I just want to say (before you read) that in this one-shot, none of the character of SPN is dead (Neither Jo, or Bobby or anyone else ...)
And also that this is NOT an attack against the slash fans ... I have absolutely nothing against them even though I'm not a reader of that kind of fanfic...
Enjoy...
Special thanks to Merry June, my beta
"Fanfic dot what?"
Sam still taped away on his computer when Dean, his mouth still full and a shopping bag in his hand entered the room.
This Motel was an average one… Dean threw everything on his bed while continuing to eat or rather to devour his hamburger, and joined his brother …
They were here to discover a rougarou's den…
Sam seemed just as much absorbed as he was petrified …
"What's the matter? You should see your face, man. "
He leaned on the back of his brother's chair who immediately closed his computer.
A short silence …
"Dean …Do you remember Chuck?"
"Chuck?...The prophet writer ?…Sure … Why?...He's back? "
"Uh…No… Not that I know"
He turned around on his chair … Dean moved back and sat down on the bed in front of him.
"Do you remember his books? … Those which spoke about us, our adventures…"
"Yeah…" answered Dean with a big inane smile…
He gobbled up the end of his hamburger, wiping his fingers on his pants
"So?"
Between 2 chewings…
Sam ran his fingers through his hair …
"Do you know what a fanfic is, Dean? "
"A what?"
"A fanfic.. "
"What's that? A website for pre-pubescent fans? "
"Not really…"
"Sam…What are you trying to tell me?"
He stood up and went to his bed … He took a beer in one of the bags that he handed to Sam who refused it...
With his thumb, he took the top off the bottle …
"So… Spit it out… "
"I came by accident on a site called "
"Fanfic dot what?"
Dean was getting annoyed …
"They wrote about us on it…A lot… "Sam hung his head
"No?...Really? …"
Dean hesitated between a very narcissistic, ego-flattering joy and suspicion when he saw his brother's face.
"After all, Chuck's books were going rather well and the fans have been missing them since he stopped writing ... So they created their own stories about our lives, but ..."
" Rhoooo..Cool ... It's almost as if I wrote stories about Elliot Ness, right? ... "
He didn't let finish Sam. He smirked.
"There's porn on this thing?"
"Dean…" sighed Sam
"Whaaaaat? ..."
"You're really a sex maniac ... "He rolled his eyes under the glance of his brother.
"So? " He insisted
"You're asking about fanfics in general or just those about us?"
"About us…huh, bitch ... Who cares about the others ... How are they?"
He imitated with his hands the shape of female breasts on his chest.
"What?" Sam frowned.
He smiled foolishly at his brother's positive reaction who was, nevertheless, ill-at-ease...
"Nooooo….Smutty one…That's so cool... Oh ... And who do I sleep with? ... Jo? Pamela...? ... Both…Together ..."
He nodded his head giggling and drinking a swig from his beer.
"No ...You're sleeping ..."
Sam took a deep breath while sinking into his chair
"You're sleeping with me ..."
Dean spat out his beer...
"What?"
He stood up coughing.
"I'm sleeping with you?"
"With me ... They called it Wincest..."
"You're kidding me, right?...Eh... Admit it ... "He smiled between surprise and panic ...
"No, because… We're bro eh? ... "He pretended to shudder.
"You know I love you...Really…But hey, man...Sleeping with you? " He paced around the room.
"Where do they get such ideas, can you tell me that? ... Incest is illegal, isn't it? ... Reminds me, to be sure…"
"Yes, Dean...It's illegal, but there are just fictions ... This is not reality ... It's only fantasy ... And we're in a free country, remember..."
He drank a mouthful of his beer
"Shit, Sammy …I can't believe it"
Sam was shifting uneasily on his chair.
"What else? I sleep with my Baby? "
He laughed, it was ironic but he said it with a trace of anxiety… You never know …
"Wincest is far from being the most popular"
"Really? "
"Well…First I must tell you that most of the stories on this site are classic ones… We're on the road and we hunt… Regular stuff, you know…"
"Of course, because killing demons and gunning down rougarous can be called regular stuff, sure…Even if you relieve me a little bite, there …Phew…"
He smiled by putting the bottle on his forehead
"But they aren't the most popular" continued Sam
"No way… Don't tell me that this wince-stuff is a hit…"
"It does pretty well when you see the number of readers"
"People are nuts… "
Sam's eyes met Dean's.
"What? Come on… Spit it out…"
"The most read fanfics are about you"
"No!...Really?" He felt a certain pride in these words
"Don't gloat yet… "
Sam had a slightly embarrassed smile.
"Why?"
"They call it Destiel "
"Destiel? …What's that again?…"
"Think about it, Dean"
"Dammit, Sammy…You're fucking pissing me off" He closed eyes
"I suppose that DE, it's for me"
"So far…You're right..."
