I know this could never be canon for reasons that I won't explain due to spoilers. Please let me know what you think! :)
Also thanks to the reviews that this has already gotten! You guys are so nice and i really appreciate it!
A place to be alone. That's all I want right now. I need to get away. From Terezi, from Rose, from that room. Away from everything. Gog, now my eyes are getting moist. Cool kids don't cry. Cool guys can't cry, can they? Am I really cool? Maybe it's just a ruse. I don't want to be a fake but I guess I sometimes am. Hiding behind these shades. Doesn't matter. As long as people think that's who I am then it's cool.
I think I see a door at the end of the hallway. I was right. I go inside, but leave the lights off. I don't want to be found. I find my way into a corner after stumbling a couple of times. Hey, even I'm not perfect. Don't judge me. I slump against the wall and slide down to where I'm sitting. The ground is damp and my cape is probably getting wet, but I have bigger problems. Besides, they're magical freaking pajamas. They clean themselves, I think.
Come on Strider. You've needed to do this for a while. Do it now before Terezi sniffs you out. Man up and cry already! Yeah that doesn't make any sense. That's the irony in it. You know what? Forget irony. Like everything that's happened to me is ironic. Yeah right.
There they are. The stupid flipping tears. You have no idea how soft and uncool I feel right now. It's like I'm one of those people who is obsessed with puppies and kittens and fluffy little animals. I don't have anything against them but it's not like I want to kill them all. I'm not that psycho.
All that blood… that sword… I wish I could forget it but I can't. I just can't. It's one of those things where you wish your thoughts were written in pencil so you could easily erase them. But you can't do that. It doesn't work that way. Maybe it does now that everything's changed. I don't know.
My brother was there. He went down fighting. And I saw him dead in a pool of Strider blood. That Jack Noir. I swear the next time I see him I'm going to kill him. Slowly and painfully. I'll get my revenge no matter how many times I have to die.
Fudge. Now I'm sobbing like kid who didn't get any ice cream because he had been mean to his sister or something. It isn't worth getting my sweet shades wet so I take them off my face and put my head on my knees. I can't make any sound at all whatsoever. I swear if anyone sees me like this I don't know what will happen.
And I don't want to know.
He was my role model. The guy I wanted to be exactly like. He was like a dad to me. He'd surprise me and jump out of nowhere for combat. He said it was to prepare me for when times got tough and I needed to defend myself. It's almost like he knew this Sbrb thing would happen and was preparing me for it.
I miss him.
What was that? I could have sworn I heard a noise. Please don't be Terezi.
I slip my shades back on. I lower my head onto my arms which have found their way to my knees. I'm not showing my face or my eyes.
Okay maybe I was just being paranoid because I don't hear any sounds other than my own breathing anymore. I let out another sob without warning. I guess cool guys do cry sometimes.
"Dave? Dave where are you?"
Heck no. She can't find me. Not here. Not now. Not like this.
"Are you in there Dave? I can sniff you out wherever you're hiding!" She cackles. I can tell she's just outside the door. Please don't come in.
The door opens and a little bit of light floods in.
"Have you seen Dave?" I hear Terezi ask someone.
"Nope. Sorry sis." It's the clown alien. He's pretty chill.
I hear the door close and the light disappears. Good. I'm alone again. I take a deep breath and try to regain my calmness.
A thought that I don't intend to think whispers to me. He's dead It says. I choke up as I'm exhaling.
I hear someone, or something, shifting in the middle of the room. Whatever it is, they must have heard me. Dang it. I cough to cover up my sadness. It sucks to be sad.
I hear a honk. That dude is so weird. What do miracles have to do with clowns and circuses anyway? It doesn't really make sense. The room fills with light. I take it Gamzee turned the lights on. Common sense, people. Gog.
"Aw, you all up and came out to check out this miraculous room I got set up!" He says with a stoned grin.
I don't say anything. For once, words fail me. It's probably for the best. I don't even know if my voice is back to normal or not. That stupid lump in my throat hurts.
