Author's note:
Well, hello there. As you can see, this is my first fanfic that I've written and submitted here. Inspiration? Other legendary pokemon stories I've read there.
I've got the idea to write this some time ago, when i found that there is a name for Arceus & Missingno ship, GodIsDeadShipping. At first I've though to make such a one and write it, but it have proven to be too hard for my little unimaginative mind, so for pairings, this is somewhat PrimordalGroundShipping, somewhat GodIsDeadShipping, but in fact both of them are only but passing references. The name for this fanfic is the derivative of guess-what-I'm-thinking-now.
So, i can only say one thing - i hope you'll like it!
Word count:2773 words. For me, it turned quite short, as when it comes to reading i prefer long stories, but well, it's my first attempt at writing so i hope i can allow myself some leniency here...
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Tack Tack Tack Tack Tack
- "This is getting on my nerves", Groudon thought.
Tack Tack Tack Tack Tack
- "When will it end?", asked himself, as if his sheer force of will could make time flow faster.
Tack Tack Tack Tock Tack
- "And why some tiles are loose? For god's sake, tack's are annoying enough, but occasional tock's are even more"
Tack Tock Tack Tock Tock
- "Arceus, the Hall of Origin is your, like, your business card. You're a god, a fucking god, yet those uneven marbles are really ruining it."
"No, They Are Not, My Dear Groudon, And Mind Your Mind, I Don't Appreciate It. Not At All." Arceus had that strange ability to speak with capitals. And when she did it, it meant only one thing. That she tried to communicate on higher level that her adversary. But, it wasn't that hard for her, given her position in the Pokemon hierarchy and all... However, it always left that aura of royalty around her. That aura which made some, or rather, all of the masculine legendaries think about her feminine assets in the 'sexy' rather than 'she is a governing body' categories.
"Hey, have you ever heard of something called 'privacy'? Like, the 'privacy of mind'?"
"Maybe i have, maybe i haven't. But believe me, it 'is' amusing to hear, or rather, mind read what others think about you when i deliberately walk back and forth trying to annoy a peculiar red dino by tackin' mine hooves on that white marble while waiting for others. I may be a god, but that doesn't prevent me from being a dick."
"Oh, fine, Arceus, but..."
"No butts." Her favorite way to end the discussion. It always worked for her. On the other hand, it never worked against her. Arceus considered it a win-win strategy.
"Said the owner of a sexy one..."
"Let me pretend i did not hear that one. It will be better for both of us."
"OK, so I'll go around and ask that important question, that very important question..."
"Why i summoned you and other legendaries? Why i announced that emergency summit?" For Arceus, it wasn't the question, but rather the statement of fact, as she knew what he had on his mind. But, she liked speaking with Groudon, so for the discussion's sake...
"Yeah"
With a small sigh, she continued. "Haven't you felt it? That strange tension that hangs in the air?" This was a question, as even she, the almost-omnipotent god did not know anything. Especially in those harsh times.
"No"
"So, i won't waste my breath unnecessarily. Kyogre, Palkia (Pokemon god of dimensions) and i will explain it during the conference, as it seem that only us three are really aware of this grave situation."
"What, grave situation? What the hell...? And what Kyogre has to do with it. I swear, if it's her another ploy i'll kill her, painfully"
"None of you were able to defeat each other, so i doubt, i really, really doubt that you will be able to do it now. Also, she has nothing with it. Now, hush, hush, Groudy. Stay here and listen to me walking on that beautiful marble floor..."
*******************
"So, it seems that everyone is here. good, just awesome, just as i wished..."
"Cut it Arceus and speak yer mind" Groudon's mind was tired. Tacking and tocking just made his mind quite less stable than usual. His sanity was, luckily, still intact. He was too soon, way too soon, the other legendaries came fifteen minutes later.
The highest one noted that remark, and looked around the Hall of Origin. Mew and Celebi were talking about something that didn't matter. Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf were discussing something furiously, as if the whole conversation was soon to become a dogfight. The rest were just staring at her awaiting the response. Except Kyogre and Palkia, as they were standing beside her and were staring at other legendaries. Weren't it for Mew, Celebi and the Lake trio, the meeting would quickly turn into stare contest.
With a small grunt, she began to speak "Mew, Celebi, cut it off, your discussion about which James Bond movie is better is not important. And by the way, the answer is Moonraker. Lake trio, none of you are correct, all is but a guess-work of yer wild imagination"
Tacking her hooves to gain even more attention, she began her announcement, the very centre of today's summit.
"So, as you are probably in the dark as of reason of the meeting, given that i know none of you had any contact with either Kyogre or Palkia since day ago, i hereby announce that something happened..."
"Great reason, something happened. Really, that is the thing i needed most, something happening. Like, your toothbrush fell on the floor, call nine-one-one, something happened and..."
