Chapter 1
Alone in the Darkness
"I don't think you are helping me reach my goals in life," Ron Weasley mumbled, his voice wavering slightly. He stood with his back to Hermione Granger, his long arms hanging limply at his sides. As usual, his school robes were slightly disheveled, as though he hadn't put much effort into his appearance. No surprise there.
Hermione Granger, who had just walked into the room, stopped dead in her tracks. His words hit her like a slap in the face. She had rushed to the Astronomy Tower as soon as she had gotten the note from Ron's owl, thinking Ron was going to surprise her. She felt the chill of the April breeze whip her frizzy, light brown curls across her face. Well, she thought, this isn't exactly the surprise I had in mind! She was so surprised in fact that she couldn't even think of anything to say in response. She just stood there and looked at his back, as the memories of their times together played through her mind.
He had grown taller over the year that they had been together; Quidditch had made his once lanky frame long and lean, and well defined. He reminded her of her favorite Muggle piece of art, Michelangelo's statue of David. She used to love just watching him, his figure filling her with unfulfilled lust, now as she looked at his back she felt nothing, nothing at all, except anger.
Her memories continued to play in the back of her mind. She and Ron had known each other for so long that everyone, even the two of them, had expected to end up together. Finally, at the end of their 5th year, Ron had asked her out. She had just ended things with the internationally famous Quidditch player, Viktor Krum. He wasn't very bright and it was frustrating that he could never pronounce her name correctly.
The silly Bulgarian had come up with numerous ways to not say 'Hermione'. She laughed to herself at the memory. In the end, she and Viktor had decided they were too different to be together and separated on friendly terms. She still wrote to him now and again. He was much more interesting when they weren't together, she mused.
Now here she was a year later, and the last person she had never expected to hurt her, had done just that, in the worst way. He injured her pride. Oh he hadn't said it yet, but she knew this talk was going. He was going to leave her.
"I am sorry you feel that way," she whispered through gritted teeth.
"I think we need to separate," Ron continued. He placed his cold hands on the even colder gray stone of the window sill. "You are a great woman who needs more than I can give. My personality gets taken over by yours. You need a stronger person to be by your side and I just wish you could understand why I am doing this. I see a bad future for us years down the road with a kid, with both of us feeling trapped. You deserve more and I am sorry for this, but I can't face you, because I would go weak in my knees." Ron let out a deep breath and continued with the speech he had been practicing for the last two days.
"I never got the chance to just be one of the guys, because you have always been there. You can never be replaced by anyone else. I just need some time. I think we might be able to work this out, but that is only if you get over your pride. If you can do that, I would like to try being just friends again for the summer and then maybe in the fall, after I spend some time with the guys, we can try again."
She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Was he insane? A break? Was he joking? A break was never effective; it was just a man's way of delaying the inevitable. What a surprise. He was chickening out. Hermione could feel the shock being quickly replaced by fury, red hot fury. Never be replaced? Ron's dumber than I thought! He is replacing me with his friends! What a moron! My pride! What the hell is his problem? It's not my fault he mistakes my intelligence for pride, she fumed. Okay, I'll be fair. I am a bit too proud. Oh, well!
"I never stopped you," Hermione said with cold disdain obvious in her voice as she slowly shook her head, her long brown curls shaking as rage completely filled her, but she would never let him see it. Furious tears gathered in her hazel eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall.
An angry, yelling Hermione was safe, but a silent, calm angry Hermione was terrifying. She knew it, and even more, she knew Ron know it. That's right, you chicken shit, be afraid!
Another cool breeze whipped in through the tower window and ruffled his red hair. He gazed at the moonlit landscape before him and wished he were down there instead of in this room with Hermione. He was afraid. He couldn't even face her. He was wrong and he knew it, but that didn't change anything. He was taking the coward's way out. Ronald Weasley, part of the infamous Gryffindor Trio, was a coward, plain and simple. Hermione scared the shit out of him, especially when she purposely hid how she was feeling. She was so talented and perfect, but when faced with a future with her, he was running away.
Hermione clutched the insides of her pristine; wrinkleless school robes as she looked at the back of the boy she had grown to love over the past few years. That's right, she thought, he is boy, not a man. No real man could be that much of a coward!
Ron continued to look out the window. He had never been good with words. Hermione always left him with a feeling of inadequacy. As he gathered his thoughts, he turned around, his thoughts forming on his chapped lips.
"Hermione, I…," he started, but Hermione was gone.
A cold breeze washed into the room and extinguished the torch that lit the room. She was gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*
After Hermione left the Astronomy Tower, she hurried down the steps, her dark robes billowing behind her, and headed towards the Gryffindor Tower, her sanctuary. Well, it used to be my sanctuary! She stopped in her tracks.
