Author: Kate Anderson
Email: sam_loves_jack@yahoo.ca
Disclaimer: Bosco and Faith aren't mine.
Summary: Bosco gets Faith a very special gift this Christmas.
Author's Notes: I can't, for the life of me, remember where I read a story similar to this. I know there is at least one out there, in one fandom or another. I don't think it's in Third Watch, but if this has already been, I'm truly sorry!
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I should have been worried right from the start. Right from when Bosco informed me that he had a very special Christmas gift in mind for me...
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I had just finished my shower on a Saturday morning when there came a knock on the door. I hurriedly pulled on my robe and wrapped my wet hair up in a towel. I opened the door and was greeted by a harried looking delivery man, holding in his arms a tree with a small bird perched atop of it.
"You Faith Yokas?" asked the man.
I nod my head, feeling embarrassed to admit that I am she.
"Sign here." the man says and produces a clipboard with a pen attached to it with a string. I sign my name and then take the damn tree from him. The man looks relieved and ran down the hall. I looked at the tree and the bird, which looks suspiciously like a grouse, squawks happily.
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On Sunday morning, as I was rushing about the house, feeding my bird and cleaning up after it, there came another knock on the door. I set my damp cloth down and throw open the door. The delivery man, the same one as yesterday, stood holding a cage with two white doves in it. They were merrily cooing away.
"Someone must really hate you." the man says and produces his clipboard again.
I reluctantly sign my name and take the cage of cooing birds from him. They join my other bird and the pear tree on my kitchen table.
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By Monday morning I haven't gotten much sleep thanks to the incessant racket being made by my three birds. The pears on the pear tree have began to ripen and several of them have fallen to the ground.
When I hear a knock on the door, my fists clench and grind my teeth together. There's another knock, this one more insistent, so I open the door and find that very same guy standing in my doorway holding another cage.
"Seriously lady, what did you do to piss someone off this bad?"
"I didn't do anything." I say and grit my teeth. I sign my name and take the cage with what appears to be three hens. The hens start clucking and I slam the door.
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I asked Bosco at work Monday night if he's the one sending me birds. He denies any knowledge of the deed. I didn't sleep at all that night and when I hauled myself from my bed, I found that the pears had began to rot and I now have a small, but growing, colony of fruit flies.
As I'm cleaning out the doves' cage, there's a now familiar knocking on the door. "Go away!" I yell.
"No way lady! You answer that door right now!"
I sigh and open the door. The man thrusts a cage with four blackbirds in my face and runs. "But, don't I need to sign for these?" I call after him.
The birds begin to make a godawful sound and I put them down beside the couch. The hens pick up their clucking and the doves begin to coo. Only my grouse is silent as it bobs around my kitchen floor.
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Bosco again denied any knowledge of the massive amounts of birds that are being sent to my place. I suspect he is lying.
The next morning, I stare at my gun and contemplate shooting the damn blackbirds. Either that or baking them in a pie. Come to think of it, the hens are looking mighty tasty as well.
This time when there's a knock on the door, I throw it open and glare at the delivery man. "Look buddy, why don't you start setting the damn birds free!"
He shakes his head. "No birds today ma'am. I've got this instead." He hands me a small, wrapped package. "Unless it's a real tiny bird..."
I take it from him, looking it over cautiously. It's not chirping, so that's a good sign. I sign for it and then sit down on the couch beside the grouse and open it up. Five gold rings greet me and my eyes widen. The grouse cocks its head and eats a fruit fly that has landed on my lap.
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I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with five gold rings, but I thank Bosco for them. He again says that it's not him. I suspect that he just doesn't want to own up to the birds.
By now it's Thursday and I haven't gotten a proper night's rest since last Friday. By now, all my birds are looking mouth-watering. I hear that doves are excellent if done well.
There's a knock and a small yelp from outside my door. I open the door and find the delivery man wrestling with six geese. All of them appear to be laying eggs.