"Mewtwo, having the guts to interrupt my words is not, i repeat, not a trait that i admire, so stop being cynical and let me speak my mind! I know that waking you up in the middle of the night is not the coolest thing i did, but the situation is too grave to even think about such petty things!"
Some legendaries gasped, some did not. Nonetheless, at the moment she said about the wage of the situation suddenly everybody became interested. Noticing the focus everybody had at the moment, she continued her announcement.
"Twelve hours ago, i was noticed by Palkia and Kyogre about something that turned my attention. I will let Kyogre and Palkia speak and relay the events before I'll announce the course of action I've decided to carry on by all of you. Kyogre, as the first and first-hand witness will speak first. Kyogre, if you will..."
"Thank you, thank you, I'll speak." With that, the blue whale-ish creature swooped past her and took the place at the podium.
"Twenty-hours ago i was swimming near the island called Cinnabar. I was quite interested in this place as i wasn't in the vicinity for a few years and from what I've heard, the island was destroyed by the volcano eruption and then rebuilt by the humans. While i was navigating myself by the eastern beach i felt something strange. Something spatial, dimentional"
Some gasped, but all of them became suddenly interested, as a few legendaries were doing something else, for example Mew was reading some RSS feeds on her Nokia n95. That image of suddenly becoming interested in something was truly a sight to behold.
"As i can notice, some of you doesn't have the foggiest what i mean by dimensional. To tell the truth, neither did i then, and now i don't have the knowledge, but for some reason i just knew it. I decided to note it to our dimensional deity, Palkia himself after getting better look at the events. Unluckily, when i was about hundred meters from it, i felt something wrong happening to me. I blacked out, and the gracious sea drifted me away. Got to Spear Pillar and relayed the events to Palkia and Arceus, as she ordered me to stay in the Hall itself by her with Palkia sent to the Cinnabar island to investigate and"
"Thank you for the details, now that you're done I'll continue" Palkia abruptly interrupted and stood at the podium, pushing Kyogre off. Although she deemed it rude, she didn't protest, as it was totally pointless.
"After getting the information i decided to check it out. After coming there, i was terrified, as it wasn't but one dimensional rift, but a series of small and two big ones. What i deemed strange was that some were stable, others were unstable. I came closer to the one of the bigger ones and then i saw something... something indescribable, a creature of sorts, but of no physical characteristics was at the centre of the biggest unstable rift. And it knew Water Gun. Needless to say, i was forced to flee. Literally, as it is quite impossible to stay in one place when a gigantic torrent hits you point-blank and pushes you somewhere faraway. And thus, i returned and relayed the events. And the rest is history."
"History as history, present the present is, as i believe, more important. We have a problem and we have to solve it. Now, as we just don't know what will happen next. Another rifts? What then, Armageddon? Being a god i just don't have guts to be willing to see it, lest seeing it happen." Arceus then proceeded to relay her orders.
Those orders were simple - She was to check the abnormalities at Cinnabar while others combed the rest of the world in search of another dimensional rifts. Simple as that.
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Cinnabar island. Quite a strange place. But, what else can be said about it? It's not like humans inhabited it knowing about the volcano that was really sure about erupting the other day, when they did not suspect it? Not at all, not at all, they just thought that throwing some fruits and some meat to the lava-ridden hole was enough to please some imaginary goddess of volcanoes. But it erupted. And many died. And then they rebuilt it. Like the history wasn't going to loop itself 'just because', out of pure spite.
Another interesting thing about the island was that some doctors thought that building a laboratory was a cool idea enough to justify toying with some old eyelashes. And thus, Mewtwo was born. And Mewtwo got pissed. And he made the lab go boombada boombada boom. And the doctors died.
But, what Mewtwo didn't know was that he hasn't destroyed all of it. Basement is the keyword, as even after the catastrophe it was still in use. But who used it, as there were nobody that knew about it, with Mewtwo sure about doing his job right, the personnel dead and no blueprints known?
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Abandoned gardening tools factory was in pretty good shape. Sure, the windows were all broken, shattered glass still down. Sure, the machinery was rusted far beyond simply using the orthophosphoric acid. But it stood, surviving the eruption, and not being used since then. Were somebody to claim the possession of the ground, with minimal funds would he get the place up and running again. The circuitry was still in good shape, and the walls itself were a++. There wasn't any hole.
But it is now. One hole, 2 meters in diameter suddenly appeared. And then Arceus get through.
"I hate using portals. Wish i had my own private helicopter.", she muttered under her breath.
And then, she ran to the beach. And while she ran, she got telephatic information from Mew that she found another rift, this time in Viridian city. What caught her attention is that the rift sourced from some ordinary old guy. Noting it in her mind as 'interesting' she ran. And after some time she got to the eastern beach.
