A/N: My take on the conversation that took place that time when Tsuda was out shopping for gifts for the other three and coincidentally met Uomi, and then even more coincidentally met the other three, and then Uomi tells them they're on a date to cover up the fact that he's buying gifts for them.
Of course they skip the ensuing conversation and show the result at the end, which was greatly disappointing.
"Ousai Academy student council rules, article three, paragraph two: your little sister or your childhood friend, pick one!"
"Just because I don't have any childhood friends doesn't mean I'd pick my sister…"
"Or would you prefer a harem Tsuda?"
"Where did that come from?!"
"Oh, Tsuda and Uomi isn't it? What are you two doing here?" Shino Amakusa's voice rang out from the side, Takatoshi jumped in surprise and spun around to find himself face to face with his colleagues on Ousai Academy's student council.
"Well…" Takatoshi tried to think of an answer under the intense gazes of Shino and Suzu, on the other hand Aria seemed to have a look of realization on her face, although he knew it was probably perverted.
I can't tell them I'm here for the White Day presents… He thought to himself.
Uomi seemed to have read his mind and whispered quietly, "I'll make sure they don't find out."
Then she moved to Takatoshi's side and declared firmly, "We're on a date."
Everyone jumped upon hearing her words.
"Wha-?" Takatoshi tried to say, but Uomi merely ignored him and continued speaking.
"It's true, we've already been f****** each other for some time now, but lately I've been trying to convince him to go bareback but he won't listen to me, so he's just here to buy more condoms." She deadpanned at the other three.
"Yeah we…EH?!" Takatoshi started, but was hit with the realization of what Uomi said
"I wonder if it counts as incest if the person you're having sex with is your in-law." Aria wondered out loud.
"No, I think incest only counts if the person is a direct relative." Shino remarked.
"So then only if it's only incest if Tsuda-kun f**** Kotomi-chan?"
"Yeah, only if it's Kotomi-chan."
Well this conversation just took a dangerous turn. Takatoshi thought to himself.
"So Tsuda, how long have you been having sex with Uomi now?" Shino did not appear very happy.
"Hang on a minute, I didn't say I-" Takatoshi started but was swiftly interrupted
"Oh since our relatives got married, we've set up a routine for ourselves, at least twice a week, more if Taka-kun can handle it." Uomi said with a straight face.
"He's surprisingly good at it to, he stumbled a bit at first but once he got the hang on it, I was screaming like someone being murdered."
"Eh? But I thought Tsuda was a masochist." Shino suddenly perked up.
"Can we please stop talking like I'm not even here?" Takatoshi tried to interject but was completely ignored.
"So Uomi, what are you here for?"
"Oh, we're considering going for some snacks later, maybe a little sex in either of the toilets later…"
"Have you had enough yet?" Takatoshi asked in exasperation.
"Quiet Taka-kun, the adults are talking." Uomi chastised him.
Suddenly I sort of understand how Hagimura feels. Takatoshi thought to himself.
Wait, Hagimura?
Said person was quietly standing off to the side, looking away wistfully and trying not to get involved in the dirty conversation being had by the two student council presidents.
"Hagimura." Takatoshi called out
"Hah? Y-yes Tsuda?" She jumped and turned to face him.
"Are you alright? You don't look so good." Takatoshi asked her.
"Well…about that…" She muttered quietly.
"Eh?"
"Tsuda."
"Yes?"
"Are you-?"
"Hey Tsuda!" Shino suddenly called out in a slightly angry tone
"Hah?" He responded with confusion.
"Is it true that you once built up your cum for week so that you could b*kk*k* all over Uomi?!"
"Wha-"
"If need be we can provide pictures for you to look at." Uomi gave a sly smile.
"OK THAT'S ENOUGH!" Takatoshi finally shouted at the top of his voice.
"Indeed, Tsuda-kun has run out of cum and can't share any with you Shino-chan!" Aria interrupted suddenly.
Leave it to her to completely misinterpret my response. Takatoshi growled in his head.
"Damn, I guess that means I'll just have to wait for another week then."
"Well I guess I could share Taka-kun with you one of these days Amakusa-san."
"Hey hey! How come I don't get a say in this?!"
"Looks like you have a pretty busy week ahead of you Tsuda-kun." Aria giggled as a light blush crossed her face.
"Don't you start now…" Takatoshi facepalmed hard.
"Hang on a minute…what were we supposed to be talking about again?" Shino asked.
"Ah, that's…well." Takatoshi started, and exchanged a glance with a questioning Uomi, who liked quite prepared to continue running her mouth of if he did not do something about their situation immediately.
"Wait a minute, so why exactly are you here anyway?" Suzu suddenly asked incredulously.
"Actually…I was just here to buy you gifts for White Day." Tsuda answered sheepishly, deciding that to tell them the truth was a better idea than letting Uomi continue with the conversation in its current direction.
"Ah..." It seemed like the most magnificent realisation in the whole world to the other three members of Ousai Academy's student council.
Well at least that's over, Takatoshi breathed a sigh of relief.
A/N: to be honest, I spent way more time on this than I should have, but I kept feeling like putting all the stuff that I could think of in it.
I know the entire fic is actually nothing but a long piece of dialogue, I hope I didn't bloat it too much; if you think so please do review.