A/N: This is a songfic set towards the end of Sleepers but reflects back all that has happened regarding Nikola. Not sure yet if this is the end of this fic or if I want to keep it going, feedback welcome. Hope you enjoy this! =]
Lyrics are for the song Die For You by Pennywise.
Nikola coaxed just enough power out of the Sanctuaries electric grid to power his de-vamper and change the sniveling bratty Laura back into her mortal self. Mortal like him.
I walk alone
Through the shadowed night
No place to roam,
No end in sight
I runaway runaway
Nowhere to hide
With darkness closing in on me
Through the endless night
Nikola wandered down a hallway of the Sanctuary towards Helen's office, alone. So it had always been. Even back at Oxford when his and Helen's friendship had been strong, he had been alone because she had always chosen Druitt over him. A small smile touched his lips, almost always. The night his transformation into a vampire had really begun, some nights after they had all injected the Source Blood, had been a year anniversary for her and Druitt but she had chosen to sit by his side rather than spend the evening with Druitt. Even in his delirium Nikola had seen the graceful way her scientist's hands had wrung a wash cloth out and then dabbed at his brow with it, the way the light from the disappearing sun had glistened on the perfect golden curls in her hair, and the ever concerned and caring look in her eyes.
Rounding a corner the smile quickly vanished from Nikola's lips as reality came crashing back around him. After the discovery that her betrothed had become Jack the Ripper, Helen had been a complete wreck, on the inside. He had tried to be there for her, but in the end he had left, disappeared, unable to stand it anymore. He loved her so much and she just did not see him that way and probably never would. So he had slipped away and all but lost contact with Helen.
Never gonna find the truth of it
Searching through the end of time
Pain is a part of our history
But tonight just feels all right
I would, I would die for you
In troubled times we'll make it through
I would, I would die for you
Yes you know that I would die for you
Burying himself in his work he had spent the next decades of his life perfecting electricity, obsessing over it, allowing it to consume him so that he would have to think of Helen and all he really wanted. Nevertheless, when he was at his most desperate hour with all the governmental agencies hunting him ruthlessly she had answered his call. Their meeting at the New York sanctuary had been her idea, and a wise one, for only there would the agents not find him. They sat and brainstormed long into the night. It had been her idea, again, to fake his death. A funeral was, as she put it, the only way to avoid the agents but also allowed him to continue his work without having to fake his age anymore, words that gleamed not only with admiration but just a hint of regret.
He wanted to tell her during that meeting and again before they said goodbye but his cocky and confident front did not give him enough courage to say it. They shared a very brief goodbye a block from the New Yorker Hotel, and parted ways. Helen went towards the Hotel to go about faking his death and Nikola turned to make his way to the airport where a private charter courtesy of Helen was waiting to take him south where he waited out the rest of the war. He had resisted the urge to look back for all of a second before he had swung his head around to catch a final glimpse of her, and, to his surprise found her looking back as well.
My heart is black
Filled with silent cries
We can wonder what went wrong
But the pain just grows inside
Trapped in this memory
We live for suffering
All is wasted that we want
And there is no end in sight
After almost sixty five or so years he had not been able stand it any longer. His heart ached to just look upon her face again even if it was just from a distance. Just one look would be enough to keep him going at least another couple decades. Cabal hunting him or not, he had to see her, and the perfect opportunity arose as he was hiding out in Germany. He was able to find out that Helen would be taking a trip to Rome, lecturing a group of scientist in the abnormal community. So he had thrown caution to the wind and uprooted himself from his remote hideout and went to Rome. As luck would have it, the Cabal caught wind of his movements and they forced him to act rashly. He drew Helen away from the lecture she was giving and right into harm's way.
There in the catacombs of Rome he had finally told her. That kiss he'd stolen from her had given him the boost he needed. He told her, and as he had suspected for the past century, she recoiled from him as though he were a poisonous snake. It hurt him more than anything had ever hurt him before, but he buried the hurt way deep down within him, right next to the pain he felt about Dane's death. Calling off his mini-me's he intended to tell Helen that he would take her up to the surface again and see to it she made it safely back to her hotel and then disappear from her life forever, but then Druitt appeared with his first through Nikola's gut.
Never gonna find the truth of it
Searching through the end of time
Pain is a part of our history
But tonight just feels all right
I would, I would die for you
In troubled times we'll make it through
I would, I would die for you
Yes you know that I would die for you
Months later he had heard what the Cabal was up to, and went off to the city of his ancestors to aid Helen in her quest for the Source Blood. He did not expect a warm welcome and he had received none. But he had gotten something he had not expected, a look of pure unbridled concern from Helen while completing his task. In the shock of seeing it he had pointed it out and Helen had denied it but her eyes betrayed her, as always. So he had dutifully played his part, the snarky vampire out for his own skin, when all the while he was there just to help and if something came from it for his benefit, he had figured, so be it.
And help he had. He single handedly halted the Lazarus Virus from spreading by making the cure and personally going to disperse it in the affected areas. He made the only weapon that could combat the super-abnormal's. But it had been because of him Helen was able to kill her own daughter. So again, he fled. He had wanted to be there for Helen but, Druitt was there, and he did not wish be around for what looked like a grand reunion and the official destruction of his immortal heart.
I would, I would die for you
In troubled times we'll make it through
I would, I would die for you
In troubled times we'll make it through
I would, I would die for you
Surprisingly that had not been the last time he would see Helen. She had showed up at the clinic he had founded where he was planning to reclaim the place of the Vampires as rulers of the world. It had been just his luck that things had gone awry and some brats had figured it out. As mad as he was about his plans being ruined, he was more concerned about what would happen the brats went up against Helen and her gang. His capture had allowed him the opportunity to get in with the brats, earn their trust, and wait. He'd known Helen long enough to know how her mind worked, and her to know his. As he planned, she showed up with the de-vamper and he had undone his mistake.
But it had also been his undoing.
Tonight just feels alright for me and you
Tonight just feels alright for me and you
Tonight just feels alright for me and you.
So here he sat, on Helen's couch sipping some wine with her. They were talking and even joking a little with each other like the old times. The discovery of his new powers had eased the sadness that had been wrapping its oppressive arms around them, but only slightly. They talked for a long time in which Nikola watched the way her hands held onto her wine glass, the simple elegant beauty of her smile and even allowed himself a quick glance at those gorgeous legs of hers. Finally the conversation lulled and he felt the call of sleep that his now mortal body needed through a hastily covered yawn. Helen smiled at him and suggested that it was time for both of them to retire for the evening. Nikola grinned at her and agreed, rising to their feet Helen began collecting up the bottle and glasses while Nikola made his way to the door.
He wasn't sure what it was that made him pause in the door way and turn back around. Watching her Nikola followed felt the impulse rise within him and he wasn't sure why he acted on it but he suspected it had something to do with the wine he'd been drinking.
"Helen." He spoke softly.
Helen turned around, a small confused smile playing on her lips as she waited to hear to what he had to say.
"I meant what I said in Rome. I love you, I always have. I'm pretty sure that you have never and probably will not ever feel the same way about me. And I could handle that before, but now that I'm this way…" He trailed off then informed her, "When you wake up in the morning, I'll already be gone."
With that he turned and walked out of her office and this time he didn't look back. He left Helen feeling as heartbroken and alone as Nikola had been his entire life.