Disclaimer- If I owned these do you think I would have had the nerve to let Satine die?
A/N- The lyrics in this fic, the bits in the *s are from a song by Evanescence called Even in Death. I'd recommend you read them even though it's not vital coz they are simply so beautiful.

Eternity Doesn't Mean Forever


*Give me a reason to believe you're gone,
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong,
Moonlight on the soft brown earth,
It leads me to where you lay,
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home*


She isn't gone. I keep telling myself that. Over and over. I guess I'm hoping if I say it often enough I'll actually believe it. It's the only thing I can hope for now. I was hoping for love, for happiness, for... but it doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now. The only thing that ever truly mattered to me is gone.

Satine. God, even her name makes my heart tear just a little more. I wish I'd never loved. If I'd stayed in England I wouldn't be going through this. I would never have been caught up in Spectacular, Spectacular. I would never have seen the Moulin Rouge. I would never have known Satine.

But if I had the choice, I know I would go through it all again. My love for her is... was... will always be so strong, I couldn't chose any other path. I know it would always pull me back.


*I will stay forever here with you,
My love,
The softly spoken words you gave me,
Even in death our love goes on*


I like to think she can hear me when I call her. She lived the life of a courtesan, wallowing in sin and disgrace, but her heart belonged to an angel. There are times when I can't help but feel she's with me. I'll smell her perfume, I'll feel her hand on my face, and I'll be afraid to open my eyes. I'll hold the image of her as long as I can, but in the end, I'll long to see her so much that my eyes will slowly open. As soon as I see she isn't really there, the illusion collapses.

Loneliness and pain wash over me, until my very soul is crying in agony. I want to be with her. I need to feel her touch. To see her eyes, hear her laugh, see the warmth of the smile she always saved just for me. I have to see her again. I don't care what it takes, or how hard it may be. I need to be with her.


*Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love,
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love,
They don't know you can't leave me,
They don't hear you singing to me*


In the end, it wasn't hard at all. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, feeling a blissful smile spread over my face. A woody, slightly spicy smell filled my nose, until my head was reeling. gentle touch on my face made my eyes spring open. Red filled my vision, sleek hair, glistening in the dim light leaking through the window. Shining green eyes stared deep in to mine, and I felt I was looking in to a whirlpool. Her beautiful face came slowly closer, and I felt my head leaning forwards to meet her questing lips.

As my mouth opened, my breath escaped in a rush, a single word forming.

The name dropped like a diamond from my lips as my final breath left my lungs, and I started falling.


*I will stay forever here with you,
My love,
The softly spoken words you gave me,
Even in death our love goes on*

*And I can't love you, anymore than I do*