Thank you for clicking onto my 2nd Gravitation fiction. This story is alternative universe setting, slightly based on the anime but there will be a few OCs throughout as well. This story takes around 15 years after the end of their relationship which puts Eiri in his early forties and Shuichi in his mid-to-late thirties.
As always, this story may touch upon things like the anime includes like homosexuality, drinking, sexual abuse, conflicted family dynamics etc so I'm including that as part of the trigger warning. Once again thank you for reading. Any feedback is very much valued and appreciated.
"I wish you would just tell me where you're taking me!"
"If I did, that would spoil the surprise Yukiko."
"Yeah, well it better be a good surprise. You better not be taking me to dentist or a tutoring school session or something like that."
"Do I seem like that kind of dad?"
"I won't answer that." The girl answers tartly. "Oh-" She turns up the volume on the radio dial.
Her father reaches over and turns it off immediately.
"Hey ,why did you turn off? I like that song! "
" It was too loud." Eiri changes the subject. "How is school though?"
"Its boring but what else is new." Yukiko rolls her eyes behinds her glasses "I guess science is kind of interesting… We get to dissect things. Its pretty gross."
"Glad to hear that. How's your brother?"
"Oh you mean Mr. Popular? Hatori just made captain of the soccer team. He's still mad at you by the way, even though I told him not to be."
His son Hatori refuses to talk to him- because he's nothing like him. Hatori also thinks he treated his mother badly.
Funny, Eiri thinks, how things repeat themselves.
"Thanks for trying." Eiri forces himself to ask "How's your mother?"
"She's okay. " Yukiko says sullenly. "She's wants us to move in with Masuji and I really don't like Masuji."
Masuji is Eiri's ex-wife new boyfriend. Or rather her new fiancée.
"Why not."
"He's really annoying!" Yukiko complains. "He's even started calling me his daughter in front of people- not even step-daughter! He pretends he's part of family and he's not even married to Mom yet. "
"Yeah." Eiri mutters. He never like Masuji either.
Yukiko looks out the window at the passing blur of scenery. "Are you… seeing anybody Dad?"
"That's not something that concerns you honey."
"Can I ask you another question then?"
"Sure."
"What happened between you and Shuichi Shindo?"
Eiri's breath catches, his hands tight on the wheel. He is thankful that he does not veer off the road. He is also thankful that there are no sudden turns ahead.
Still, Eiri manages to compose himself. He knew this moment would come sooner or later. He just didn't expect it so soon , and while he was driving.
"You know of him?" Eiri attempts to sound nonchalant.
"Of course I know of him. Shuichi Shindo is the lead singer of Bad Luck. He sings that song Glaring Dream. It was on the radio until you turned it off."
Eiri stares ahead.
"I read in a magazine that said you and he were ….together a long time ago. There was even a picture of you with your arm around him. " Yukiko says pointedly, " Is it true?"
Eiri sighs. "This not an appropriate conversation to be having with my teenage daughter."
"Why not? I'm not stupid Dad, Some girls my age are already having sex-"
" They shouldn't be- and you better not be." Eiri interrupts sternly. "You're only 13."
"Ew! Ofcourse I'm not doing that!"
"Good. Because if you were-" Eiri growls. "I'd find whoever it was with and I would kill him slowly and painfully. "
"Dad! What I meant is that I'm not just a kid anymore. I know a lot more than you think I do. We can talk about grown up stuff too sometimes."
"I rather we didn't."
"But is it true?"
Eiri huffs. "You won't drop it, will you?"
"Nope."
There's no point in denying it Eiri thinks. She'll find out anyways, so she might as well hear it from the source.
"Yes, we were together briefly ." Eiri says. "It was long time ago."
"Ok… " Yukiko says, absorbing this new information. "Does that mean that you're…"
Eiri gives her a quick glance from the corner of his eye.
"If you are, I understand about it. " Yukiko says thoughtfully. " There are a lot of people… who are gay. I even have a gay friend at school. Its not something anyone can choose, the same way I don't choose to like boys. Anyways, I don't think it matters much. You're my dad no matter what."
