Disclaimer: I don´t own anything,I just borrowed the characters of the amazing Hart of Dixie. That doesn´t mean I don´t wish, because if I did, I would just let Zade be happy together forever.
A/N This I idea came to me today and I couldn´t stop writing it down. I am german so english is unfortunately not my native language. Since I don´t have a beta all mistakes are mine. So please don´t be to harsh on me, but reviews are greatly appreciated. I hope you like it.
Don´t let them see how devastated you are right now, that is all you think about in this moment. Just keep your head high and smile and pretend you are anything but the mess you really are right now. Never in your life have you thought you could feel like this. It´s like you were happy one moment and the next you are sucked into a black hole with no way out. How could he do this to you? Even though you had a rocky start you were really happy with him. He was everything you never knew you wanted. Even though he was not a fancy lawyer or a doctor, he was the best thing that ever happened to you. He was there for you, even before you started dating in any form, sleeping on your couch when you were afraid of a ghost, making your gumbo after only knowing you for a month, the list is endless. Even though you did not see all this right away, you have learned to appreciate everything he did for you. You loved him. Ok so you did not tell him that and maybe this is the first time you even admit it to yourself, but you did.
He is the only guy you have ever really loved. Ok, so you thought you were in love with George even though he was just a fantasy helping you adapt and you also thought you loved Zach, otherwise you two would not have lasted for six years. But you know better now. That feeling? The one where every touch lights you on fire, every smile makes your heart leap and every time you cuddle up to him after a round of that A+ Sex you feel like you have finally found your home? That feeling of being safe in his arms and being the most precious thing in the world when he looks at you? No Wade was definitely the only guy who has ever made you feel like that. But now he is also the only guy who has ever broken you like this. You feel like you´re beyond repair. The looks of pity you get are making it even worse. You know that they are only concerned and have the best intentions, but the pity of Bluebells people is the last thing you need right now, because you can barely hold it together as it is.
All you can think about is why? You can´t help but go back to being insecure, because every guy that meant something to you left you, one way or another. Your Dad, Zach, George, in a way even Harley. And now Wade did too, even though you did the leaving. But he did the one thing that he knew you couldn´t forgive. But why?
At first you do the easy thing, blaming it on being to different and that you two never would have been able to make it work. You leave that bench and walk away from him and what you two had. After that you try being brave and going back to the way things were before you let him in. But that is over real fast, because who are you kidding, you are to hurt to not let it get to you. So then you do the angry thing, screaming at him and telling him you hate him. Of course you don´t really hate him. You even regret telling him that a little bit, when you see the pain he is in while hearing that. But the anger is to big to dwell on it or take it back. So then the avoiding begins. Fortunately for you that seems to be working, since he is never eating breakfast at Lavons anymore and he seems to be working the late shift mostly, so your work hours keep you away from him.
A month goes by and you start to miss him. It starts with a phone call from your mom. You have been avoiding her calls as usual and have not even told her about the break up, but if you don´t want her to get on the next plane to Mobile you know you have to talk to her sometime. After she asks you how you two are doing, you tell her all about the last months. What actually surprises you though, is when she tells you that she too had made that mistake once and even if that brought her you, she still regrets the way she handled things. But she has learned from that and at least he was honest with you. And you have forgiven her too. So that has got you thinking about Wade again, right after you were getting so good at not doing it anymore. You start feeling confused and for the first time in weeks, you miss his strong arms wrapped around you, because they made you feel better in an instant, no matter what went wrong.
A couple of days later you walk by the Rammer Jammer. You haven´t been in there since the break up, but now that you look at it you can´t help but miss the banter you and him did so often in that bar. You miss how his cocky smirk infuriated you, but also made you crack a smile. You miss him giving you his little pep -talks when you were feeling defeated in your early days in Bluebell but also the loving words he whispered in your ear when you spend your time there while he was working, back when you dated him. You even miss him pouring you a glass of your favorite whine without you asking for it, because he knows it´s what you want and he orders that wine just for you. So you start to ask yourself, even if you can´t be together anymore, maybe seeing him and interacting with him will help you. Because like it or not, that feeling of missing him does not seem to go away and even if you can´t forgive him, at least you could start with acting civil to him again. So you walk in there with your head held high and you actually crack a small smile when he locks eyes with you from behind the bar. And the smile he sends you, combined with that spark his eyes suddenly seem to get back is enough to actually make you feel a little better.