What am I going to do now, she asked herself. She and Ron had been together so long, everything in her life was intertwined with his. They were both in Gryffindor, so she would never be able to fully escape his presence. Two of her best friends were his best friends too, Harry Potter, and his younger sister, Ginny. His parents had become her second family. They would still have classes together and she would have to see the red headed, freckle covered, sorry excuse for a wizard at every meal until they graduated, next year.
By the time she reached the portrait of the Fat Lady that guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, she had passed hurt and shock; she was fuming mad.
"Loyalty and Honor," she growled at the portrait. Loyalty and Honor my ass! She thought. Ron's cowardly ass should be in Slytherin! That's where cowards belong. Some Gryffindor he is! Needs a break, does he? More like he is scared to leave me outright. I should have hexed off his bits! At least I'd be in a better mood now!
"Open the damn door!" Hermione practically yelled at the Fat Lady.
"Well, I never…" Hermione heard the Fat Lady exclaim. Hermione ignored the indignant portrait, and slammed the door behind her, causing the students in the common room to halt their conversations, but they quickly resumed them seeing that it was only Hermione and not a sneaky Slytherin.
She looked at the sight before her. Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley were sitting together and Ginny was laughing at something Harry had just said. Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnegan were playing wizard's chess by the warm, roaring fire. Various other students were scattered about the room, surrounded by books, quills, and parchment, all happy and content.
As she surveyed the common room before her, the place where she and Ron had shared so many happy nights with their friends, it finally hit her. Ron had left her. He didn't have to say it, she knew what he had meant when he said break. He just forgot to add 'permanently' to the end of it! Her once safe world was falling apart. The anger and fury had left her and sadness and regret had taken its place. She caught herself before her subdued tears began to fall and walked stonily up the stairs to the girls' dormitory to her room.
Harry looked at Hermione's hastily retreating form and then at his best friend's little sister, Ginny, who was sitting next to him in an over-stuffed burgundy chair next to him. Her pretty pale face was marred by a look of confusion that reached her sparkling blue eyes.
"I wonder what is going on?" he asked, to no one in particular, confusion apparent in his emerald eyes. He ran his hand through his already messy black hair.
Just then, Ron entered the common room looked around, a serious expression on his face until he joined Neville and Seamus, giving them advice on their chess match. As Harry watched him, Ron quickly seemed to lose the solemn look on his face and was soon laughing and joking as though there was nothing amiss in the world. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to figure out exactly what was wrong.
Harry was definitely confused. First Hermione was upset, then Ron came in upset at first, and then like a snap of the fingers, it was as though nothing were wrong with him, as if nothing had happened. Ginny shifted in the squishy chair next to him.
"I am going to find out what is going on here," she announced. She bounced out of the chair next to Harry and gave him a half smile that seemed to say; at least I hope I can find out what is going on. "Goodnight, love," she whispered so low, only she could hear the words of endearment, and hurried up the stairs to the room Hermione shared with the other sixth year Gyffindors: Lavender Brown, Katie Bell, Pavarti Patil and Romilda Vane, her long red hair swinging behind her.
As Ginny gently closed the door to the room, she was welcomed by the lush burgundy bed clothes on the dark mahogany beds. The five beds were centered on the walls of the hexagonal shaped room, with the foot of the beds facing the center of the room. The room was shrouded in darkness, except for a lone white candle in a gold candlestick beside Hermione's bed. Dark maroon drapes, held back by shining gold clasps, concealed a trembling figure. Ginny crossed the golden carpet and headed towards Hermione's bed.
She pulled back the curtains and was shocked at how she found Hermione. Ginny's best friend, the 'rock' of the Golden Trio, was seated in the middle of the bed, knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, rocking herself back and forth. Her head was hidden by her arms and she was sobbing.
Ginny climbed on the bed and sat next to her best friend. She placed her arm around Hermione's shoulder and rocked with her, making soothing sounds and rubbing her back. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here now," Ginny cooed. "Come on, Hermione, tell me what happened. Did you and Ron have and argument? Come on," Ginny whispered, "you can tell me."
Hermione lifted her head, and for a few seconds, just starred ahead of her at the door. "He wants to take a break," she whispered. Then she began to cry even harder. Tears streamed down her red eyes and across her tear stained face.
Ginny kept rocking with Hermione. "That's not so bad is it? He just wants to take a break. Whenever he is ready, he will come back. Just wait and see." Ginny said, "Everything will work out, you'll see."
If only you knew. Hermione sobbed to herself. He is never coming back to me. He never wanted me anyway. I was never enough for him.
