Disclaimer: All characters belong to Janet Evanovich.
Jackpot
My name is Stephanie Plum and I think I've lost my mind. I am rocketing down the road to Atlantic City. Beside me is my sometime partner, Lula. Today she is dressed in possibly her most outrageous outfit, and that really takes something to admit. Right now she is bobbing her head to the music coming from her ipod. The braids on her head are bobbing with her. She has managed to intertwine red and green colored hair throughout her braids. Her shirt is at least four sizes too small with huge silver sequins circling her best assets. She is squashed into yoga pants best left in a gym and her boots sing, literally. When she walks, they light up and hum the tune Jingle Bells. As if that is not bad enough, in the back seat, jumping up and down with excitement is my grandma, Edna Mazur.
It is lightly snowing, normally the kind that puts you in a mood for Christmas shopping, parties, and scarfing down treats Mom and Ella have been preparing. Since I have made it my mission in life to be the official taste tester, I am in possession of a cookie can beside me full of delicious treats. I am on the way to find my latest FTA, Sheila Pinkerton. Connie had been uncomfortable with handing me the file, but I had begged her. Christmas was coming and I really, really needed the money for presents. The bond was more in line where Rangeman would have taken it, but as she was female I would have been involved anyway. A bit of my predator attitude had come out. I wanted all the money for myself. I would share some with Lula if we were successful. I knew that if I had assisted Rangeman with the capture Ranger would have been very generous, but I had rent to pay, a car payment, a speeding ticket that my former friend, Robin Russell gave me, and of course, all the extra expenses that Christmas came with. Rex was in dire need of a new cage when my last stalker had thrown the end table into the kitchen in a fit of rage. Poor Rex was now unhappily co-habitating in my sink with a few dirty cups. He gave me accusing glares every time I stepped into the kitchen.
I had the folder beside me and tapping Lula on the shoulder, asked if she could take the ear buds out of her ears long enough to formulate a plan. Finishing her song, Lula grudgingly removed the buds and put the whole unit in her bag. Looking in the backseat at Grandma, I gave her my best Burg glare. "Grandma, you can come with us. I do not want you attempting to help us catch her. She can hurt you, and Mom would kill me if she even knew that you came with me, let alone get hurt."
Edna nodded her head and spoke. "Thanks for taking me, baby granddaughter. I haven't been to Atlantic City for so long. I just got my Social Security cheque and I feel that I'm going to get lucky tonight. I might even win some money. I got everything I need in my purse. " As if to prove her point, she started to pull items out of her very large purse. In one hand, she was carrying Brenda, her new 44 magnum. Stephanie vowed to get that out of her possession as soon as she could. She also pulled out, her lucky golfing hat (she had never golfed a day in her life), her pocketbook, her make up bag, and last, but certainly not least, a fistful of colorful condoms in florescent green. Stephanie shuddered at the vision.
She tried to get back on subject. "Okay, here's what we got. Sheila Pinkerton is 35, divorced, about 320 pounds, and has a Mediterranean complexion. Unfortunately, her nose is her most prominent feature, which she is very embarrassed about. I have a tip that she is going to see a plastic surgeon there for a consultation. She wants to change her looks and we need to get to her before she does. The paperwork is horrendous if we bring her in after her surgery. I know that she will be carrying some kind of weapon because she tried to shoot her former husband's nose off when he laughed at her."
Lula just snorted. "Just you wait, Skinny White Girl. We'll track her down. I can go into the office and pretend to also want some plastic surgery done. I've got my trusty stun gun handy and she'll never know what hit her. We'll drag her out, stick her in the car and get home. My Tankie and I have a date tonight, and we are going to be practicing some new holiday moves. I got to keep limber. " Stephanie's lips curled. She didn't know what to be more sad about, Tanks's date with Lula, or the activities planned. She and Joe were permanently on the outs after she found him hiding his salami in Terry at the house. She had come home from a take down covered in Hungarian Goulash at lunch time a month ago. Needless to say, the laundry basket was filled soon afterwards and Stephanie and Rex were once again living in her tiny apartment. Mrs. Bessler didn't even blink as she held the elevator door open so she could load her possessions for one trip to her floor.
The other man in her life, as she liked to phrase it, had developed cold everything. He had not made any attempts to add her into his life. He didn't break into her apartment at all times of the day or night, never attempted to steal kisses when they saw each other at the bond office, and more importantly, treated her like a regular employee at Rangeman. He even had the audacity to suggest that any more hours spent working in the office, and he would authorize Bobby to tailor a fitness program. He had mentioned a number of times since he met her that he would never allow a fat chick to work for him. She looked down at her stomach. Her blue jeans were feeling a bit tight, come to think of it. He should be proud, though. She actually had her gun in her bag, with bullets in it, no less!
Almost before they knew it, they arrived at the address for the doctor. Grandma jumped out of the car almost before it stopped. She was looking at a small casino across the street. The lights were flashing and her grin was getting bigger. "You take your time, you two. I'll just check this one out. I have my phone. Call me when you want to leave and I'll be right there." With that, Edna dashed across the street and entered. Stephanie and Lula looked at each other. What were the chances they would ever see her again on this trip? Once Edna got into a casino, she could disappear like smoke. They figured they would be heading home later minus one passenger, and hopefully with one capture. Stephanie hoped her grandma would remember to at least call home and let her know when she might return. The last time she took off, they didn't hear from her for a week. Edna had showed up at the door with a man who drove a Cadillac with horns attached to the front of the car. Frank had promptly ordered him out of the house and never to return. Helen spent the next two days getting the smell of cow manure out of the house.
Quickly checking the file folder again and memorizing Sheila's appearance, they jumped out of the car. Lula was going to run point this time. She would go into the doctor's office and make an appointment. She would call Stephanie after hopefully seeing their FTA, zapping her if she resisted, and they would get her in the car and head back. Stephanie stood by the outer door of the office. Lula went in. Mere minutes went by when all at once there was the distinctive sound of a pistol firing.