My very first CrossAllen (one sided... but I am still excited!) I am not sure if a lot of people like this pairing... but I quite like it... for some reasons. (Maybe its the pedophilia in it XPbb) I suck at writing Cross so let's see how ruined he turned out to be. D: I don't own anything like usual. XP

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Four in the Morning

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I patiently sat there on his bed and waited. I could hear the ticking of the clock by the bedside table, the slow ticking of it. With every movement of the second hand, I realized that more time has passed.

I reached up and ran a hand through my hair, attempting to loosen up the tension that gathered in my mind. But obviously it didn't work.

He said he would come back.

And I believe him.

Even at 4 in the morning as I sat on his bed, waiting in the soft bed sheets. I was just as content with listening to silence and smelling the scent of him that still lingered on those paper-thin cloths. I took another breath in, the icy cold scent of the dark musty room, it wasn't warm like the way the palm of his hand would always be.

I didn't like to wait; my impatience can sometimes really get the better of me. I tapped a finger steadily on the bed, counting the seconds as if they were my own. One second, two seconds, three seconds, and then four. Slowly and right on cue, the second hand on the clock matched the light thumps of my fingertip against the bed.

Where was he? He didn't tell me, just tossed back the words that he was leaving before he walked out.

What was he doing? I don't know. Maybe drinking his beloved wine or smoking his favorite cigarettes or maybe even kissing ruby red lips of the beautiful young women around.

Flaws, one after the other, that's all he was composed of. Layers after layers of deep dark secrets. He was a terrible man, and to think he worked under God, it made me laugh with a sneer of disbelief. But I trusted him, the slurred stories of the hated Order, I believed him as I hung to each word he spoke. But nothing mattered when he isn't here; it made me restless with a feeling I wasn't quite sure of.

I can definitely guarantee that it wasn't love; maybe lust could be the better word? No, I shake my head, it wasn't that I love him; in fact I doubt that I ever did. I only wanted to see him, its funny and I don't think many would get it. And so I keep to myself, stay silent and never try to explain.

It's for the best anyways.

They would never get it even if I did tell them.

I ran a hand through the thin sheets, hoping to feel his warmth on my skin.

And then the door was opened, quietly. He probably thinks I am asleep; I looked up and listened as his boots padded as gently as he can get on the wooden floorboards. I swung my legs and waited as he turned the corner of the short corridor.

He saw me, tired, small, and trembling in the cold and I saw him, dishevel, messy, and most likely a little drunk.

"Oh, you are still awake." He pointed out obliviously.

I nodded and got up, walking towards him. The stench of wine was stronger than ever, a disgusting mix of womanly perfume and all sorts of cigarette smokes overwhelmed my senses the closer I stepped to him. And then I finally spoke, for the first time in the night.

"You smell bad." The words tasted strange in my mouth.

"No duh." He slurred, words tumbled over another on his tongue. I watched as his licked his dry lips wet, my gaze lingered after him even as he stumbled to the washroom.

I stood by the door and waited as he walked back out, most of his clothes were discarded on to the sink counter, he walked a couple more steps before collapsing on to the bed with as much grace as Cross could have.

I walked into the bathroom and picked up his crumbled clothes, they smelled bad. I tried to prevent direct contact with them but the thick layers he liked to put on were too much for my arms, sometimes I wonder why I am so small for a boy that is already 13 years of age.

I heard the familiar clicking of his lighter, I glanced back, and he lay on the bed, cigarette dangling from his lips as he took another drag. I shook my head lightly before dumping his clothes on to the ground.

I felt his gaze on my back as I sat down, cross-legged next to his clothes. I reached out and held the collar of it as I shook it free of dust. And then I folded them all, one by one, till the last article lay neatly at the top of the pile. A gentle smile of satisfaction over came my lips and they curved in delight.

"Why do you always do that?" He asked, half out of curiosity and half out of habit as he peered at me from the bed.

I gave a shrug and I stood up, dusting my pants off I replied. "It's a habit."

"Guess I picked up a stupid one…" He mumbled, I crawled on to the bed and lay down next to him. I could hear his breathing and from the corner of my eyes I could see the gentle rising of his chest as he took in each breath.

Together we watched the smoke from his cigarette float around us before dispersing into the air.

I took a deep breath of the hazy air; it always seemed to soothe me. He was back, and he was fine. I felt my eyelids droop and slowly, with his reassuring figure beside me I drifted off to sleep, the restless feeling tossed to the back of my mind.

I felt his skin touch mine's. A gentle gasp and then a tighter hold, it made me light up with a spark that seemed to have came out from within me. Urgent kisses on heated skin, each touch of his icy cold fingertips would burn my flesh with such intensity as if it was all a punishment for the sins that I've committed.

I opened my eyes, clearing away the visions in my head. I don't dare to whisper out loud for the sake that his slump body beside mine's will hear.

I turned over in my apparent sleep, I could feel him breathing on me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up but I don't move away. I liked the way his body radiated with a light warmth. I smiled despite feeling the guilt, remorse, and shame that could have easily eaten me up.

I hear a shift on the bed and from the corner of my eye; I see his arm swinging at my way. I clenched my eyes shut in concentration and waited for the impact. But surprisingly what I felt was just a gentle thud as his heavy arm landed on my hip, his fingertips grazed across my bare stomach with my shirt hiked up to my chest from the tossing and turning of my sleep.

