A/N: A huge thank you to my betas Franzi (soligblomma) and Film (maythavee), and to the Chill OQers New Yorkers (Kris, Alexandria and Allison) for the useful information. This story was written for the amazing Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar. You can find that project on twitter and tumblr. Check out all the stories and art! Thank you for all the beautiful comments you've already given me! Happy holidays to all and enjoy the Christmas spirit!
:::
Christmas Eve, Noon
She shouldn't be here. That's all Regina can think about while she's driving to her parents' house. That and the fact that she hopes Henry is wearing his warmest clothes. If the weather continues like that on Long Island – gloomy and a bit too cold – she imagines it could snow before the end of the day and she knows that the weather in Philadelphia isn't too different. It's as cold as it was in Storybrooke when I left, Mom, Henry's last text message said a few minutes ago when she was still in the warmth of the small café where she stopped for a visit to the bathroom and a much needed cup of coffee. He didn't reply when she texted him that he should keep himself warm, and Regina hopes (and dreads at the same time) that he's busy having a lot of fun. She will call him once she gets to Bridgehampton, she thinks.
Her heart clenches at the thought of not spending Christmas with her son for the first time since he was a baby. The anxious feeling she has about visiting her parents dissipates considerably when the loneliness registers within her every time she remembers that Henry is spending the holidays with his newly-found birth mother. Which happens every waking second of her day, that's how often she thinks about him. He left a few days ago with Emma, the young woman who gave birth to him ten years ago, the one who blessed Regina's life with the son she couldn't have otherwise. Regina is grateful that Henry is happy, but part of her still wants him all for herself – a selfish part, she has to admit.
A strange noise comes from the engine of her car and, lost in her thoughts, the sounds only registers in her head seconds before the car stops. Thankfully, she has the time to pull up at the side of the road before the engine dies. She remains unmoving with one of her hands still on the wheel for a couple of minutes, checking the fuel meter and everything else she can in the inside of the car. She attempts to start the engine again with no success.
She curses under her breath and mutters, "Just what I needed on this beautiful holy day," her voice dripping sarcasm.
She was about to get out of Riverside, the town where she had stopped, and needed only a few more miles to get to the busy highway again. She sighs and gets a sip of her coffee, noticing that it's getting cold because of the temperature that's falling rapidly inside the car without the heating. She has to act fast. She grabs her phone – no new messages from Henry yet – and opens her browser to search for car mechanics in Riverside. The page won't load and that's when she sees that the Internet signal is only good enough for text messages. She rolls her eyes at her luck and decides to call her parents to let them know she will be late. Regina shouldn't give her mother an additional reason to complain (she knows she'll complain anyway), so calling to let her know is the right decision.
Her dad picks up the phone and Regina is happy to hear his voice. She tells him what happened and he interrupts, telling her that he has an idea. The phonecall is over before Regina knows it. She insisted that she didn't need any help, but her dad wouldn't take no for an answer; he told her to wait and someone would be there to pick her up soon.
Ten minutes later, when Regina thinks she really has to get out of the car to be somewhere warmer (but the outside is definitely much colder than the inside of her vehicle, so she stays put for now), her phone rings. Her dad tells her that someone named John Little will be there to help her shortly. She only has to wait a few more minutes until a tall man with wide shoulders and curly brown hair starts knocking on the passenger seat's window. Regina looks at him suspiciously, not knowing if she should trust the stranger who has pulled up with his truck in front of her stopped car. The man must have sensed her discomfort, because instead of knocking again, he writes something on his phone and turns the screen to her.
Regina leans towards the window to read I'm John Little. Your father, Henry Mills, told you that I would be coming for you. After one more glance at the man, she opens the window.
"Hello," she says.
"Hello. My house isn't far from here. It will be difficult to find a good mechanic in this town on Christmas Eve, so how about leaving your car in my garage for a few days? Your father said you will be here until Wednesday," John says.
Regina contemplates the offer. Staying at her parents' house for four days with no way of escaping sounds like the least appealing way for her to spend the holidays and suddenly she wishes she had stayed back in Storybrooke. She would be alone, but at least she would be at home, feeling comfortable and calm. Her filled with anxiety thoughts about the visit to her parents are back in full swing, but she almost can't feel her legs and the sky's white tint suggests that it will probably start snowing soon, so Regina knows it's too late for regrets.
She gets out in the cold and helps John tie the front bumper of her car to the back bumper of his truck. Within the next fifteen minutes they manage to drag the smaller vehicle into the empty garage. When Regina wonders where John will put his car now, a woman appears – his wife – introducing herself and anxiously telling John that it's time to go.
John nods and helps Regina take her suitcase out of her car. After making sure she's gotten everything, she locks the car and leaves the garage. She sees that another car has pulled up behind the truck, a dark green jeep, and a man is getting out of it. He looks awfully familiar. When he gets closer, Regina knows why that is. The man is Robin Locksley. She's known him since they were teenagers living in the same neighborhood and going to the same school. Her memories with him aren't that pleasant though, only forced dinners along with their parents and highschool classes where Regina felt invisible, and seeing him on this Christmas Eve when nothing is going right irritates her.
"What are you doing here?" she asks him.
"Nice to see you, too, old neighbor," Robin says with a smile that's showing his dimples. Some things don't change, Regina thinks as she sees that smile and those dimples that she didn't expect to ever see again. She rolls her eyes at his words and protests when he takes her suitcase from the pavement where John had left it.
"Robin, you're here, good," John says as he comes up behind Regina.
Robin greets John warmly and Regina assumes they're friends. While the two men are talking, Regina takes a moment to really look at Robin. With bright blue eyes, dirty blonde hair and a body to die for (not to mention the British accent) he was one of the boys in highschool that had almost all girls from their year – and not only – swooning for him since he moved from England to Long Island with his parents. In his thirties now, he's even more handsome. His shoulders are broad and it looks like he's been working out. The scruff on his face makes him look sexy in Regina's eyes and she scolds herself silently; has it been that long since the last time she was with a man (yes, it has, an annoying little voice says inside her head) or is her old forgotten crush for Robin Locksley coming back to her?
"Regina, Robin will take you to Bridgehampton," John says much to Regina's annoyance. "I get that you two know each other?"
"Oh, Regina and I go way back," Robin says with a smirk, looking at Regina with his expressive eyes, reminding her again of how attracted she once was to him.
She huffs in ire. "I'm not going anywhere with you," she says with finality.
"And why is that?" he asks, the smirk never leaving his face.
Because you were a jerk in highschool, she thinks but immediately realizes that her reason is invalid. He might have been far from what Regina considered to be a good guy in highschool, but it's been seventeen years since then and she can't know how Robin and his life have turned out to be.
"Come on, let's go before it starts snowing. My car can easily move in the snow, but that doesn't mean we need the extra delay," he says, his face turning serious.
Regina wonders if he has a reason for not wanting to be delayed, if he has a family apart from his parents that is waiting for him for Christmas. She steals a quick glance at his left finger and sees no ring. No wife then. She still thinks his words meant something more, something she doesn't know. She decides to let it go for now and, after thanking John (his wife and children have already gotten into the car after waving goodbye to her and Robin), she reluctantly follows Robin towards his car. Robin lifts her suitcase with ease and puts it in the trunk alongside several boxes and other things that Regina can't quite see from her place behind Robin. He closes the trunk and instead of going to the driver's side, he approaches the passenger's side and opens the door for Regina.
"Ready to go, milady?"