After a long silence Eiri states. "That's very mature of you to say Yukiko."
"See? I told you I was grown up." Yukiko replies. "But … is that why you and Mom got divorced ? "
"No. Its not why we got divorced." Eiri struggles to explain. " You see … Shuichi was the only man I ever cared about in that way. I cared for your mother very much too."
"Did …you really love Mom?"
"Yes. She gave me you two."
"I meant … besides just having us."
"Yes I did ," Eiri says authoritatively, " but we couldn't make it work out- and that has nothing to do with you or your brother, understand?"
"Yeah …I think so." Yukiko frowns. "Have you ever tried to contact Shuichi again?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Like I said, it was very long ago. There wouldn't be any point. Look. We're almost here. " Eiri mutters under his breath. "Thank God."
She looks at the window at the passing sign. "Wow! Dad!"
"Is that a good or bad reaction?"
" Of course it's good! Everyone loves the Obaidiya Amusement Park!"
He's chased him all through their apartment but to no avail.
The other man yells. "No Shu! Stop!"
"Just tell me, what are you hiding behind your back baby?" The pop star teases. "Is that a present for me?"
"Its nothing! Really!"
"Really nothing is it? Now I definitely have to see what this nothing is !" Shuichi cries excitedly.
"No you don't!
"Yes it is! It's time to show this big nothing to me!"
"No its not time for that!"
"When will be the time then?"
"The time will be never!"
Shuichi proceeds to chases his boyfriend Daizai through their bedroom, their living room, into their kitchen, and around in a circle again.
Daizai flings himself into the living room sofa.
"Please. In all seriousness now. You really don't want to see this Shuichi- " Daizai grunts and curls into a ball over the object he's hiding. "Can't you just let me put it away first?"
" Why? Are you looking at some smutty picture?" Shuichi cackles and pounces on him. "If so, it better be one you took of me-"
They grapple. Shuichi gets the upper hand by tickling Daizai's weak spot, under Daizai's ribs In the process of Daizai's laughing, swearing and general carrying on , the much disputed object falls on the floor.
They freeze, still entwined and in active poses.
Shuichi eyes are huge. "Oh."
It's a book.
More precisely Dream Portrait by Eiri Yuki.
They separate themselves from each other.
"Yeah." Daizai sheepishly picks it up . "Sorry."
He sets it on their coffee table.
"I wish I were looking at a smutty picture instead of this. I told you should have let me put it away. I know you were a couple way back… but I've been reading Eiri Yuki's books long before we even met. " Daizai apologizes. " Sorry again. I promise not to read them anymore."
"Heh. Its ok. It doesn't bother me what you read." Shuichi smiles tentatively. "You're probably the only man in Japan who does read his books though."
"Probably. " Daizai sighs. "Or the only man in the entire world. Growing up, my mom and my sisters read them and I happened to pick up one of his books out of curiosity. Then I was hooked. Anyways, I always get funny looks at the counter when I buy them ."
"But you get a lot of funny looks in general." Shuichi says affectionately.
Daizai does get looks as he's covered in tattoos, piercing and has a wildly improbable blue-black hair cut.
"Uh huh." Daizai snorts. "You're giving me a funny look right now."
"Yeah well, you deserve it!" Shuichi giggles.
Daizai puts his arm around him. "Yeah I do- but I like the looks you give me. "
Shuichi asks "So uh… is that book any good?"
"Any good? Dream Portrait is one of my favorites. Its a love story between two women actually , a female painter and her art model. Its pretty sexy and romantic - well… until the end. Haven't you read any of his books? They're great."
"No I haven't."
"Really? Not one?" Daizai says with disbelief. " Didn't you like … live with the guy for two years?"
"Yeah. I couldn't be bothered. " Shuichi rolls his eyes. "Eiri was always such an jerk about writing them. He would demand absolute peace, silence and solitude. You'd think he was writing The Tale of the Genji or something. By the time they came out, I was already sick of them."
"What was he like?" Daizai asks. "The mysterious Eiri Yuki? "
Shuichi murmurs. "The mysterious Eiri Yuki? He wasn't all that mysterious. He was a real grump. He smoked and drank all the time. He would kick me out of his place and he would call me a damned brat too."
