Disclaimer: I don't own the DC franchise or anything else I may write about in this fanfiction.
Now Hiring: Goons
Do you like fun and games? Party masks? Dynamite?
We're looking for team players who can adhere to a rigid schedule, work well in a stress-filled environment, and are skilled with explosives of all types. Employees can expect to help with various activities ranging from robbing banks to blowing up hospitals.
Skills required: No education necessary. Ability to tell time is a must. Prior criminal experience is preferred.
Salary is a generous share in all ill-gotten gains. Salary will not be advanced. You have to survive until payday if you want to draw your paycheck.
We maintain a cheerful atmosphere among our personnel. You will be expected to laugh at all your employer's jokes (funny or otherwise) and look politely interested when listening to depressing, fabricated stories about his childhood.
In case you are uncertain whether or not this is the right job for you, we offer a brief trial period where you will have a chance to witness first-hand what we do to other people who don't cooperate with us.
There happens to be some slight confusion as to what exactly the Joker's goals are - whether they consist of destroying Gotham City or simply making Batman take off his mask. Therefore, we cannot offer any inspiring motivations such as bettering the world or helping underprivileged people. But hey, you're just in it for the money anyway, right? And there's plenty of that! (If you survive.)
Dress code is extremely relaxed. Normal, everyday attire is acceptable except in rare cases when you may be required to don medical garb and impersonate hostages. The only thing you will be required to wear on a daily basis is an attractive team clown mask which serves two useful functions: first, it frightens the living daylights out of anyone who happens to have coulrophobia (that's the fear of clowns, and after the first 30 minutes of this show everyone will definitely have it), and second, it conceals your identity from the general public so that when you die you're just another faceless goon.
Apply below!