A/N: So this is my first attempt at Spashely fanfiction so go easy on me. I know this one is short but I just wanted to see what you guys are thinking before I decide to continue or not. It's up to you all. Tell me what you think I have nothing planned so far for this story, I'm more of a go with the flow kinda writer. I sit down and whatever comes to me I use. It also gives you guys some space to offer me ideas. Well I'm off to teach my dance class folks so Read it and let me know what you're feeling. Good or bad I promise not to bite lol ttyl!
Everything felt different. Nothing at King High was the same anymore. It was silent and scared and lonely. I was different; I wasn't the same Ashley Davies that walked the courtyard a few weeks ago. None of us were.
I held his hand and made my choice known. It had been exactly 3 weeks and 4 days since prom and like I said before nothing was the same. Aiden was hit by one of the stray bullets and in that moment my decision had been made. I would pick him, not out of love because that was never a question, but out of loyalty. He was my best friend and I would help him through this time. I wouldn't be the one to add to his pain. He had nearly died that night and I couldn't imagine being the one to break his heart. I owed it to him to help. He had always been there for me, and now it was my turn to do the same for him.
But in saving Aiden from pain, I caused the one person I love most in the world to doubt everything we ever had. She has barely looked my way since that night, and I can't blame her. I can barely look at myself these days. Living a lie I thought I had escaped once I found her. She's found new friends and people to surround herself with, but she doesn't look happy. Neither do I if you can really see through me like I know she can. She knew me better then most, and I know she can see through this façade I have put up. Yet she doesn't approach me, she doesn't speak to me, it's like I am invisible to her. One minute we were so in love and happy and the next I destroyed everything with one simple gesture. I placed my hand in his and walked away from her that night; making a silent choice that I would regret forever.
He can't seem to tell that I'm miserable. That or he doesn't want to admit that he knows I don't love him. That he wasn't my first choice. Either way I keep the smile on my face when he looks my way, I tell him the things he wants to hear, I let him feel that I am there. I know my reasoning is ridiculous but in my own little naive world I did the right thing by my best friend. And in the end I also believe I did the right thing for her. I wasn't good enough, no matter how hard I tried to be. I would've hurt her in the end, no matter how hard I would've tried not to. I love her but sometimes that's just not enough. I couldn't tare her away from her family they meant everything to her.
I try to justify my decision with thoughts like this from time to time. But I still know I made a mistake, a mistake that can never truly be erased. I just hope that one day no matter how far along it may be, that she will finally look my way once again and allow me the chance to apologize and tell her that none of what we felt was a lie. That I loved her, and still love her with every inch of my being. I know that these are just foolish dreams. Yet I hold onto them as if they were a life saver. The only shred of hope keeping me going. I look at her when she's not paying attention and enjoy the simple gestures that made me fall in love with her. That make her who she is, uniquely beautiful and so Spencer Carlin. She doesn't laugh as hard as she once did, or smile the way she did with me, but she tries just like I do. I catch her looking sometimes, and it makes it harder; knowing that I took that smile and laughter away from her.