Author's Note: L dies in this chapter, but don't worry, I have every intention of bringing him back as this is an LxLight story after all. Just thought I'd warn you.

Enjoy (:

Warning: Boyxboy, rated M stuff. So if you're not into that kinda thing, leave or if you'd like to review please do so constructively. No flames.

Chapter 1. Regret

"Ryuzaki, what's going o-"

Amongst the shouts of surprise, the frantic yelling of all the members of the Task Force as the gigantic screen went completely blank, L suddenly tensed. Still in his typical crouch, his hands on the tops of his knees and his feet on the seat of the metal chair, he fell. His body was stiff, resembling a porcelain doll, and a part of me couldn't chance letting him fall for fear that he'd be smashed to pieces on impact. So I leapt, catching him in my arms.

My eyes scanned his, that spark of intelligence that was always present whizzing urgently as he tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Maybe it was to help him finally know, to not die with any doubts of the true roles we'd played in our game, or maybe it was the Kira part of me that was gloating at the scene of the King finally falling from his throne; whatever the reason, I smiled broadly. It was like a part of me had been opened wide solely for him, because in all aspects he truly deserved to know.

In response, his eyes seemed to lose their panic, a resigned tone directed at me as his mouth closed in understanding. Now he knew, and I knew. That was the way it had to be, because we were always on equal footing. And as I thought of that, that understanding that we'd both recognized as we became rivals in the very beginning, I was scared. I had won, he was dying. But what would I do after? Would there ever again be anyone to match me on all the levels that counted?

I could feel his heart beat against my palm, and I greedily took in all the last bits of life in his face, not sure what I'd do when it was really over. I'd never witnessed anyone die firsthand before (which was ironic since I'd killed thousands as Kira), so maybe it was always like this, or maybe it was the fact that I was a Death Note user, but his body seemed to suddenly become lighter, eyes tinted blue as his form took on an ethereal appearance. My hair seemed to stand on end as his eyes glazed over, and then I knew he wasn't there anymore because they lost the intensity that was normally present. His charcoal eyes slid closed, and my arms tightened around him until I could no longer see the analytical orbs that had always pinned me to the wall like a new specimen to be studied.

Then there was silence.

As if there was cotton in my ears, I heard only muffled sounds. The wicked smile ever so slowly slid off my face, my eyes stinging harshly before my sight blurred up. I absorbed the scene before me, his face looking so peaceful and serene it was criminal. Then the volume was turned back up without warning, and I was brought back to reality as an ear-splitting scream echoed clearly throughout the room. I nearly covered my ears before I realized that the scream was my own; of their own accord, tears began to stream down my face, falling onto L's neck as my entire body trembled fiercely.

"L!"

I was quickly panicking, shaking him even though I knew he was gone. There was a sudden pain in my chest, seeming to constrict around me so tight that I could feel my very heart pounding. This pain was unlike anything I could have ever comprehended. It wasn't physical per se, but it was so intense that it may as well have been. A long cry was ripped from my throat as he didn't respond to my shaking, and I wondered why no one was doing anything, just standing around us like it was all a circus act.

"L! Wake up! Don't…"

Everyone else was tuned out then, and I was alone with him. I kissed him hard, his lips still retaining the warmth that they'd always had, and it felt like someone had rubbed salt all over the emotional wound I'd just been dealt. I scooped him up fully into my arms, and something shifted in me. My lips were suddenly kissing all his knuckles as gently as I could, as I, Light Yagami, begged him to come back, to not go anywhere without me.

"Koibito…don't leave me…L…"

I held him like I always did after we made love, hoping he'd suddenly move to wrap his arms around me like every time before. I buried my face into his neck in encouragement, but he remained limp.