He doesn't know what effect he has on me, but I am glad that he is asleep and drunk. I like to keep it this way, my thoughts are kept to myself only and he needed to stay with his wine and women with too strong of a stench they called perfume.

The familiar smell of alcohol and cigarettes waft to my nose as he shifted on the bed again, he was holding me closer against his chest. I felt my heart speed up, hammering against my rib cage, banging and thumping in a voice that begged and screamed to be released. But I swallowed, suddenly finding my mouth to be very dry. My face was kept under control; it was a calm and relaxed expression, void of any extra emotions that could have easily given me away. I took in another shuddering breath before I began to chant myself to sleep.

I was half way through when he flopped over again and released me from his arms; I breathed a sigh of relief. And just when I thought I could finally go to sleep, he uttered something half in a daze of awake and half still asleep.

"Why was your heart beat so loud?"

It was enough to stop me in mid-turn.

"It woke me up…" He scratched the back of his head in a lazy manner, I could hear his fingernails dragging on the surface of his scalp.

I closed my eyes tightly, squeezing them shut almost to a point of painful as I pretended to be asleep. I murmured something that resembled a 'What?' before brushing aside his innocent question that sent my mind falling into the dark, tossing a pillow over my face; I buried my burning cheeks into the fresh white coverings of the pillow.

Oh God, how embarrassing.

Apparently he was through with sleep as I felt his body shift on the bed, I felt a dip at the edge before his weight completely disappeared off the bed. I heard the bathroom door open with his unsteady footsteps marking the wooden boards that creaked beneath him.

The door closed and the shower started. I sat up, as if I just woke up from a nightmare of Mana (they ended a few months ago, but I haven't told Cross yet.) Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rearranged the messy white strands that fell to my eyes; I made myself more presentable and waited in silence.

It took so much shorter before the water was shut off, a few more minutes and the door was opened. He stood there, red hair dripping in warm water, Cross liked his luxuries. I watched the clear water gliding down his chest, the exact same way as tears would fall. But I never seen him cry and neither did I want to, he was too strong to get caught up in childish tactics like shedding tears.

I blinked to clear away my pointless thoughts; his back was turned to me as he rummaged through his things for clean clothes, (I doubt he could find any though.)

My eyes wandered to the slight curve of his back, the way his spine would curve all the way down. The water glistened as sun light peeked in from a crack in the thin curtains, the water ran along his muscles before falling all the way down only to be soaked up by the towel tied around his hips.

"Brat." I looked up, knowing too well that he was talking to me.

And then he turned around and asked; yesterday's dirty clothes in his hands, although this time it was a pile of neatly folded dirty clothes. "Were you having nightmares again?"

I nodded almost mechanically after a pause of hesitation, like all the previous mornings when he asked me the exact question. I gave him an identical answer.

As always he just nodded and walked into the bathroom again.

His cruel ways are the gentlest ways that he could handle me with.

I love Mana, at this I laid back down, the white bed sheets were still tangled among my legs. I respect Cross, to a certain degree of course, I kicked at the sheets but they clung to my skin, I gave up after the third kick.

The subject of my lust.

I lay there on the bed, motionless this time, annoyance flickering in my irises and I muttered, voice confident and sure, I don't love Cross.

The door was opened again and he walked out. I could clearly feel that he was looking around the room. After a few moments I decided to offer, after three scans of his eyes across of my bare stomach was enough, even for me.

"Hat, corridor, glasses, table, mask, chair."

And then he shuffled his bare feet around the room, gathering the things he was just looking for. I rolled my eyes at the ceiling as I felt the bed soaking in my limbs, I felt like I was sinking into the warm quilt like how I would in quicksand. The sun cast shadows on my body and I could still feel the sheets that stuck to me like a second skin. I reached out and yanked at one that lay crumbled by my side.

They no longer smelled icy and cold, now they smelled warm and musty, too much like a human, I didn't pull it any closer around my shoulders. I steadily took in each breath, breathe in then out, and then repeat.

I chanted it in my head, reminding myself that I could breath.

In and out, in and then out, one breath at a time, I can handle it.

Breathe in, and then release.

"What the hell are you doing?" His deep voice mellowed out the chants to the back of my mind; I calmly took another breath before replying.

"Breathing."

He didn't even give me another look; I smiled as he picked up his pack of cigarettes.

"I got business to take care of," he tossed back at me; I turned over and stared at his sideways back before replying. "Okay."

I closed my eyes and listened for the opening of the room. It didn't come for a long time and I opened an eye to peer at him, he was still standing there, staring back at me with a frown on his face.

I finally spoke with a voice that sounded quite hoarse even in my own ears. "What?"

He didn't give me a reply immediately; he took a pause, looked at my face, stared hard into my eyes before opening his lips to speak.

"Get some sleep, you got three hours." I thought he would leave then but he added, voice laced with reluctance. After he said it, I realized that it probably took a lot for him to say something like that.

"And pull the covers over yourself, I am going to leave you behind if you get sick."

"Stupid apprentice…" He muttered, and I knew he was done.

The door opened and closed, his footsteps sounded out in the hall. I blinked before pulling the covers up to my chin, smelling the faint aroma of alcohol and cigarettes that my master left behind.

XXX Kuro

Mmm... Allen is either in denial or he got a pretty intense obsession. (Neither of which are not good at all...) But I think I made Cross too much of a nice guy... DD: (But after reading the newest chapter, I know he is capable though XD) Allen may seem a little OCC too... XP Anyways, my first CrossAllen (one-sided but Cross won't mind "trying" ne? XD), review?