I don't own OHSHC

Hikaru felt terrible. He lay in bed shivering, sick as a dog when he should have been in school. He never did like missing club activities. And not just because milord would either have his ass or freak out. But his thoughts were interrupted when the door creaked slightly and Kaoru walked in, shutting it behind him with a click.

"How are you feeling?" the concerned expression on his face made Hikaru really wish he wasn't sick.

"I'm fine. Don't worry so much," Hikaru ordered him. It could have been much more convincing if he hadn't sneezed and started shaking, Kaoru thought.

"I don't think so," the younger twin set the glass of water he'd brought for Hikaru down on the bedside table. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. "Yeah, you still have a fever," he mumbled as his brother's skin burnt him. He started to pull away, but a flushed hand held him to the other's cheek.

"Cool…" he murmured, gripping Kaoru with all his might to keep him there. Kaoru took to sitting on the edge of the bed and let Hikaru have his way for a minute. Then he pulled away and ran the hand through Hikaru's soft orange tresses. Hikaru fumbled for a moment at the loss of contact. "Wannit back…."

Kaoru chuckled to himself. His brother was such a little kid when he was sick. But he stood and Hikaru tangled himself further in the sheets. "Don't leave…"

"I'm wasn't leaving. I just don't want to be so close that I get sick too," he laughed.

"That why you slept next door last night?" Hikaru asked into the pillow. He had wondered why his brother had slept in one of the guest rooms instead of with him while it was happening. But it dawned on him through the fever that of course Kaoru didn't want to get sick.

"Sorry, Hika. The maids insisted, though. You know I'll always be here for you."

"… Until you aren't." It was said so quietly that Kaoru almost didn't catch it.

Concern tinged his voice. His brother didn't often talk like this. "What do you mean?"

Hikaru didn't even know what he was saying. It was the fever talking. And that's the excuse he would have to hope Kaoru believed if he kept going. "You're going to leave someday," he mumbled sadly.

"How could you say that? We're twins. We can't leave each other." Kaoru wasn't sure of what else to say. If only he could tell his brother… no, that wasn't an option. That would jeopardize everything.

Hikaru succumbed to sleep before he managed reply. Kaoru held his sleeping older brother in his arms. As his brother mumbled and turned in his fitful sleep, pain stabbed harshly at Kaoru's heart. He knew he was going to have to leave Hikaru one day. He wasn't always going to be there. He couldn't bear to do that to his brother; to burden him with his presence for so long. Because as much as Kaoru tried to fight it, he couldn't ignore the feelings. Everything they had carefully built together throughout their lives would be destroyed.

"Kaoru…" Hikaru murmured in his sleep.

And with that simple word, Kaoru's heart shattered.

When Hikaru awoke, the warmth was absent. The sheets all around where his body lay were cold, and his twin was missing. The room was dark; night must have fallen as he slept. Loneliness sunk in as he rolled over, half expecting to bump into Kaoru as usual but meeting only emptiness. Slowly, he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the back of his fist. He stood and was almost overcome by dizziness and fever. But he made it out of the room and leaned against the door of the guestroom. Once the initial fatigue subsided, he cracked open the door and slipped inside. But the sight in front of him was startling.

Kaoru lay on the guest bed sobbing. When he noticed that Hikaru had come in, he buried his face in the pillows. "Go away, Hika."

Hikaru ignored him and stumbled over to the bed. "Kaoru! Are you ok? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?" His gold eyes shone bright in the moonlight from the window and Kaoru thought his heart would burst, causing him to cry even harder. Forgetting about getting his brother sick, Hikaru climbed into the bed next to him and held him tightly, cuddling him. "Please tell me?"

"I can't take it anymore," Kaoru confessed softly into the soft fabric. "I just can't deal with it anymore."

The distress was evident in Hikaru's voice. "You can't deal with what? What are you talking about?"

"We might be exactly the same in every physical way, but we think differently. And…." Kaoru hiccupped and trailed off.

"And what?" his brother gently coaxed.

"And you can't… you don't know how I feel. You don't understand 'cause you don't feel it too…." Kaoru spilled his heart in the heat of the moment. Had he been thinking rationally he would have kept his big mouth shut. But wrapped up in his twin's arms he felt safe enough to say anything.

"What can't I feel, Kaoru?"

"I love you."

Kaoru sobbed even harder and Hikaru stared at his little brother in pure shock.

He continued. "But I can't fight these feelings anymore, even though they'll only bring pain. I can't look away from them. I'm sick of doing that stupid 'brotherly love' act when I want so badly just to move an inch closer and kiss you, god damn it. I'm sick of wanting you to cuddle me when we're alone. I don't want to live like this anymore but I don't know what to do." Kaoru gasped in a breath and let the tears wrack his body. Now his big brother, the person who mattered the most in the world to him, was going to turn away in disgust and hold him in contempt. But he wondered why Hikaru was so silent.

"Kaoru…" Hikaru started softly after a minute. Kaoru winced. "Why has this been getting to you? What's been going on?"

This threw Kaoru for a loop. That was the last thing he even imagined Hikaru would say to him. "I… You've been distant. Where you used to be sweet to me you just… haven't been. And I've really missed it. And I guess I just hit a breaking point…" Kaoru wasn't sure what he was saying or how to explain how he was feeling. But he was lonely because Hikaru just hadn't been all there lately.

Hikaru took in what his brother said. He'd been distant? He hadn't even noticed he had been cold to him. And he couldn't figure a reason why he would have been. "I'm so sorry, Kaoru. I didn't know you felt like that about me."

"And now you're going to leave me… But what am I going to do if I'm abandoned? That's my worst fear. What would I do if it came true?" He shook as the realization of his words hit him full-force. He was about to be abandoned because it wasn't like it was possible for Hikaru to-

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted as identical lips pressed to his own. He gasped into the kiss, and the older of the two took advantage of it by slipping his tongue inside. They licked at each other's mouths as their tongues fought for a dominance that Hikaru easily won. The tears subsided and sickness was long forgotten about. Hikaru pulled away and rested his forehead against Kaoru's, gasping in air. "You won't be abandoned. I love you too. We can stay like this together."

Kaoru was too choked up to answer his brother. Instead he leaned forward and pulled him in for another long kiss. He was the one to pull away for breath, and when he did Hikaru gently ruffled his hair. "I love you. Don't you forget that."

The younger licked his cheek. "I love you, too. But you're still sick. You need to go to sleep and get better," he ordered as he rubbed the remaining trails of tears off of his cheeks with his hand.

"Oh, my little Kaoru…" Hikaru purred. "I have to agree with you, I'm feeling quite worn out." He pecked his brother's forehead. "Goodnight, Kaoru."

"… Goodnight, Hikaru."