"Please…" I spoke, my voice cracking. I couldn't believe what I'd done, couldn't even begin to understand the regret that felt like a shroud around me. I opened my mouth to speak again, and everyone in the room knew enough basic English to understand my next words. "I love you…" A kiss. "Je t'aime, mon amour…"

We hadn't spoken a word of our feelings in the beginning. We'd kissed shyly, unsure of what we were doing or where the boundaries were and just what the price would be if we crossed them. Only after we'd had sex were we forced to face the heat, to finally throw everything out on the table. It'd been difficult, both of us being so distrustful and more rational than sentimental by nature. But each time I said it or heard it, I felt lighter; giddy might be a better word, though conflicted by how deep we'd dug ourselves. And I assumed L felt the same; at night when we were alone, we'd often go back and forth until we ran out of other ways to say those three words, then we'd show one another how deep our feelings ran. By making it into more of a game, we could say it comfortably without all the anxiety and weight the words had in our complicated situation. So when he didn't answer the same in another language like he was supposed to, like he always did when we played that game, I had no other choice but to continue for him.

"Aishiteru…te amo…wo ai ni…ich liebe dich…saranghae…ya vas lyublyu…"

I shook him again, smiling weakly despite how I felt inside.

"Come on, L. I know you know more ways to say it…you taught me most of those…"

I blinked my eyes clear, feeling the drops slide down my cheeks before seeing them fall. I was so focused on the beautiful man in my arms that the prideful side of me couldn't even be bothered to note how humiliating crying in front of anyone was.

"Raito-kun…you and he were…" Matsuda was the first one to speak, seeming to be the first to outwardly acknowledge that L and I had had a relationship none of them had known about. I would've smiled truly at that thought if we weren't in the current situation; L and I had been so careful. We'd gotten a twisted thrill from being together right under their noses, disabling cameras (that is, whenever we remembered to, which I admit wasn't very often…) when we wanted to be so wonderfully reduced to one being again.

"L…please."

He didn't answer, and my shaking arms, which were wrapped as securely around him as they could, went lax. His head lolled back slightly, his neck still supported by my forearm, and I felt sick. So sick that I could hardly think. Then the others were around me, trying to pry L, my L, away from me, and I went into hysterics.

"Don't fucking touch him!" I clutched him unyieldingly; squeezing him against my chest like my life depended on it. And I think it did, for I didn't know what I would do if I had my hands free.

Recovering from their initial shock at my reaction, Aizawa and Mogi continued to try to get me away from him, or more accurately his body, and I put up as much of a fight as I could until my father was finally able to pull me off.

"No! L!"

I squirmed in my father's arms, and in the struggle he dropped me. I tried to get close to L again, but Aizawa and Mogi were already carrying his body to the door. I could hardly breathe, finding myself taking shallow breaths, gasping for air as I neared hyperventilation. I felt like ripping my hair out, like biting my tongue until the taste of iron assaulted my mouth, because this was all my fault. All I could think of was how funny the feeling of guilt was, because it made me somehow manage to want to hurt myself while also trying so hard to get away from all the pain of losing L. How stupid had I been to think that I could continue to clean this disgusting world without him on it? I was no God; Gods were never as weak and vulnerable as I was at the moment. I was human, and humans were selfish. Humans were selfish because love was merciless, and made them do all sorts of terrible things just to protect themselves from its wrath. I had not only faced it head on, I'd laughed in its face; and now I was paying for it. But when you welcomed it, nurtured it like a child, there was no better feeling. And I was beginning to hate love, because in turn it was making me hate the world for forcing me to choose between it and L. The world could continue to rot for all I cared now; I didn't want to spend another minute living on it, let alone ruling it, if he wasn't by my side.

With a swift movement I grabbed Matsuda's gun from its holster on his belt and he yelped in surprise, causing everyone to turn and look at me just as I positioned the pistol before my mouth. I just wanted everything, all of it, to end.

"Raito, no!"

Just as my finger pushed down on the cold metal of the trigger, my father jerked my arm, causing the bullet to miss me just barely and hit the plain wall behind us. The gunshot pierced through all the noise in the room, causing an eerie atmosphere to permeate the space. Aizawa and Mogi put L down quickly as they walked over to us to inspect the scene, propping him against the wall so that he was sitting down with his torso and head leaning against the plaster in a way where it almost looked like he was sitting upright by himself. My father took the gun from my still shaking hands, and everyone seemed to be speechless, their expressions all of shock, my father's mixed with absolute horror. No one said anything as I, still on my knees, robotically made my way over to him. Maybe if I was close to him it wouldn't hurt so badly. I crawled as fast as I could, but it felt like an eternity before I finally reached him. I curled up into his lap much like a cat, my hand reaching for his and entwining our fingers as I held his other hand against my cheek. I didn't have enough strength to keep myself up, so I laid my head on his shoulder, my lips inches from his right ear.