:::
Eleven hours to Christmas
Only when Regina enters Robin's car does she realize how cold she feels. Something tells her she will regret her decision to go with him, but at the moment she's grateful. Robin had left the engine running for the few minutes that took him to greet John and convince Regina to get into the car, and the air conditioning has continued working, making the inside of the vehicle feel like a warm cocoon for Regina. She rarely feels comfortable in someone else's place; she usually feels like she doesn't belong there. She prefers her own home, her own car and the company of her own people. But right now, when her feet are numb inside her boots and she can barely bend her fingers even with her cozy gloves on, a strange sense of comfort and safety envelopes her. She sinks into the seat, still wearing her coat, and tries to stop shivering; she has no intention of showing Robin how vulnerable she feels right now. Taking deep breaths, she manages to control the shudders that ran through her body by the time they get to the highway.
They haven't said a word since they got into the car and suddenly, Regina feels awkward. She glances at her coffee that now sits on the makeshift coffee cup base in front of her, takes the forgotten papercup and brings it to her lips. The stale taste makes her cringe and the liquid she can't call 'coffee' anymore runs down her throat cold as if she just took it out of the freezer. She shudders involuntarily at the thought of the temperature outside actually resembling a freezer, and sees Robin turn up the heating as she places the coffee cup back in its place.
Scattered words of gratitude flow in her head, but for some reason the only thing that comes out of her mouth is "You didn't have to do this for me. I can take care of myself." Because she has been taking care of herself for as long as she can remember and that's what she would do in this situation as well; she could have managed without Robin's help.
"A simple 'thank you' would suffice," Robin says in a serious tone, although when Regina turns to look at him there's a playful expression on his face.
Regina rolls her eyes and quickly brings her gloved hand up to cover an unexpected yawn.
Robin gestures to a thermos at the backseat. "There's coffee in there. It should still be warm," he says, his eyes not leaving the road. "I haven't touched it," he adds when Regina hesitates.
Owing Robin another favor is the last thing Regina wants, but having been on the road for almost six hours, she really needs that coffee. With a heavy sigh, she takes off her gloves (her hands are now quite warm, but she becomes giddy when she thinks about the additional warmth the beverage will give her) and reaches behind her to take the thermos. An idea comes to her mind and she does it before she can regret it. With a deep breath to prepare for the crisp cold again, she opens the top of her coffee cup, then lowers the window and spills the coffee at the side of the road as quickly as she can. She closes the window and pours some coffee in her now empty cup and some in the cup she unscrewed from the thermos. She can feel Robin's eyes on her while she's smiling with mischief, but when she offers him the thermos cup, his eyes are back on the road and he takes it with a smirk similar to the one he had before, the one Regina knows too well from their time as neighbors and classmates.
For a moment, both sip their coffee in silence. Regina is focused on the way the warm liquid feels and tastes when Robin speaks.
"Is this your way of thanking me? By using my coffee?" he says, glancing at her momentarily.
Regina raises her eyebrows. "And that's the only thing you'll get from me," she says.
"We'll see about that."
Regina can tell that he's teasing her and she doesn't know if she feels relieved that he still seems to be the same shallow guy who chases women (this way she can tell herself that she has a reason not to act on her attraction to him) or disappointed that he hasn't changed. She watches Robin out of the corner of her eyes and as he looks at his watch, she wonders once again if he actually had something important to do instead of giving her a ride. Maybe she should thank him after all.
"Did I ruin your schedule?" she asks.
"No." His reply is quick and it sounds sincere. "I was needed at work. You parents were in my parents' place, discussing all the latest details of the infamous Christmas Eve dinner when I left, that's why your father thought to call me when your car broke down."
"What about John?" Regina asks. "Is he your friend?"
"Yes, and actually I did him a favor by going to his part of the forest today instead of him, because he wanted to leave earlier with his family. So, now we're even," he says and turns to Regina to wink at her.
Regina is surprised. Why would this man, who is practically a stranger to her, go out of his way to help her? He made it sound like he did not go out of his way, but still Regina is curious about the reasons behind his actions.
"And why help me? Even if I only delayed you for half an hour, it's still a delay. Plus, you lost a favor for me. And you don't even know me."
Regina looks at him expectantly.
"Because I know your parents. Well, your father. I know your mother, too, but I have a feeling you would agree that she wouldn't be the reason why I would want to help her daughter – "
"If someone is to speak ill of my mother, that would be me," Regina interrupts him with an annoyed look.
"I'm sorry, milady," Robin says in a serious tone.
Regina sighs. "And don't call me that."
"My bad. Your majesty."
Regina rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time since she met Robin and gets even more irritated with him when she sees his lips curving into that smirk again.
The serious expression returns to Robin's face. "Your father is kind to me every time I come here for the holidays or for the weekend, and he's been a true friend to my father. True, I don't know you – at least not the adult version of you – but your father asking was enough."
His answer satisfies Regina for now. She still can't figure out if Robin has changed at all, but he could have left her to die of frostbite in the cold and he didn't; that has to mean something.
"You mentioned work in a forest. What do you do?" Regina asks.
Robin's face brightens and a genuine smile appears. He reminds her of the teenager she knew him as such a long time ago. Most girls only noticed his good looks and his flirty smirk, but Regina happened to see him, actually see him, beaming with joy when he did something he enjoyed, like when he played his guitar in the school's orchestra or when they went hiking during their educational trip on senior year. Regina figures he must be really enjoying his job if just the thought of it brings that smile on his face.
"I was a forest ranger for one of the State Forests managed and protected by the Department of Environmental Conservation. I'm now a regional director for the State Forests of Nassau and Suffolk Counties," he says with pride.
The way he says his former and current title makes Regina think of the arrogant teenager, but now there's something different about him. He can't have stayed exactly the same, she decides.
"What do you do?" he asks.
"I'm the mayor of my town," Regina says with a proud smile. He's not the only one who has accomplished something and Regina suddenly feels the need to make him see that she has changed as well, that she's not the shy nerdy girl who did nothing but study and ride horses, and couldn't get away from her mother's reigns.
"It looks like I rightfully gave you the title of the queen," Robin says.
The need to show her true self disappears as his words sound annoying to her ears.
Before she can retort, they're pulling up in front of his parents' house. Her father is already at the door smiling at her, and Regina gets out of the car, letting Robin take her suitcase out of the trunk, so she can go to one of her favorite people.
"I've missed you, Daddy," she says as they hug.
As Regina talks briefly with her father, she remembers why coming here for Christmas had sounded like a good idea in the first place. He makes this place feel like home.
She asks for her mother and is relieved to hear that she's busy ordering the cooker around in the kitchen. It's twenty minutes to two and Regina decides to unpack and call Henry before she has the first encounter with someone who sadly is not one of her favorite people.
Apparently, Robin has taken her suitcase upstairs to her old room ("Enjoy your stay, your majesty," he had said as he passed by her and her father standing at the threshold of the house, and Regina didn't know if she wanted to smile at him or shoot him an annoying glance) and it doesn't take her long to unpack the few things she'll need for the next days. She notes that her dresses for tonight's and tomorrow night's dinners have to be ironed and she cringes at the thought of having to dress up instead of sitting comfortably in her pyjamas with Henry, watching movies and drinking hot chocolate.
"Hello, sweetheart," she says when she dials Emma's phone and listens to Henry's voice.
"Mom! Are you there? Did you see Grandpa and Grandma? Is it snowing?"
Henry's excited voice brings tears to Regina's eyes. She misses him terribly, but the thought of him having a good time melts her heart. She listens to the descriptions of his morning activities and when they hang up she takes a look at herself in the mirror. Luckily, her make-up is almost intact, the mascara and eyeliner stressing her brown eyes beautifully, and the faint blush looks good on her olive skin. After she runs her brush along her dark hair, being careful to not leave any of it tangled, especially now that it reaches her shoulders and it's longer than she's have it for years, she is finally ready to see her mother. She's still in a good mood thanks to her conversation with Henry and when she goes downstairs it's with a wide smile on her face.