Interacting again starts really slow. It takes a couple of visits before he starts serving you himself. It takes a whole month, before he does not seem to be afraid of approaching you. With every little word the two of you exchange, you can feel yourself letting go a little bit of the anger you had left. You even talk about other things than what you want to eat now. After some time you start to consider him your friend again and again he is always in your corner when it counts. Even the banter you missed so much is slowly coming back. He seems to be different too. You don´t know how, but you just have this feeling in your gut, that he changed a little. But that's just in your head, right?
You never thought you´d see the day that Bluebell does Spring Break. But Lavon never ceases to surprise you, so you let Jonah talk you into letting go and you actually have fun. You hear about Wade and Lemon winning that boat together and you can´t help but be happy for him. Finally he is one step closer to his dream. That evening you wait for him on his front porch. You tell him how happy you are for him and that he is gonna do great with that bar he plans on owning. What you do not expect is his apology. He tells you that he knows, that you probably don´t want to talk about it, but he just needs to get it of his chest once more, how sorry he his that he has hurt you so much. His eyes tell you that he means it. So even if you though you were past your insecurities, you can still get some closure on that one question that is still bugging you sometimes. So you ask him, why did he do it? When he tells you all about his insecurities that night and about his fears of loosing you, that he unconsciously decided it was better to loose you on his terms and that that was the dumbest thing his alcohol clouded brain ever did, it does not make it okay. But it sure feels good not to wonder anymore. It wasn´t your fault. And you can feel that he really means it when he says, that he will regret that night for the rest of his life.
The weeks fly by and it is almost summer now. Wade finally has reached his goal, of course he has to share his bar with Lemon of all people, but it seems to work for them. Even though he finally did it, you can´t help but notice, that he still looks tired and there is a pain in his eyes. You worry about him, because you still care for him a lot. Ok, honestly you still love him, but you can´t let yourself, so you try to forget about it. You are kind of friends now, so one day you pull him aside to ask him what is wrong. Of course, him being Wade means he does not answer and keeps on a brave face. „Everything´s all right Doc, just working a lot", he tells you. As if. You know him better than anyone else and that is definitely bullshit. But because you know him you let it slide, at least the first time.
A week later you talk to Lavon about it, because besides you, he is the person who probably knows Wade best. So when you ask Lavon why Wade does not seem to be happy, even after all his dreams came true, you are baffled when Lavon tells you that you should know that not all of his dreams did. Because you are part of Wades dreams since he met you. And he does not have you. You are too shocked to give a reply, but after that conversation you start thinking again.
You were sure that Wade had moved on, but had he really? You haven´t seen him with a single girl since your break up and that was a lot of months ago. He did not try to win you back, not even remotely. Why didn´t he? If he really wanted you back and still has feelings for you, wouldn´t he at least have tried? Well you did make it very clear on that bench that he would never get another chance. But would that really stop him? Now that you think about it, the only time he seems even remotely happy is when he jokes with you. He has really changed a lot and he definitely changed for the better. He has grown up in the past couple of months and you just now realize how much. He is not the person who cheated on you anymore. If you´re really honest with yourself, the way he has proven himself to you without even trying, by giving you space and reaching for his dreams, while still being there for you when you need him has given you everything you needed to forgive him. So while you can´t forget about it, maybe your forgiveness is something he deserves to hear anyway.
So here you are in front of him and you are not sure how to start this conversation. His „Hey Doc, what can I do for ya", brings you back to reality. And then your verbal filter stops working and you get into the monologue of your life. You tell him that you see the pain in his eyes and that you know it´s not just work. You know him and you are worried because you care. You have seen him changing and stepping up the past couple of months. He is not the guy who broke your heart anymore, he has proven that. And you forgive him. You can´t forget about that night and you are not sure you ever will. You don´t know if you can ever trust him like before, but you can´t stand seeing him in pain. So if the way to make him happy is letting it go, you will do it, because you love him. You tried fighting it and ignoring it, but it seems pointless. And you are ready for him to make it up to you. So if he still wants you, you are ready to try again. You just want to see him happy.
When his mouth cuts you of with a kiss like never before, all you can think is finally. You feel them again, those fireworks that only he makes you feel. The feeling of being safe in his arms is back and you´re heart is beating a mile a minute. And when he tells you that he loves you too, that he will spend the rest of his live proving it and that he has never been this happy before, it gets even better. This feeling of all consuming happiness that you only get with him is taking over. It will not be an easy ride for the two of you, but you are sure this is absolutely worth it.