I whispered so no one would be able to hear it but him if he were truly there with me as it appeared: "I'm sorry…"

Then there was complete darkness, and I felt relieved as it consumed me whole and numbed that wretched pain, if only for a moment.

The members of the Task Force watched as Light quickly fainted, the hand that was keeping L's hand at his cheek falling to his side as he slid further onto the body of the great detective.

"…Oh my Kami. Ryuzaki-san and Raito-kun were…together," Matsuda said, his eyes wide and sad.

"…We don't know that. Light-" Aizawa started.

"Are you saying that all that was an act? That my son didn't just almost commit suicide?" Soichiro bellowed.

"No! I'm just saying that he could have been so disturbed that he started acting out what he actually felt as if it had been reality. The human mind works in strange ways when under a severe amount of stress. It might have all been a one-sided th-"

"My son isn't so deluded as to make up a relationship with L!"

"It's not-"

"We should check the tapes."

All eyes turned to the voice of reason, Mogi. He nodded to Matsuda who quickly caught on and grabbed L's laptop on one of the tables on the other side of the room. He placed it on the main desk, where L and Light had been alive and well 20 minutes earlier. Luckily, it was still unlocked as it hadn't gone on to stand-by mode yet. Matsuda quickly hooked it up to the main screen for all of them to see. After about two minutes, they had found the documents that contained the video feed of what had been L and Light's shared room weeks ago. Clicking the most recent one, they all watched the huge screen before them in anticipation.

L and Light came into view immediately, sleeping on the bed soundly, and Soichiro impatiently clicked fast forward. They got out of bed, getting dressed normally, leaving the room without so much as saying a word in their tired states, or at least Light was tired as L hardly slept. There was a large 13 hour gap after that of an empty room as the boys had undoubtedly been at work with the rest of the Task Force, and Matsuda quietly skipped it. The boys walked into the room again on the screen, this time alert and focused, and four gasps sounded as L rounded on Light, pushing him against the wall in a fluid motion. Like they knew the steps to a routinely practiced dance, Light seemed to spread his legs slightly before L's knee came to rest there. Through the idea of the two as lovers had already been planted, the men were nonetheless shocked as their lips met feverishly.

"Raito was quite a tease today," L complained, nibbling the boy's earlobe.

"It's not my fault you seemed to be thinking with your head all day rather than your mind…" Light teased as L nuzzled into his neck, his mouth working to darken a faint hickey near the brunette's shoulder.

"Raito-kun has such audacity, talking to his elder with that fresh mouth! I think a punishment is in order. Wouldn't you agree?"

Light smirked, his hands playing with the dark tresses at the nape of L's neck as his eyes grew seductive. "But of course, someone has to teach me a lesson. And who better than you to do it?"

They laughed, and then they were kissing again, tongues sliding against each other with blatant familiarity, and L's hands were suddenly traveling up the teen's shirt, causing him to gasp and squirm. Light's fingers fisted into the mess of black tresses as L lifted him up and carried him to the bed. Pale hands reached the top of khaki pants, undoing the catch with ease before starting to pull them dow-

"I've seen quite enough!" Soichiro quickly stopped the video, nearly dropping the laptop in his haste as he unplugged it, the screen returning to a bright white that was merciless on the eyes. There was a long moment of silence as the five men in the room tried to force the heat away from their faces.

"…Just how serious were they?"

Soichiro motioned to the gun that had previously been fired by Light, his tone sharp as he answered, "Don't ask stupid questions, Matsuda."

"Gomen nasai, Chief!"

"How long do you think it was going on?" Aizawa asked.