:::
Ten hours to Christmas
Regina's smile is wiped from her face too fast, as soon as her mother starts criticizing her life. The three of them, Regina and her parents, are having lunch. It's something quick – salads for Regina and her mother, and a sandwich for her father – and Regina thinks that she has made the right choice, because her stomach is already in knots with nervousness about spending days under her mother's disapproving glare.
They are polite with each other at first. Typical brief conversations about Henry's wellbeing and their everyday life in Storybrooke. About her mother's participation in charities and her father's donations in their local Horse Rescue Society. And then the usual comments start.
"You shouldn't let your son spend Christmas without you, Regina. He should be here, at our family dinner."
Where my son spends his Christmas is none of your business, Mother, Regina wants to say; that and so many other things, but she keeps quiet. She picks on her salad and tries to ignore the comment. She'll have the next three days to talk back to the comments that definitely won't stop; she doesn't want to get in a fight with her mother a couple of hours before the guests arrive.
"I hope what you're going to wear at dinner is more sophisticated than this."
Regina's mind travels to the dresses she has to iron and internally scoffs when she imagines her mother's reaction to the way she will be dressed. She is certain that she won't approve, even though if she saw another woman with those outfits she would undoubtedly approve. Regina manages to eat some of her salad, although every piece of vegetable feels like a rock that falls in her stomach.
"Your hair looked better the last time I saw you. This haircut isn't for you, dear."
Regina has had enough, both of her mother and her meal. She'll explode if she doesn't speak up for herself, but she knows her mother doesn't expect her to speak up. She expects her to be the scared girl she was years ago, and maybe that's better, safer, at least for now.
So, Regina doesn't say anything that would upset her mother and offers to clean up the table. It's one of the rare days that her mother won't argue, Regina knows that, because the maid, Chloe, is busy preparing the dining room for the formal dinner, and her mother can't have the guests notice any imperfections tonight.
Regina releases a sigh of relief when she enters the kitchen. No one is there, so she can allow herself to just be for a moment, to relax her shoulders and focus on her breathing. She closes her eyes and is rubbing her forehead with her fingers when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket.
Thinking it's a message from Henry, she takes it out with a smile. She slides her code to unlock the screen and what she sees makes her frown.
Merry Christmas, beautiful, says a message from a sender neither Regina's phone nor Regina herself recognize. She thinks she could just ignore it, but she decides against it for the sake of Christmas; it might be important for someone.
I'm afraid you got the wrong person, she writes back.
The next message comes immediately. Who is this? Aren't you beautiful?
P.S. I was looking for Sandra, another message comes right after.
Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not Sandra. Regina writes back.
Hesitating for a moment, she adds And I don't think it would be objective it I told you I was beautiful.
If you're not Sandra, who are you? the mysterious messenger asks.
And then another message. You sound beautiful…
Regina's fingers start typing another message, but she stops and takes a moment to think. She's done that before, has exchanged messages with strangers who happened to text her 'by mistake' more than once, and every single time it hasn't ended in a good way.
The first time was many years ago, and she was heartbroken and lonely. It had turned out that the messenger was the same person who had broken her heart.
The second time it was actually some stranger. He sounded nice and their message exchange had kept happening for a while, but then he suddenly disappeared.
The third time was the worst. It was when she was running for mayor and the messenger had turned out to be her competitor. Regina fought to prove that it had been him, had spent nights and days trying to find a way and had wasted time away from her then toddler son because of those messages. She had earned her position as mayor of Storybrooke in the end, and she was happy that the people of her town had trusted her, but she remembers the whole experience as a negative one.
Still, she sits at the kitchen table and decides to continue typing the next message. She needs any distraction today, something to take her mind off of her mother's remarks.
:::
Nine hours to Christmas
Regina has just finished washing the dishes when Robin's parents arrive. Ellaine and Christopher Locksley are wealthy, much like her parents. However, despite the similarities in their way of living and their everyday activities, Robin's parents are nothing like Regina's mother. They're more like her father; that's probably why the two men have become such good friends. Cora and Ellaine usually find themselves in the same social gatherings, but they've never called themselves friends, because they don't share the same views about the world.
One of the big differences between the two wealthy ladies is that Ellaine enjoys doing all household chores on her own, including cooking and cleaning, while Cora always has cookers and maids hired to complete the tasks. That's how Regina ends up with the cooker, Martha, and Ellaine, sorting out ingredients and discussing dessert recipes.
Regina has told her mother that she would like to prepare one of the main dishes for the dinner. Cora wasn't thrilled about the idea, but didn't refuse. Regina finds cooking relaxing and that's why she wanted to do it. That and also to have a familiar plate at the table, something that doesn't taste like the pretentious meals that her mother likes to have on special occasions.
Fortunately for Regina, Ellaine has had the same idea. She has decided to make her own dessert. She's sorting out ingredients at the kitchen counter next to Regina, and Regina is curious to find out what she's making, but Ellaine insists that she wants to keep it as a surprise.
Regina still has time to prepare the meal, so she decides to iron her dresses first. It would be easy to let the maid do it, but Regina does not like her belongings to be touched, tidied and cleaned by anyone but her (unless it's Henry; she's been trying to include him in household chores and the boy is usually happy to help). Growing up with Cora was a nightmare for Regina in many ways, but one of the worst things for her was not being able to find her clothes, things and even diaries, because a maid had changed their place or thrown them away.
So, Regina irons her own dresses quickly, not wanting to give her mother reasons for more remarks of any kind.
Of course, her mother is easy to disappoint and glares at Regina when she goes downstairs again. Regina finds her in the dining room, barking orders to Chloe. Ellaine is there, too, looking at Cora disapprovingly, but staying silent.
"Isn't it time to start the lasagna, dear?" her mother asks her in an impatient tone.
"It's almost time, Mother," Regina says between gritted teeth.
Her mother takes a last stern glance at her before focusing her attention back on Chloe.
Regina goes to the living room to check on her dad. He's sitting with Christopher, talking and laughing. He looks content and relaxed. Regina smiles at the image and lets the two friends continue their conversation.
Going to the kitchen, she wonders why Robin isn't here with his parents. She remembers how formal dinners used to be in either of their houses when they were teenagers. Robin was usually dragged by his parents to attend the gatherings and Regina was ordered to go even if she preferred to stay in her room and study. Regina considers asking Robin's parents about him, but a new text message interrupts her thoughts. It's the anonymous messenger and Regina pushes thoughts of Robin out of her head. He might not even come to dinner anyway; maybe he has somewhere else to be and that was why he was in a hurry to take her here.
She turns her attention to her phone and types one more reply to the unknown recipient.
:::
Eight hours to Christmas
For the next half hour Regina prepares her dish. She has decided to make lasagna, one of her favorite dishes, and the one she considers her specialty. It's the dish her mother has said the least spiteful comments for and Regina doesn't want to risk cooking something else.
She's put on some music, Christmas tunes from the playlist she and Henry have created during their holiday seasons together. The melody of the familiar songs makes her miss her son even more, but also gives her a sense of home. The combination of cooking and listening to music relaxes her and she praises herself for her decision to choose cooking as a distraction.
