Forks, 13th of September

Dear Edward,

I am so sorry that I am causing you so much trouble. You know I love you till the end of time.

The past events have shown me that I just don't belong into your world. You're so different.

You and me, we are not meant to be.

I hope you won't think I am crazy after you read this letter. I just can't stand it anymore and just let you do your stupid things.

You're going to kill me, even if you don't know it yet. And I don't think you wan me dead.

I'm writing this letter because I don't want to be the victim anymore.

I don't suppose you know who I am anymore.

Well let me answer that question.

I am Isabella Swan. Daughter of the Police Chief of Forks, Charlie Swan. Daughter of Renée Dwyer. I am 18 years old, born on September the 13th.

I finally know who I am, thanks to you.

I am not some stupid girl falling for your games.

I am an emancipated young woman, who knows what she wants. Who is ready to fight for her dreams.

I am independent.

I am strong

I am beautiful.

I am intelligent.

I am ambitious.

I am determined.

I am zealous.

I can be feisty.

But I am also lonely.

Frightened.

Hurt.

Naïve.

A bit depressed.

Stressed.

Broken.

And Suicidal.

I am not the girl you once knew.

Maybe that's why you don't recognize me anymore. I am not your little butterfly anymore. I don't want to discover the world anymore.

You took my will to live with you that day you said you wanted to play with the boys.

I thought you meant just this one time.

You were my best friend. You wouldn't leave me for these guys. Never. We were an item even then, being just 7 years old. Nobody could separate us.

Well I was wrong.

They came and you were gone.

You used your damn puppy eyes on me, saying it would be just this one time and I could tag along if I wanted to.

I was so naïve, believing you.

I was the care free little girl, nothing could bring me down.

I smiled at you, I remember that clearly.

Like you said, it was only this once.

But it wasn't just this one time. You were only with me for short periods of time. And even those short times got shorter and shorter till they were non-existent.

One day you were with me for whole 10 minutes, then you had to go to you new best friend as you said so yourself.

I wasn't hurt by that, no.

I was hurt by the fact that you forgot my birthday, even though you promised me to be there. You promised that I would have this day with you alone, that I didn't need to share with those stupid McCarty and Whitlock boys.

You promised me so many things. I don't know of one promise you kept.

The next day you weren't there.

After that I couldn't handle it anymore.

How pathetic I was.

An 8-year-old girl with a broken heart.

Mom and Dad died two years after that.

I don't know if anybody told you.

Well and even if they did, I should have expected some kind of comfort from you. You just played a prank on me the other day. You, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice.

I am living with Jacob since that day.

Yeah that's the guy you hated because he always hit on me.

He tried to be my best friend and even my boyfriend, but it wasn't the same.

Even the kisses we shared at such a young age were tender and often true.

Jake's were tender too, but I didn't feel anything.

He wanted to sleep with me a few times but I couldn't.

It wasn't you. I saw you in school everyday and even though you hurt me and had your girlfriends I still love you.

Stupid, don't you think?

Today I heard the news about you and Tanya.

You're engaged.

Should I be happy? I really have no idea.

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover

Goodbye my hopeless dream

I am trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should I've known you bring me heartache?

Almost lovers always do

So I guess I wish you all the best and I hope you'll be happy with her.

I know I won't be.

But I won't live any longer. Maybe a few more months.

They diagnosed me with cancer…

Well…. I don't even know if I am going to send you this letter.

But if so, just know that I want you to be happy and that I forgive you.

In eternal love,

Isabella Swan

Daily Forks

* News paper headlines *

Girl found dead on first beach – Isabella Swan?

In the early morning hours there was a girl found dead on the beach.

She isn't identified yet.

Police Officers won't say who the mysterious girl is.

We know from a well known source that the dead girl might have commit suicide.

If she is the missing Isabella Marie Swan isn't known yet.

Isabella´s gone missing for 24 hours. If anyone saw her, please contact the Police Station in Forks.

Yeah well…Originally I was just really bored.

I am lying in my bed, coughing like crazy with a running nose.

I am ill again^^

So sorry for not updating anything, but I´ve got my reasons,

My live is really crappy since November.

I am trying to fix that.

So maybe you´ll stay with me.

Thanks anyway

A few reviews would make my night.

Tabby