Author's Note: This is just a little something that's been kicking around my head for a while now, I think primarily because of the point made in Caellach Tiger Eye's review way back in May, 2009. I found the idea that Terra may have been unable to trust herself after her experiences with Slade and that she may've refused to rejoin the Titans on those grounds intriguing. That, and although Terra's far from my favorite, there's something interesting about her psychology that makes her very challenging to look at objectively, but also very dynamic. I've always viewed her as someone who has power, but shouldn't, and was critical in my first attempt to explore her character. So (though I don't think I was wrong originally) I decided to "give her another chance," so to speak, and look at her in other critical moments.
Disclaimer: I own nothing and garner no profit from this work.
The girl called Terra was crying. She was holed up under a highway, her back pressed to the cold concrete of a drainage tunnel. There wasn't much water, it was the middle of a particularly dry summer, but dripping sounds still echoed from some where in the tunnel's depths. Mixed with her gasping sobs in a twisted symphony of misery. The sound was so depressing, in fact, that it made Terra want to weep even harder. Her thin arms were already wrapped tightly around her spindly legs in a vain attempt to control the tremors that shot through her body at regular intervals. Her sky-blue eyes were closed as if that could somehow impede the flow of tears. Had someone come by, a stroller or, more likely, an explorer probing the middle-of-nowhere roads, they'd have found the image quite pathetic. At least, Terra found it pathetic. Terra thought her entire existence was pathetic.
She hadn't meant to- hadn't intended any of it. Honestly she'd always fancied herself an ordinary girl incapable of anything noteworthy, let alone anything devastating. Then this had started. Innocently at first, just pebbles and sand… the splitting of asphalt. Lift one small thing and the earth groans. Try something bigger and it cracks. If you don't notice the cracks, if you can't hear the stones protest, then they have to be louder. They have to rip into buildings and throw cars. They have to destroy. All because she'd had the audacity to be "gifted." Because Terra was special, her hometown was now in ruins.
Of course it wasn't so bad; they lived on a fault line and were prepared for that sort of thing. It wasn't like she'd set off an earthquake in Denver or something. People were ready- they'd taken precautions. No one had been hurt… that she knew about… Another sob caught in her throat, causing Terra to choke. Hot, fresh tears burned her eyes and cheeks. She hadn't stayed long enough to find out. Didn't want to risk it. When it happened the first time she had. No one had known she was special at that point, and it had only been a little earthquake. A small child- Alex, from across the street, had been crying then. He'd lost his balance, broke his toy soldier on the fall. Terra felt badly and had wanted to make it up to him somehow. So she'd tried again, even smaller this time. Just a sandman in Alex's sandbox.
It wasn't very sturdy, but Alex had liked it quite well. He liked it so well, in fact, that she'd wanted to make more. She thought she'd learned how not to cause problems and tried larger things, more complex things. Pushed her abilities. Showed people. The second time they'd all known it was her. They blamed her, called her a freak, and the trauma of it caused the sidewalks to split. So when it happened a third time, on a larger scale, Terra had just run for it. She'd ripped the rock right from the earth itself and it had brought her here in a blur of yellow glow. She didn't even know where here was, only that it was away from people. Thus, it was safe. Terra was safe and, more importantly, so was everyone else.
She hadn't meant it! Why did it happen?! Why did things like that have to happen! Terra knew the answer, even if she refused to admit it to herself. It stung her insides and bubbled up like a balloon of gas she was trying desperately to suppress. Most of the time it worked. But when she got cocky, when she grew confident, when she used her abilities, that balloon exploded in her face. Spattered her with the cruel truth. She had no control. She was ill suited for power. Terra Markov was just an ordinary girl who'd been handed an armed nuclear weapon and told to disarm it. Of course it was going to go up in her face; she didn't have the slightest idea what she was doing! And there is nothing more dangerous- nothing more devastating, than a person who shouldn't have power, but does.
Terra knew that. Knew she was a hazard, maybe even a criminal depending on one's definition of the word. She understood that these abilities were not toys, that they demanded respect and skilled usage. But there was no one to teach her. Nowhere she could go to learn whatever she needed. She wasn't even clear on what caused the stuff she didn't intend. Was it her emotions or the power itself? Was it something she even could control or just an unavoidable side effect? Most importantly, would there ever be a time when she could be around people again?
The anxiety was too much for her. Her eyes ignited yellow and an unnatural wind swirled through her hair. The cement of the tunnel creaked and split as if struck by some mighty blow. Terra jumped, leaping to her feet and throwing herself clear of the tunnel just in time to watch it collapse. Dust filled the air, causing her to cough and turning the tears on her cheeks and chin to mud. Just like that. Every time. What was the point? Why hope when it was so obviously in vain? Terra knew what she was, knew what she had to do. There was a word for people like her: Monster… And monsters didn't live with people. They lived alone in the wild. Ate small children who crossed over their bridge.
Absently, she reached up to wipe the wet dirt from her face, sniffling. The dust glowed yellow and hopped willingly to her finger, leaving her skin clean as if she'd just washed it. Surprised, Terra withdrew the hand, staring open-mouthed at the little glowing earth. It seemed to stare back, compiling itself into a small sphere and hovering like a bird. As she looked at it, the sphere morphed itself, forming a rudimentary face. Mirroring her shock. Terra closed her mouth and cocked her head, unsure of what to make of the mud face. It copied her again. She sniffed and smiled a little, stuck out her tongue. A little dirt tongue waved in her direction. In spite of herself, Terra let out a chuckle, looking past the downed bridge and into the sky.
It was a clear day with only a single set of airplane track marring the blue horizon. That got her thinking, the ever-hopeful gears of her mind turning. There was another word for people with abilities, specifically, for those who used their abilities to help others: Superhero. Yeah, there we plenty of superheroes! And people loved them! They got to live in society and save people everyday! For a superhero, being special wasn't some kind of sin; it was a gift. All a matter of perspective. Terra could be gifted instead of cursed.
That was where she made the decision. This was the last time fate would find her huddled in shame. She was going to be a superhero. Maybe not right away, but soon. Just as soon as she learned control. But how hard could that be? Surely all she needed was a little practice, and she had the entire outdoors to do it in! She'd have her powers mastered in no time and then she'd use them to save people. It was going to be awesome!