In the meantime, she keeps texting with the anonymous messenger. They've made a mutual agreement to not reveal their real names. They're just two people who chat without any commitments or false promises. He has told her that he needs a distraction from his family's 'craziness' today and Regina can't help but agree with him. She feels like they're just two lonely people looking for someone to talk to. She is careful about what she writes to him though. She already knows some things about this stranger while she hasn't really told him anything important about herself. They seem to have something in common for today, he's spending the holidays back at his parents' house as well and as he says, he isn't particularly happy with that. It's a bit awkward, she feels no connection at all with the anonymous messenger, but typing messages to him has been one more distraction, especially since she doesn't want to call Henry again, not when it's been less than three hours since she talked with him.
She hears the doorbell and then the faint sound of the front door opening and closing. She doesn't understand who just walked in the house, the voices in the living room muffled by the Christmas melodies that surround the kitchen, so she pays no mind to the guests. She can greet them later; she tells herself that she doesn't care about the condemning look her mother will give her.
She's still lost in her thoughts when she hears soft pads from behind her and turns to see who it is. She doesn't see anyone at first and she's confused. Then two curious brown eyes peak at her from the hallway and she smiles at the cute little boy. She tries not to laugh at the image of his small fingers holding onto the half open door and only half of his head showing as most of his body is hidden. She approaches the boy and he takes a step back, his brown curls jumping even in his slightest movement.
"Hello. I'm Regina," she says softly, kneeling in front of the kitchen entrance. "What's your name?"
The boy hesitates for a moment, but then comes out from behind the door.
"Roland," he says in a small but clear voice.
Regina extends her hand and Roland gives his own hand to her, letting her shake it gently. That's how Robin finds them and smiles as he comes to a stop behind Roland.
"I see you've found something that belongs to me," Robin says, ruffling the boy's hair. Roland giggles and his small hand leaves Regina's to find Robin's. Boy and man hold hands like it's the most natural thing in the world; Roland being comfortable in his closeness with Robin, and Robin looking down at Roland with an adoring look that makes Regina assume he's this little boy's father.
"Is he your son?" she asks Robin.
"Yes," he replies with a genuine smile showing his dimples, if possible an even brighter smile than the one he gave her when he talked about his job.
Regina looks at the two of them, surprised at Robin's confirmation even though she had come to that conclusion herself. But it's so strange for her to see Robin Locksley, the handsome teenager who used to run around girls most of the time, be a father.
"I see no introductions are in order, you've already met. I hope he wasn't disturbing you."
"No, not at all," Regina says, returning the smile that is still on Robin's lips. "I was about to finish the lasagna. Maybe you'd like to help me a little bit, Roland?"
Roland grins at her, nodding excitedly. Regina chuckles. She had forgotten how easy it was to please a child of this age.
"I think the Christmas songs led Roland here," Robin says, following his son in the kitchen.
"Yes, I love Christmas!"
"You know, I have a little boy who is always as excited about Christmas as you," Regina says. Her smile turns melancholic; she can't help it.
"Really? How old is he?" Roland asks.
"He's ten. How old are you, Roland?"
"I'm four," Roland says, bringing up one of his hands and folding his thumb inside to show her four little fingers.
It's not difficult for Regina to fake excitement, since she finds Roland adorable. "That's incredible!" she says. "Are you ready to help with the lasagna?"
Roland nods. Regina takes a chair to the counter and lifts Roland up to place him on it so he can see what she's doing.
"Where is your son today?" Robin asks.
Regina can feel his gaze on her back, but doesn't turn to look at him, only concentrates on placing layer after layer of pasta and mince in the baking tray. She gives Roland a spoon and tells him to put some of the mince on the next layer before replying to Robin. "He's somewhere else – not that far from here actually – having a good time with someone who cares a lot about him."
It's the truth, but only a general truth, one that might have raised more questions if Roland weren't there, but now he is, and neither of the adults continue the conversation. Robin must sense that Regina is sad about the situation and changes the subject quickly, asking Roland which his favorite Christmas song is. The lasagna preparation ends with Roland talking about the songs they sang at the kindergarten Christmas celebration. Regina places the baking tray in the oven right when Chloe arrives to prepare tea.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Regina, but tea time can't be delayed or your mother will be furious," Chloe says anxiously.
"It's alright, we're done here," Regina says with a smile. "And I told you, it's just Regina."
"Or maybe 'your majesty'?" Robin whispers in her ear, leaning close to her from his place behind her.
Regina turns to look at him sternly and feels the urge to playfully hit his arm, but shakes it instantaneously. They're practically strangers and she doesn't understand where that familiar feeling has come from. She ends up rolling her eyes at him, but when she turns to leave the kitchen she can barely contain her grin.
:::
Seven hours to Christmas
They all sit in the living room. Regina's parents, Robin's parents, Regina, Robin and Roland. Chloe has brought them tea and biscuits, and they're sitting mostly in silence, the room only filled with typical conversations that Cora thinks are appropriate for people of their class. At some point, the conversation shifts to Roland's mother, and Regina finds out that she and Robin are separated but keep in friendly contact for the sake of their son. Robin doesn't look eager to share much in Roland's presence, but lets the boy tell everyone that he'll be with his mama on New Year's Eve and they'll go on a trip with her man-friend. Cora changes the subject like it doesn't concern anyone in the room, like it was just an unimportant thing to mention and dismiss.
The minutes go by slowly and the sounds of sipping and chewing get to Regina's brain. She's looking around, searching for anything that can distract her. Her eyes find Roland. He's sitting next to his grandfather and is looking at her mother while he speaks. He looks discontent. Regina can only imagine how bored he must be feeling, especially now that Robin has excused himself and is not in the room to try to entertain him. She remembers tea time during her own childhood, how uninteresting she found the adult conversations and how annoyed she was at the formal clothes she had to wear. At least Robin didn't make Roland wear a suit, she thinks, he'll probably take him next door to dress him for dinner.
Her phone vibrates and as she understands it's only a message, Regina ignores it for now, and asks Roland if he would like some Christmas music again. Roland replies positively and Regina informs him that she'll bring her USB stick to attach to the stereo with the big speakers. She checks her phone to find another message from the anonymous messenger. He hadn't written to her since before Roland and Robin joined her in the kitchen. Apparently, the anonymous messenger and his family had to make some meal preparations as well, and now they're enjoying some tea. It sounds like his family has the same habits as hers and Regina doesn't know if she should laugh or cry.
She types a quick reply, retrieves her USB stick from her purse and goes back downstairs. Robin is back and Roland is now squeezed beside him in one of the armchairs. The sight of them is quite funny but adorable at the same time. A grown man and a small child smiling at each other, both showing dimples that are evidently hereditary, Roland giggling at something Robin says in his ear. As she turns on the stereo and chooses the Christmas folder, she wonders how Henry would grow up if he had his father or a father figure around. She knows she's been giving everything to him since she adopted him, but sometimes she can feel that she hasn't been able to fill the blank the lack of a father has left in his life. She decides that after the holidays are over, now that things between Emma and her seem to have settled and she's made sure that it's alright for Henry to spend time with his birth mother, she will have a serious conversation with her about Henry's birth father. But now is not the time to think about that, she thinks.
Henry – Listening to our Christmas playlist with the grandpas and the neighbors, she types and sends to Emma's phone. They've agreed that every message that is directed to Henry will start with his name, just like every message Henry sends from Emma's phone to her is followed by his name. This way it's possible for Regina and Henry to still have conversations without Henry having his own cellphone; he's still too young for that, something that Regina and Emma agree on even though Henry usually objects.
After tapping 'send', Regina sits on the armchair opposite from Robin's. Roland is now standing on his feet, swaying to the music and examining every ornament he can reach on the Christmas tree. Chloe comes in to take the empty teacups and Ellaine goes to the kitchen with her, asking Roland if he wants to go and help her prepare the dessert. Roland skips to her, flashing a grin to Robin before he turns the corner and he can no longer be seen. Regina looks at Robin and although a hint of a smile still rests on his lips, he's turned his attention to his phone. He types and types while 'The Perfect Christmas' is playing, and then he stops and her own phone vibrates in her hand. She expects the new message to be from Henry, but it's from the anonymous messenger instead.