"…The only way to find out would be if we watched each video until we found ones that didn't have…you know," Matsuda said, blushing a bit.

"I forbid anyone from watching any more of this. What happened, happened, that doesn't mean we have to delve into it any further."

They all nodded. "But what about Raito? He's obviously unstable at the moment," Mogi said.

"I'll be taking him home."

"But what if he sneaks out, or tries to, um, hurt himself again?" Matsuda twiddled his fingers as he not so subtlety avoided the word kill.

"I'm sure the room with all the medical supplies has something to keep him sleeping through the night."

"…What do we do with Watari? And Ryuzaki?"

"Move them both to one of the empty rooms."

They all looked over to the lifeless body of L which was covered mostly by an unconscious Light. The former had leaned a bit under the latter's weight, causing his head to lie against the teen's. The scene itself was beautiful in a way, albeit pitiful.

Light couldn't quite tell if he was awake or asleep, the darkness before his eyes seemed to blur when he tried to focus. He couldn't feel his body, and he lay there for what must have been an hour before finally summoning enough strength to move. As his eyesight cleared, he realized that he was in his room. With much effort he sat up on his hands and tried to get out of bed, but his legs barely twitched, and at the moment he didn't even care enough to find out why. He licked his dry lips, his head seeming to throb. And then it all hit him, each memory like a knife in his gut, and his eyes became watery. He suddenly felt sick, and he was fortunate enough to have a trash can at his bedside as he couldn't hold back the bile rising in his throat. The tears overflowed, and he could do nothing to stop them from falling freely; it was like a dam had been broken, letting all the water rush through. He lay down completely again, throwing his arms over his face as he sobbed more than he had ever in his life. He didn't want to exist anymore. He wanted to escape it all. Why had he believed he could kill all the bad guys, wipe them all out with his righteous judgment, in the first place? Had he been so deluded as to think that a notebook of death could make a human into a God? And L…how could he have done that to him? His lover? He had the time to stop it, but he let things continue on the track leading to L's demise.

Light thought, trying to understand why he'd let it all play out like that. How had it not occurred to him that, like any human, the death of a loved one would ultimately be followed by pain? Why hadn't he changed the game, or at the very least, altered the stakes?

He then felt a sort of magnetic pull, a familiar pang of attraction, and with a jolt he realized it was coming from the few pages of the Death Note that he had hidden in the false draw he'd built for his desk. His eyes widened in shock; just to feel it close by seemed to dull the edge on his guilt significantly; he felt power tingling on the ends of his fingers. The Kira side of him was trying to push away his sorrow and regret as it cheered, trying to convince him again that his philosophy had no faults. He was God. He had been given the unique power to judge the evil that dared to walk upon the Earth. The proof was in the notebook sitting not 5 feet away from him.

Yes…I'd made the decision for the betterment of the world. The world that needs me…

Kira reminded him that sacrifices had to be made, that eliminating one person in the way for billions of others was his duty. Who was he to choose favorites? Especially when his favorite had the brains and means to have him executed, to let the world continue spiraling back towards its inevitable demise. Kira understood this logic, abided by it like it was the ultimate law, but the Light side of him seemed to be outweighing the other with its more unconvinced attitude. Light hadn't realized at the time just how in love he was; and Light was telling him, that in comparison, the world didn't mean as much to him as L did. There was no point saving it if he couldn't even enjoy living on it; when he'd lost L, the separation hadn't been clean and even. Just as L had been ripped away, so had a part of him. The pain of it burned like fire throughout his body, scorching everything in its path but never frying it completely, for that would be like freeing him from its grasp.

But again, the Death Note seemed to buzz loudly from across the room, enticing and encouraging him with an electric temptation. Kira no longer had any obstacles before him. Kira was God,and God was pleased.

But Light was devastated.

