A/N: While I've been writing non-stop, I haven't written any fanfiction in years. I was struck with inspiration, and it might be completely awful, but I'm hoping it got me to where I can continue writing fanfiction again. So happy reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (no matter how desperately I wish I did, or at least Ron). It all belongs to the wonderfully amazing J.K. Rowling. I do not own Never Gonna Leave This Bed either as it is Maroon Five's song. Though I do wish I could own Adam Levine!
You push me
I don't have the strength to
Resist or control you
Take me down, take me down
You hurt me
But do I deserve this?
You make me so nervous
Calm me down, calm me down
He hated that he still made her nervous. He hated that that brief time over a year ago had the power to harm her confidence in him, her faith in him. It was one silly, stupid mistake that cost him the trust of the woman he loved. Though she denied his accusations vehemently, he knew that she still struggled. Every time he came home late, an argument would erupt, but he couldn't fault her. She knew how to push every button and make him angry, but in the end, he couldn't blame her for any of it.
After the war, there was so little time to ponder the scars, emotional and otherwise, that overcame each and every person who had some part, small or large, in the war. Ron and Hermione were no different. Everything was on fast forward as the two attended funeral after funeral, helped rebuild Hogwarts, and readied themselves for their futures.
Ron slowly figured out how deeply affected Hermione was when they moved in with one another, shortly after she finished her seventh year of Hogwarts and he completed Auror training.
Whenever he would come home late, or come home from an extended mission, she was combative. At first he thought it was just their nature. They were Ron and Hermione: they simply had to fight or bicker. However Hermione's fight differed from her usual fiery attitude: her voice held a tremor, and she was more on edge. Afterwards, she would apologize and cry, saying how silly it was for her to get angry over his work.
One particular night, he had gone out with Harry to celebrate the end to a particular nasty and grueling case. He hadn't owled Hermione to let her know that he'd be home extremely late, or even to tell her that they had completed the mission and the death eaters that they had been after had been captured.
After a shot of firewhiskey and a few butterbears, Ron apparated to the door to his and Hermione's house. He crept in, fully aware that his girlfriend was probably sleeping.
"Where have you been?" Hermione shouted once he passed the sitting room. He jumped and held his wand at the ready, not expecting her to be awake. He lowered it immediately but looked at her sheepishly.
"I went to the Three Broomsticks with Harry! Don't get your knickers in a twist!" he retorted, feeling defensive. He had the right to go where he pleased without checking in. "I'm not a sodding kid that needs to let his mum know where he is."
"The last I knew you were on a mission! I thought...I thought...Oh forget it!" Hermione puffed.
"We finished the mission and had a bloody drink!" Ron shouted. "It's not like I came home pissed!"
"Oh, I'm so pleased you are able to control your drinking habits, but I was sitting here worried out of my mind! You could have at least had the decency to tell me you weren't dead!"
His features softened as he realised she had just been worried. Her anger and frustration stemmed from fear. He'd have been too had he been in her situation.
"Love-" he started, but she turned away and walked to the fireplace that was littered with pictures of the two of them with Harry and Ginny.
"Yo-You don't understand; I can't handle you leaving me again. Whether it be by choice or dea-" She choked on her words, unable to mention death as a possibility, though it very well could be with his line of work. "I just worry. I get anxious when you don't come home until three o'clock in the morning! I don't want to be that person: that person that has to know where her boyfriend is, but I-I'm paranoid that you're going to leave me."
"You're barking! I'd never leav-"
"You have before!" she shouted out, quickly covering her mouth as if she'd let out some big secret.
In a way, she had. The two had never dealt with the emotions and fears Ron's absence on the Horcrux hunt had caused Hermione. She knew how guilty he had felt, but she lived in fear that he was going to leave her again, and she wouldn't be able to stop him. He never expected her to be so deeply wounded.
And as quickly as the anger had come, so had the tears. The one thing that Ronald Weasley hated the most was seeing his Hermione cry. No longer as awkward around tearful women as he once had been, he crossed to her and brought her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.
They stayed there on their couch in silence until Hermione had cried herself out. Ron always hated to be the source to her tears, normally readying himself to physically harm anything that had hurt her. However, this time it was him. He had never forgiven himself for abandoning his friends, and he had never discussed it with either of them, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He had heard how it had affected Hermione from his best mate, but he never thought it could still cause her tears.
Wake you up
In the middle of the night to say
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed, oh
So come here
And never leave this place
Perfection of your face
Slows me down, slows me down
He carried her to their bed and gently laid her down, covering her up and slipping in beside her. Though he tried, sleep refused to come to him, so he stayed awake, contemplating how to fix the trust that he had obviously broken while watching her sleep. He always loved how peaceful and beautiful she looked when she was asleep.
He was lost in his thoughts until Hermione started to moan and call out his name. It was a moan of desperation, one that he had heard the night he had left them. The one that almost made him turn around and come running back. Almost. If the locket hadn't caused him to become so enraged and doubtful of his own self worth, his girlfriend wouldn't feel so insecure about their relationship. The calling out continued and mixed with her sobs as they consumed her body.
He couldn't stand it anymore, so he gently kissed her forehead, rousing her from her nightmare. She looked at him confusedly with new tears in her eyes. He had to make it better; he just didn't know how. He figured he might as well talking, seeing as how he couldn't really make anything worse.
"Love, I know that I was an arse. I know that I a complete idiot, and I regret walking out on you every single day. It was one of the dumbest things I have ever done," Ron said, taking a deep breath, and wiping away her tears with his rough, calloused fingers. "Please, please believe me that I'm not going to leave you, ever again. Not as long as I have anything to do with it."
She snuggled into him before mumbling, "I love you, even if you are a complete idiot."
"I'd be an even bigger idiot to leave you. I mean you're smart and sexy, albeit bossy, but definitely way out of my league," he said, grinning down at her. She mustered up a small smile and wiped away a few straggling tears.
"I'm sorry that I get so nervous. I-I can't help it!"
So fall down
I need you to trust me
Go easy, don't rush me
Help me out, why don't you help me out?
"I understand. Really, I do! I just want and need for you to trust that I'm not just going to leave again. I need you to trust me! I know what I did was awful, but I just need you to work with me; I need to tell you when something like this is bothering you. I'm not a mind reader, and you know that I have, what was it? The emotional range of a teaspoon, and can't magically know how you feel," Ron rambled.
Hermione lifted herself away from him, and propped herself up on her elbows. "I think you've at least progressed to a tablespoon," she teased lightly before lowering herself so that she could capture his lips in hers. His arms wrapped around her back, pulling her flush to his chest, deepening the kiss.
He would give anything to be able to stay there with her for the rest of his life. He'd give anything to be able to hold Hermione in his arms in their bed for the rest of eternity. He'd give her anything at all, but he knew that he didn't have to. She loved him, and eventually, she would trust him completely.
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
Take all that I have
Take it, take it all
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed it, and look for me to write more soon!