My mom went to prepare the dessert. Nothing to do until then… Regina reads. She could reply, give him more information about her life, but she doesn't want to, something prevents her from doing that, and he doesn't seem to be interested anyway, only writing short messages and not asking much. She considers to stop replying to him and end this here. With a sigh she looks up and notices Robin's eyes on hers. And then something clicks.
What if Robin is the anonymous messenger? Her dad could have easily given him her number this morning before he went to pick her up. She didn't receive any messages when Robin was in the kitchen with her, she received one when Robin wasn't in the room and one now that Robin was typing on his phone. And she knows the anonymous messenger is spending the holidays with his parents and that his mother is making dessert right now. Everything adds up.
Regina's heartbeat is loud in her ears and the room suddenly feels too warm, too suffocating. She doesn't understand why, but the thought of Robin playing with her upsets her. He was so kind and considerate this morning, and seeing him with Roland has made him look even more attractive in her eyes. Robin keeps her gaze and tilts his head in a silent question when she doesn't stop staring. Regina feels anger bubbling up inside her. How dare he act all nice again after treating her like that?
She knows that the best thing she can do is ask him about it. She stands up and feels her palms get sweaty, but she's taken a few steps towards him and there's no way back now. She sits at the edge of the sofa close to him and locks eyes with him. His eyes are filled with curiosity and something that Regina would understand as concern if she didn't think that he's been mocking her for hours.
She takes a deep breath and, keeping her voice down so the other people in the room won't hear her, she asks "Are you the anonymous messenger?"
Robin frowns. "What do you mean?" he says, looking confused.
Regina doesn't buy it. "You know what I mean, Robin. The message that was accidentally sent to me. The conversation we had without revealing too much of ourselves. It was you, wasn't it?"
Regina notices the expression on his face go from confused to hurt. Could she be that mistaken or is he such a good actor?
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even have your phone number."
"My father could have given it to you –"
"Regina…" Robin interrupts her. Regina stops talking and takes a look around. Their fathers are in deep conversation and her mother has left the room. She turns and focuses her eyes on Robin.
Robin continues in a soft voice. "I know we don't really know each other. You don't know me. But I wouldn't do that. And whoever has hurt you so much to make you lose your trust in people is the biggest – excuse my language – arsehole in the world."
"Why do you assume that someone has hurt me?" Regina asks, annoyed.
"Well, you assumed I used you to have fun. Is that better?" Robin retorts.
"Robin," Regina starts, but Robin doesn't let her talk.
"You know what, I think it's time to change before the first guests start arriving."
With that, he's out of the door. And Regina is left to wonder how she could have been so foolish.
:::
Six hours to Christmas
It's an hour before dinner officially starts. She should change, too, if she doesn't want her mother to fret. Although she knows Robin's real reason for leaving was probably her silly accusation. She didn't have the right to accuse him of doing something like that just because he used to either tease her or pay no attention to her at school.
She goes to the kitchen to check on the lasagna; they should be ready now. And they are. Their familiar scent reaches her nostrils, mixed with something spicy her mother's cooker is preparing and the chocolate scent of the dessert Roland is helping Ellaine prepare.
Regina doesn't let her sadness about Henry not being there to enjoy all the different tastes get to her. She has no time for that now, not when the clock is ticking and the nerves for the dinner in the presence of her mother make their inevitable appearance. This time something else adds to her stress and she berates herself for the unpleasant situation she has created with Robin.
She chooses to wear her royal blue dress, a simple but elegant dress with short sleeves that shows almost no cleavage at all and goes down to touch her knees. Her mother would appreciate the modesty and Regina would feel better in one of her most comfortable outfits. Now that her appearance has been managed, she feels less anxious about her mother's criticizing nature, but that brings the thoughts about Robin in the first place on Regina's list of "Things I don't feel good about" and she's thinking about him while she puts on her dress and while she goes to the bathroom to refresh her make-up.
Only muffled voices are heard from downstairs and other than that it's quiet, so Regina can also hear every droplet of water that falls from the tap in the shower. It's already driving her crazy the moment she goes into the bathroom. She tries to reapply her mascara without touching the tap, tries not to focus on the insignificant sound, but fails. She has to stop the next droplet from falling. So, she does just that, tightens the tap, and her frustration turns to herself, because such details shouldn't get her all riled up. She takes a deep breath in and lets it slowly out. It does little to settle her nerves and she hates herself for eventually letting the situation get to her. Henry's absence, her mother's behavior and now what happened with Robin, all the facts are spinning around inside her head and she feels helpless because she can't prevent them from affecting her.
Maybe there's one thing she can do, she thinks. She could apologize to Robin. She blinks, letting the tears that had welled up in her eyes fall, wipes her cheeks and decides to fix her make-up again later. She doesn't even bother to wear shoes, goes down the stairs and out of the house in her slippers, knowing how close the two mansions are, but regretting it when she slips on a frozen poodle in her hurry. She makes it to the door safely though, and as she knocks, she feels selfish for wanting to make things right with Robin for her own reasons.
She is about to leave when the door finally opens, revealing an out-of-breath Robin with wet hair, wearing black slacks and an unbuttoned white shirt. One look at him and she knows making herself feel better is not the only reason. She doesn't know what has happened in his life since the last time she saw the cute but seemingly arrogant teenager, but she's looking at a good-hearted grown man now, a man that's only been nice to her.
So, she's doing it for him as well, maybe mostly for him. It's not easy for her, words from the heart never are (she has her mother to thank for that, but she shouldn't think about that right now or she'll start weeping in frustration), but she looks up at him and tries. "I'm sorry. You were so kind to me and all I did was blame you and you didn't deserve it."
They're still standing at the doorway, letting the chill of the evening get into the house as the door is still open behind Regina. Robin looks at her like he's contemplating what to do, his eyes flicking with several emotions – first surprise, then things that Regina doesn't quite understand – as he's looking at her. He takes a step towards her, bringing his hands up and on either side of her face, almost touching her, but in the last moment he draws back and retreats, regret evident in his eyes now, and his hands fall limply at his sides.
And then Regina kisses him. It happens quickly; she doesn't even realize it at first. She grabs the collar of his open shirt, brings him closer and crushes her mouth on his. It's only a brush of lips against lips and it's awkward. She doesn't even know why she did it; his closeness, his eyes, the lingering tension that might have lasted since the last time they were both here, in this town, the fact that he was probably about to do the same for whatever reason but stopped himself because he respects her, and Regina once again feels foolish, so foolish, that she thought he was the anonymous messenger.
She can feel Robin's shock when he doesn't move, only closes his own lips gently against hers for a moment before she begins to pull away. Shame makes her face hot and she feels breathless, even though she's not sure if what they just did – what she just did – is considered to be kissing. But Robin seems to be breathless as well, she can actually see his breath in the cold of the night, and he's practically half naked and what she's wearing isn't that warm; they should really close the door. She makes a move to do just that, but Robin must have thought she would leave, because he mutters a hoarse no that makes Regina realize he hasn't said a word since she came knocking at the door. And then he kisses her just as suddenly; his hands are on her waist holding her close and his lips caress hers in a soft but insistent kiss which she reciprocates in kind.