Downstairs, Soichiro sat on the couch, his wife Sachiko and daughter Sayu sitting on the love seat to his left. They were staring at him expectantly, wondering why he had carried what had looked like a sleeping Light through the door and up to his room like he had only done when the boy was still in his very early elementary school years. Soichiro was seriously considering telling them everything, from the very beginning. L was dead, it wasn't like he'd be endangering anyone now. And he knew that they had been suspicious enough when Light had mysteriously disappeared for 'school purposes' for a couple months without calling or saying so much as a good bye. Light would definitely be staying with them for a while; he couldn't just pretend that the boy was fine, of course his family would notice. Light was never anything but perfect with them; happy, responsible, kind, a bit playful. Such a contrast would be noticed in seconds.

"Soichiro?" his wife said, flashing him a look of concern.

He took a deep breath. "Raito hasn't been in college this entire time." He measured his words carefully, as his family said nothing, just listened. "He has been helping me, a few of my subordinates, and L, solve the Kira Case."

From the looks on their faces he could tell that it wasn't such shocking news, and they almost looked proud, really. However, he knew his next sentence would drop the bomb, but they had to know.

"Raito was suspected of being Kira while he was in high school."

His wife's hands went to her mouth in shock, and Sayu merely stared at him wide-eyed.

"Excuse me?" Sachiko choked out.

He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything was alright, but it wasn't. He couldn't let anything deter him from coming clean any longer.

"L had noticed him when he'd been investigating the police; you see, there had been a leak of information and he was forced to look into all the officers and their families. Later events led to our household and one other household to be watched; there were cameras and audio taps placed throughout our entire house. For courtesy reasons, only L and I watched the surveillance of our home, and it was around that time that L became more suspicious of Raito, so he eventually decided to meet him and test him in person. You both…have seen L before…under the alias of Hideki Ryuuga."

"…H-He was the strange boy at To-Oh that gave the speech with Raito!" Sayu exclaimed. "That was L?"

The Chief nodded, and his wife encouraged him to continue. "They got to know each other a bit, and soon L came to me asking if Raito could join the Kira investigation. His way of looking at it was that if Raito was Kira he would be immobilized and put in a stressful situation, and if he wasn't then he could be a great asset; you see, L found his intelligence very impressive."

He ran his fingers through his hair; anxious to tell them the rest, but it was all so emotionally draining. He really didn't want to think about all the stressful events that had occurred in little over a year, but keeping them in the dark wasn't an option anymore.

"Raito and L had gotten along fairly well, though L had in turn become even more suspicious of Raito's innocence. Evidence had been found at Raito's girlfriend's house, Amane Misa, that had matched the tapes that L believed were sent by a second Kira. She was then put in confinement. Shortly after, Raito had come in one day claiming that it all made sense, and that maybe he was Kira and he just wasn't conscious of it. I think it was all too much pressure for him to handle… Regardless, L took it into consideration, and then had him put in confinement as well. That time that you believed Raito was studying abroad for a couple months was actually the time he was in a cell under L's watch; I felt so upset and anxious that I asked L to put me under too, and he respected my wishes. In the end, the killings had stopped while Raito was incarcerated, but only for about a week before they started up again. It was then that L started tossing around theories of Kira's power perhaps being transferred from person to person, the memories of their actions as Kira leaving each person along with the power. He didn't believe so strongly that Raito was Kira at that moment, and we all eventually convinced him to let him out."

"Oh my God…that whole time…" Sayu whispered, and Sachiko was completely silent, which was something that worried Soichiro, but he continued nonetheless.

"After Raito was let out, L said that he was still suspicious and he handcuffed them together so he could watch Raito constantly. They-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. L handcuffed himself to Raito?"

"Yes, Sayu. He-"

"Does that mean that they had to sleep together? And what about showering and stuff? That's so…" she struggled to find a suitable word, "weird!"

Soichiro sighed. "Yes, it was a bit strange for all of us, even more so for them. They would occasionally get into physical fights at Headquarters over something or another, but they would patch things up quickly enough. Raito would often come to the same conclusions as L, and they would discuss things, bringing new ideas to light. We all thought they had a lot in common, so they became as close to friends as a detective and suspect could be. Well…that was what we all assumed."

"…What do you mean by that?" Sachiko piped up, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

They have to know, Soichiro thought.

"Today, L, along with Watari, was killed."

