This will be a series, its unbeta'd (so sue me) and it's pre-series. Sam is 15, Dean is 19.

'How long?' John hissed

'Dad'

'How long Dean?' John said, he wanted to shout, he wanted to scream, but he didn't want to wake his youngest son sleeping in the bedroom.

'About a year now'

John clenched his fist, he put the bottle of beer down and looked at his eldest son before punching him in the face.

Dean didn't expect the punch, it hit him hard just underneath his right eye. It hurts like a bitch, but Dean won't let John see him in pain.

'By the time I get back Dean' John whispers 'I want you gone, do you understand me? I want you out of mine and Sam's lives forever, do you understand me? You sick bastard'

Dean just nods before John leaves, slamming the door as he does. He doesn't care that, tonight will probably be the last time he ever sees his father, he doesn't care that the right side of his face is swollen and painful. He doesn't even know or care where he is going to go or what he is going to do for money. All he cares about right now is Sam.

He slowly opens the door to his and Sam's bedroom, he smiles and he sees his sleeping baby brother sleeping, he is lying on his side, breathing in and out. Dean doesn't think he's ever seen anyone sleep more peacefully and look more beautiful in his life.

He quietly shoves some clothes into his bag, it's not so easy in the dark but he manages. He then puts on his jacket and slowly kneels down beside his sleeping brother.

'Hey Sam' He whispers 'Wake up Sammy'

Sam stirs, Dean's heart beats faster as he watches his brothers eyes flutter open.

'Dean' Sam says, voice dry from sleeping.

'Hey Sammy' Dean whispers.

Sam slowly sits up and rubs his eyes 'What's up?'

'Nothing' Dean lies 'Dads gone out'

Sam smiles 'Oh' before pulling Dean closer towards him.

Sam runs his tongue across Deans bottom lip, asking for entry which Dean happily grants, the kiss is hungry Dean wants to savour every second he gets with his baby brother. He tries not to think about what he's about to do, he just wants to take these precious seconds to enjoy this kiss.

Sam grudgingly pulls away still looking at Dean. Dean looks away cos it hurts too much to look at his little brother right now. He can feel his heart beat faster.

'This' Dean closes his eyes 'This isn't workin out for me anymore Sam'

Sam laughed 'I know it's not ideal, I hate sneaking around but what's the other option? Tell dad? He'd fucking kill us both!'

'No, Sam that isn't what I mean' Dean paused for a second, trying to gain some composure 'I don't want this anymore'

Dean watches the smile from Sam's face disappear into a look of pure confusion.

'What?'

Dean turns so he's not facing Sam anymore. He can't look at Sam, it hurts too much.

'This. Us. I can't do it anymore' Dean bites his lip 'I don't want this anymore'

'Have I done something wrong Dean?' Sam asks

Dean's heart aches, it's just like Sam to blame himself.

'No Sam, you haven't' Dean takes a deep breath 'I just can't do this anymore'

'No' Sam says as he stands up 'You don't mean that Dean'

Dean turns to look at Sam, he can feel his hands shaking. He looks into those hazel green eyes.

'I do Sam, I don't want you anymore'

'No' Sam says, his voice is starting to crack now and he can feel the tears start to form as he pulls Dean towards him 'You're lying Dean' He says before pulling Dean into another kiss, Dean can feel the desperation, the passion and the fear in Sam's kiss. Dean wants to kiss Sam back, just kiss him and kiss him and never stop. But instead he pushes him and breaks the kiss.

'No Sam' Dean says as he looks away. He wants nothing more than to tell Sam it's all a fucking lie but he can't. But instead he's lying through his teeth as he stands there in the dark, trying will all his power not to cry.

'I don't want you Sam, I never have. You were just a fuck'

Dean watches as the words go into Sam like a knife, watches as he sees Sam's face become expressionless, watches as the silent tears fall down his brother's cheeks. He wants to die.

'I'm leaving' Dean says, he's trying so hard not to let any emotion out right now as he picks up his bag and walks towards the door.

'I love you Dean' Sam whispers quietly, voice shaky from crying. It makes Dean stop for a second.

Then Dean leaves.

Sam thinks he will wake up, this is some horrible, awful nightmare. It's only when he digs his fingernails hard into his arm that he realises that this isn't a dream anymore. Instead he pulls his knees up to his face and cries. He cries and he cries and he doesn't think he will ever stop.

Dean is still walking, it's cold and dark and the train station is a few miles away. He walks until he can't anymore.

He stops by the side of the road and throws up, his hands are shaking and his heart is pounding against his chest. He pounds his fist into the brick wall until it bleeds, maybe he's broke a knuckle or two. He doesn't care.

Sam's voice is still in his head, saying 'I love you Dean'over and over again. Dean sits there on the concrete ground in the middle or nowhere and he cries. He cries and he cries and he doesn't think he will ever stop.