Mortanius groaned. The pile of paperwork on his desk just kept getting bigger. Every day he would come to this dreary office, every day for centuries on end. And what was his reward for getting up at seven in the morning? What was his reward for plodding through the morning cold? More bloody paperwork to fill in. Being the protector of the pillar of death was, as jobs go, right down there with suicide pill testers.
"At least suicide pill testers get put out of their misery," muttered Mortanius, interrupting the narrative, "and when they die, who has to fill out all of the bloody paperwork?" he asked a slightly bemused author. Being in this office again was bad enough, but being a sorcerer powerful enough to hear the depressing descriptions of himself in the story narrative, only fuelled his decaying mood. Even writers are not aware of the full capabilities of circle members.
Mortanius ignored the ramblings of the
gibbering author, and turned away from the tower of paper on his desk, to the
window that provided a view of Nosgoth, at the back of his office. This
was only slightly less depressing. When his gaze scanned across the rural
beauty of Nosgoth, it was interrupted by the same landmarks rising from the
grassy planes. Nupraptor's Retreat. Malek's Bastion.
Avernus. The Pillars. Mortanius acknowledged that they were
indeed fascinating structures, and he saw the beauty in their originality and
design. But, he resented what they represented. His fellow circle
members all lived in luxury, and they had their own fortresses.
"Their own bloody fortresses!" he loudly
proclaimed to his empty office, still keeping his gaze through the window. The
office did not reply.
Mortanius had always
kept this jealousy to himself, but it burned inside of him. What do
they have? he thought. Azimuth has got a bleedin' big church,
Ariel's got the Pillars, Malek's got a bloody big bastion, and as for the
protector of the pillar of the mind, he has a massive skull on a rockface with
balconies in it's eyes, and a waterfall through it's mouth!! You have
to admit, that while owning a large church is extravagant to the point of
showing off, Nupraptor building and inhabiting such an intimidating structure is
just taking the piss. Well that was how poor Mortanius saw it anyway.
He continued along his stream of
thought. Bane and Dejoule have got castles somewhere to the East,
Anacrothe has a castle in the south, and as for Moebius, that manipulative
little git, he has got his own industrial-strength time machine, and some nice
land in Nosgoth's mountainous territory. And then he asked himself the
question.
"What have I got?" he asked aloud
to an empty room. Since no answer was coming, he provided his own.
"Nothing, that's what. I have crappy rented office, a cheap house, and a
hard job. It's not fair!" he proclaimed, and just as this author thought
he was about to stop proclaiming, he proclaimed some more.
"Do any of those fools actually know what
work is?! They do nothing, but revel in there power. Bastards.
I mean, who is it who has to fill in the paperwork every time someone
dies? Who has to sign endless forms and make sure that no souls are going
to early, and that none are passing on to late? Who? ME!!" he shouted, for
he was an angry man. All the stress of work would build up, and he would
release it alone, by shouting at his office. Funny, really.
"It isn't bloody funny, you mortal sod! he
screeched.
He then pondered why life was so unjust to the
protector of death. He knew, he knew all along, but acknowledging this
made it all the more unfair. It was because of his morals. The other
pillar protectors used their powers to gain profit, prestige and power.
Nupraptor was always known to charge through-the-roof prices for a hearing, and
Azimuth became the Matriarch of Avernus for protecting them from harm.
Mortanius didn't think like that. He knew his job, and he would do
it. He wouldn't use people, he protected them. He made sure that
they all had a trouble-free journey to the next existence, and he would never
let a single person down. He was a good guy alright, no doubt about
it. A good, but woefully sad guy.
Awwww.
Mortanius worked from nine till five every day
except for Sundays. At five o'clock, it was time to go home. Mortanius
left his office, locked up behind him, and walked the path home.
He and his wife lived in Uschtenheim, which
was quite a walk from his office in Willendorf. These walks were always a
good thing though, as they gave Mortanius a chance to calm down before he got
home. Unfortunately, it was raining. And he stepped in cow
shit. Twice.
Mortanius knew that if
there was a heaven, that cow wouldn't be going there. He would see to it.
"KNOCK! KNOCK!" shouted Mortanius. They
had an expensive door, and his wife insisted that he not knock on it, since it
might get damaged.
"....." went the
wife.
"KNOCK!! KNOCK!!" he yelled
again. The wife replied.
"Hold on
Frank, I'm coming." and she did. The door was carefully opened and a
soaking wet Mortanius stepped in from the cold. He expected some caring
response from his wife, some sympathy and compassion that had been sorely
missing from his day. Here it comes he thought.
"How...OMIGOD!! FRANK!! You're treading
cow mess all over the floor!! From both feet!! Get out and wipe it
off!! These are new carpets Frank!!" she shouted to him, while shoving him
back out into the rain.
[Now, to avoid confusion, it must be pointed out that 'Mortanius' is the sorcerer equivalent of a stage name. His real name is Frank. Don't snigger like that. It's just his name]
Mortanius (or Frank....snigger) didn't bother
to yell 'KNOCK KNOCK' again. His wife was a bitch and he knew it. He
just never accepted it until now. Out there, in the rain with feet full of
shit, a moment of realisation hit him. Enough was enough!
Mortanius clicked his fingers, and vanished.
Edith (for that was the name of the wife) waited for her grovelling husband to yell 'KNOCK KNOCK' again. She would slap him when she opened the door for ruining her new carpet. There was no yell...
Around Mortanius, the house, the road, and the
street twisted and turned, and shifted colours to a spectrum of blues and
greens. Mortanius looked around.
"Not bad." he said, since that was the first time he had used his powers in
centuries. He had not needed them since he got his office. He looked
around, and remembered the comfort of being in the spectral realm. A nice
quiet place. He had not visited it for hundreds of years. He
considered that using his powers for anything other than his job was selfish and
irresponsible, but he didn't care, not anymore. He was going to start
living again.
"This is the start of a new beginning." he
said. Then, someone tapped him on his shoulder. Mortanius turned
around.
"Hello. I'm Hash'ak'gik." it
said.
"Hello." Replied Mortanius, looking up
at it.
"I'm going to possess you now." it
politely said.
"Oh Shi..."
The End