"Look lady, I think you need to apologize to whoever is sending you these birds!"
I take the geese and their eggs and sign my name again. The geese begin to honk. The hens cluck. The doves coo. The grouse has eaten one of my gold rings. And the blackbirds are watching me intently.
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By now, I'm reasoning with myself that there are only six days left before Christmas and that there's no possible way that Bosco could have arranged for the rest of the gifts. I invited him over for a drink after work last night, but he politely declined. I suspect that he's afraid I'll send him home with three hens.
When the knock comes, I call out, "It's open!"
The delivery man pushes open the door and shoves seven brilliantly white swans into my apartment. "Still haven't said you're sorry, huh?"
"Shut up." I say and go to run some water in my bathtub.
My seven swans are happily swimming in my tub now and I think my grouse is sick. Apparently gold rings don't sit well with it.
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The next morning there's a huge clatter in the hallway outside my apartment door. I bury my face in my hands and wait for the knock.
"Helloooo?" calls a female voice. "We're here!"
I try to remember what the eight day of Christmas is, but I'm drawing a blank. I get up and open the door. Eight women wearing dresses are standing outside, each holding onto a cow's lead.
"Oh my God..." I say.
"Can we come in?" one of the women asks.
I nod my head and the women and the cows troop on it. They all set up stools and begin milking their cows.
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The eight maids have fallen asleep in various places around my house and their cows have been stored outside in the alley behind the building. I'm expecting a visit from the police soon, I'm fairly sure there's some law about no livestock in the city.
I now have a flock of baby geese, which I will admit are rather cute. The swans are getting tired of swimming in my tub and the grouse has sadly passed away.
The next knock on my door results in a deluge of twirling ladies wearing flouffy dresses. They smile at me. "Do you have any waltzing music?" one asks.
I sigh and put on a classical cd. As the music begins to play, they begin to dance.
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After another sleepless night, I am now a waltzing expert. I have thrown away the pear tree and thankfully, my fruit flies are dying off. The swans have left, they took off yesterday night. I now have an empty bathtub again. The geese are looking to move in though.
When I hear a knock on my door, I open it a crack and peer out into the hall. Ten men, dressed up in ridiculous costumes and leaping about and laughing with delight.
"Hey!" one of them greets me. "Come leap with us!"
"No thanks." I reply and move to shut the door.
"Hey wait, aren't you gonna invite us in?"
I feel tears coming on as I open the door wide and let the ten leaping lords into my house.
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I stayed at Bosco's place last night. He says he's sorry and he wishes he knew who was sending me all that stuff. I suspect he's feeling guilty.
When I go home to change before work, I find eleven men with bagpipes tucked under their arms waiting for me.
"Don't tell me," I say as I weave my way through the crowd. "You're waiting for me?"
"Are you Faith?"
I nod wearily and open the door. One of the blackbirds flies out and down the hall. "Make yourself at home."
The pipers march inside and taking a deep breath, they begin to play 'Amazing Grace'
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I spent the night in jail last night for noise violation and for keeping my livestock in the alley. They didn't care that I'm a police officer, no one should have pipers playing 'Amazing Grace' at all hours of the night.
An awful noise is coming down the hall and I pop another Advil and open the door.
"Hey there." says a man wearing a drum around his neck. Others are behind him, their drumsticks poised.
"Come on in." I say and they all file in. My eight maids and nine ladies dancing look up with delight as the newcomers arrive.
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Bosco has again denied any knowledge of creating my Christmas hell. I opened my windows on Christmas day and shooed all my birds out. The dancing ladies and milking maids took their leave in the arms of the lords, drummers, and pipers. I am now left with a messy apartment and four gold rings. Plus a few fruit flies that just refuse to die.
When I asked Bosco where my very special Christmas gift was, he handed me a gift certificate for a day of relaxation at a spa. Said I probably needed it. I suspect that he's overwhelmed with guilt.