Regina can smell his shampoo and it reminds her of the woodsy scent of the inside of his car; the thought brings a giggle at the back of her throat and she feels Robin smile against her lips. Her hands find purchase on his sides, sliding under his shirt, and she relishes how warm he feels as his naked chest presses against her clothed one. One of his hands remains steady on her waist – holding her, but not caging her – while the other moves to the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her hair and massaging her scalp slowly, eliciting a moan out of her. Without her heels she's a good few inches shorter than him, their height difference having him tilt his head in a way that doesn't feel forced when she raises herself to stand on her tiptoes. He nibbles on her bottom lip and then strokes it with his tongue, asking for permission to deepen the kiss and she willingly gives it to him. She opens her mouth and his tongue slides in when she hears voices out of the house and closes her mouth suddenly, capturing his edge of his tongue with her teeth.
Robin grunts in pain and looks at her in confusion, obviously unaware of his mother and son approaching. Regina whispers "Sorry" and gestures to the open door where Ellaine and Roland appear seconds later. She turns to greet them and feels Robin's body tense behind hers, his breath coming in and out in quick puffs against her hair. She feels like a teenager caught making out with the neighbor and although she finds it a bit depressing that she didn't get to do something like that with anyone while she was an actual teenager, she now finds the situation exhilarating rather than embarrassing.
The image of the two of them flustered and breathless seems to amuse Ellaine who smiles knowingly, while little Roland thankfully doesn't have a clue of what has just happened.
Regina leaves to continue getting ready for dinner as Robin buttons up his shirt and tells Roland to follow him upstairs to get dressed. This time she avoids the frozen poodle and returns to her parents' mansion in a quick pace, feeling the first snowflakes falling from the already dark sky.
:::
Five hours to Christmas
Their guests – two couples in her parents' age that Regina barely remembers from formal dinners during her childhood – arrive around seven and it takes them a few minutes to settle in and sit at the dining room table. Robin and Roland are already there when she goes down the stairs and she's pleased to see that Roland is sitting right next to where she's supposed to sit. Robin is of course sitting at the other side of the boy and Regina wonders if it was Robin's doing, giving her space by not sitting too close to her, but also making sure that she has someone to talk to in case – no, when – her mother starts being her usual snide self and comments on everything about Regina that she shouldn't comment on, especially in front of the guests.
Her mother is sitting across from her and her father between them, at the top of the table. Regina thinks it's ironic, since her mother is obviously the one fit to sit in his place. Sadness fills her heart as she imagines her gracious dad living with her mother for several decades. There was a time in Regina's life when she wanted to make him see that he didn't deserve that, but she's now realized that her parents' marriage works for the two of them, so she shouldn't interfere. What she could do is visit them more often and instead of avoiding her mother, make sure that her father is alright. Maybe being closer to his grandfather would be good for Henry, too.
"You alright?" Robin asks, and Regina turns to look at him instantaneously, cringing when she realizes that she just assumed he meant her while he could have been talking to someone else. But of course it's about her, and this strangely kind man keeps showing her that he cares about her wellbeing or that he just cares and worries about everyone, she tells herself, because he has no reason to care about her in particular; like he said, they don't really know each other.
But you know how he tastes like and how his abdomen feels under your palms, another voice says in her head and she shakes it away in order to answer "I'm fine". Her words come out with a sigh and if they weren't surrounded by that many people she might have started talking to Robin. The thought scares her and makes her feel light at the same time. Maybe that's just what she needs. Someone to listen to her and also someone to help her relieve the stress of the holidays with her mother and without her son with other possible ways.
"He's doing great," Robin says, looking at her above Roland's head. "He misses you, but he's happy that you're well and that you call him often."
Regina stares at Robin with half closed eyes. "You're awfully perceptive, you know that?" she mutters matter-of-factly, annoyed that he knows so much about her and her father, but also grateful that she has confirmation that the older man is alright.
Robin winks at her. "I try," he says, to which Regina chuckles.
She momentarily wonders how much Robin actually knows about her and her life, how much he's heard from her own father. She dismisses the thought when her mother talks about her to one of her guests.
"I'm sure it's not too late for young Eliza. My Regina is still unmarried," Cora says as she gestures to Regina.
Regina tightens her teeth, trying hard not to roll her eyes, and makes sure she's swallowed her food before she replies coldly, "I'm raising my son and have a career to think about, Mother. No time to think about marriage." She knows she's half-lying, but she can't let her mother know how lonely she actually feels at times.
Regina's mother has ordered Martha to prepare several main dishes, and she furrows her brows every time someone compliments Regina's lasagna and not one of her own choices. Regina finds it easier to eat than she thought; Roland's chattering beside her and his excitement about the Christmas atmosphere reminds her of Henry, and in a way distracts her from her anxiety. She keeps her phone on her legs under the table cloth and checks it once in a while, waiting for Henry to reply to the text she sent him before dinner started. She doesn't care that her mother glares at her from across the table; she doesn't have her son with her and there's no way she'll cut the only way of communicating with him even for an hour.
The rest of the dinner passes in a similar manner; typical conversations all around, Robin's thoughtful comments whenever he feels Regina needs them, Roland melting Regina's heart with his joy and innocence, and laughter from those who have drunk a little too much. Regina is finishing her second glass of wine and she feels she would begin feeling pleasantly tipsy if she drank just a bit more, but she has no intention of doing so. Robin hasn't even finished his first glass and when Regina asks him about it, he says he never drinks much around Roland, which makes perfect sense; Regina never drinks around Henry either, and every detail like that she discovers about Robin makes him look even more interesting and attractive in her eyes.
:::
Four hours to Christmas
Dinner ends around eight. Chloe is busy cleaning up the dining table and Regina doesn't hesitate to help her, Ellaine and Robin, and even Roland, joining them with pleasure, while the guests gather in the living room.
"Your phone is ringing," Robin says as he passes Regina in the hallway on his way to the kitchen with hands full of empty plates.
Regina finds her phone where she left it on her chair. She just missed a call from Emma and she's getting frustrated at her lack of pockets, but it will do her no good now, so she just calls back and hopes Emma or Henry will answer.
At the sixth ring Emma picks up and it sounds like she's panting. Regina worries immediately and asks her if something is wrong.
Her fears are settled soon as Emma reassures her that Henry is alright and announces that they will drive to Long Island. Surprise and excitement replace every piece of sadness in Regina's heart and she feels like she can jump up and down with joy like Roland. Emma tells her that Henry just wanted to see her, and Regina doesn't need to know more, the fact that her boy wants to be with her at Christmas is enough. She speaks with Henry briefly and then learns from Emma that they won't be able to begin their trip for another hour since Emma has borrowed her car to a friend and she's waiting for him to take it back. Regina suggests that they should meet in New York City instead; it will be closer for Henry and Emma, and that way they'll be able to meet before midnight.
Regina only realizes that she doesn't have her car after she hangs up. She rolls her eyes at herself and opens her browser to search for train times; there's nothing that will keep her from seeing her son tonight.
"What's up?" Robin asks as he enters the dining room again with Roland following close behind.
"Henry is going to New York and I'm going to meet him," Regina says, keeping her eyes on the screen of her phone as she chooses all the relevant options to find the right train.
"By train in the last moment? There aren't many trains that late on Christmas Eve," Robin says as he looks at her phone over her shoulder.
Regina turns her head to look at him. "I don't know if you remember, but I don't have my car right now." And she focuses her attention to her phone again.
Robin nudges her arm with his, and when she looks back at him, his dimples are showing. "Come on," he says and moves to lift Roland up in his arms.
"What?" Regina asks, confused.
"How about a trip?" Robin asks Roland who nods enthusiastically. Robin looks at Regina and his smile widens. "What? We're going to New York!"
