Title: One is Not Enough

Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes. I'm just playing in their world for a little bit.
Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, tragedy
Rating: T, nothing worse than anything in the show.
Pairings: None specifically outside canon. It ain't a romance, folks.
Characters: Sylar, Peter
WARNINGS: Spoilers through the season 4 finale. Takes place after the episode "Brave New World." Character death.
Summary: Sylar only saved one person, but it was enough. He didn't realize how special saving just one person could be.

A/N: This chapter is more background / character study, so bear with me. Next chapter will be better, I promise.

The time spent in his nightmare world served to finally integrate Sylar and Gabriel into one personality. It wasn't as if he had been schizophrenic before, but he learned to stop pretending he was either one or the other. For the first time, he felt as if introducing himself as Gabriel Sylar would be appropriate. The first time he had used it, with Brian Davis, it had been impulsive. He hadn't known then what would happen minutes later. How he would feel the need to distance who he had been from the murderer he had become. Separate the names, separate the personalities.

It had all been an act. He knew who he was. He knew he was a monster. But he also knew he was still Gabriel, somewhere deep inside his heart. Subconsciously, he hid the Gabriel side of him in an effort to protect himself, to not look too closely into the face of the monster.

Gabriel wanted to be special. Sylar's hunger was the dark manifestation of that same desire. Sylar could give both sides what they wanted, but made excuses for his kills to preserve the illusion that innocent Gabriel still existed. Call it an evolutionary imperative, blame it on the hunger, claim that his victims were unworthy and unappreciative of their powers, refuse to admit to himself that he was a serial killer, a psychopath.

He couldn't lie to himself forever though. With everything he'd gone through, it was no wonder he started falling apart from the inside.

After returning to his body and fighting Nathan for control, the truth of his predicament finally started to sink in. Watching Peter struggle to keep his brother alive, even in the body of his enemy, made Sylar wish he had someone to fight for him too. No one cared about him enough to be on his side. They all wanted him dead, gone, suppressed. He buried this realization with Gabriel so he wouldn't have to look any deeper into that train of thought.

But it haunted him just the same, recalling Hiro's prediction that he would die alone, unloved, un-mourned. He tried to dismiss it. Tried to reason that Hiro had been referring to when the shapeshifter James Martin had been burned in his place. Hiro wouldn't have known that his body had been forced into believing he was Nathan. He could see it in Nathan's memories, knew that only three people there that night had known that Nathan was dead, and even those three had thought Sylar was erased forever. It was disconcerting, watching his doppelganger burn. Sad, that Hiro spoke the truth in that context. They had thought him dead, but none of them mourned. They didn't have a party to celebrate, but they weren't sad either. Merely relieved that it was over, as hard as it was to believe.

But he was alive. He had his body back. Hiro's prediction didn't have to come true a second time. The future was not set in stone. He tried to hide from his thoughts, from the hopes and fears he pretended belonged only to Gabriel. But it seeped through, preventing him from killing, breaking apart the mask that was Sylar.

Trapped in the nightmare, he was forced to recognize Gabriel again. Sylar was nothing without his powers, his prey, his enemies. Alone, he had to let Gabriel out to preserve his sanity. There was nothing special about being the only living thing in an empty city. Both his assumed personalities feared the solitude, but blended together they could cope. Focus on watchmaking to pass the time. He didn't know what happened, and he didn't know how to get out, but eventually he came to accept the situation. After all he had done as Sylar, he probably deserved it.

Peter's arrival shook him. After three years living out his worst nightmare, had he finally lost it? His presence took some getting used to. He was both desperate for company and afraid of what it would mean if Peter was only a figment of his imagination. He didn't really entertain the hope of getting out anymore. Just one person other than himself to talk to would be enough, even if that person hated him for who he'd been. But then he accepted Peter's presence and the hope of redemption the man offered with his insistence that he needed Sylar to help save someone. It was a chance to be special again, in a way that would not require him to pretend he was either Gabriel or Sylar and never both. Instead, it called for both Sylar's powers and Gabriel's goodness. He began to believe in hope again.

That was when the wall appeared. More years passed trying to take it down, until Sylar realized Peter was afraid of letting him out of his mental prison. The realization nearly crushed Sylar. How could Peter not realize that he wasn't that Sylar anymore, after all this time? The wall finally cracked when Peter admitted to himself that he had indeed seen the change in Sylar. Funny how that works.

He doesn't make a big deal about the name anymore. Gabriel Sylar, Gabriel Gray, Sylar, whichever people are most comfortable with or used to is fine by him. Most still call him Sylar, but they stop saying it with disgust when they begin to accept him, forgive him, recognize how he's changed.

Sylar knows saving Emma couldn't possibly atone for the dozens he's killed, the pain he's caused. But the experience was enlightening. For the first time, he felt truly special and deserving of the title he had long coveted. He can't imagine becoming as self-sacrificing as Peter the Boy Scout, but being a part-time hero he can do. He's still the strongest and most special of them all. He'd help the other heroes when they need him, when they ask nicely. And he'd slowly earn his redemption while staying true to his nature, true to this combination of kind-hearted Gabriel and confident Sylar he'd become. Maybe by the time the world gets used to the presence of specials and all the media hype dies down, Claire will accept his apologies. If his time in the nightmare is anything to go by, he'd much rather face eternity with a friend, and feels sure she'd come to feel the same. Mortal friends would inevitably die, and after enough deaths, he'd feel just as alone in a sea of humanity as he had in the nightmare. "Friends" is all he dares hope to expect from Claire, although after a hundred years or so, their age difference won't seem so great anymore. But they'd deal with that when the time comes, if she ever forgives him. He just never thought he'd run out of time so soon.

A/N: Next chapter's written differently. And we finally get to Peter!