Disclaimer - I own nothing... just my thoughts.
A/N: This is the first fic I'll ever post anywhere. I'm kinda nervous. ^-^; Don't expect anything special!!! And sorry if there are errors with the grammar or spelling or anything else.
Pain of the Eternal Calm
She never would have thought that the utter state of peace the world had for so long desired could be so painful, so devastating for her. But here she was, sitting by the beach of a paradise-like island, facing the truth that was eating her inside.
Being alone was what she had always been afraid of, yet it was how she always ended up. Things would have been a lot easier if she at least had someone to blame for it, but she had to admit that she was always the one to pull herself into isolation, away from people who she didn't necessarily need to be with. It was her way of ensuring that she would never lose anyone, that she would never be abandoned. If she pushed people away from her first, they could never leave her behind, for she was already a step ahead of them.
Heaving a heavy sigh off her chest she closed her eyes, letting her toes sink deeper into the sand as the dimmed sun did the same ahead of her, sinking deeper and deeper into the darkening ocean. Peace and calm was a dreadful thing.
Even if she had always isolated herself quite succesfully, somewhere along the way she had grown attached to people. The concept of a friend had always been strange for her, yet somehow people carrying that title had appeared into her life. And although she almost hated to admit it, it felt really good having them nearby.
But such good feelings were never a good sign, she decided, because good feelings and pleasant things had been created to cause addiction. And just like that, she had grown downright dependent on other people, she had grown attached. She had started to care. She had become someone she had always tried not to become.
Along the life that she wasn't allowed to spend alone anymore appeared betrayal and then everything was stolen away. And for the first time during the life she clearly remembered, she was left alone against her will. She was abandoned, betrayed, isolated. The people she had grown to actually love were pulled out of her grasp, and she didn't know who to blame. It was clear that the separation had been caused by three bullets in the back by a traitorous friend, but things went deeper than that. She wanted to find out the truth and forgive, to gain back the wonderful days spent in the company of the people now so dear to her, but fear kept her at bay. She didn't want to face them. She was too afraid.
So she had set out silently to find out what had happened and had traveled upon meeting new people, getting to know them, and slowly, despite the attempts to push them away she had grown attached once more. She had friends again, for there was no way someone could not befriend such bouncy people who radiated love and happiness all around them like small, bright suns. And with those friends she had found the old ones as well, she had forgiven, she had brightened and opened up again to be how she used to be with her first friends ever.
They had fought together through difficult times. There was danger everywhere, conflicts and drama she had never wanted to face, never imagined she could face. Too many enemies to encounter, too many tragedies to pry out of the hands of time, too many restless ghosts to put back to sleep.
And then, all of a sudden, it was over. The peace descended.
And her slow suffering began.
Without realizing, during those hectic years of fighting for her life, she had forgotten to really protect it, or at least the things that should have filled it. All of the people who had stood by her side during the hard times the world had went through... all of them had lives to go back to, things to move on with.
But her; she had put her sole existence into seeking answers. And now that she had those answers... what was left?? With horror she had also noted, that she had nothing in common with the people she had grown to love, nothing aside from the will to fight. And now that fighting wasn't needed anymore and everyone went back to do what they did with their lives, she had nothing she could go back to. She had nothing or no one to move on with. And as her friends started taking back their lives, she was left alone. She wasn't, after all, a part of those lives.
A cool breeze made it's way across the sea, sinking its soft breath into her short hair and caressing the lines of her face in a calming grasp. She closed her eyes, trying to decide where to go. She wouldn't stay here and be a burden for those she cared about. She wasn't important in their peaceful lives, she was just a fighter, a comrade. She shouldn't stay there to mess things up in the calm, she should just leave and find her own life, her own place in this world.
The world felt way too small as she wondered what would be the farthest place from here, the place no one ever wanted to visit. Isolation was something she needed in ordder to get herself over things. It would hurt, as it already did, but the pain would help her heal faster.
Her plans of escape were interrupted as a pair of strong arms were slung around her shoulders in a carelessly greeting manner. A familiar form plopped down to sit next to her, a wide smile spread against his radiant face.
"What's up?" he asked happily, his whole being sending waves of positivity to the world around him. A single, swirly green eye examined her, the other out of the pair hidden under a dark eye patch. She averted her gaze from his as she tried to force her mind off the horrible memories of how the other had come to lose his eye.
"Nothing. I'm just thinking", she replied quickly, knowing that if he got no answer, things would gradually get worse than they would if she did give a reply. He wouldn't pry too much, but he would make his own conclusions. And honestly, his imagination was way too wild for his own, or anyone else's, good.
The man beside her shifted a little at the hurried reply, his cheery gaze taking up a tint of other feelings on the side. Lips curling into a compassionate smile, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her closer to his side.
"I'm not completely oblivious although I might look like it", he said, his voice coming out as a low whisper which surprised her a little. He rested the side of his head against hers, casually tightening his hold around her shoulders. "You don't need to keep doing this to yourself. It's pointless."
"Doing what?" she inquired quickly, raising her eyebrows and trying to convince herself that he wasn't currently staring right through each of her emotional masks and shells. He gave a throaty laugh at her question, rocking her with himself from side to side a little as he kept chuckling slightly, his tone comforting and assuring her of something she didn't quite catch just yet.
"You can't fool me", he told her, a smile edged into his voice. "But I won't force you to say it, either. We all have our ways of coping, but Dr.P, your way isn't healthy. You're letting yourself live in a delusional world. Just accept that you're not the only one who gives out love. We all love you, too."
She wasn't sure what to say, if she even was able to speak at the moment, so she just kept listening as his soft murmurs went on. "Even if you can't find your own place at the moment, it doesn't mean we'll push you out of our lives. Your place is by our side."
"Even if that's true, where should I live, what should I do? I'll just be a burden for everyone I try to be with because I don't have anything to occupy myself with, it's better I go away", she cut in, her feelings and fear slipping through into her words before she could even try to stop them. He squeezed her harder.
"No way. You'll just break our hearts if you go away. We love you, silly. We really do", he told her, the soft smile never leaving his face. "Besides, if you want to make yourself useful, I could always use a hand with my business. Besides, you've always been exceptionally skilled with machines. So whadd'ya say, care to help me out while we look for your place??"
She lifted her gaze to him, red eyes meeting his excited and energy-filled one as a grin was edged deeper onto his features than ever before. And despite her efforts to stay calm and cool, to keep on her masks, she found a smile on her face too.
"I guess I could try that", she admitted softly and received a hearty laugh and a warm embrace from her dear friend which she found herself returning. She felt like he was her saviour, someone who had pulled her out of the loneliness in the deep peace surrounding them, the loneliness in her heart that would've swallowed her without his blessed presence. And she couldn't keep her smile from widening all the more, as she heard another soft string of words muttered against the bare skin of her shoulder;
"See? With me, the eternal calm won't have to be such a lonely state after all."
A/N: Ahhh.... I don't know why I'm so nervous. No one's probably even going to read this!! *o*;; I hope that if you are there, reading this... you would let me know of your existence and maybe... tell me what you thought...? So please review!! And thanks for reading.