "…in case."
"You know what's on here?" he asked, plugging the stick in.
"I've got a pretty good idea, but no specifics."
A video icon popped up on the computer and Hardison clicked it A moment later Eliot's voice filled the room as his image appeared on the wall screen. Parker whimpered slightly and Sophie held her breath. Nate turned away from the screen.
"Well, since you're watching this, I blew it. Somewhere, somehow, I screwed up. I'm sorry. I never wanted you to have to watch this, but I knew odds were you would. There is a good reason there are no retirement homes for hitters.
As long as I made sure none of you got hurt though, I'm OK with this. I know you hate it when I say it's my job, so I won't, but it is – was. Was more than that though. It was my privilege. You all made a huge difference for a lot of people over the last few years – including me. I know I can't ever fix what I was – what I did before I met you. But because of the four of you, the scales have tipped a little. That means more to me that I can ever let you know.
Obviously I have no idea what happened, but I do know this. If it was on a job, there is only one person to blame. Me. You all know me well enough by now to know I wasn't letting anybody try something I couldn't cover, so if it went south it's 'cause I didn't see it coming. No guilt trips, no pity party. And no revenge. You can't refuse a man his dyin' request, and that's mine. Whatever happened – it's over. If this was a job, then it was bigger than we thought. And if it was someone from my past – well, trust me. I don't want you – any of you – taking on the guys who would come after me. I mean it Nate. I have enough blood on my hands. No way do I add any of you to the list.
OK – just a couple more things. You're gonna have to watch over each other for me. Hardison, you mess things up with Parker – hurt her in any way, and I will find a way to come back and kick your ass. Parker – same deal with Hardison. He needs your kind of crazy to keep him from getting boring. Sophie, keep reminding Nate of what I said about blame. And if he insists on pulling himself back down for God's sake don't let him take you with him.
Sorry Nate, but it had to be said. I know you, and I know how you were. I hope that is really all in the past. I don't want to be the guy who gave you the excuse to crawl back into a bottle. You need to be the Nate Ford who brought us together, turned us into the good guys when we weren't looking. Sophie deserves it. So do Hardison and Parker. So do I. And so do you." The recording ended, and the room was silent. Nate went to the table where he had left the bottle, and poured 5 shots, placing one in front of each of them, with the last at the empty chair.
"One for you Eliot – one last drink." He raised it to his lips, paused, and put in down untouched. The others looked at their glasses, but no one reached out. Nate slowly lowered himself to the floor in the middle of the room where he'd been standing, and quietly wept.
TBC – Don't hate me. And don't panic!