Disclaimer: I do not own Rain Man
I don't understand why C-H-A-R-L-I-E insists I stay here. Dr. Bruner said, because I was doing so much better since Charlie and I started seeing each other, I would be allowed to stay at 10961 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati Ohio with Charlie and Vern as supervision. I don't like it here. My books and all my things are in my room and not here. Charlie says I have autism but I definitely don't. He thinks I don't know what autism is. Autism is a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts. I can communicate but I find that, I can get by fine with less words. Why use more if there is no need? It seems such a waste. I have formed relationships too. I have a relationship with Charlie, Susana, Dr. Bruner, and Vern, my main man. Although, Charlie's list of serious injuries in my red book is growing, I can see he is trying very hard to be nice. He seems to have trouble with it but I know he means well. I don't think he understands everything about me though… no one does. Like the way everything in my head is so much bigger, louder, smarter, scarier, untamed, and wild. I feel like I'm trapped in here and I try to tell people things, to "open up" as Charlie so often asks but when I try to, I just seem to disappear and everything inside goes blank. When I am silent, I see everything, the whole world is made up of big, loud, numbers, and I… I see them all. But when I try to talk, words just… they fail me. If people could speak in numbers I would be the best, but everyone insists we speak words. It's simply horrible. Charlie has started a list of things that upset me. Loud noises was at the top. He doesn't understand. Everything scares me. The only thing I have to calm myself are the numbers. When Vern and Charlie are asleep, when they can't see, I look out the window. I like to count the stars.