"Well. You can be a bit of a brat sometimes- but no one deserves that kind of treatment. For a romance novelist, Eiri Yuki sounds like a real asshole."
"Yeah for the most part," Shuichi chuckles." but he could be sweet occasionally."
"I always wondered what happened between you two- " Daizai gently strokes the back of Shuichi's neck. "Did you just get too much on each other's nerves eventually?"
"Sort of. I guess the simple answer is that we wanted different things. But who cares? Its ancient history now. "
"Well… " Daizai smirks slowly. "what I really wanted to ask is…how was he like in bed?…."
"Oh come on! " Shuichi scoffs "Really Daizai? How immature. What are we, teenagers? "
"Immature? This is coming from a man who just tickled me as a way to win a argument. I'm just curious that's all!" Daizai wags his eyebrow. " Why don't you just tell me?"
"No!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"Wouldn't make you jealous to talk about that?"
"Why should it? Like you said yourself , its ancient history now. That and why should I be jealous? I'm very secure in our relationship. " Daizai explains.
"Maybe too secure."
"Ha ha. Come on. Admit it, this is pretty entertaining conversation…"
"Entertaining or just plain weird!"
"Hey, I might just want to know what I'm up against too!"
"You're not up against anything- heh, except me of course. You don't have anything to worry about- " Shuichi nuzzles his head into Daizai's chest. "Eiri wasn't nearly as good as you"
"Of course, who could be?" Daizai winks then wiggles his tongue to show his tongue piercing.
Today its a tiny skull.
"Heh. Yeah. Your ace in the hole." Shuichi grins then stops himself with a blush. "Woah. That sounded wrong."
"Sounded about right to me!" Daizai laughs. "But he was good?
" Yeah. Eiri was good in bed. "
"Now, the second question. Is he big? " Daizai grinned devilishly. "If so, how big are we talking?"
Shuichi sighs and indicates the length with his two hands.
"Shit! " Daizai guffaws. "Now I know why you stayed with the guy so long!"
"Stop it! " Shuichi mock pushes him. "Yeah well, it didn't last right? I'm with you now."
"Yeah you are which is awesome for me." Daizai takes him into his arms and hugs him tightly.
When they part he says. "Do you… ever hear from him?"
Shuichi sighs. "Not in ages. I don't even know what he's been up to. "
"I heard he married some model heiress and they had two kids together."
"Yuki? With two kids?" Shuichi bursts out laughing. "Now you're kidding!"
"One box of Pocky please." Shuichi stops at a newsstand.
He is about to take off when he hears that deep familiar laconic voice behind him.
"Why you damned brat."
"Noooo… " Shuichi gapes. "It can't be…"
Shuichi turns around.
Its Eiri, looking as Eiri-like as ever. He's wearing a loose dark blue shirt open to the third button, a long black coat and pants. He has the same hair style. Even has the same earring
Shuichi is suddenly conscious of how different he must look. His current hairstyle is shaggier, dyed ash brown with red and blonde streaks. He is wearing studded black boots, and dark embellished jeans, gifts courtesy of Daizai. (The jeans weren't actually a gift. Daizai took a pair of his nice jeans and artistically messed them up by writing his lyrics on them with a Sharpie. He also wrote "property of Daizai " on the inseam as a joke.) On his upper half, Shuichi wears a orange and red camouflage V-necked long sleeved t-shirt and a few black leather bands on his wrist.
"Who else would it be you idiot." Eiri smiles.
They share a quick friendly embrace.
"My God!" Shuichi exclaims. "How long has it been?"
"I don't even want to think about it."
"How have you been Eiri? You look great."
Eiri's eyes flicker up and down over him. "So do you. I heard you've been touring all over the world."
"That I have. I'm on hiatus right now- we all are. And … your new book just came out… right? Congratulations!"
"Thank you."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"Getting cigarettes." Eiri eyes the Pocky he's holding. "Seems like we're both getting our fix. "
"Yeah funny that!" Shuichi laughs. "Other than that - how are you? "
"I've been splitting my time between Japan and America, promoting my new book. I also recently got divorced."