The girls gasped, and he began speaking again before they could interrupt. "We don't know how, but Kira got to them. The thing is, when L had a heart attack, Raito was there to catch him. He watched him die, and he…he…"

"He what, dear? What did Raito do?"

He hadn't really had time to grieve over his son's sexuality, as he had had more pressing matters to deal with at the moment such as dealing with the deaths of L and Watari, so it was really starting to sink in now that he was about to verbalize it. "…He screamed. He shook him, begged him not to go. A-And then he kissed him."

"What?" they exclaimed in unison.

"…Raito kissed him. The affection he showed was something I've never seen from him, ever. Then he started telling him that he loved him. He must have said in at least five different languages. He started crying, and when we tried to separate them he told us not to touch him; he actually cursed at us. We eventually pulled him away, and in the second that Raito saw two of the task members taking L away he lost it. He grabbed another member's gun, and…"

Tears welled in his eyes, and he fought to hold them back. He had to keep it together, for his family. Breaking down was not an option. "Sachiko, he tried to shoot himself in the mouth. He pulled the trigger, but I moved his arm so that the bullet missed. But he had just looked so…devastated. It was heartbreaking. After the gun shot, the members had all huddled around us, and I took the gun away from him. Raito went over to where they had set L down and he sat on his lap. He seemed so out of it, and we couldn't hear what he said, but he whispered something in L's ear. Then he fainted."

"…Soichiro," Sachiko's voice cracked, and she wiped the tears flowing from her eyes. "I have to go to him."

The distressed mother rose from her seat, moving towards the stairs in a rush. Soichiro quickly followed, his hand wrapping around her wrist and effectively holding her. "Please, I have t-"

"He's out cold, Sachiko. I needed to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else so I gave him a strong sleeping aid."

She put her head in her hands, and the Chief didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms as she cried softly.

"I-I don't understand. How could that have been possible? Wouldn't you all have noticed a relationship between them?"

"They'd never done anything that would lead us to that conclusion. But once we ended things for the night they'd go to bed by themselves."

"I believe Raito, but how do you guys know for sure? I mean, I watched a drama called Poison Apple where this girl lost her best friend, who was ironically played by the real Hideki Ryuuga, and she flipped out and told the police that he was her husband and stuff."

Soichiro nodded. Sayu hadn't stated things the way Aizawa had, but just the fact that she hadn't immediately blocked out any other scenario, had considered the possibility of Raito not being in his right mind, proved that she was much smarter than they actually noticed sometimes.

"Some of the other detectives were skeptical, so we checked the video feed of their bedroom."

"And?" the pre-teen prompted.

"…They were very much together. There's no doubt about that."

"So the great L is dead…and our son, who may have been Kira for a time…was his lover, and therefore is most definitely homosexual…"

"That was what L believed. I don't believe Raito was Kira; I just think he was in the wrong places at the wrong times. And Raito could very well be bi-sexual. He's dated women before-"

"No, otou-san, Raito is gay. He's never been serious with any of his girlfriends. His disinterest in them was so obvious at times I wondered why he even bothered. But then again, he never paid any attention to the boys either…Maybe he's just L-sexual. He's always been so effeminate, so it makes sense. I'm pretty sure he's an uke, t-"

"Sayu!" her mother scolded, blushing profusely.

Soichiro avoided eye contact with either of them, because now that he thought about it, L had seemed in control, and Raito had been beneath him on their mattress. His eye twitched, and he shook his head as if to rid himself of the mental image as he sighed deeply.

"I love you, Light."

"Nghhn…hah!"

Light cried out as L pushed inside him, the intensity of the act familiar but amazing nonetheless. He felt a hot tongue on his neck, fingers rubbing and pinching all over his chest, and he clung to the man above him in hopes of somehow anchoring himself against the incessant waves of pleasure coursing through him. No matter how many times they did this, it was always extraordinary. Each time, sparks flew, driving them to each other, urging them to follow the wave and achieve that perfect unity; like fire and ice, yin and yang.

"Ahh, L!"

