Now I know it's one thing that competition leads no where but excessive hatred by friends, but seriously, when the first Santa Clive story was posted in 2008-ish, they're were only TWO other Layton ''random'' stories, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? O_O Then epic people like WriterDog,CrazyPurpleDancingWhatevers, Tasha something, happyfemale, rawrdragon, and anyone else who i'm killing in the competition :D...or at least...Hope I am, I'M FOREVER ALONE D:
Now without further ado,
LET THE RETARDED MOVIE PARODIES!
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RESUME!
Santa Clive, Layton, and Luke's Big Picture Show
The City of London glistened within the sunlight... Sort of how like your mom suntans and her backs shiny and squishy..
I'm sorry for inserting you that thought.
Strangely though, one thing was odd with the city, it was completely deserted. No one was walking their pets throughout the sidewalks, no one was entering the subway, no cars on the streets, practically every single area in London was completely empty of both people, and sexy, shiny, lotion splattered, glistening, fat mothers! Except for two places...that is.
Meanwhile at Professor Bisexuallity's Office
Professor Hershey Clayton and his assistant, Puke we're scattering around the office preparing their suitcases, apparently it seemed like they were going somewhere, both had no time to converse with each other, they knew the others would be there soon, and that they would all be VERY. VERY. PISSED. Both grabbed items that they felt were special or obnoxious to them, and put them in their suitcases for their 'trip'.
Fluke jumped up and down in front of the Profeather, being scared as hell, but not saying a word because, we all know, his voice actors are horrible, no matter what region you buy it from, "A-are they here y-yet PROFESSAAAAAH?"
"Well Duke, we can give it a good hour or two before they arr-"
"BASEBAAAAAAALL!"
"...Are we seriously doing this aga-"
"BASEBAAAAAALL!"
"Nuke, I DON'T WANNA BE DOING THIS AGA-"
"BAAAAASEEEBAAAAAAAAAAALL! I WANNA HEAR A STOREH 'BOUT BAAAASEEEBAAAAALLL AND GRAPES AND CHICKEN AND WATERMELON, better yet, go buy me a black person PL0X."
"Luke, that's just so racist...In fact, I won't be surprised if someone reviews about this and is extremely mad about it-"
"BASE."
"BALL."
"DAMMIT PUKE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL UP!" Layton shouted, he was finally done packing, "Now let's wait for Clive, then we can get out of here and no one will know that-"
Meanwhile at the Mental Hospital... (A/N: Layton expected another Luke interruption, umad Layton?)
Clive too, was packing all his required things for travel...If you call a bunch of socks and shoes ''required'' . Clive's new pet, Balls was helping him, "Do you really need all those socks and shoes for moving away?-"
"SHUT UUUUUP! I HAVE A FOOT FETISH!" Clive shouted, "THEY'RE ALSO REALLY DELICIOUS!...But not as delicious as you, Balls, I just love to suck you Balls...Sucking them Balls."
Suddenly there was a knock at Clive's white padded room door, he walked up to it and opened it, "THERE HE IS! GET HIM!" Shouted one of the people from the angry mob, he violently grabbed Clive from his cock so he could get beaten by the other angry mob members, "BALLS! HELP ME! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE WHEN YOU NEEDED YOUR SACK!" Balls thought about it, and to be frank, he was kinda true, so he used his magical stretching arms to grab Clive's neck, which, for some odd reason AROUSED him, and easily rescued Clive from certain doom, what he didn't count on was the aftershock, as when the mob let go, Balls couldn't really hold on to Clive's ACTUAL weigh-
"HEY!"
AS I WAS SAYING...Balls couldn't really hold on to Clive's actual weight, and so, like any comedic piece of crap.
They fell out the window and conveniently smashed into Layton's office...
"Eh WOT TEH BLOOD-EH 'ELL! Clive you're here!" Luke shouted in happiness, that is, until Clive began devouring on Luke's shoe, "Okay that's just weird." Layton cringed at the sight, that is, until everyone realize that.
"Wait...if your there, and I'm here...and Istanbul is somewhere in this general area." Clive said, pointing at Layton, then himself, then at a random appearing map of the Middle East.
"Then who the fuck is that?" Clive shouted, pointing at a very angry Jean Descole, "WE FOUND THEM! EVERYONE GET OUT!"
Insert every Professor Layton character that ISN'T Layton, Luke, or Clive: Here...yes EVEN THE DEAD ONES.
"Well shit. We're fucked Professah!"
"HEY LOOK! It's A WRITERDOG!"
Everyone turned their heads in hopes for a better random story. Their hopes were diminished, however.
"Okay, there's a distraction for them, now we need one for Clive, wait, I know! HEY CLIVE, THERE'S A BUNCH OF TUBE SOCKS IN THE GARAGE FOR YOU!"
Clive immediately turned his head, tube socks were yummy to him and almost never-ending!
Almost is a strong word however.