"But…Stiel…" He gave a lot of thought.
Then, suddenly, Dean reopened his eyes.
"Noooo way" In a whisper
"Tell me it's not what I think….Tell me that it's just a nightmare…"
"Tell me what you're thinking about, first ..."
"No ... No ... No and No ...God dammit, Sammy ... Why the hell did you go nosing around on that site? ... Why, dammit? "
"I was just doing some research, Dean ... I stumbled upon it..."
"And what, you really had to keep digging into this stuff, idiot? You couldn't forget about it? "
An awkward silence
"I was curious and then honestly, there are some really good stories posted there ..."
"How much are they to read our wonderful adventures on this site?…These dirty loonies…"
"A ton... "
"Crap….And everyone has access to this stuff?"
"Yes ..."
"Son of a bitch..." He put the bottle on the desk, furious.
"You still didn't tell me who you were thinking about?"
Sam smiled
"But ... But my word!…It's making you laugh…"
"Well, Dean ...Your sweet little couple is a huge hit…"
Sam couldn't refrain to have a fit of the giggles.
"No but really, Sammy…You can imagine that?...Me…Sleeping with Cass…This is crazy… And besides, he's not even human…Jesus Christ…"
"You're sleeping with me, Dean?...Really? "
He was there, standing up straight, unmoved…Speaking with some kind of a distance.
Dean held his head in his hands.
"Great…Here we go…That's all we needed"
"Hi, Cass"
"Hello, Sam "
Castiel came towards Dean and tilted.
"You... don't seem well, Dean"
"I'm fine…Just great, sweetie… Just want to go hang myself…"
"Sweetie? " He frowned…
"Don't worry, Cass…He's in shock …"
Sam laughed…
Castiel smiled, but without understanding a thing of the situation.
"No, but…Can you imagine ME sleeping with HIM?..."
He pointed at Castiel.
"You want to sleep with me, Dean?"
The angel had his arms crossed behind his back, stiff ... The situation was downright awkward. Castiel didn't understand anything at all…He didn't see this going anywhere….
"Cass ... Please ...SHUT UP" Dean was furious and Sam burst out laughing...
Castiel sat on the bed ... His hands on his knees...
"You aren't gonna bitch now, are you?…That beats the lot!...It's not you that all the people take for a maniac who slept with Peter, Paul or you but never with PAMELA "
Castiel tilted.
"On this point, Cass beats you soundly"
"What ?"Dean came forward
"Excuse me? " Castiel tilted again
"You're sleeping with me too, Cass ..."
"Really?...I slept with you?…Why, I don't remember it? " He honestly seemed to wonder about it ... It made the situation even more hilarious for Sam and even more awkward for Dean...
The angel got a big slap on the back of his head
Dean glared at him
"No…But are you fucking stupid or what?...Sometimes, I swear, Cass ... You're really hopeless ... It's about fiction, man ... Not Reality…"
"But why did it seem to bother you so much, in that case? ... It seems to me that you're very angry for some worthless writings."
"Worthless ... "Dean yelled
"But there are thousands who read our stories there ... I sleep with Sam ... I sleep with you…"
He put on a disgusted face.
"Thanks" Castiel said, offended.
"Come on, man…Don't take it personally... You're a pretty handsome guy...In your own way…But , guys aren't my cup of tea, that's all ..."
"No ... But you're pretty much everybody else's cup of tea... "
Dean and Castiel tilted at the same time, staring at Sam.
"What's that supposed to mean ? "Dean asked.
"We both sleep with Cass… And sometimes, at the same time. "
"What? A threesome ! ... Oh fuck, Sammy ... Stop it ... I don't want to hear a single word... I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life ..."
"He also slept with Crowley ... "continued Sam, pointing at Castiel.
"Really? " The angel seemed more startled by the fact that Crowley was a demon than the fact that all the people Sam had mentioned were male.
"Worse ... I even saw a fanfic where Cass sleeps with ..."
"With?..." whispered the elder.
"Bobby ..."
Dean burst out laughing patting Castiel's shoulder.
"Ah ... This one is the best ... That'll kill Bobby when I tell him"
Castiel, for the first time, reacted with hindsight.
"Uh ...Well... But…Bobby ..."
"Well yes, buddy...Let me tell you that you're also sleeping with your angel brothers..." "Welcome to the club ... "Dean gave him a wink
"And you too, Dean ..." He lost his smile
"What? I sleep with his feathered pals, too? "
"Yes...Gaby…And Balty too ... You're lucky... For me, most of the time, it's Lucifer ..."
"This is crazy... MY ASS IS NOT A TRAIN STATION... Dammit…" Dean yelled.
He sat, piqued, beside Castiel who looked at him, startled.
"Don't look at me like that or I swear you I make you eat all your feathers ..."
"But, Dean, I always look at you like that ..."