"Oh." Shuichi grimaces. "I'm sorry."
"No its fine. Most importantly, my children are doing well."
"Your children… That's wonderful Yuki," Shuichi smiles kindly. "Do you have any photos of them?"
"Yeah ." Eiri takes out his wallet. "My daughter Yukiko . She's 13. My son Hatori. He's 15."
"Wow. They're gorgeous. "Shuichi says admiringly. "They look like their father. "
"Yeah. Well." Eiri looks a little embarrassed as he closes his wallet and puts it back in his pocket. "And you?"
"Me? No kids for me. My boyfriend and I have a bunch of spoiled fat cats together instead. Or the cats have us rather! "
" Heh. Sorry, am I keeping you?"
"No! Do you have some time?"
"Yeah- lets catch up and get some coffee."
At the nearby Café Matchbox, they discuss almost everyone they know. Tohma and Mika had twin boys a while back and have been traveling all over the world from one luxurious home to the next with them. Hiro and Ayaka are based in Kyoto and just had another child themselves - a girl this time. They talk of Fujisaki, Tatsuha, K, Ryuichi, Noriko, even Sakano.
After a while of this catching up ,Shuichi says "I'm really glad I ran into you."
"Are you. I thought you might not recognize me." Eiri murmurs. "The years haven't been too kind."
"Oh stop it. Don't you know? We both just get better looking with age Eiri."
"I wish that were true." Eiri smiles.
They look at each other for a moment.
"You know… while you were here." Shuichi struggles to say this eloquently, so he goes for straightforward instead. "I thought I should to tell you- that I'm sorry about the way things ended…"
"Hey." Eiri says seriously. "Let bygones be bygones right? It was such a long time ago. It doesn't matter. But while you were here, I thought I should thank you. You helped me out a lot. Thanks to you, I have a life. A pretty good one even."
"You did the same for me too Eiri. " Shuichi says softly. " You taught me so much and you gave me the confidence to follow my dream. For that, I'll always be grateful for you."
Eiri sit back in his chair and stares at him with such plaintive intensity. Shuichi has to look aside.
"Can I uh… ask you a favor." Shuichi mutters.
"Anything." Eiri says.
" My boyfriend loves your books."
Eiri raises a brow. "He's probably the only man in Japan who does."
"That's what I told him too. Could you sign your new book for him? He'll die of excitement."
Eiri says. "Of course but I'm afraid I don't have a copy on me."
"That's fine." Shuichi stands up. " I'll just run to the nearest bookstore and buy one really quick. Is that ok? Can you wait?"
Eiri glances at his watch. "I can."
It takes Shuichi a long time to find the nearest book store. When he does, he's in such a hurry to get back, he doesn't even have a chance to look at what it is he bought.
"I'm sorry it took so long. It was farther than I expected. Then I took a wrong turn." Shuichi explains breathlessly as he sits down.
Handing it over, Shuichi catches a glimpse of it . Apparently Eiri Yuki's newest book is called "The Singular Castaway." No picture on the cover, just black, white and words. Very stylish, very stark- like Eiri himself.
"Its fine." Eiri takes the book from him. "What's his name?"
"Daizai. Oh shoot! I forgot to buy a pen!"
"I'm a writer Shuichi." Eiri removes a Mont Blanc pen from his coat. "I always have a pen on me."
Eiri quickly scribbles something in the inside jacket, then closes the book and stands.
" Well, I'm afraid I have to get going."
"You do? So soon? Then it was… good seeing you."
"Yeah. Don't be a stranger."
Eiri pats Shuichi on the back as he brushes past him.
"Goodbye Shindo."
"Goodbye Yuki."
Shuichi watches Eiri leave, getting smaller and smaller until he can't see him at all. He asks for the bill.
"The other gentleman already paid." The waiter informs him.
Shuichi sits there for a moment. Then he opens the book and reads the signature.
To Daizai,
You're a lucky man.
Enjoy the book.