And in less than 0.3 seconds, they were off! Clive ran throughout the halls of the Professah's home as the angry mob realized they were tricked and weren't actually finding any AuthorCats or , "But Professah! 'ow are we going to escape Lawndon?" Puke said, hanging onto Clive's ass as the Professah was grabbing his ears, "You leave that to me once were the- Oh look! WE'RE HERE!"
Clive smacked both of them to the wall, looking for tube socks as both the Professah and Luke locked the garage door shut with unusually large padlocks and unnessary chains, "So Professah, it's been at least two sentences and you haven't told me how we're going to get out of here."
"If you suck a pussy at 1:30 AM, then suck one at 2:45 AM. Approximently how much saliva is left in your mouth by 4:00 AM" Layton said, crossing his arms, "W-WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"
"Idk, L0L." Layton shrugged but then cringed when he heard the door ramble and shake, the mob was at the door! "Oi! WE'RE DONE FOR PROFESSAH!"
"It was just a SCAM! HOW COULD IT HAVE GONE SO WRONG!" Layton said, smacking his hat over his face, Clive had long since found the tube socks by now, and to him, they were godly delicious.
Barton's zombified face suddenly broke through the door as it shocked Layton and Luke, "RAGGLE FRAGGGGGLEE!"
"AAAH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Luke shouted, Chelmey's hand also busted through the door and unlocked one of the padlocks, they didn't have much time! "Professah we got to get out of here now!" Luke jumped up and down frantically, "It's quite alright Luk-"
"QUITE ALRIGHT? WE'RE ABOUT TO BE BEATEN TO DEATH YOU HAS-BEEN!" Clive randomly joined in on the conversation, "...Well your correct actually, this is quite fucked up now that you mention it, anyways, EVERYONE IN THE LAYTONMOBILE, FUCKING NOW!" By now, Termabitch's (A/N: Flora for those who haven't read my Terminator Parody Story) revived hand had started melting off the area around the door, and was 1/4 done by the time our three hero's got in the Laytonmobile, "OUT OF THE WAY! HE'S MINE!" Termabitch shouted, the Don Paolo Cow's were constantly ramming their horns against the door in an attempt to batter ran it down, Stachenscarfen was laughing his bitchy laugh, "Kekekekkekekekeke...KECLEON!" Pavel was lost, and Emmy was kicking and punching the door to help knock it door as Insepctah Groski assisted her.
Layton looked through his pockets for the Laytonmobile keys but, alas, they were on the kitchen table from yesterday's "NotTouchingLuke" party, "YOU FORGOT THE KEYS? WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME PROFESSAH! START IT! HOT WIRE IT! DATE IT! DO SOMETHING!" Luke shouted, Clive was devouring both his shoes and socks at once under him, the door could only take about ten more seconds of beating by the the angry mob before it would finally give way.
"BUT I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING SMALL AND/OR IN A KEY-ISH SHAPE!" Layton shouted, facepalming in failure, Luke looked out the Laytonmobile's door, and saw that the door finally broke down.
"YOU WILL FACE VENGEANCE BY CROSSING THE SON OF A SHEPARD!" Stachenscarfen said as he and the other members of the mob finally entered the Garage and headed towards the Laytonmobile.
"IT'S OVER MAN, GAME OVER! GAME OVERRR!" Luke cried his eyes out, Layton covered his ears because, let's face it, Lani is horrible at crying. Maria was just mediocre, ALL HAIL MAKI HORIKITA!
Clive suddenly realized the danger he and his bitches would get if the others got to them so he used the powers of his foot fetish to start the Laytonmobile...
"I AM CLIVE! ASIANS AND RAMEN!" Clive BUSTED his legs through the Laytonmobile's floor to the garage floor, which technically started the car, albeit the Flintstone way, but, hey, you gotta do what you gotta do...
Clive ran the car up a convenient ramp, "W-what are you doing Clive?" Layton said, holding onto his hat as the Laytonmobile jiggled randomly as Clive ran, "Parodying the Dukes of Hazard!" Clive said as the Laytonmobile SMASHED through the roof of Layton's house!
*SMASH*
Now let's see it from this angle.
*SMASH*
Okay now this angle.
*SMASH*
Okay, we've seen them bust through enough angles...Back to the story!
As the Laytonmobile smashed out of the roof, it frozen in midair for one last comment by the author, as the Dukes of Hazard parody wasn't complete yet.
Now them Layton boys better start growing some wings, or start flapping their arms real fast.
Motion suddenly resumed and the Laytonmobile swerved into the streets, Clive ran into a fire hydrant but randomly spinned around as he went in reverse, Luke feeling as if he was about to puke, Clive finally got the damn car in forward motion just as the angry mob ran out the house to follow them.
The group thought they were safe from any sudden attacks...That is until they saw Don Paolo's (A/N: Cow's) Flying Contraption ON WHEELS driving after them! "RUN CLIVE RUN!" Luke shouted as Clive ran faster, the Laytonmobile continued to jiggle as Clive ran, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOO MOOOO MOOOO MOOOOOOOOOOS!"