Regina is stunned, but Robin and Roland's smiles are infectious, and she has no time to lose, not when Henry will be waiting for her in the city. She grabs her coat and purse, and ignores her mother's shocked expression that she manages to hide quickly, only chooses to catch her father's warm smile before telling them that she'll be back later tonight with Henry and Emma. She meets Robin and Roland outside. Robin, having thrown his coat at the backseat, is fastening Roland into his safety seat. Regina gets in the passenger's seat and they leave shortly.
The snow is falling fast and thick, but Robin was right, his jeep has no trouble sliding on the partially snow-covered highway. Apparently, not too many people have had the crazy idea to travel to the city in the last moment and the traffic is reduced. Regina is grateful, because that means she'll actually get to see her son before midnight.
The first half hour of their drive passes with Roland singing along the Christmas tunes that come out of the car radio, and Regina and Robin making plans about what they'll do once they get to the city. Regina remembers an old neighbor of theirs who used to own a parking lot at midtown. Robin grins and tells her that he still owns the place and they're actually friends. He hands his phone to Regina and lets her find the number in his contacts. A few minutes later they have booked space for two cars and Regina feels like she's radiating happiness. She leans over and places a quick kiss on Robin's cheek. She feels his breath hitching for a second, but he recovers quickly, keeping his eyes on the road and catching his lower lip with his teeth, a move that Regina finds adorable.
"Robin, you really don't have to stay there with us," Regina says a few minutes later.
"And miss all the fun of being in the city at night with all those decorations and all those people celebrating?" he asks, looking at Roland through the rearview mirror. The boy nods eagerly and Regina doesn't have the heart to admit that she doesn't find any contentment in being in noisy places crowded with too many people.
"Unless you don't want us with you," Robin says in a serious tone. "We wouldn't want to intrude."
Regina suddenly comes to the realization that Robin understands. He knows how it feels to share your child with someone else and he's probably been doing it for longer than her. She's never had anyone who truly got it and she embraces the feeling, letting it shower her with profound relief.
"It's alright. I'm sure it will be fun for the boys," she tells him as he keeps driving through the snow.
:::
Three hours to Christmas
It doesn't take much longer for Roland to fall asleep in the backseat. Regina is surprised he lasted this long after the eventful day he's had; the strangers at dinner and all the Christmas singing must have exhausted the little boy. She sees Robin smile fondly at his son through the mirror and her heart melts at the father and son bond that they seem to have.
'Baby it's cold outside' starts playing and the atmosphere inside the car is filled with tension. It doesn't feel awkward though, it's just charged with unsaid things.
At least there will be plenty implied, Regina can hear from the song as she says, "I used to like you."
She's watching Robin as he takes a quick glance at her before he replies, "I used to like you, too."
"You didn't show it," Regina says, a bit disappointed even after all those years.
"Neither did you." Robin sighs, and is that regret she notices in the expression on his face? "You were closed off in yourself. Not unreasonable given the way your mother was treating you, but I couldn't understand that back then. There were moments when I was so intrigued by you and I wanted to talk to you. Your passion about horseback riding, your incredible focus when you read a book that you liked and nothing could distract you…"
Regina is surprised at his words and wants to tell him that she's still like that most of the time, but bites her tongue and chooses to keep talking about the past instead. The fact that Robin liked those things about her in highschool doesn't mean that he'll like them now.
"I didn't think someone like you could be interested in someone like me," she tells him honestly. "I didn't think I wanted someone like you to be interested in me," she adds.
"That makes sense. I was always surrounded by… other people," he says, and Regina knows he means all the girls he flirted with, all their classmates who made Regina feel inferior even if she knew she had no reason to belittle herself like that. "But they weren't like you, Regina. I knew that and I wasn't the right person for you. I don't regret not approaching you back then, because I wouldn't want to have hurt you."
Robin says those words with sadness in his eyes and Regina wonders if he's hurt other people before and then regretted it. She doesn't want to pressure him for such answers while they're just getting to know each other, so she chooses to end the subject in a hopeful tone.
"Maybe our choices were for the best. Maybe we're lucky that we met again now."
Robin nods. "Maybe it's all about timing."
It's not something that Regina would say, not something she would actually believe. Her nature is quite pessimistic, and it's true that she can't trust people easily, life has taught her that. But there's something about Robin that feels familiar and safe, and maybe he's right about this.
:::
Two hours to Christmas
While Roland continues sleeping peacefully, Regina and Robin keep talking with the soft Christmas tunes in the background.
Robin asks about Henry and Emma, and Regina tells him the summary of the story. How she told Henry that he was adopted, how mature he was about it, how he managed to secretly find his birth mother even though he knew he was loved by Regina and that he could trust her. She tells him about the loneliness she's been feeling since Henry left for the holidays with Emma, but she doesn't tell him about the pain that stabs her heart every time Henry shows how much he already loves the woman who gave birth to him.
She stifles a yawn while saying how happy she is that she'll get to see Henry tonight.
Robin teases her, telling her that he sees that, and gesturing to her mouth.
Regina doesn't resist this time and hits his arm playfully, telling him that it's been a long day.
"I know. Why don't you get some sleep? I'll wake you up before we get there."
Regina contemplates his suggestion. They have at least another hour of driving in the snow and despite her overexcitement when she first got into the car, her eyelids now feel droopy, and the warmth that comes out of the heating combined with the snowflakes that keep falling and the street lights they're passing by make her sleepy.
"Are you sure? You'll wake me up in an hour?" she asks, still a bit uncertain.
"I'm sure," Robin says and reaches to squeeze her hand with his once before he moves it back to the wheel.
"There's one thing I have to do first," Regina says and reaches for her phone.
I think we should stop texting. Some things have come up and I'm too busy for that. I wish you a Merry Christmas.
She taps 'send' and the anonymous messenger starts typing a couple of minutes later.
Actually, I'm quite busy, too, we had an unexpected visit from my brother. Merry Christmas to you, too.
Regina reads the anonymous messenger's last message and feels a weight lifting off her chest, leaving her without any worries for now. She sinks farther into the seat and falls asleep listening to Roland's soft snores, 'I'll be home for Christmas', and the steady sound of the jeep's engine.
:::
One hour to Christmas
"Regina."
A male voice calling her name softly.
A gentle nudge on her shoulder.
"Regina."
The voice calling her again, a little louder than before.
A caress on her cheek with the back of his fingers.
"It's time to wake up, love," Robin says as Regina opens her eyes slowly.
She takes a deep breath and looks around, slightly disoriented. They're getting close to the city and the lights are already bright enough to make the night look like day. She hates that about the city, hated that she could never see the stars when she lived in New York to go to college. But it's not the time to dwell on that, because now she's here for something more important and she doesn't care if she feels uncomfortable in the big city, she can take it for one night.
"What time is it?" she asks, her voice thick with sleep. She takes a few sips of water from one of the bottles they took with them and almost spits it out when he tells her it's a quarter past eleven.
"Robin! Why didn't you wake me earlier?"
Regina looks for her phone, finding it where she left it in front of her, right next to Robin's.
Her anxiety comes back in full force and she's muttering "Henry and Emma should already be here, how come they didn't –"
She stops mid-sentence when she realizes that Emma had actually called.
"I might have spoken with Emma," Robin says sheepishly.
"Seriously? You used my phone? And how did I not hear it ring?"
Regina is annoyed and she knows that Robin can tell.
"Wait, listen to me."
She is fuming, but she wants to know what Emma said, so she tries to listen.
"First of all, your phone didn't ring, because apparently you always have it on vibrate."
She glares at him and he must see her out of the corner of his eyes. His lips curve in a small smile which makes Regina even more infuriated. "And still, I can always hear it!"
