Previously on Friends:
Ross: Rachel Greene…will you marry me?
Ross opens the box, to reveal his grandmother's engagement ring. Rachel sobs as she nods her head.
Rachel: Yes! Yes I will!
Ross stands up, and slides the ring onto Rachel's finger. Rachel hugs Ross.
Ross (whispering): I love you, Rachel.
Rachel (whispering): I love you too, Ross.
Rachel leans back and kisses Ross passionately. Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica and Chandler are asleep in bed. Chandler wakes up as his phone starts to beep, and checks the screen to see a text message from Ross that reads "Cover your ears!" Monica's cell phone rings.
Monica (sleepily): Hello?
Rachel screams from the other end.
Rachel: WE'RE ENGAGED!
Monica: Oh my god!
Monica starts screaming. Scene shifts to Central Perk. Rachel is screaming into her phone. Ross is standing nearby, ears covered. Ross looks down to see a text message from Chandler that reads "Thanks a lot!" Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Chandler and Mike are sitting in the chairs at the end table.
Rachel: I can't believe we're finally engaged!
Phoebe: I know; this is so exciting! My lobsters are finally getting married!
Ross: Again.
Rachel hits Ross.
Rachel: Be quiet! I'm not counting that Vegas wedding, & neither should you!
Ross: Okay, okay! I won't count it.
Chandler: You DO know which name to say this time, right?
Ross (sarcastically): No, Chandler. Why don't you coach me a little, so I make sure I get it right this time?
Chandler: Start by repeating after me: Rachel, Rachel, Rachel…
Ross: Mon?
Monica throws a muffin at Chandler.
Chandler and Mike: Hey!
Ross: Thanks.
Mike: Don't get me in the middle of this, I didn't do anything!
Phoebe: You got me knocked up with this parasite. You're guilty of that.
Monica: Hey, so did Chandler! You wanna hit them?
Phoebe: Ooh! Let's do that!
Chandler: Uh, Mike? You wanna start running right now?
Mike: Great idea.
Chandler and Mike run out the door, Monica and Phoebe behind them.
Rachel: And I was gonna ask her to help me plan the wedding.
Enter Monica.
Monica: I can do that!
Ross: Do you have dog ears, or something?
Rachel: And what happened to beating on Chandler?
Monica: Phoebe can do that for me. Planning! Let's get started!
Ross: Uh, Mon, you ARE aware we haven't even set a date yet, right?
Monica: Uh huh. This is why I did all the work for you. Take a look!
Monica pulls out a binder from behind a pillow.
Ross: Do you keep these things stashed around the coffee shop, or something?
Monica: Hey, you don't know when a good, organized, color coded plan is gonna be needed!
Ross looks at Rachel.
Ross: You wanna tell her, or should I?
Monica: Tell me what?
Rachel: We kinda…went with another wedding planner.
Monica: Yeah. Me! See? I have my plans already color-coded!
Rachel: No, Mon. A PROFESSIONAL planner.
Monica frowns.
Monica: Oh. Well, if that's the way you two want it…
Monica closes the binder, stands up, and walks out. Rachel turns to Ross.
Rachel: She took it better than I expected.
Ross: I don't think we're done with her yet.
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking through wedding brochures. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hey, guys.
Ross and Rachel (distractedly): Hey.
Annette: Is there a reason why Mike and Chandler are sitting on the fire escape, refusing to come down?
Rachel: Monica and Phoebe. (to Ross) Oh, honey! How about this one?
Ross looks at the pamphlet Rachel shows him, and then glares at her.
Ross: Only if you can live with Emma going to a community college, or riding on a scholarship.
Rachel: It's not that expensive!
Ross: Rachel, if we owned a house, we'd be refinancing it to be able to afford that wedding!
Annette: Hey, why not ask Mo-
Rachel: Don't even say it! She's been lurking nearby for the last hour, waiting for Ross and me to say she can plan the wedding.
Annette: So why don't you let her?
Ross: Would YOU want her micro-managing your wedding?
A pause.
Annette: Point made.
Ross smiles.
Rachel: Honey, how about this one?
Ross: Is this guy charging by the hour, or by the wedding?
Rachel: Wedding, I think. Why?
Ross: Look at the price! What's he doing, booking Gracie Manor?
Rachel points to a line. Ross leans in to read it.
Ross: Oh wow, he IS booking Gracie Manor!
Annette: Have you guys seen or talked to Joey today?
Rachel: No. Last time we checked the refrigerator, it was full. So we know he hasn't been over here today.
Annette: Dammit, where is he?
Ross: Why?
Annette: Because I need to talk to him.
Ross: Oh, you mean about you confessing your love for him?
Annette glares at Rachel.
Annette: You really can't keep a secret, can you?