"Peculiar place. Gotta go sometime else for vacation. Seems calm and relaxing. And it's still warm even though it's ten pm"
As the sun got down, almost nobody was out. Some people were threading down the streets, walking, talking with their companions, or looking for another place to get either stoned or sober. Or all of it at once. It was just easy for her, as she could just not care about stealth, being unseen and unheard.
"Wonder where that rift is... Strange, it should be somewhere there"
And then, at that moment, she felt the unfathomable approaching her.
"What the hell..." was the only thing she could say, as it came closer.
Its body was composed of tiny floating grey cubes positioned in no discernible pattern, totally at random. And her body was now under a pile of pecha berries. What they say, too much of good thing will kill you.
"Ow, what was that for? And what the hell are you?"
"Long story. You are not going to be interested."
"Ow hell i sure am"
"Maybe I'll, but later. Now, i have much bigger problem on my mind"
"Wonder what it is, attacking innocent people with water gun? Making rifts? Making copies of some item?"
"This item was in very peculiar position, so be grateful. Also..."
"Also what?"
"Also that there is somebody i have to destroy, and now I'm looking for it"
"OK, you began to speak nonsense. Explanation, please."
"What about no?"
"What about i get the information from you?"
"Try"
Needless to say, Arceus was pretty annoyed by the last word, and just headbutted the strange bricky thing.
Strangely enough, the all-powerful thing went down rather quickly. Seeing this opportunity, She quickly dragged the unconscious body to more secluded location.
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Urban explorers would love the Cinnabar island. Even since the rebuild there were so many abandoned buildings that rummaging through them would take at least whole year. Abandoned gardening tools factory is such an example. But, it should be noted that some places are seen in the other light during night and day. That factory is also an example, as during the night the place is scary, with all those tools lying around and rusting to oblivion. Another thing that should be noted it that some place have an unusual history. Such as old mental hospital. Generally a creepy place, not good for children nor even adults to walk in after dusk. But as far as gods are concerned, those warnings didn't hold anything at all.
As the 'unidentified creature' snapped out of confusion, Arceus spoke
"So, you waking up, i see, now, don't move, just talk."
"What?"
"Let us start from the very beginning. Name bitte"
"Missingno"
"What exactly are you?"
"A mistake." If a normal person was to say that, he would be considered mentally-unstable. But our glitchy friend said it in a-matter-of-fact tone.
This catched Arceus off-guard, as this was just... weird, strange. Who could say he was a mistake, in his sane mind?
"Explain, and no 'tis a long story excuses"
"Have you heard about how that Mewtwo was created?"
"Well, i knew it all along, but..."
"Team Rocket's R&D did two things at once. One was Mewtwo, second a Porygon."
"Not following you there..."
"So let me explain..."
And there Missingno told his story. Basically, kind of a big deal, R&D decided to fork one of the earliest Linux kernel version and experiment whether open-source AI would be projected into real world. Somehow revision Porygon wasn't a total miscarriage, and worked somehow. In fact, worked good enough to be released on GNU license and made it's way to the big top internet sites, where it was downloaded by many programmers and compiled thus adding another pokemon into their collection. But then, some intoxicated programmer couldn't do his job right and his portion of code was, albeit correct in syntax, totally wrong in algorithmic terms. Gcc c++ compiler detected no errors, so somehow this was made alive and running. This was incomplete, glitchy and malevolent in nature and somehow called itself 'M. And escaped. While trying to repair it, another mistakes stockpiled and the creation was also wrong. But not necessarily aggressive.
To destroy the 'M, one should wander into the supercomputer cluster in now ruined lab which ran the 'M application and 'kill -9 'M' in BASH.
*******************
Being buried once under a pile of Pecha Berries was bad. Being buried twice was just abnormal. And painful. Quite suffocating, too. But that was stated from the point of Arceus.
Stating from the point of an accidental witness, if there was anybody to see it, the event would be quite an anticlimax after the busy day full of events. Our favourite god and Missingno ventured to the lab grounds, found the entrance to the lab, and found 'M. They were prepared to fight, to endure any hardships that could occur.
But 'M was also a mistake. The application crashed, a some sort of segfault occurred within 'M body. Thus, there was no fight, no explosions, nothing. Arceus got to the terminal after getting herself free of that sweet excess weight and typed "kill -9 'M", not interrupted at all.
And then there was nothing, 'M application no longer running. Arceus thought about destroying the lab, but that would delete Missingno and a handful of Porygons. And so she let him exist. But before that she thought about kissing him, for being a generally-not-as-bad-as-she-is. And when she leaned forward to kiss him, she stopped midway and asked him.
"Missingno?"
"Yeah?"
"Where the hell is you mouth?"
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FIN.
I'm not a native english speaker, so if you've found any grammatical/spelling/general mistakes please let me know.
Also, for those who care enough to help me - how to format the text so that fanfiction dot net wouldn't butcher it when uploading?