Author's notes: Hello everyone! How have you all been? I hope you've been well!
I'm so sorry for not posting in a while, but I'm in my final year in school and since day one it's been a hectic nightmare, course work, homework and exams as far the eye can see.
Also, I', not getting a new laptop until Christmas so it's very hard ti write on this once since it shuts itself off after about an hour.
But I've missed writing so much and I've missed all of you.
So here's a Hayffie one-shot that I started after a science test.
I hope you enjoy it.
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Surviving
The tears sting the surfaces of my eyes, like they're made of acid. The powder that buries my face with a ghostly shade has slides of smudges running down it's surface. I shouldn't be crying, not now, not because of what's just happened…Yet I am. I am crying. I shouldn't be, but I am. I should be used to all of this by now, I have no reason not to be, But I'm still weak, like my 9 years of experience gives me no strength. It's true. They don't.
I cannot stop the tears from spilling across my white expression and I cannot stop the emotions from crawling their way up my back. The sadness rests on my shoulders - an invisible demon that makes my head hang with torturous and shameful sadness.
But my voice is quiet, there is only minimal sound arising from my throat - no loud sobs, no squeals, and no screams. Just the occasional sniff, accompanied by a waterfall of regret that flows away from my eyes.
I feel stupid, not just sadness and regret, but stupid! I shouldn't be feeling like this, in the eyes of President Snow I have no justification for my tears, He must never discover this moment in time.
My door sends out a creak and the sound rockets through my ears and makes me flinch with petit trepidation. My gaze shoots to the door and as soon as my mind processes who's entering it turns away instantly. It's Haymitch. I hide my face from him, I can't let him see me like this - not because it would be dangerous, but because I merely don't want him to. Regardless he enters.
"Effie?" He begins to questions, a warm wave of concern washes through the sound of his voice. I've never known him show this kind of concern, especially not towards me. But I like it. "You okay?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine Haymitch." I lie. I know he can hear me sniffing. I'm still not looking at him, but the silence that lingers in the air between us lets me know that he doesn't believe me.
I see his reflection in the window of the train - his features merging in a blur with the zooming horizon.
"Effie, I doubt that either of us will like what I'm about to say but….-" I wait with shivering anticipation. "-….I'm not leaving this room until you tell me the truth." He sits on my bed beside me…sort of, there's a slight awkward space between our bodies.
"I'm embarrassed to say." I admit weakly. Haymitch lets out a tiny chuckle.
"Effie, you're with me, think about all of the embarrassing stuff I've done!"
A smile forces it's way onto my lips. I can't control it, but it feels good. It's feel warm and soothing.
Haymitch notices my smile. "See! You're nowhere near as bad as me! So spill!" He sounds like a teenager.
"Okay -" I sigh, "It's…It's the reaping."
"The reaping?" He asks emotionlessly.
"I know what you're thinking, That I should be used to it after all these years but I'm not!….I look at those children whose names I pick out, they look so frail and weak and I just think about what would happen if I'd moved my hand a little bit, pulled out a completely different name, maybe then someone from district 12 would return to their family." I'm crying again.
"You can't let that bother you Effie. It's just the way things are now, It's how they've been for years."
"You don't sound bothered by it."
"You know that I'm bothered by it, they took everything from me…but there's not a lot I can do about it. I don't accept it and I certainly don't like it! But I survive."
"Did you see that young girl that walked onto the stage today, thirteen years old and thin to the bone. And that's all she'll be to the game makers, just a pile of bones. They wont' see her as a person or a child, they'll see her as just a piece in their games."
"It sick, I know that but you can't do anything about it."
"Why can't I live through this like you do?"
"Because it's your heritage." I reasons.
"What're you talking about"
"You come from the Capitol, your origin is with the people that created all of this, They make you feel like this, and now you're finally beginning to realise the truth behind all of it. You're starting to see the ugly side."
I stay silent. I think Haymitch is right! I am part of the Capitol and I truly am starting to see how much of a lie our lives have been. It's all death.
Haymitch continues, "And as for the reaping, that's something that may never stop making you feel like this -" He is surprisingly wise, "-No matter where you put your hand, no matter whose name you pull out, no matter whether they live or die there will always be that part of you that regrets every second of it….It's shit, I know, but that's the world the Capitol has created."
"I don't think I'll be able to carry on. I can't handle it."
"None of us can Effie. We just have to survive."
"How?"
"We find our own way." It's true, we do. Haymitch drinks to survive.
"What happened to you when you came back from the games?" I ask him, terrified that he's going to burst out in a fit of anger. Haymitch tenses and his lips curl lightly.
"They were angry because I managed to manipulate their 'system' and that I managed to almost cheat my way to survival….so they took away my entire family…" He looks at the floor. I never knew he'd suffered like this, so much more than most of the victors.
"I'm so sorry Haymitch."
"Yeah…" He says simply.
We turn our heads and look at each other. "Just don't turn out like me, Okay? Don't find the worst possible way to deal with your ghosts."
"What're you saying?"
"I'm saying that you need to stay strong. I'm saying that I want you to."
I'm touched by his words. "Haymitch, don't think that I'm not grateful for all that you've said, because I am, but…You've never seemed to care before, so can I ask why now?" He smiles at me slightly.
"I honestly don't know Effie. Maybe I've always cared, except this time I'm not drunk."
"You're not?"
"Not at all….but I know that you're not like all those other Capitol clowns, you're different, you've got a pure heart and you realise everything that's wrong with the world we live in. You're not blind like the rest of them." He says somewhat sweetly.
"A pure heart?"
"A diamond in a rhinestone world."
It's strange. It's like Haymitch and I have formed some kind of connection, normally we're at each other's throats, constantly arguing whilst we try and keep innocent children from being murdered. He normally hate each other. We normally want to be at least 100 feet away from each other. But right now 3 feet seems too far away.
Then suddenly, like a spontaneous flare in the universe we both shuffle across the bed a huge sweep and press of lips together. We're perfectly in sync, we both wanted the same thing at the same time.
As soon as our lips touched there was an electric flame that dazzled through our limbs. A spark of fiery romance. The kiss flowed perfectly - blurring into an everlasting moment of incredible orgasmic sensations. As we both pulled our lips away we resting our foreheads together and held ourselves against each other, simply basking in the wonder of being closer than ever before.
"I think we've found a better way to survive." I said.
"I'll happily live in this world with you by my side, Sweetheart." He smiled at me.
No more words were needed. What we said was true. As long as we had each other we could survive the worst that this world had to throw at us. We gave each other strength. We gave each other love. We gave each other life.
*!*
Author's notes: Sorry it wasn't very long, but I really hope you enjoyed it because I've been doing this instead of my PE coursework! ;)
Reviews make my day so feel free to leave one and thank you so much for reading!