She stood still, her body frozen as she stared at him. It was like he was sleeping. That's all. He was just asleep. And soon, she would awaken from this nightmare. But, the memory of touching his cold skin after he had passed was still haunting her as she remembered that this was really happening. He was gone forever. No more cuddling. No more whispers. She couldn't kiss those sweet and soft lips ever again. And only now did she realize all of their moments spent together that she had taken for granted.
The tears she had tried so hard to hold in were crashing down her face. They fell with the rain, mixing with the muddy ground beneath her feet. "Y-You can't be... b-but... w-we were going to have a family..." She whispered, knowing that she was talking to no one. Her chest ached as she closed her eyes in an attempt to wish this horrific moment away. Opening them again, the scene hadn't changed and she broke down. She didn't care that she was kneeling in the mud or that she looked like a complete mess. She wasn't afraid that she might be acting childish at the moment. Her husband was dead. Gone forever. And she couldn't get him back. She would have to raise their child ((actually children because she doesn't yet know that she's pregnant with twins P:)) alone. They wouldn't get to have those moments together that every family deserves. She wouldn't be able to feel his arms around her at night as she slept. She would never get to hear his voice whispering those three words that she loved the most, 'Ich liebe dich'. She had lost not only her lover, but her closest friend. The one person that mattered more to her than life itself. Her body trembled and she felt somebody try to help her up, but she shook them away. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to face the reality that was life without him. She didn't want to spend every moment missing him and thinking that he could have been there, smiling and laughing as she said something stupid. He wouldn't be there to make her happy when all of the world felt like it was going to end. He wouldn't be there to see their baby or to hear the child say it's first word. To see their son or daughter's first steps. To watch the baby that they had made together grow up and eventually leave. And after that... what would she have left? The quiet, empty, house that held too many memories to count. She would walk through each room, her eyes starting to water again as she remembered something new. Like... the crack that they had just made in the kitchen table. Had he even had the chance to brag about it like he had wanted to?
And she knew that there would be no one else. She wouldn't find a new man to live with... that was out of the question. She didn't want somebody else. She wanted Gilbert. She wanted her husband. And nobody else would ever be able to love her the way that he did. Nobody would be able to hold or kiss her the way that he did. And she wouldn't settle for anyone that wasn't him.
If she had been given the chance, she would have traded places with him in a heart beat. Though, at the same time, she would never wish this feeling on anyone... much less Gilbert.
She held herself, unable to stop crying even though by now she was out of tears. She couldn't understand why somebody like him had to die. She couldn't understand why he had to leave and miss out on all the moments that they had planned to have together. It was cruel and unfair to both of them.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." They were the only words that could escape her lips at the moment. Repeating it as many times as she could as though he might forget in death that this was true. "I love you." And there was nobody to return the words now. They would forever go unanswered as she struggled to keep herself sane. She had never thought that losing somebody would feel this terrible. She never thought that anything could ever hurt so much.
"It's not fair. We had so much planned. You're going to have to miss out on everything. You won't even get the chance to see your child. /Our/ child." She choked out the words, coughing a little as she choked on her own dry sobs. "W-Why? Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to be taken away from me so quickly? We just got married! W-We finally succeeded in getting pregnant! A-And everything was working out so perfectly! Is life so cruel that it would do something like this?" She had to stop speaking for a moment as she tried to breathe again. "A-Apparently it is. Gilbert... I vow that I will never love anyone else. I couldn't. And, I can't thank you enough for everything that you've given me. I can't thank you enough for loving me, and holding me, and caring for me. For helping me through everything, for making me smile and laugh. And for giving me this child to remember you by. I'll make sure that they know how amazing their daddy was. Even if they never get to meet you, they'll know all about you~ I'll make sure of it~" She smiled just a little at this, almost unable to see anything between the tears and the lightheaded feeling she now had from crying so much. "You would have been an amazing father~ Even though you had your fears. Koibito... I love you more than anything. And I would give my life just to hear you say it back. Maybe someday, if there's such thing as life after death, we can be together again. Just... don't forget about me, okay? And wait patiently for me, dear. Because now, even if I die, I'll have something to look forward to. Because I can't wait for the moment when you can finally hold me again. The thought of being with you again someday will keep me going. I promise not to give up. For you and for our child, I'll stay as strong as I possibly can. Because I know that's what you would want. And if I can do something to make you proud of me, even though you're gone, then I'll be fine. Not right now. And maybe not even anytime soon. But, I'll be fine. P-Please don't forget me. Because there's no way that I'll ever forget you. I love you, Gilbert. And I can't say that enough."