Million Reasons, a sons of anarchy fanfic

She stood at the doorway, looking at him as if she had no idea who he was anymore. Everyone looked at them as they had never made sense, the biker and the teacher; the 30 year old future principal of Charming's elementary school and the known outlaw enforcer.

You're giving me a million reasons to let you go
You're giving me a million reasons to quit the show
You're givin' me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin' me a million reasons
About a million reasons

He never knew what hit him till she screamed that night; the night that made him question all of his decisions up till that very moment. He knew she wore her heart on her sleeve and that she put all of her into everything and everyone that she cared about. She made the effort to become close to his mother and aunt, and had included them on the list of people she knew and loved. He felt as though he was losing his heart would cause more pain than being shot or stabbed right in that very moment. He looked upon her with so much distraught and fear as he took her away from that building as they burned it down. It was from then, he began to push her away… allowing crow eaters to touch him, instigate fights over every little thing, and to dictate her life (which he knew would bite him in the ass someday).

If I had a highway, I would run for the hills
If you could find a dry way, I'd forever be still
But you're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin' me a million reasons
About a million reasons

She woke up in the morning to a cold and empty bed that day with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. No matter how far she ran or how much she worked out, that feeling never went away. She drove over to the lot just to see him; to see if that sinking feeling would go away as soon as she saw his molten eyes catch hers. Things hadn't been right for weeks and even her students noticed the change in her and her best friend told her that the light in her eyes were beginning to disappear.

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Her best friend saw her pull up onto the lot and he knew that he had to protect her from her heart being crushed into a million pieces. He had noticed the change in them both; her being so dedicated to her job and to him, whereas he was panicking over the intensity of the relationship they had created. He knew that as her best friend, he should say something to him but he knew the loyalty they had to one another as brothers would make or break his friendship of decades with her.

Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare
It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware
'Cause you're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin' me a million reasons
About a million reasons

As she opened her car door, the sinking feeling felt like it was getting worse. The guys had stopped working on the cars and looked at her with pitying glances and anger in their eyes. "Where is he?" she asked her best friend of decades. "Kay… he's…." Jax responded hesitantly. "Where… is… he Jax… I can't do this…" she responded with anger, fear, and disappointment laced in her voice. He didn't respond, just looked towards the club house; she looked around the lot and noticed the guys all staring at her.

And if you say something that you might even mean
It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe
'Cause you're giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin' me a million reasons
About a million reasons

She steeled herself before she walked across the lot to the doors. Those ten steps felt like ten miles; she felt that all of her decisions up to that very moment were going to make or break the one decision she was about to make right then and there. She closed her eyes and prayed to her grandmother, her best friend, who absolutely adored him the few months before she laid upon her death bed. Her grandmother had always told her that he would be a man for her to fight for. He would be a man that would love as deeply as she but would run quicker than any other man could. She said that he would be scared to find someone who would have as much passion as she. Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind, she steeled herself as she entered the club house.

He had taken the crow eater to his room, knowing that this would be the final nail in the coffin to separate her and him once and for all. Why would the one truly beautiful and amazing person in his life want to do with an high school drop-out outlaw and ten years her senior anyways. He would always remember the way her eyes shown brightly the first night he met her but also how that brightness began to dim over the past few months and was nearly put out entirely. He knew he was the reason for the dimming of her eyes and the weight loss. He knew he was responsible for the tension between himself and her best friend and how that tension made working together on runs damn near impossible. He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and looked at the crow eater and kicked her out. He knew she was it for him and he was going to have to man the fuck up.

Hey, ehh, ehh, eyy
Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin'
Stay, ehh, ehhy
Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'
Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith
But baby, I just need one good one
Good one, good one, good one, good one, good one

She walked a slow and even pace across the floors and down the hall to the dorms. She thought about the first night she came with her Godmother Gemma to the club house all of those years ago. She thought about how at sixteen, she knew he was going to be the one for her. She impressed him that night by not being afraid of him and talking to him as a person and not the demon he thought he was on the inside. She told him her goals to become one of the best teachers in the state and country. She already had three degrees and as much as he was proud of her, he was equally frightened of her as well. He was scared that once he let her in, once she left he would take the remaining parts of his humanity away and she felt equally as frightened.

When I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one, good one
Tell me that you'll be the good one, good one
Baby, I just need one good one to stay

Did You Know?

She hears a door shut and sees the blonde crow eater she despises walking quickly down the hallway. The crow eater passes her with a smirk on her face and that never ending sinking feeling in her gut explodes. She stumbles into the wall right next to her, two doors away from his, and takes deep gulps of air, as she feels her body begin to shut down. She has experienced pain before but not the heart shattering kind of pain and the numbing sensation from her scalp to her toes. Silent sobs rake her body as she slides down the wall and puts her head between her legs. She questions those choices she has made up till now and wonders what she has done to deserve all of this pain.

She hears a door shut and a "fuck" come somewhere through the fog of her sobs and numbing. She feels his presence next to her and attempts to slide away from him but is unable to do so as he wraps his arms around her and rocks her back and forth. "I didn't touch her," he says into the hallway as if anyone else can hear us. She sits there staring at the wall, not even responding to his statement. He looks at her and notices the changes over the last 14 years he has known her. How she has grown into her body, how her smile lines make him smile more and how her eyes turn grey when she is angry but a bright blue when she is happy. "Why did you leave then?" she asks not looking at him, knowing that if she did all she would want is to crawl into his arms.

He takes a deep breath, knowing she is looking at him through her peripheral. " I left… I left because I'm not right for you…" he starts, but puts his hand up, motioning to her to let him finish. "Kay, you are a gorgeous girl. You are amazing, intelligent, sarcastic, quick- witted. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know and you have no problem putting me in my place. You have three damn degrees for fuck's sake and I barely passed twelfth grade english. Why would someone like you want to be with a high school dropout outlaw that is ten years older?"

He didn't notice her turning towards him as he spoke towards the wall. She knew it took a lot from him to say as much as he did; she knew he was a man of action since words fail him. She grasps his hand, making him look into her puffy eyes and right then she has never felt as beautiful as she did right at that moment. She takes a deep breath as she looks at him and begins. "I fell for you because of who you are and who I am able to see. You are my world and my heart; you are the unexpected and I love you everyday for that. I told you once, that once I fell hard that there would be no turning back and when you left, I felt like a fool. Yes, you don't talk nearly as much as I do… don't you dare laugh," she smirks as she hears him snort. "Getting back to the point, you can't leave in the middle of the night if you're scared and you can't be doing what you did today when you get reality sinks in. I have been given a million reasons to walk away from you and all I need is a good one… a good one to stay."