50 shades of Gibbs rules
"You look very smiley, smiley, this morning Tony. Do you have a reason?" Ziva enquired looking from over her computer screen.
"I do. I am reading this awesome book, 50 Shades of…..I mean man, to find someone like that who would ….you know do….or be willing to participate in such….to teach to."
"I guess you got past chapter 8 then?" Tim replied, not looking up from his screen.
"Like yes, and 9 and 10 and then…." Tony oozed.
"So McGee you have read this book, that has half the female population of a certain age going goooey goooey…." Ziva now asked looking at Tim in a different light.
"More like goey, goey, I hear, they are calling it "Mommy Porn," Tony answered, fingering his collar, and beginning to blush.
"I would like to say yes I have read…..but I have to say as an author, and fellow writer, it is always best to keep up with the current trends of the public."
"Heard she has sold the book for film rights….man that should be something." Tony now replied, definitely blushing, "Wonder if they need actors."
"But Tony, all this information is, as is said in the book, available on the internet, it is just the looking for it," Ziva responded.
"But the rules and the agreement…I mean come on….would you?" Tony asked now leaning on his desk leering at Ziva, "Talking of rules, where is our grey haired silver fox?" Tony now asked looking about.
"He is in MTAC with the Director," Ziva replied, "Tim this book, what did you think of it really?" she continued.
"To be honest I found it extremely painful to read, I thought the writer girlish, I have read better writings on fan writer archive sites. There are some people out there with very vivid imaginations and sometimes even an Elflord can get embarrassed." Tim continued.
"Wow I must get a low down on these sites then….but continue, McScribe."
"I found some of the comings and goings…..so to speak Tony," seeing the glint in Tony's eyes, "I mean the passing of e-mails so reminiscent of that adolescent espistolary novel by Jean Webster…."
"Daddy Long-Legs…..I too can see that now," Ziva smiled, "And I loved the bit where she says, sorry wrote….and may I quote…'I have a new unbreakable rule: never, never to study at night no matter how many written reviews are coming up in the morning'."
"Indeedie Ziva, and then she continues in the letter, 'You wouldn't believe, Daddy, what an abyss of ignorance my mind is; I am just realizing the depths myself. The things that most girls with a properly assorted family and a home and friends and a library know by absorption, I have never heard of'."
"Wow, I need to read that book too," Tony whispered, "Where can I get a copy?"
"Tony, it was written in 1912 and I am sure your local library will have a copy in the children's section." Ziva continued.
"But hey team, that bit about a new unbreakable rule. She wrote that?" as he watched both Ziva and Tim nod, "What if we adapted Gibbs rules to the book…ever so slightly…it could be fun."
"Yes, but if he ever found out….." Tim replied, "I like working here."
"He won't, "Tony answered, "So who will start with the 1st rule of our grey haired, no silver, salt and peppered Boss."
"Never sleep with someone on the 1st date?" Ziva offered.
"Lame….but the 2nd 1st, I would say,yes, you can't really screw over your partner with someone or even under, but yes over unless that is some new Karma Sutra position." Tony replied puzzled shaking his head.
"Always wear grey gloves at a crime scene," Tim added beginning to smile.
"Rule 3, don't believe everything you are told, check internet sites first," Tony laughed.
"Gibbs Rule number three "Never be Unreachable" well you can't be if you are dangling from a rope." Ziva replied.
"I got rule six, and I'm not going to change it "Never Say You're Sorry" even if it hurts," Tony continued.
"That was bad taste Tony…but good." Tim replied.
"You missed rule 4, so best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself, and never let the cleaner in, to clean." Ziva now continued.
"Or, she did want to tell her room-mate, so I suppose 'The 2nd Best Way to Keep a Secret, or tell one other person, if you must'" Tony added, "She did so want to confide in Kate."
"Now rule 5? Don't waste good….wine, food…..time on." Tim thought out loud.
"Going back to rule 6, what about including rule 42, 'Never accept an apology from someone who has just sucker punched you'." Tony now added.
"Smacked you, I should have said." Ziva laughed.
"You want spanking?" Tony leered.
"Ok, rule 7, always be specific….when you lie…..down with your legs in the air…."
"Tony, that, was a bit near the bone," Tim replied laughing, "But never take anything for granted…you know, when she left him."
"That was the sad bit," Ziva replied.
"Team we digress….rule 9, never go anywhere without a knife, because you might need it to get out of the ties."
"And 10, never get personally involved on a case…..he never slept with the Subs, so wasn't personally involved," Ziva now added looking at Tony and Tim.
"Ok, so 11…when the job is done walk away….I think after Christian had you know" as Tony sort of gestured, "He did walk away…which could bring us back to rule 10."