Translation: DEVOUR THEIR SOULS!
And if that wasn't enough, wouldn't you see the group's faces when they saw Termabitch suddenly appear in front of their car, "GOGO GADGET! !"
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"..."
"AAH!" Said all three idiots as Clive ran into Termabitch! She flew over the car and smacked into the Flying Contraption! Which in turn malfunctioned as both vehicles headed into an alley, a dumpster ahead that blocked their path to freedom, "QUICK CLIVE! JUMP!" Layton said, holding onto his hat, Luke just puked out of the car window, Clive suddenly cringed as Layton and Luke looked down at the floor of the car, confused, "SOMETHING'S BITING ON MY FOOT!" Clive shouted, Layton and Luke looked to the back window of the car to check, both of them also cringing as they saw Emmy biting onto Clive's foot to hang on to the car, the Laytonmobile suddenly slowed down as only one foot was actually running, or hopping.
Whatever.
"I'm a goner guys!" Clive said with something in his eyes, his body was being pulled through the hole in the Laytonmobile so he could be beaten along with Layton and Luke, "CLIVE!" Both shouted in unison as they realized that without Clive's help, the Laytonmobile would stop running!
Stupid Layton forgetting the keys!
"See ya..." Clive said sadly as Emmy pulled Clive through the hole, "NO WAIT!" Luke shouted as Layton and him seeped their bodies through the hole, grabbing Clive's hands just in time to pull him back in so he could drive, the Laytonmobile had been convienently flying in the air magically, it flew over the dumpster with a "ZOOP!" as Emmy, the Don Paolo Cows, and Termabitch said in unison,"CURSE YOU LAYTON BOYS!" All three of them and their respective vehicles, the Flying Contraption, Emmy's motorcycle, and Termabitch's unicycle of conveniences, were all destroyed simultaneously as all three of them were injured critically.
The Laytonmobile stop flying as it flew into the "Go Ahead And Take A Diarhhea Corrosively Acid Shit In Our" Dump. They had to find a rest stop, they knew Clive would get tired sooner or later, and the Laytonmobile would stop running, if they were unlucky, the mob would still be after them, they'd have to have either Clive switch with Layton to run instead, as Luke was too short to hit the floor, or just run on foot, not that Clive wasn't already doing so.
But their luck wasn't going to get any better, as evidenced by Jean Descole, except, he fell into an inconveniently placed volcano, so "IS ALL GEWD"...Until the angry mob suddenly appeared out of nowhere ON TOP OF THE LAYTONMOBILE! "PROFESSAH! THEIR ON THAR ROOF!" Layton gulped as he saw the roof, one of the Don Paolo Cows was using another's tail as a cork, screwing into the car's roof! Descole was sword fighting with Layton (A/N: He came out of the volcano in less than two sentences.)
The Laytonmobile's roof was suddenly unscrewed as it flew into the air! Clive was running for his life as his legs couldn't take it anymore, Clive jumped off one of the trash covered hills into the nearby pervert-ridden children's playground, Pavel following the group by barrel rolling!
"CLIVE! WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT IN HERE!" Luke shouted before being slapped by Layton, boy, Lani was ANNOYING! "He means we're about to drive into that slide, if you care about us Clive, you'll dodge it." Clive didn't give a fuck for anyone in the world actually, all he loved was his precious blue socks, and DEATH wasn't going to take that away from him!
But, alas, he was out of ideas, and so was Balls, who had been missing from the story for the longest, everyone wondering where he disappeared to.
By now most of the angry mob we're about to get their hands on our heroes, before Layton pathetically said, "Excuse me, if you will...Please." Layton stretched his body out of the broken car window, he grabbed onto the merry-go-round that the children used to spin around, and like that, the Laytonmobile was making donuts! Everyone who wasn't wearing their safety belt, or as in, everyone except Layton, Luke,and Clive struggled to hold on, eventually the merry-go-round spun the Laytonmobile into the air, so far, everyone but Descole had let go, everyone else flying into the wind.
Layton smacked his head over a dozen times at Descole's hands in an attempt to make him let go, but he did something stupid while doing this.
He let go of the merry-go-round...
The Laytonmobile suddenly had no visible sense of direction! It spun madly, cutting the air as it flew miles and miles away to their next destination! "AAH!"
"DOORKS!" Descole said, throwing his fencing sword to the ground.
London was out of sight to the group now, and no one, not even them, knew where they were going...
And that was the end of the tale of Layton,Luke,and Clive...and Balls...and Clive's foot fetish.
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Yeeeah...I had no good end gag for today's story...So, for this part, imagine every Random Layton story writer (including me!) doing the Can-Can Dance on a Stage!
...Fun right?
Oh and by the way...I'm not a fangirl who obsesses over Clive, in fact I'm actually a MALE that plain hates Clive and thus uses these stories as an opportunity to SPREAD MY MEDIOCRE HATRED!
Fangirl: Boo.
...See ya next story...