"Well, yes…Exactly ...Don't do that again... "
"Why?"
"They're gonna imagine things...That's why... "
"It's a little bit too late for that, Dean ... Chuck started the fire ... You'll never put it out ..."
"That's great…I suppose the next step in this crazy stuff is my face on the front page of -Gay-magazine-…Uh…"
He looked sullen.
"No... At that point, I think Cass has it worse..."
"What?...Why me? "
Castiel had turned back into his old naive self...
"Forget it, Cass ... "Dean whispered…
"Do I sometimes sleep with girls in your fanfic thingies? " He seemed to beg
"Yes ... But Cass is, of all your conquests, the fans' favorite…Your other half"
Sam was giggling again…
Dean threw a pillow in his face.
"You piss me off … Don't forget that YOU sleep with Lucy, huh…"
"Anyways, I'll never looked at your Vaseline tubes in the same way now…"
He collapsed, in tears…
Dean jumped at him … They fought between Sam's giggles and Dean's insults… All this, before Castiel's amused and intrigued glance. He didn't quite understand all that had been said.
Sam was woken up in the middle of the night by the light of the desk… Dean was sitting at the computer … There were about ten bottles of beer beside him, empty … He heard him mumbling. Apparently, he was a little bit tipsy …
"I can't believe it …This is DIS-gusting…"
Sam got up half asleep, he approached Dean who was so absorbed by his reading that he didn't hear him coming…
Dean read a Destiel … A porn one from what Sam could see…
"Dean … It's not true?...Don't tell me that you really read all this stuff?… "
Dean started and turned around. Sam just wanted to laugh again …
"Oh Shit, Sammy … It's so embarrassing"
"They're only stories, Dean …Forget it."
"That's not it, Sammy …"
He looked at him, completely lost. Then he looked down at his crotch.
"Oh shit, Dean …"
Sam burst out laughing …
"You killed me, man… My goodness… My brother, had a boner while reading a Destiel … I'm going to die…Oh gosh… "
He laughed harder…
"Need to take a picture…For posterity…"
He grabbed his phone and even before Dean got up, furious and slowed down by his drunkenness, had time to react ... Sam had fixed in pixels proof of his desire...
"Sam ... If you show these fucking pictures to anyone, I swear I'll kill you ... You hear me, I'll gut you ... It was just a purely physiological reaction ..."
Sam laughed even louder
"You don't even know what that word means ... You're just digging yourself in deeper... "
"I'm going to kill you "Dean yelled, hurling at him ...
"Who's going to kill whom ? "
Dean froze ... Castiel ...
"Oh God dammit… There, he is again! ... "
"Oh….What a surprise…It's Cass ... The object of the offense ... Or should I say ... Of the desire ..."
He felt Dean punching him in the face but he was laughing too hard to feel the blow ...Dean, furious, turned around by shoving Castiel out the way and went straight to the bathroom
"That's it ... Take a nice shower ... Make it a cold one…Eh…Sweet Deano..."
"SHUT UP SAMMY"
He slammed the door.
Sam was in tears ... He saw that Castiel was looking at him, lost...
"Don't worry, Cass ... We're just kidding around ..."
"Dean doesn't look good today ... Is he sick? ..."
"Yeeeeeeeeeeees…Of lovesick for you ..." He choked out a laugh...
"SAMMY…I heard you ... I'm gonna kill you, man ... I swear to God I'll kill you ..."
"Do that, man….I'll die with my soul at peace ..."
The door opened, Dean's face and hair were still wet ... The towel was in his hand ... He looked at Sam, and then at Castiel ...Threw his towel to Sam ducked and then he began to laugh as well.
It had been a long time since they'd had so much fun together... Since they had laughed so much… They were good for something, these fanfics ... They had taken their minds off things, reconnected them to a certain reality and after all, if they were written about that was because people loved them... Even if sometimes their love took an odd twist...
They toasted and drank beer under Castiel's eyes. He hadn't quite understood this strange day...
The next day, Dean and Sam stopped at a bar ... They didn't leave it alone ... They had tried to take Castiel with them but had very bad memories of the last times he had gone to this sort of place of iniquity...
He waited for them all night long on the back seat of the car in front of the Motel …
In the morning, he saw them get out of the room, smiling, bags on their shoulders, ready to go…
A passionate kiss to their night's conquests …The girls waved at them and left arm in arm. The brothers exchanged knowing looks.
"Can we go hunt the rougarou now?"
Castiel leant forward between the 2 seats, one hand on the back of each.
"Right away, my little angel" Dean laughed at him, gently…He turned around and gave him a wink and clicked his tongue.
Castiel tilted and sank back into the seat… These humans were decidedly too strange…But he couldn't imagine living far from them now…
After all, they had written about him too…
Castiel smiled and Dean smiled back…
END. ..