Ginny thought of her own predicament as she rubbed Hermione's back. She loved Harry so much, since the first time she had seen him, but she could never tell him. She wouldn't trouble him with her feelings. He already had enough on his plate just trying to figure out how to defeat Lord Voldemort. She would wait until he was ready. Whenever that might be, she thought sadly to herself. She kept rocking with Hermione, feeling her best friend's pain, because Ginny Weasley knew what it was like to love someone and not have them return those feelings.
After a while, Ginny helped Hermione lay back and then covered her with the warm comforter. Ginny blew out the candle by Hermione's bed and closed the curtains.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The day after didn't seem too horrible to the lonely Gryffindor as she rolled out of bed before any of her roommates were awake. Hermione was depressed and exhausted, but all in all she wasn't in too bad a shape. She pulled on her long cream colored robe, grabbed her things and hurried to the prefect's bathroom.
By the time Hermione had reached the fifth floor, her mood hadn't improved. The stone floors were freezing, and every portrait between the Gryffindor tower and the bathroom commented on how awful she looked this morning, as if I didn't already know!
"Squeaky clean," she growled at the statue of Boris the Bewildered. Much like the night before, the password keepers didn't take to kindly to being barked at. Well, she didn't like the fact that they had swapped the boy and girl prefects bathrooms. The boys' bathroom was closer now.
As the door swung open, she was slightly taken aback by the extravagant candle-filled chandelier. Its brilliance reflected off of the white marble fixtures and the hundred gold taps that lined the bath. The bath itself was almost the size of a swimming pool, complete with a diving board. A pile of fluffy white towels were folded neatly and laid on a marble bench beneath a very sumptuous, but narcissistic, mermaid statue who was too busy preening herself to notice Hermione.
Thank goodness she was a Prefect; it afforded her the luxury of a semi-private luxurious bathroom. The other prefects; Hannah Abbot, Padma Patil, and Pansy Parkinson; were not early birds like her. When she made it inside, she closed the door and performed a locking charm, just in case someone decided to make an extremely early morning visit to the bathroom.
She laid down her clean school robes on a marble bench next to the enormous bathtub. She turned the water on in the gigantic tub and water quickly began to shoot out of at least ten holes in the side of it. Hermione slowly began to strip off her forest green satin nightgown. She grabbed the hem, pulling it over her head, folded it neatly and placed it on the bench next to her clean robes. Who would have thought prim Miss Granger would wear such clothes to bed, she laughed to herself, as she looked at her night dress. It was the only item of clothing she owned that could not be considered prudish.
Hermione gazed at her nude form in the mirror that took up an entire wall. I am not that bad looking, am I? She asked herself. Sure my hips are a little wide, my bum is exceptionally round, my thighs could be a little slimmer, and my chest could be a little larger. But all in all, I don't look all that bad, she thought to herself.
Hermione leaned in closer to the mirror for a more thorough inspection of her face. Her normally shining eyes were still a bit red from crying. Her bushy hair looked like a family of chipmunks had made their home there. Well, that is nothing a nice warm bath and a bottle of Sleekeasy's hair potion can't fix…hopefully.
She climbed into the half full tub of steaming water. She waded through the knee deep water and over to the wall that held the numerous spouts that produced bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. She chose the knob labeled "hazelnut bubble bath" and turned it on. After a minute, she turned it off. She moved over to the side, sat on the built in seat, and leaned back against the marble tile that lined the inside of the tub. She let the steam and warmth of the water soak in to her body while the scented bubbles relaxed her troubled mind.
After her mind slowed down, her body began to relax immediately. Five minutes later, she moved over to the spouts again and chose the spout labeled shampoo and began to work it into her thick brown hair. She rinsed out the scented suds and repeated the process, but with the corresponding conditioner. When she had completed that task, she chose hazelnut scented body wash and using her favorite sea sponge loofah, she began scrubbing her body vigorously, as though she was trying to remove the evidence of every time Ron had ever touched her. Finally, she was finished and rinsed; she wrung out the excess water in her hair and stepped out.
Hermione reached for one of the large white towels that were neatly folded next to the tub. She dried herself off and wrapped it around her body, securing one edge by tucking it in. She moved to the bench where her things were. Next to her wand and clothes were two bottles, a bottle of hazelnut body lotion and a bottle of Sleekeasy's hair potion. Hermione poured a handful of concoction into her hand and closed the lid. She thoroughly worked it into her hair, in an attempt to tame the huge mass of tangles, she affectionately called her hair. After several minutes her hair was looking manageable at least. She grabbed her wand and performed two drying spells, first on her hair, and then on her loofah. She hated when the other prefects left a trail of water spots from the bathroom to their dorms.
