He was sure that it hadn't felt like this before. Every other time he had to wait for her, he had companions, distractions. Apart from that time, in his Tenth body, but, he didn't have the relationship with her like he did now. It was tempting to find the Ponds, just to he could pull his mind away from his red-head, his Danni-girl, and her absence in his life, but, they had their own lives to lead and he didn't want to encroach any more than he already had.

The first few years had gone by quickly. It wasn't until he reached a decade without her, that he really started to notice that it had been a while. But when the second decade rolled around, he began to notice time and how long it actually was travelling the long way. There wasn't a short-cut to her like there was to breakfast, or Saturdays, or Christmas. He couldn't control when he would see her again. They were bound and controlled by the infernal device stuck to her wrist and, while he had it to thank for them meeting in the first place, he hated it for what it took away.

At 24 years without her, he had run out of things to distract himself with. Nothing seemed quite so wonderful, so miraculous, without her in his life. Everything took on a dull tone, a grey hue, and the things he had wanted to see didn't seem so important anymore.

At 25 years he gave in to the fears that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't going to see her again. That something had happened and he wouldn't be the wiser, just waiting on her forever. He didn't sleep quite so much then, not that he had before. Nightmares of losing her, of never seeing her again wouldn't let him rest and so he went on until exhaustion claimed him. Wild thoughts of trying to see her where he knew she was crossed his mind, but he knew he could mess it up if he attempted. Crossing his own past would be disastrous. It wasn't even like he could travel to her before she had met him, like he had with Rose. She didn't exist in his Universe before she met him – there was nothing earlier to go back to.

When 26 years rolled around, he caved and entered her room. He was so concerned that he was forgetting details about her that he had to see her picture. Upon finding that he had none of his own, he debated for months before entering her own space. The photos reminded him of her beauty. He had been so terrified of forgetting anything, and he was already so scared that the sound of her voice, the sound of her laugh, the way she felt pressed up against him, was already starting to fade.

Pictures of her, of them, of their many friends, covered a wall, and sparked memories. He smiled fondly at one of her leaning up to kiss his Tenth self, and of another of her and this body holding hands. He was talking animatedly at her while they walked and she just smiled up at him, eyes full.

If only he knew, he thought, if he knew what happened, then he could live like this. But there was no way for him to know. Know if she was coming back. Know if she was alright. He had spent a while going through all memories of her with his past selves and, while there had been a few close calls, there was nothing he could recall that would stop her from jumping to him now.

It was in year 27, while he was fussing with the TARDIS, mind on autopilot, that the coveted flash of light sparked in his peripheral vision. His hearts stopped, as he moved and took his protective goggles from his face.

"Spaceman?"

Her voice drifted around the console room and he could swear that his hearts had started back up. Licking his lips, he smiled and forced himself not to cry. "Down here Danni-Girl."

Her light footsteps echoed above him and then she was there, beaming at him, and he couldn't stop the answering grin that formed. "Hello." He said, and she giggled. Just like that, he could swear that he melted, as he bounded towards her and scooped her up in a tight hug. She was here, that was all that mattered right now.

The Doctor wondered if it was possible to hate a shade, for he really hated white. White was the colour that appeared when Danni was taken from him and it broke his hearts every time he saw it. He hadn't been lucky. She had only managed a week with him before she was taken, but, oh, he had learnt so much.

As well as re-mapping her in his mind by running his hands over every inch of her, he had learnt that they would still appear in his future.

The look of devastation on her face when she learnt how long he had been without her was seared into her memory. As she opened her arms and pulled him close, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "Don't worry, Theta," She had murmured, while peppering his head with light kisses, "you will see me again. I'm not going anywhere."

While the words filled him with hope, the Doctor could not help the feeling of dread that settled over him, not knowing how long it would be until he saw her again. She had made him promise that he would get on with his life while she wasn't there, and, while he had readily agreed, not wanting to argue anything, something in her eyes told him that she didn't believe him but wasn't going to push it. Not when they had limited time together.

With a sigh, after a month or two with her absence again, he finally decided that he should go and see his Ponds. Afterall, Danni had a sneaky habit of flying in when he was with others and a watched clock never moved. Pulling the lever the TARDIS took him away, to a distraction with people he loved.

Lying in her room, the Doctor envied his past self, for just a moment. Mainly because he always knew that she was coming back to him. But now? Now he did not know. Their fight had been bigger than any before and when she had thrown his ring back at him, he wasn't sure he even remembered how to breath, let alone live without her by his side.

It had been far too long without her, too long in his thoughts without her to pull him out of it. How had he ever managed without her? It wasn't quite so bad when she was jumping around his timeline. Because he knew he would see her. She would drop hints, even though he knew she was tying to be careful. But, he at least knew he was going to see her at some point. Even after the 27 year wait, he knew he would see her again.

But now? Now he wasn't sure if she was coming back. Not without him doing something major to prove to her that he still loved her. That he still needed her. That he was nothing without her and, without her, the Time Lords had wasted the extra regenerations they had gifted him. For he needed her more than anything else.

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the ring he had given her lifetimes ago. He admitted that he didn't remember the occasion as well as he ought to. But, she did, and wasn't that enough? To him the celebration of giving her the ring had been pointless. It was their wedding that stood out to him. And as much as he hated thinking about his bow-tie wearing floppy-haired past self, he was the one who had the memory of their first wedding. The first. And that memory would be seared onto his hearts for as long as he lived.

Spinning the ring around his fingers, he realised that he didn't have a lot of firsts with Danni in this body. They had been taken up by his previous selves and there wasn't much left. Apart from a huge fight – that he definitely won. So, perhaps, he needed to do things with her that he hadn't before. Firsts that they could do together, to spark up the magic between them again. A certain book with ideas came to mind, but he pushed it away before it could come too close. That was something for another time.

As the Doctor thought, time passed. As time passed, ideas came. And slowly, ever so slowly, the Doctor began to cling firmly on to the little bit of hope filling him that he could make this right. Sitting up from her bed, he rose to his feet and looked around her room. First things first, however, he needed gifts to apologise with. Lots of them.

With that, he left her room, diming the lights behind him, and started to put his plan to win his wife back into motion. He refused to go without her ever again.