Ross: Uh, actually, Joey told me.
Annette: HE can't keep a secret, can he? Soon as I find him, I'm gonna kiss him, and then KILL him!
Ross: He'll die happy.
Annette walks for the door.
Annette: Don't wait up.
Ross and Rachel (distractedly): Have fun.
Annette leaves. Rachel looks at Ross.
Rachel: You think we should call Joey and warn him?
Ross: Nah. He'll do fine on his own. Hey, how about this one?
Rachel looks at the pamphlet, and glares at Ross.
Rachel: A chapel wedding?
Ross: It's traditional!
Rachel: It's cheap!
Ross: Maybe we should let Mon-
Rachel: Finish that sentence, and you won't be getting any for a MONTH.
Ross closes his mouth. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch, bouncing Jack and Erica on his knees. Enter Monica.
Monica: THERE you are!
Chandler stands up.
Chandler: Back off, woman! I have babies, and I'm not afraid to use them!
Monica: I have a parasite in my belly, and pregnancy hormones!
Chandler: I have dirty diapers!
A pause.
Monica: Truce?
Chandler: Truce.
Monica nods. Chandler sits down with the twins.
Chandler: What're you doing home? I thought you were trying to convince Rachel and Ross to let you plan the wedding.
Monica: Nah, that got old and boring. I'd much rather be at home with my loving family.
Chandler: They still won't let you do it, huh?
Monica (whining): No…I really wanna plan this too, Chandler!
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Because it's ROSS and RACHEL. I've had their wedding in my mind since he was a stuttering goof around her.
Chandler: Speaking of stuttering goofs, have you seen Joey at all today?
Monica: No, why?
Chandler: Annette's been calling, looking for him.
Monica: Oh. Nope, haven't seen him. But enough about Johnny…
Chandler: Joey.
Monica: That's what I said. Anyway, help me plot ways to get Ross and Rachel to agree to let me plan their wedding.
Chandler: What? No!
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because it's their wedding, & they can do it themselves.
Monica: Listen, mister, you better help me plan this, or you're-
Monica takes Jack, sets him next to Erica, and turns back to Chandler.
Monica: -gonna be in a lot of trouble!
Chandler: Ooh, I'm SO scared.
Monica: Chandler, two words: pregnancy hormones.
A pause.
Chandler: So, when did you wanna start planning?
Monica: I knew you'd see things my way.
Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is standing by the stove, cooking dinner. Enter Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Annette: Joey!
Annette hugs Joey.
Annette: Oh my god, where have you been all day?
Joey: Over at Alex's, fixing her sink.
Annette: Why didn't you call me?
Joey: I did call! I even left a message on the machine.
Annette: Going "beep beep beep beep" into the machine is NOT leaving a message.
Joey: It was code.
Annette: Code for what? The robot upstairs?
Joey gasps.
Joey: How do you know about Robby?
Annette stares at Joey.
Annette: I feel like I'm losing brain cells for every second I spend in this conversation.
Enter Rachel.
Rachel: I need a man!
Joey: How YOU doin?
Rachel: Oh, good. Joey's here.
Rachel begins beating on Joey.
Joey: Ow! What're you doing?
Rachel: I need a man to beat on.
Joey: So go beat on Ross!
Rachel: I can't, Emma's still awake.
Joey: Annette, help!
Annette: Okay.
Annette proceeds to beat on Joey with Rachel.
Joey: Not what I meant!
Annette: Then be specific next time!
Joey: You two are crazy! I'm getting out of here!
Joey runs out the door. Annette turns to Rachel.
Annette: Well, that was fun. We should do it more often.
Rachel: Maybe when you and Joey start planning your wedding.
Annette: From your mouth to God's ear.
Rachel laughs. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Chandler is sitting in the armchair. Mike is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter.
Monica: I'm hot.
Phoebe: I'm thirsty.
Mike and Chandler jump up, and run for the counter. Rachel looks at Monica and Phoebe.
Rachel: How long are you gonna make them jump for your things?
Phoebe: Until it stops being fun.
Rachel: So about ten years after the kids leave for college?
Monica: I was thinking fifteen years.
Rachel: I'm going for twenty.
Monica: Yeah, but that's because you have Ross wrapped around your little finger.
Rachel: I do not!
Monica glares.
Rachel: Okay, maybe a little.
Mike: Here's a lemonade for you.
Chandler: And a paper fan to cool yourself off with.
Phoebe: I'm not thirsty anymore.
Monica: And now I'm cold.
Mike and Chandler walk away.
Mike: You know they're doing this to mess with us, right?
Chandler: Oh, I know. Ross warned me about it when Carol and Rachel were pregnant.
Monica gasps.
Monica: They know! (to Rachel) You won't be marrying Ross.