He opens a fresh bottle of Faygo and I can hear it fizz. I keep my head down. I don't want to leave. I don't know where else I could go to be alone. Maybe if I don't say anything he won't bother me.
"You look like something's bothering you bro. You wanna talk about it?" he sits down beside me and I tense. Shut up.
"Doesn't matter." I say. Great, now I'm on the edge of crying again. This isn't ironic at all.
"It looks like it matters to you." He says before taking another drink of that gross liquid. It smells like some sort of fake fruit flavored cough syrup.
"I'm never going to see him again." I mutter.
"Who is this guy you were all up and flushed for? Do I know him?"
"I'm not flushed for him." I say louder. That would be sick. I could never feel that way for my bro! Sure he was awesome but… no.
"It's okay to deny it bro. I understand." He takes another drink of the stuff.
"I'm related to him! What kind of sick alien are you?" I look up at him and yell.
"I was related to him." I say softly and drop my head back down.
"Was? What happened to the guy? You lose track of him?"
"Yeah. In a way I did." I mumble.
"Now what do you mean by that? In a way…"
"I mean that he's gone. There's no going back. There's nothing I can do. Believe me I've tried but I just ending up dying too."
"It's Jack Noir. He's too powerful." I cringe as I say his name.
"Hold on a second bro. You telling me you're dead? Like a ghost or something? Like that Aradiasis who died then turned into a sprite then somehow turned into a robot? What a miracle! How do you all up and do that? She won't tell me how it works."
"I'm not a ghost. Do I look dead to you? Don't answer that. Being the Knight of Time I can travel to the past to try and fix things. Or make them worse." I reluctantly explain.
"Oh I think i get it now! You're a time travelling miracle brother from the universe my best friend created! That's pretty wicked! Or you're a ghost dude who used to have magical time powers and won't believe he's dead. Now that's kinda sad."
"I am not a freaking ghost! I'm not even transparent! Besides, I'm pretty sure we've talked before. Before all this Sbrb stuff happened. It's almost ironic." I pull my head up and lean it back on the wall, looking up at the ceiling.
"Okay not really." Why won't he just go away?
"I have a feeling that this won't be a story about the miracles of life. What you're going to tell me is all up and bothering you. I'm no messiah, but I'll be there for a brother."
"I don't want to talk about it." I stare straight ahead, but I can see the freak in my peripheral vision staring at me creepily.
"Whatever bro, but I think it's good to let some feelings out once in a while. I understand though. We all have stuff we don't want to talk about."
I don't respond. There's no point in it.
"You sure you aren't a ghost?" He asks me after a while. I raise my voice to just below a yell. Do you really think I want Terezi to find me? Nope. Still Don't.
"I am not a ghost! If you want to know what happened why don't you ask John or Davesprite! Or even Rose!"
"I don't know who John and Davesprite are but Rose is pretty chill."
I sigh. "I just want to erase it all." My voice catches on the last two words. Dang it.
Really though. I just want to go home. Back to my normal life. The good parts of it anyway. Sparring with bro, pestering John, Rose, and Jade, writing sweet comics, all of that. Remembering it makes me sad. I put my head back down.
"Whoa chill out bro! I'm sorry!" He puts his abnormally long arm around me.
"Don't touch me." I say emotionally. Whatever happened to being the cool guy? The guy who never broke down?
"Maybe you could start from the beginning. Unless you don't want to. That's chill too. Just say the word and I'll leave a bro alone." He doesn't take his arm away. Does this guy ever listen to anything anyone says?
Big surprise, I don't say anything. That lump in my throat isn't going anywhere and it's starting to get on my nerves. I guess it couldn't hurt to tell him. It's not like he's going to go on a murder rampage and kill me if I do, right? Maybe if I tell him he'll get the heck out of here. I clear my throat before speaking.
"Fine. If you get your arm off of me so we don't look like a couple of homos I'll tell you." I mutter.
"Well alright then! Let's get all cozy in this horn pile over here!" He jumps up and scrambles over to the middle of the room where there's a giant pile of horns.
"What? Why?"