"You didn't this time, and I didn't want to disturb your sleep just yet, that's why I took the bold – and wrong, I know – initiative to answer. Emma and Henry have arrived in the city, I told Emma exactly where to find the parking lot and they're waiting for us at the Rockefeller center," Robin says.
Regina sighs and looks out of the window at the city that gradually unfolds as they're moving. "I still wish you had woken me up like we agreed," she says, now calmer than before.
"I'm sorry," he says sincerely.
She turns to look at him again and she can't help but find it sweet that he let her rest a little longer, although touching her things is one of the most annoying things he could have done to her. But he has no way of knowing that, so she just says, "It's okay".
The parking lot is close to where Henry and Emma are waiting for them, so Regina tries not to worry as Robin unfastens a groggy Roland and dresses him in his coat, scarf, gloves and hat, all ready to go out in the freezing cold. Regina makes sure they've taken everything they need from the car and helps Robin put on his coat while he's holding Roland in his arms. A difficult task when he has a sleepy toddler whining in his arms, but together they manage to do it, and soon they head out of the parking lot. Regina sees Emma's yellow bug close to the entrance and her heart beats fast in anticipation as the time she'll see Henry again is getting close and closer.
Regina's heeled boots aren't the most comfortable choice for slippery streets, but they only walk for a few minutes and the snow is considerably less in the city, only a snowflake here and there, so it's not that hard for her to keep up with Robin who walks fast even with the additional weight of Roland in his arms.
They reach the Rockefeller center and it's like Regina had feared: too crowded and too loud. The skating rink is closed for the night, but the tree lights are still on and the place looks as crowded as it would during the day. Roland stops whining when he notices the enormous Christmas tree, and turns in Robin's arms so he can take a better look at it.
The three of them have come to a halt and Regina is about to call Emma when she hears Henry's voice.
"Mom!" he's calling her and running towards her. Regina takes a few quick steps and they hug when they meet, Henry's arms circling Regina's waist and Regina holding him close and bending a little to rest her head against his. She pulls away a little to look at him. She drinks in the image of her little boy being there with her, wanting to be with her. She leans over and, placing a kiss at the top of his head, she swears he got taller even if it hasn't been a week since the last time she saw him. There are tears in her eyes, but they're happy tears, so she lets them fall freely.
"Mom, come on! I'm glad to see you, too, but we don't have to cry," he says and rolls his eyes, the whole thing reminding her too much of herself, and she chuckles through her tears.
As she wipes her cheeks – she's sure her make-up is completely ruined after sleeping and crying, but right now she doesn't care – she can hear Emma and Robin talk. Henry pulls away from her embrace and together they approach the others, Regina walking with her arm around his shoulder. Robin has let Roland down and the little boy is looking up at Henry with curiosity. Henry shakes hands with both Robin and Roland as Regina and Emma quickly hug each other, and the five of them take off, deciding they need some hot chocolate to warm up after all that cold. Regina notes that Henry is wearing his warmest coat and has his scarf wrapped around his neck, and gives Emma a small appreciative smile.
:::
Midnight, Christmas Day
Midnight finds them passing by St. Patrick's Cathedral. The sound of the bells ringing is a bit too loud, but Regina doesn't really mind it; she likes the cheerful melody the continuous ringing is creating. The cathedral is grand and magnificent, drawing the attention of everyone who happens to be in the area, even if they've been there before. Regina looks at it in awe; it's one of the very few things she likes in this city.
"Do you remember when we went inside for the Christmas Mass?" she asks Henry.
They've stopped in front of the cathedral and she can see the wonder in Henry's eyes.
"I think so. Was it the time when grandpa gave me the wooden train for Christmas?" Henry says, furrowing his brows in concentration.
"Yes, it was," Regina says. Her earlier thoughts return, reminding her of the decision to try to bring Henry here, close to her father more often. For now she gives him her hand and he takes it. When they start walking again, Roland grabs Regina's other hand and it surprises her, but he looks perfectly content between Robin and her, and even though with Emma at the other side of Henry they must look a bit ridiculous all holding on to one another, she doesn't say anything, just goes with it and lets out a silent chuckle. Robin seems to have caught it as he turns to look at her with a smile on his face and she just holds his gaze as they move towards the subway station. Maybe this time she'll have one more reason to visit this place frequently, she thinks.
The diner they're heading to (Regina and Robin looked at each other in mischief while planning to take everyone there) is not far from the cathedral, but the night is getting even colder and with an exhausting long day behind them, they prefer not to walk more.
With the subway, they reach Lexington Candy Shop in a few minutes, and find a spacy booth in a corner. The diner is decorated with Christmas colors, twinkling lights, and candy and soda bottles that aren't that common anymore, mostly existed when the three adults were children. Regina and Robin might be even more excited than their sons when they rediscover all the unique flavors of the beverages.
Regina is sitting next to Robin and Roland, with Henry and Emma across from them.
"I used to come here with my parents when I first moved out of their house. It was one of our traditions," Robin says.
It's Regina's turn to speak and she tries to hide a now different kind of sadness behind a smile. "I used to come here with my boyfriend when I was studying in NYCU."
"I didn't know this place existed, but now that I do, I want to come here again," Emma says, and they all laugh.
It warms Regina's heart to see that Henry has brought his new storybook with him. Just before he left she gave him his Christmas present, a leather bound book with fairytales. He's always loved reading, has been reading comics and short stories since the moment he learnt how to read. Regina thought the book would be a great companion for his time away from home and gave it to him early. He's now showing it to Roland, reading him the story about Robin Hood as they're sipping their hot chocolates.
Regina looks at Emma looking at Henry with a look she believes is similar to her own when she looks at him. It's a look that says she loves him and she would do anything for him. She and Emma might have had their differences, but they're learning how to live with one another's presence in their lives and Regina can see how much that benefits Henry.
Like Robin can read her thoughts, he speaks softly from beside her so that only she can hear. "No matter how difficult it might be, Henry is lucky to have both of you to love him and protect him."
Regina nods, because either she is too transparent or Robin just gets her, and there's no reason to hide her real feelings from him.
"It has been extremely difficult. For all of us," she admits. "But I think we'll get there."
"I think so, too. It looks like you're almost already there."
She doesn't say anything, but moves her hand a bit to the side until it touches Robin's on the table. She doesn't attempt to lace their fingers together, just relishes the feeling of sitting next to him and having the safely he provides even if it will just be for a little while.
They sit there and look at Roland and Henry silently for a few minutes.
"Thank you for today," Regina whispers.
"It was my pleasure, your majesty," Robin says and nudges her hand with his.
Regina rolls her eyes with a smile when he adds, "If you want to talk more in the next few days, I'm willing to listen."
"You know, I might take that offer. I'll be here until Wednesday."
"Good. I'll be here until Tuesday actually," Robin says.
Regina notices the pained look he gives Roland while the boy is not looking and wonders what's going on. "You mean here as at your parents' house?" she asks.
"I mean here as in Long Island. Marian, Roland's mom, has to move in a few weeks. She was accepted in a new job quite far from here and I couldn't stay that far away from Roland. I'm starting a new job to be close to them."
"Oh," Regina says. And now she does want to hide her feelings, because all she feels is disappointment, but she knows it's silly. What are the chances that she would see Robin every time she visited her parents anyway? "Where are you moving to?"
"Storybrooke, Maine."
Regina feels her heartbeat increase and she's suddenly out of breath. She looks at Robin with an expression she's sure conveys the shock she feels.
"What is it?" Robin asks.
"Do you remember what you told me in the car earlier? That maybe it's all about timing?"
Robin nods.
"You might be right after all. I'm the mayor of Storybrooke."