Rachel: What? Why not?
Monica: Because we're going to KILL him. He told our husbands our pregnancy secrets!
Enter Ross.
Ross: Hey honey, I got a couple of wedding plans I want yo-
Monica and Phoebe begin to beat on Ross.
Ross: OW! OW! OW! What did I do?
Monica: You told our husbands our pregnancy secrets!
Phoebe: And you smell good, but I'm gonna hit you anyway!
Ross: Rach! Call them off!
Rachel: No, I'm good.
Ross: Annette! Little help!
Annette: I would, but I'm having too much fun watching you get hit.
Ross: Mike! Chandler!
Mike: No way, man.
Chandler: Oh, I would, but I don't wanna.
Ross: Rachel made a mess in the apartment, and Pottery Barn's on fire!
Monica and Phoebe run out the door. Ross sighs.
Ross: What was THAT all about?
Chandler: You remember the pregnancy secrets you told us about?
Ross: Yeah.
Mike: They found out about it.
Enter Monica.
Monica: Ross, you liar! There's no mess up there!
Ross: Did you even GO up there?
Monica: No. I know when you're lying. You have a tell.
Enter Phoebe.
Phoebe: Ross, you fibbed! I didn't see any fire trucks!
Ross: Sorry. Anyway, honey, I need you to look at these plans, tell me which you like best.
Rachel: Oh, sure.
Rachel looks at the brochures, before throwing them on the coffee table in disgust.
Rachel: Ross, these are HORRIBLE! They're all cheap!
Ross: Fine, Monica can plan our wedding!
Rachel: What? No!
Ross: Why not?
Rachel: Because…we…sorta made a deal when we were kids.
Annette: What kind of deal?
Rachel: That if I ever married Ross…Monica could plan the wedding.
Monica: Oh my god, you're talking about the deal that Millie Fitzberger caught us pinky-swearing about under the jungle gym! I forgot about that!
Rachel: You're still not doing it!
Monica: Hey! A deal was a deal, missy!
Rachel: Oh, come on! We were kids, I didn't seriously think that I was gonna be married to Ross!
Monica: Doesn't matter, I get to plan your wedding!
Rachel: You do not! We were kids!
Annette: Doesn't matter, you pinky-swore. She gets to plan.
Rachel: Dammit!
Monica jumps up and down with joy. Enter Joey.
Joey: Hey guys, guess what I-
Joey pauses, seeing Monica jumping up and down.
Chandler: Joey.
No response.
Chandler: Joey!
Joey: Yo!
Chandler: What the hell was that?
Joey: What?
Chandler: You were staring at my wife's chest!
Joey: She was jumping up and down!
A pause.
Chandler: Okay, yeah.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: Honey, you were jumping up and down. What did you think Joey was gonna do?
Monica: Okay, before I kill you both, what did you wanna tell us, Joey?
Joey: Oh, yeah! I got two tickets to go see the Spider-Man musical! (to Annette) Are you doing anything tonight?
Annette: Why, so you can take one of those cheap harlots you work with, while I'm stuck at home watching the kids again? I can't believe you, Tribbiani! After all we've been through, after the confession I made, you think you can just-
Joey kisses Annette passionately. Annette stares at Joey in bewilderment.
Joey: I was going to ask if you wanted to be my date tonight. And maybe something more.
Annette looks at Joey, wide-eyed.
Annette: What are you asking me?
Joey: Annette Peters…will you be my girlfriend?
Annette leaps into Joey's arms.
Annette: Yes! Oh my god, Joey, YES!
Joey hugs Annette close to him.
Annette (whispering): What took you so damn long?
Joey (whispering): There was a special on pizzas at Dominos.
Annette laughs and kisses Joey. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Phoebe and Mike's apartment. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV.
Mike: Man, what a day, huh?
Phoebe: I know. My lobsters are engaged, Monica gets to plan the wedding, and Joey and Annette are now together…I feel like I'm in a musical!
Mike: Just don't start dancing.
Phoebe: Why not?
Mike: Because you're pregnant. I don't want you to hurt yourself.
Phoebe: Awww…you're so sweet.
Phoebe and Mike kiss.
Mike: Hey, I just realized something.
Phoebe: What's that?
Mike: If Joey and Annette get married, this gang will be related to each other in some way. We'll be one big, happy family.
Phoebe: Ooh! We'll be like the Brady Bunch!
(A/N I'm BACK, bitches! Many of you may be wondering why I'm starting this a month early. To answer that, my vacation plans for September & Dragon*Con came crashing down. I don't wanna go into details. All that matters is we're rolling right along into Season 12.
I won't go into heavy detail about this season (spoilers!), but I will say this: be prepared for one HELL of a ride. Are you ready? Good. Let's go!)