"That's what us trolls do when we talk about feelings." He pats the place next to him indicating for me to come over. There's a chorus of honks. He's really serious about honking, isn't he?
"Fine. If that's how you want to do things." I stand up and flop in the stupid pile at the edge as far away from Gamzee as I can get. He may be awesome at starting sick fires, but he still creeps me out.
He pats the horn pile again and whispers "Miracles." This is terrifying. Almost as terrifying as having a plushrump shoved in your face out of the blue. Is it weird that I miss that?
"Alright bro, whenever you're ready."
"Okay," I say. Wait. How the heck am I supposed to start. I stay silent for a while thinking it over.
"Okay," I repeat.
"So I have, well, had a brother. He was like my guardian. Like a dad. I've known him for forever." I stop in case the juggalo wants to respond. He just nods like he's a therapist. Now that I think about it I would probably feel more at ease telling Rose about this. She's the most therapeutic out of all of us.
"All that blood," I whisper, remembering the image I saw. "All that freaking Strider blood everywhere. And the sword." I shudder.
"It's that stupid Jack Noir. I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna kill him." I say fiercely.
"Now I'd be mad too, but you can't just jump into something like that without any backup. If you didn't come back, imagine how all your best friends would feel! Think about it…" He trails off into one of his weird sopor dazes.
I do think about it.
John would probably be devastated. He'd be bawling those manly tears of his all over my dead body. He is my best bro after all.
Rose would be pretty messed up inside about it too. Apparently she's my ectobiological sister. She's talked me out of a lot of stupid stuff that could have gotten me into deep trouble. She wouldn't seem sad, but I know she would be.
Don't even get me started on Harley. She'd probably be the most hurt of them all. She takes everything so seriously. According to Karkat, I'm supposed to marry her. I honestly don't think that's bad idea. I don't want Jade to be sad over me.
Gamzee is right. I can't die. It isn't worth it.
"You're right." I say aloud. He just stares into space unresponsively. Was he even listening to me? I bet he was just rambling a bunch of worthless stuff. Except it wasn't really worthless.
It actually helped. My eyes are dry. The lump in my throat is gone. I swear this guy is a miracle worker. He grabs a horn off the pile and honks it in my face. "HoNk!" He shouts with that goofy grin of his.
"Gamzee what the heck are you doing in that horn pile with Strider?"
Karkat stands in the doorway, scowling as usual.
"Hey there best friend! The bro was just telling me about stuff on his mind. Honk."
"Yeah okay. Can you get out of that pile away from your new boyfriend and come here for a second? Your computer is making that annoying honk noise again."
"What the heck Karkat. He isn't my boyfriend, never will be, and I didn't want to be here in the first place." I say defensively. Bro would be proud.
"Whatever Strider. Just come on Gamzee!"
"Okay best friend." He stands up to leave but gets distracted by a fresh bottle of orange Faygo. He stares at it happily and opens it, chugging half the thing down before stopping. He tosses me a bottle of the same flavor. I don't open it. I don't want any of that stuff to get to me in the same way it gets to him. Karkat, annoyed by Gamzee's lingering, storms off.
"Thanks," I say to the clown about the drink even though I probably won't even open it.
He's almost at the door when I continue.
"For everything." I say sheepishly. Bro probably wouldn't like my hesitation and embarrassment, but I don't have to be exactly like him no matter how awesome that sounds.
"Anything for a bro!" He says and steps out.
Maybe now would be a good time to sleep all these emotions off. So that's exactly what I do. I go back to the corner I was in earlier, curl up, and fall asleep.
Clarification time! The room that Dave was in wasn't Gamzee's per say, but more like a room the troll had decided to put another horn pile in to chill out and enjoy the miracles. At least that's how I imagined it to be.
Update! I changed it so they weren't talking in their quirks like a reviewer suggested. I agree, it was distracting, and Gamzee's quirk took me 5ever. Yes, 5ever.
Again, this couldn't be canon because SPOILER ALERT
by the time Dave and Rose got there Gamzee had already already been shoosh papped and was nobody knew where he was.