Electricity coursed through his veins as L thrust into him, pushing into the tight heat as deep as he could, causing the boy to squeeze his eyes shut and arch his back as his most sensitive area was hit head on.

"Oh God!"

Light felt completely consumed, wrapped up in their passion. L's hands were all over him, making him squirm and whimper with each touch. He could feel L's arousal moving inside him, with his walls clamped so tight around the intrusion that he could feel every movement, his body seeming to stick to L's cock as he pulled out and then pushed in again. The friction was truly incredible. L continued to give him exactly what he wanted, what they both wanted; moving in and out at a building rhythm, L was driving Light insane as such a divine combination of pain and pleasure attacked his senses. The teen's nails carved crescents into his lover's back, and he felt L's grip so tight on his waist that he knew he'd have bruises later. But neither of them minded, because they were physical marks of their love, there to remind them of what drove them wild should they ever forget for even a second.

Their lips met urgently, tongues massaging against each other sloppily, the way they both loved. Light was getting closer, and he knew L was too as the man broke away from his mouth, pulling out of him and flipping him over onto his stomach; his hands found the teen's lower back before he thrust all of his length back in.

"Uhnn! Fuck!"

Light's face was being pressed into the white of the pillow, his golden brown hair splayed out in disarray as he tried not to scream. Though the only people around to hear them would be on different floors, he was pretty sure they might hear such a loud shout. Try as he may, he was quickly losing that battle as L fucked him like an animal. His hips were the only part of him elevated, the rest of his body flat against the mattress as L pounded into him. His mouth hung agape, as if he couldn't get enough oxygen into his lungs, and he felt tears welling in his eyes at the feeling of being stretched so quickly and at the slight burn of every stroke inside him, but words couldn't describe how perfect it felt. Like two puzzle pieces, their bodies fit. Moving together in synchronization until Light didn't have the strength to continue, and L didn't have the control to hold back.

And then their bliss exploded, expanding ten-fold as they came; Light all over their bed sheets, and L inside of the brunette, soaking his walls in a way that was almost predatory.

"L!"

The boy woke with a start, cheeks flushed and panting, his body moist with a thin sheen of sweat. He pushed the hair out of his face, his chest shaking with the sobs he felt coming on. That dream had been so vivid, so real. Too real.

What he and L had was more than once in a lifetime. He knew with certainty that he would never find another love, not like L. He was beginning to think that all his academic achievements had been pure, unadulterated luck and that he was really just a fucking idiot.

He sat up slowly, noticing he could move his legs again, but stopped suddenly. He rubbed his thighs together, watching with an almost child-like innocence, and his mouth popped open in shock as he felt wet. It seemed that even his body needed L. Like addicts, they'd had sex whenever the urge would strike, which now that he thought about it, was quite often. Was this one of his withdrawal symptoms? He stumbled to the bathroom as fast as his numb body would allow.

Did tou-san drug me?

He concluded that that was quite possible with his earlier behavior. He was well aware of how unstable he'd been, but for once in his life he didn't care what anyone thought of him. To hell with what they thought. It wasn't important anymore.

Nothing was important anymore. Not without him.

Light stripped, turning the water on hurriedly and stepping into the shower before the water became hot. He shivered as the cold spray met his skin, but he didn't bother to move away. He found that his weak legs couldn't hold him up any longer than they had, and he ungracefully sunk to the shower floor. He closed his eyes as the now hot water worked at relaxing him, but all he saw was L. Images of inky black hair, snowy skin, eyes like midnight. No matter how much it hurt, a part of him took comfort in the images. He focused on all the details; the long thin fingers, the slender frame, the beautiful pink lips that seemed to always taste sweet…

He tried to convince himself that it was all just a dream, an extremely long and intense dream, and he'd wake up for real on November 28th of 2003, in his bed and ready to go to high school again. But his mind wasn't so simplistic as to actually be capable of believing that.

What have I done?

Author's Note: Well, there you have it. I'm not entirely sure where this is going, but the DN eraser will obviously be coming into play a little later. Please drop me a review on your way out and let me know what you think, for it would be greatly appreciated. (: