I don't own the Twilight characters.
Sun and Destiny
I'm dressed. I look in the mirror to adjust my veil. The warm evening breeze sweeps sun rays gently across my face. He was my own personal sun. Jacob, are you ok? Is it getting any better? Yeah, I'm ok, it'll get better. For a moment, he drops the sarcasm and I see the pain buried beneath. Bella, I miss you so much. I know. I miss you, too. But yeah, it doesn't change anything. I'm remembering. I close my eyes to drown out the noise. Picking up my bouquet, I look down at my hands. He always holds my hand now when we walk along the shore. I don't mind it, although I should probably make things clear. Bella, you don't mind if I do this? As long as we both know. And I don't mind waiting. I'm smiling. I don't distinguish between the fragrance of the flowers and the sweet smell of the sea in my memories.
Edward was everything and I was so young. How can someone so young know what everything means? This love-at-first-sight thing. Did it happen to you? No. I was relieved. Surely, if we were meant to be together, Jacob would have imprinted on me. The way things were between Edward and me no one could deny was destiny. Like Emily and Sam, he was the one. If I wasn't alive, neither could he be. If he moved, I moved in circles around him. If he deserted me, I broke into pieces. Edward existed and he was everything. My own personal everything. Yet, without Edward, there could be no Jacob. If there was no one to break me, there was no need for anyone to pick up the pieces. No one was to blame. Edward did what was right, I did what I needed to survive, and Jacob did what only Jacob could do. He held me together not because fate told him to, but because he chose to out of selfless love. He was used to that sort of thing. He took care of his father who was in a wheelchair. And he was used to sacrificing for the pack. He didn't need shiny cars; he was content to put the work in and fix one of his own. But he was young, too, and his youth demanded anger and frustration at the circumstances and choices he couldn't control. The choices I made. And youth demanded I believe my destiny was an eternity with Edward. I looked into his eyes and felt my heart flutter. That must be love. There was no doubt I would give up anything to be with Edward, and Jacob was a casualty. My own personal casualty. Except that Jacob now existed for me and there could be no parallel universe in which I could be happy with him as well. So I had to choose. I chose Edward because I knew he was the one. Any sane person would do the same when faced with losing their destiny.
Edward came back and our love returned to normal, if you could call it that. I begged him to make me immortal, and his only condition was I marry him first. Then I believed fate could wait a short while until I explained things to Charlie and Renée. My friendship with Jacob suffered, but he eventually came around. And Edward did, too. I snuck down to La Push at first against Edward's wishes because I knew Jacob was hurting, and he needed me. None of this was his fault. Being a werewolf wasn't his fault. He needed me and nothing would stop me from seeing him. My problems didn't stop there. I knew Victoria would eventually come back for me. When I saw the vampires and wolves were willing to cooperate against her, I thought it could be the beginning of the end of their mutual enmity. No one could have known, not even Alice, that Victoria would reach me. Everyone thought I was safe from the fight, but she was too clever. Edward tried, but he couldn't keep her from me. Is this my destiny? She lunged for me in the dead of cold on that snowy mountain.
I'm calm. I walk down the stairs as the music begins. As I take Charlie's arm to walk down the aisle, I see the scar on my forearm where Victoria began to draw life from me. Bells, I know you love me. But I won't ever force you to be with me. I will always be here for you. I love you no matter what you choose. I know. I do love you, Jacob. You're my soul mate, but Edward is my destiny. What trumps a soul mate? I trace the scar with my finger and it still burns like ice. I was so young. I close my eyes and it's not hard to remember. I felt the venom racing up my arm and through my body. I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes and saw, not my fate as I imagined it, but all the moments I suddenly wanted with Jacob, slipping away. This fear gave me clarity as I've never known. I longed for a life of warmth and loyalty instead of an eternity of excitement and romance. But I was too weak by then. In a heartbeat, Edward had disposed of Victoria, and in the next he would be seeing me turn into what I had wanted to be most of all. Immortal. My destiny was a blur. He held me close to his cold body. As he drew me to his beautiful stone face, all I could think of was that Jacob would never know how much I wanted to live at this moment. I looked at fate and it stared back at me in horror as I rejected it. When I awoke, I saw Edward leaning over me, drawing the last of the venom from my body, just as he had done when James poisoned me. He drew my face gently to his and said as if he could hear my thoughts, "It's alright, my love. I know."
I'm ready. I turn the corner and Jacob looks to me with a wide smile. Sure, sure. The setting sun dances brilliantly across his face. Edward has long been gone, and with him my Destiny. But I have no remorse. My Sun stands before me with my life, and my choice, in his hands.
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