Not wanting to deal with her hair today, she put it up in a bun at the nape of her neck. She picked up the bottle of lotion and began smoothing it across ever inch of her skin. She reached over for her clean clothes and picked up her underclothes. Sensible white cotton for Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor prude! She thought angrily to herself as she put them on. Maybe that is why Ron left me. Hermione put on her school skirt and shirt while sadly shaking her head. She slid her white knee high tights up her legs and put on plain black shoes. Plain everything, for plain Hermione. She grabbed her things, and headed for the door.
"Alohomora!" she said and with a flick of her wrist, she unlocked the door, opened the door, walked out and walked straight into Draco Malfoy.
His normally sleek hair was bed mussed and his silver eyes seemed to look through her. "Sorry," she muttered as she put her head down and walked quickly past him towards Gryffindor Tower, leaving a sleepy Slytherin in her wake.
*~*~*~*~*~*
For Hermione, the day didn't improve with time. At breakfast that morning, when everyone noticed that she and Ron were on separate ends of the Gryffindor table, they began to ask questions. Everyone was asking what was wrong and if they could help, but all Hermione wanted was to be left the hell alone. No one seemed to understand that, except Ginny, who gave Hermione comforting glances, a hug when she looked like she needed it, and refused to let anyone actually talk to her.
After the first ten people approached her that morning before classes, she decided to avoid them for the rest of the day and retreated silently to the seventh floor. Without thinking Hermione began pacing past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and a handful of uncoordinated ballet trolls. After the third pass, she walked through the door that had appeared out of nowhere.
The room, as usual, contained exactly what she needed. It was small and cozy, a comforting fireplace crackling softly. The lighting fit Hermione's current mood. Dark and brooding. The Room of Requirement seemed to know just what she needed. The darkness morphed before her eyes. A bed, an exact replica of the one at her home, was against one wall, a nightstand beside it. On the small nightstand lay her tattered copy of Hogwarts: A History and a steaming cup of cocoa. Hermione slipped off her cape and shoes and settled into bed with her favorite book and her favorite drink.
When she finally emerged from her haven in time for dinner, Ron was acting as though nothing had happened, like she never existed; like they had never existed. He played, joked and acted as if he had not a care in the world. Sorry heartless bastard! Hermione thought through her tears.
The shock of seeing how the end of their relationship affected him almost made Hermione lose it. Her hazel eyes widened and all she could feel was loneliness and pain, something she was sure would last her the rest of her life. She rushed from the Great Hall without taking even one bite.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The rest of the school year was a dark haze to Hermione. Like all the sixth years, Hermione would have to decide on a career path. She was determined to study to be a Healer. There were no exams to take until her N.E.W.T.S. at the end of her seventh year. In a very un-Hermione-like fashion, she quit working on her school work. She was already two months ahead in her class work, so she didn't show up to class unless there was an exam, and she owled all of her homework to her teachers. When she did show up she worked furiously on her test so she could get out of there as quickly as possible and retreat into the Room of Requirement for the rest of her time.
The Room of Requirement became Hermione's private place. It was filled with books and had everything she could possibly need. After her first day, Dobby began to show up to bring her food and clean up in general for her. Hermione tried to talk him out of it, but Dobby, being a free elf, refused to listen to her and did it anyway.
Hermione barely touched her food, and was quickly losing weight. It began to worry all of her teachers, except for Professor Snape. He was thrilled! Okay, to be honest, he wasn't pleased with her self-injurious weight loss. It was the very conspicuous absence of her person from his class. When the greasy haired professor first noticed her not trying to answer every question in his class during the week after she and Ron broke up, he was curious, but after the second week, he exclaimed to the entire class, "It looks like the Know-It- All has finally learned to shut her trap!" The Slytherins began to snicker until Professor Snape had said, "Five points to Gryffindor for this blessed silence from Miss Granger's incessant chatter!" That sure shut up the students of his house!
He had hoped she would start to argue so he could take away the points, but she didn't even flinch. Something must definitely be wrong, Snape thought for a moment before moving closer to Neville, causing the poor boy to add too much Sneezewort to the Befuddlement Draught they were brewing, resulting in a small, but loud explosion as well as 20 points from Gryffindor for being incompetent.
Harry, Ginny, and her other friends were worried. Every time someone tried to talk to her about what was wrong, she would absentmindedly tell them everything was "Fine, just fine," before she would walk off and disappear for hours, walking around the grounds of the school alone, or returning to her private domain on the seventh floor.
And so she stayed, alone in the darkness.