Hey guys! As written in my profile, I was the original creator of the LOZ bachelor/bachelorette series on the forums. If any of you were on there, my screen name was Mrs. Dragmire. Some of my fans have copied my stories almost word for word and submitted them to this website. I am here to take back my throne! So without further ranting, I bring to you…The Legend of Zelda: Bachelorette Ordon Smack down.

"Greetings everyone! I am your host and task giver. You may call me Vaati's Servant or VS for short." I bow to everyone and introduce the participants. "Our 10 lucky contestants are: Link, Darunia, Mido, Ganondorf, Zant, Vaati, Shad, Dark Link, Tingle, and, last but not least, Telma."

"Telma!" Exclaimed the other contestants. "Telma, I thought you were in love with Renado?" asked Shad. "Well, honey," Telma began, "I go both ways." She winked at the crowd and they stared at her with a stunned expression on their faces. I walked over by the curtain and stood there.

"Now, I would like to introduce our bachelorette…Ilia!" I removed the curtain to reveal Ilia waving to the crowd. She was dressed in her usual everyday attire, except her hair had a barrette in it. She walked over to everyone and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you all!"

"Holy crap! Ilia, you're the bachelorette?" An astonished Link asked.

"Geez, Link, you must be blind and deaf."

"Shut up, Vaati!" Link exclaimed.

"Ladies, please stop fighting." I said as the others snickered, "You all need to focus on the task at hand. I will give you a challenge later, but for now, let's go see where you all will be staying!" I waved my hand for them to follow me down the path to the other side of Ordon Village. Link and Vaati scowled under their breaths for what I had called them and, reluctantly, followed the group. We came up to a large ranch and I turned around to the group. "For now on, this will be your new home."

"Whoa, when was this built?" asked Ilia.

"Two days ago…" I replied. "But anyways, you will all be sharing this house and I expect all of you to be respectful of each other. Any questions?"

"I have one," said Mido, "How did Ganondorf get released from the Sacred Realm?"

Everyone turned around and looked at Ganondorf, who was setting the goats on fire. "What?" He asked, "I was let out early for good behavior." They turned and looked at each other and then to me. I shrugged and said, "What can I say? The Goddesses are on crack." Everyone, except for Ganondorf, nodded their head in agreement. Ganondorf scowled and, this time, set a cow on fire. "Poor cow." Said Dark Link and he took off his hat and held it over his chest.

"Well," Zant began, "look on the bright side, at least we get to have hamburgers tonight!" Everyone nodded their head and cheered. "I can't eat the cow." Said Tingle, "I am a virgin."

"Vegetarian." Darunia corrected. "But yeah…I can see why you're still a virgin."

"Well, his looks give it away." Said Link.

"Look who's talking. You two are practically dressed alike." Vaati sneered.

"Says the guy who looks like a girl." Shad said, stunning everyone with his words. "Wow, Shad, I didn't know you had it in you." Said Ilia. Shad replied, "Sorry, I have Turrets."

"Okay, let's go inside and you guys can check out your new home." I said as I opened the door. They walked inside and looked around. Then they went upstairs and noticed that some of the doors had two names on each of them. "These," I began, "are your rooms. You will each have a roommate. Don't worry, guys, there are two beds in each room."

"Oh hell no! I am not rooming with him!" Link shouted.

"I am not looking forward to this either, Linky Poo." Vaati scowled.

"Cool, I get to room with a rock!" Mido exclaimed.

"Watch it, kid." Darunia warned and clenched his fists.

"Alright, guys, get some sleep because your first challenge starts tomorrow. Until then," I said as I turned towards the camera, "tune in next time for our next episode of The Bachelorette!"