What IF
Author: Michelcz
Rating: CSI-1
Spoiler: Living Doll, promo season 8
Characters: Catherine Willows, Gil Grissom, minor Sara Sidle
A/N: Song What If by Kate Winslet
Gil's POV
What if I didn't settle for the second one. What If I found a courage to say to her about everything I felt and feel for her. Could she be the one trapped under the car now? Should I be happy that it's not true and she's next to me?
Should I be so selfish and enjoy that feeling? I know that I have to show some sadness in my face but I don't really feel it. Yeah, I am upset but not sad. It's really like I was a robot without emotions but that's not true. I would be angry if this would happen to her, Catherine.
What if is still buzzing in my head. I'm full of it and can't find the solution how to erase it from my minds. How to say to the buzzing, that's time to leave me in a peace and let me concentrate on the situation which had happened almost twenty-four hours ago. I have to leave all my regrets behind me even though my greatest regret is something what turned right way now. I've been thinking about it instantly for several hours now.
What if I took my chance with Cath. What would happen in that case? I know one thing that everything would be worse for everyone in the lab and even more for people outside this lab, Lindsey and Lily.
It never happened. She's standing next to me and I can hear her words for me. She's trying to be a friend and tells me soothing words which she thinks that I need to hear. I don't need it. The love of my life is still here, next to me. Only the woman who I'm involved in, is lost somewhere in the desert.
"She's survivor, Gil," I hear from her.
I have managed to find an answer on these words.
"Where is she, Catherine?"
The words left my mouth but the most important part of my thoughts must to stay locked in my brain.
"It could be you, my love, it could be you, if I wasn't a coward and told you about my love. But wasn't my cowardice something what helped to save your life and helped against the tearing my soul and heart?"