Eiri Yuki
After Eiri leaves, Shuichi stays behind at the coffee shop and spends the next few hours reading the signed copy of "A Singular Castaway".
Its not an easy book to read. Shuichi seriously considers giving up twice.
Its about a successful lawyer Goushi who because of his dedication to his work and his exacting hard-edged manner, has a distant and tense relationship with his wife and children. Other than that, his life is comfortable and he is respected in his various circles.
However due to some upheaval at the large family-run firm he works at, Goushi is unwittingly made into scapegoat to cover up for the enormous blunders of his boss Outa (who is the firm's founder son). These blunders compromised crucial confidential information about their most prominent clients, some of them in the circles that he aspires to be in. As Goushi is high enough in command but yet has not enough personal clout to be considered indispensable, he forcibly set up to publicly apologize and resign.
Because of the public shame and the fallout of the incident, after his resignation Goushi is unable to find new work. His friends abandon him, and his wife begs him for a divorce so that he may not taint her and their children with the embarrassment of his stigma. Even his parents and siblings prefer to distance themselves from him.
Ergo the title: the singular castaway.
The rest of the book : Goushi tries to figure out what remains of his now ruined life. Stubbornly, he attempts to reach out, redeem himself or reinvent himself over and over and fails again and again. In his desperation to tether himself to some society, Goushi makes "friends" with some seedy down-and-out types as they are the only people who will deign to associate with him. Even they treat him with contempt knowing his downfall as a former bourgeoisie. These new "friends" end up getting him into many awful and degrading situations- including one where he is badly beaten up in the back of a pornography shop . He also attempts some love affairs with several dysfunctional women that leave him disappointed, dissatisfied and disgusted with himself. In the meantime, Goushi contemplates what might have been if he had chosen a different path. As a young boy, he fantasized about studying animals, sea life in particular. In addition, he is haunted by the memory of Nami, his first love during his time in university.
Increasingly too, Goushi is consumed with the idea of making his former boss Outa suffer for what he's done to him, then he is simply gripped with the idea of his former boss himself. Outa is charismatic, handsome but stupid , Goushi is none of those things. Outa, because of his family connections and wealth is cushioned from reaping the consequences of his stupidity and gets away with everything and never has to really had to work hard -unlike Goushi who came from a humbler background and had to fight for everything he had , only to have it taken away. Not only that, Outa is allegedly happily married with a good family life , while Goushi is estranged from his family. Goushi's former boss Outa is everything he is not, and has everything he does not have and for that reason Outa becomes his obsession. Goushi secretly starts to follow Outa atound, and formulates a plan of revenge against him with the help of one of his new seedy friends.
Then to his horror, Goushi discovers in one of his surveillance sessions that Nami, his former first love, is the wife of Outa, the man responsible for his downfall. Not only that ,but from what he sees, Outa and Nami are actually very happy in their marriage .
Goushi then realizes that he has to make a choice- either he must continue and carry out his plans of revenge for his own satisfaction , or he has to protect the happiness of his first love Nami and let it go.
-Shuichi is dreading the end , but he continues reading anyways-
Instead Goushi does neither. He shuts himself away. He writes a very long letter to Nami explaining what exactly her husband Outa did to him and all the repercussions since. He writes of his anger and hatred of Outa, which he realizes is fueled by self-hatred and envy more then anything else. Even further, Goushi writes about his joyless upbringing, his superficial friendships, his strained marriage and the rift between him and his children preceding it. He writes that he finally sees now that his family and everyone around him have always been as much of a stranger to him as he was to them, that he was long castaway from them even before the "incident" happened. He writes how he knows that it is his fault, that he understands the extent of which he failed himself, how he sacrificed his chances for connection and happiness and devoted most of his life to a occupation he did not enjoy and ended up having nothing to show for it. At the end of the letter, Goushi writes to Nami, that at least for all this, he knows that he truly loved her, he has loved her all this time, and he will never love anyone else.
He spends a long time deciding whether or not to send it to Nami.
At the very last page of the book, Goushi tears the letter up and throws it into the ocean.
When Shuichi closes the book , he has a lump in his throat .