Hello once more again audience!
I'm finally back after an (extremely) extended hiatus. I have no excuses, feel free to be angry with me for abandoning my readers for so long. No promises on being any better, I'm still busier than hell.
I typed this little beauty up while traveling. Started it in the airport, finished it on the plane. I was seated between two full-grown men while flying to Orange County, and I literally started crying in the middle of writing this. I was listening to my iPod, and I didn't look over at them, so I have no idea what they were thinking, but they probably concluded that I was some weird, hormonally-challenged girl. (And hey, are they really that far off?)
Sorry, I know there's been a lot of Klaine angst, and something like this story may already exist. But please enjoy anyway.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. You have no idea how different the show would be if I did.
"I know it's terrible," Blaine said, gloomily looking away, "but I wish we weren't here."
"I know." Kurt's voice was sympathetic. "But you knew this was coming. We knew this was coming."
Blaine glanced up, and an unspoken communication passed between them. The ease in which they were able to read each other only increased the already yawning ache in his chest. He didn't have anyone else who could understand him like that. Sighing, he stared down at the coffee cup in his hands, as if hoping to draw comfort from the sight. The flavor of his favorite drink had so many memories attached to it, memories that usually filled him with warm, tingly feelings. Today, however, they hit him hard, a supersaturation of experiences that were suddenly painful. Blaine winced and shut his eyes.
"At least you're getting out of Ohio for the summer." His boyfriend's voice was simultaneously optimistic and strained.
"Only for my dad." It was difficult not to sound glum or resentful. "I just know that the only reason he's flying me to Orange County for "family time" is because he wants to try to turn me straight. Again."
"You can handle it. You wouldn't be my strong boyfriend if you couldn't."
They shared a smile, but Blaine's quickly faded into a more solemn expression.
"I'm going to miss you, Kurt," he said quietly, seriously, "I love you so much. And I know that New York is where you heart and future is, but I'm still going to miss you like crazy. Every single day."
"I understand completely." Kurt reached across the table for Blaine's hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "I'll miss you too. And I know we'll see each other as much as possible. And like you've reminded me a million times, we'll still have Skype and phone calls to stay in touch."
"I know, I know." Blaine said, shaking his head at his own words even as tears threatened at the back of his eyes. Come on, man, he said to himself,you're supposed to be the optimistic one. Get it together.
Partially for distraction, he used his free hand to pull out his pocketwatch. His heart jumped into his throat, beating hard, as he realized that Kurt's plane would begin boarding in ten minutes. It struck him that this would be their last coffee "date" for…he didn't know how long. Months. Not having coffee with Kurt was such a foreign concept he just couldn't seem to wrap his mind around it.
Meeting Kurt's eyes once more, he knew it was almost time to say adieu. Rising silently, resignedly, they discarded the remnants of their last coffee together and joined hands, twining their fingers in a lover's grasp. The walk to Kurt's gate was intentionally slow, each step making the gloom and apprehension between them that much more tangible. They stood in silence before the gate, hand-in-hand, until the attendant called for boarding.
Despite his support in Kurt's decision to go to New York, Blaine had trouble repressing a sudden jolting surge of panic and sadness. His chest seemed to tighten, and it was suddenly hard to breathe, as if all the oxygen in the room had vanished.
"Listen, Kurt," he said urgently, bordering on flat-out frantic, "I love you. I love you so much, more than anything. Promise that we'll keep in touch and be okay. I- I can't lose you." His voice cracked as he valiantly fought tears.
"You idiot." Kurt said affectionately, pulling him in for a swift, intense kiss. "Hate to break it to you, but you're not getting rid of me. Not anytime soon. I love you too much for that."
Blaine's throat closed with emotion, and, unable to form words, he simply kissed Kurt again, his inhibitions about being in public disregarded.
It was soft and mind-blowing, sad and sweet, and Blaine knew that he could never get enough. Kurt took Blaine's face in his hands, knocking their noses together.
"No crying." Kurt said, half-stern, even as tears spilled down Blaine's cheeks, "I won't let you be sad. Not because of me. You deserve nothing except pure happiness, got that?"
Blaine nodded, wiping delicately at his watering eyes. "I love you," he managed, his voice thick and barely discernable.
"And I love you. We're going to make it through this. I'm sure of it."
One last, lingering kiss later Kurt had swung his bag onto his shoulder and was heading towards his gate. Right before he walked through the door, he glanced back and gave Blaine a quick, beautiful, final smile. And then he was gone, swallowed, out of sight. Blaine wasn't sure how long he stood there, tears silently pouring down his cheeks. Eventually he wiped at his eyes and, sniffling, made his way to his own gate. He was happy for Kurt, he truly was. He told himself to embody that. He told himself to stop being so selfish.
All of their shared moments ran through his mind, flashing through his vision, and he could think of nothing but those simple, happy memoirs. It was all he had to sustain himself until he saw Kurt again. Closing his eyes, he remembered the feeling of Kurt's lips on his, the faint flavor of them that still lingered, tantalizing and sweet.
Without warning, sadness bloomed somewhere near his heart, a kind of cold that shifted and tingled and made everything seem heavy. His sight blurred with tears, and they streaked down his face once more. He made no more movements to wipe them away. What was the point? It didn't matter how happy he was for Kurt. He was still going to miss the other boy in an achingly painful way. This was the first of many tears he was going to cry, and he didn't have enough willpower left to even reprimand himself for being such a softshell. Goodbyes were the worst, and Blaine was horrible at them.
Blaine straightened as a certain song played over the speakers, and he stared at the ceiling, wondering if he had ticked off a greater being sometime in his life. Even more tears raced out of his eyes, and he didn't bother trying to stop them.
Ev'ry time we say goodbye, I die a little,
Ev'ry time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little.
Why the gods above me, who must be in the know,
Think so little of me, they allow you to go…
Blaine clenched his teeth and shook himself. What a stupid song to play in an airport of all places, he thought hopelessly. He swallowed hard. Kurt wanted you to be happy, not miserable. It was the least he could do to try and live up to that.
You'll pull through, he promised himself, you both will. You'll both be okay.
Even though he honestly believed that, he couldn't help but feel as though a piece of his very being was currently on a plane to the opposite side of the country. He recalled a phrase in French that Kurt had taught him a long time ago.
Tu me manques. You are missing from me.
Exactly how he was feeling. A piece of him was missing. And he knew that his fondest wish, his greatest desire, the only thing that he wanted…was to be reunited with that missing piece.
And Blaine sat quietly, constantly crying, by himself, feeling as though he were indeed split into pieces.
My notes for this story literally read: I CRIED BUCKETS OVER THIS STUPID STORY WHY ARE THEY SO BEAUTIFUL AND HEART BREAKING I MEAN SERIOUSLY ALL TEH FEELS (underlined several times)
So yeah. I r coherent riter.
I sincerely hope you are in terrible anguish because of teh Klaine feels, but that you managed to enjoy the story anyway. :)
Feel free to drop me a review with your views, opinions, comments, etc. Make sure to mention any magical story ideas that you'd possibly want me to pen for you. I'm busy, I admit, but when inspiration hits, there's no stopping my fast fingers on that keyboard.
Bless your face. If you sneezed while reading this story, bless you. Peace off.
~SquirrelzAttack