You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
Red. Black. Red. Black. Red. Black.
Barry Allen gave up on the 4th cycle trying on ties, looking down from the mirror forlorn as he looked between both the ties in his hands. Red or black? Red or black? Neither. Fuck this. He dropped them in frustration, head in his hands as he sat on the end of his bed, unable to think straight.
Today was the day he had been dreading for a long time coming, Eddie's funeral. Iris was already on her way to the cemetery and Barry was going to join her along with Caitlin and Cisco...but found he barely could function. If he hadn't gotten Eddie involved in this…
He ran his hands through his hair in frustration at that thought. It was true. He'd gotten him involved in this. He'd told Eddie his secret. He'd brought Eddie to this world of...metahumans, science and evil, hoping to use him as an ally, not for him to sacrifice himself to save both Iris and him with his stupid self-pride. It was all his fault that he was dead. Not Iris's, not Joe's, not Wells's. His.
Becoming angry, at Eddie, at Joe, at Wells, at himself, Barry lashed out, tears streaming down his face as his fist connected with the mirror in front of him that he had been looking into only a second ago, fist splintering and cracking the glass before him collapsing, head in his hands.
"You know, punching mirrors is really not the way to go about choosing a tie, Bear…"
Barry froze, hands shaking along with the rest of his body as he heard that voice. Looking up into the now shattered mirror, he saw Eddie standing there, perfectly whole. No bullet wounds, no blood, no paleness. Warm, alive, wearing the same smile he'd greeted Barry with the first time they'd met.
Eddie's smile became sad when Barry met his eyes, blinking. "Hey, Barry."
"Eddie." Barry's breath left his body with that one word, staring at the man in the mirror in almost horror. He'd lost his mind. The Flash had finally cracked.
"You're not crazy." Eddie admonished. "But, maybe that doesn't sound the best coming from someone like me." He added as an afterthought, frowning.
"How..wha...why?" Barry sniffled, staring at him and trying to blank out the last image of Eddie he saw when he died. "Why did you do it, Eddie?"
"He was going to kill you, Barry!" Eddie suddenly became upset and angry, like Barry was. "He was going to kill you and Iris and Joe and everyone. I couldn't let him do it!"
"You didn't even think about me, or Iris!" Barry yelled back at the mirror, fists re-clenched. "You didn't think about us at all! You just grabbed the gun and shot yourself!" His lip started trembling. "You didn't think about us at all…"
"That's what made me shoot myself, Barry!" Eddie yelled back, his own tears pooling in his eyes. "I had no choice. I wasn't going to let that asshole take away all I loved like what happened to you! I saw how much you suffered when you talked about your mother, can you imagine what it would have been like if I'd lost not just you, but Iris and Joe as well to him?!"
A tear leaked out of his eye and down his cheek as he kept speaking. "I would have never be able to live, Barry. I wouldn't have be able to live with myself at all. I would have eventually topped myself anyway. You know I would have."
Deep down, Barry knew that Eddie was correct. Selfishly, however, he shook his head in denial. "You wouldn't have. People needed you! Joe needed you! I needed you! Iris and me needed you and you just…" Barry let out a sob, body shaking. "You just left."
"I couldn't watch you and Iris die, Barry. I'm sorry..." Eddie murmured, starting to fade away as Barry regained some of his footing in the world. Barry however, panicked when he saw Eddie disappearing.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
"No, Eddie! Wait!"
"Believe in yourself, Bear." Eddie's voice sounded faded as he slowly flickered away, leaving Barry on his knees in front of the mirror in his wake as Joe came in through the open door behind him unnoticed.
So, please don't take my sunshine away
"Believe in yourself for me."
So, please don't take my sunshine away...