Disclaimer: I own the story, ABC owns the characters – I just encourage them to live the way they really want to…
Tracy tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable spot. For weeks she had dreamt about returning to her home and her own bed. She had spent too long trying to sneak naps and food, while she figured out a way to circumvent Monica. The evidence of Monica's drinking had been perfect, and the confrontation one for the history books. Tracy had prevailed, Monica had backed down and now Tracy was back where she belonged. Everything should have been perfect and she should have been able to get a proper sleep for the first time in ages. Lord knew her body was tired and she needed the rest. But here she was, tossing and turning.
Around 2 AM, she gave up completely. She hadn't slept a wink and it was starting to wear on her. Tracy decided a bath might be just the thing, so she went into the adjoining bathroom and adjusted the water in her tub. She would never again take a simple thing like a bath for granted, she told herself. For over a month she had had to sneak showers and it hadn't done a thing to improve either her temper or her outlook. She hated being poor – hated being homeless even more. How Monica had the nerve to do that to her in the middle of winter was beyond her. Tracy had done many things in her life, but she had never done anything that had the potential to cause death. And Monica called herself a doctor with an oath to 'Do no harm'…
Tracy caught herself before her thoughts went down that path. She was already having a hard time relaxing. Thinking about Monica and her hatefulness would be counterproductive when all Tracy wanted to do was sleep. As she walked around her bathroom, Tracy lit candles to create her favourite ambience. No matter how tough she had to be in the board room, she allowed herself to be completely feminine in the bedroom and the bathroom. She was lacking the fresh flowers, but she would have Alice remedy that in the morning. With the candlelight flickering on the walls, and the bubble bath ready to receive her, Tracy turned on her favourite radio station and removed her robe. She sunk into the bubbly warmth accompanied by the sound of Chopin.
As the aroma of the bubble bath and the fleeting notes of the composer drifted through her, Tracy felt herself relax. The real world might have seen her for Wagner, but she was Strauss at heart. Slowly the music changed to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, and then moved on to a number from Bizet's Carmen. Just as Mendelssohn was about to come on, a large clap of thunder outside rattled the windows. The storm that had been threatening all evening had arrived with a vengeance. Tracy drifted lower in her bath trying to ignore the outside world. The static on the radio annoyed her, but she refused to get out of the tub. Eventually the station would start broadcasting and would return to the classics.
Another crack of thunder rattled the windows. Suddenly the radio started to broadcast again, but the signals had been crossed. Instead of the classical station Tracy had been enjoying, a jazz station was now filling Tracy's bathroom. For a few moments she entertained the notion of leaving the bath to turn off the radio, but the liquid warmth was too alluring and she decided to relax to the new music. While not her favourite, she certainly didn't disparage jazz. There was an energy about the music that she couldn't help but respect.
Tracy was just enjoying being lulled by the instrumental jazz when another song came on the airwaves. The lyrics startled her and she found she was listening without realizing it. Years with Ned had taught her to recognize some of the greats in music, so it took her very little time to recognize the jazz vocalist. Tracy was not prepared for the lyrics, however…
In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the boy
And never ever think of counting sheep…
Without time to prepare herself, Tracy's thoughts went to Luke. She ached for him. Deep down she knew he was the reason she couldn't sleep. She couldn't rest in their bed without him. It was one thing when he was stuck in the hospital and there hadn't been a choice, but it was altogether different when he was just across town and she could easily have him with her. Was she being too stubborn? Was she really protecting her heart? Was there marriage really over?
In the wee small hours of the morning… how many times had they woken each other at that time, just to cuddle or talk or make love? She coldly told him that sex had nothing to do with marriage, and perhaps it didn't, but it had everything to do with relationship and companionship. In the wee small hours, kissing him, feeling him kiss her… oh how she missed awakening to his hands push the straps of her negligee off her shoulders or pull the hem up past her waist. His hands were so strong and his fingers so talented. Tracy never minded loosing sleep when she was in his arms. There was always something better to do, and the results were much more relaxing than those missed hours of sleep.
Her mind drifted from moment to moment. Luke laughing at something she said. Luke smiling up at her as she walked into the room. Luke giving her that devilish grin she loved so much. Luke opening his arms to her, and encouraging her to 'come to Papa'. She had so many memories of the two of them together.
Just looking around her bathroom she could sense him. She closed her eyes to enjoy the sensations the memories held. Luke walking up behind her and massaging her shoulders as she soaked in the tub. More than a few times he had shampooed her hair while she bathed, rubbing his thumbs over her scalp. He always loved her hair and ran his fingers through it whenever he had the chance. Perhaps that was what drove her to cut it off – the memory of his fingers stroking her head. She had wanted to cleanse every memory of him from her heart and body, so she cut off what he loved. Problem was it didn't do a thing to remove him from her senses. He was everywhere.
He was in the bath with her. Stroking her, and willing her to come with him to worlds of pleasure. No man before him had wanted to make love to her as often as he did. He seemed to worship her body, and loved every nuance and every wrinkle. He was insatiable, and Tracy loved that almost as much as she loved the man himself. He kept pace with her and didn't disparage her for her drive.
You lie awake and think about the boy… oh, if he only knew, Tracy thought to herself. When she hadn't been scrounging for food or rest, she had been thinking about him constantly – thinking about how to get him out of her system. She hadn't been successful, she realized. Looking around the room she could almost see him standing looking down at her, or sitting on the edge of her tub. Sometimes he just wanted to talk to her, asking how her day went like any other loving husband. It wasn't always sexually between them, sometimes it was just about being the best of friends. He loved the way her brain worked and wanted to be a part of everything she did.
Lover…best friend… husband… confidant… She couldn't live without him. She couldn't live with him. She couldn't sleep regardless…
When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You'd be his if only he'd call
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss him most of all.
He did call. She had often looked at the phone and recognized his number. Even when he was calling from another number, she knew it was him. She had always known when he called her. The connection between them was beyond anything she had ever experienced. She knew him in her soul, and he knew her in his soul. Tracy didn't waste time on trivial references like 'soul-mates', but at 2 AM she could acknowledge that that was exactly what they were. She and Luke were two halves to the same whole. Neither of them functioned well without the other. Luke had been putting that into words for weeks… she had been putting that into words during his hospital stay. If they understood that, why couldn't they get beyond his leaving and her feelings of betrayal?
In the wee small hours of the morning
That's the time you miss him most of all.
Tracy couldn't do this anymore. She ached for him in a way she had never ached before. She wanted to be whole again, and Luke was the only one to make her whole. She didn't want to divorce him, she wanted to run her fingers over his body and caress every part of him. She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him how much he completed her. She wanted to tell him again that she wanted to grow old with him. What that would look like, she didn't care. She only knew she wanted to see his face every morning when she awoke and every night when she drifted off to sleep. She didn't want half a life any longer – she wanted her husband back.
Across town a phone rang…
"Get me out of this place, please"
"I thought you were enjoying the attention."
"I only want my wife."
"I'll be there within the hour."
"I love you."
"I love you, too…"