Yo. Welcome to "Another Naruto Crack-Fic." Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Me? Own Naruto? You're kidding, right?
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The Kazekage sat up suddenly, looking around to see what had awoken him from one of his rare naps. He stared. There was a middle-aged man in the corner of his bedroom. His own personal space!
"Can I help you?" growled Gaara.
He was being unusually nice today. Usually he would have just killed the man and went back to sleep.
"Yes, actually," chirped the man. He walked up to Gaara's bed and opened up his trench coat. "Wanna buy something?" he muttered.
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Somewhere in the Land of Rejects Gaara's eyebrow twitched.
"That's odd," said Rudolph.
"I'm sooo wasted…" said the elf who wanted to be a dentist.
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Back in Suna
Gaara stared at… nothing. "Uh…. What are you selling?"
"Absolutely nothing!" replied the man as he did a little twirl and disappeared in a flash of fabric.
Gaara was about to say something, but he merely shrugged and fell back onto the mattress.
Gaara awoke again to find someone lying in bed with him and staring at him. A certain pink-haired someone.
"What the hell?!" he yelped, jumping off the bed.
"Hi, Gaara," said Sakura, for it indeed Sakura. "I've been watching you."
Gaara's eyes widened in shock and fear as Sakura got up from the bed and walked slowly over to him.
"What are you doing?" he asked fearfully.
"Something I should have done a long time ago…."
Oh, no, thought Gaara, I knew I was too hot for my own good! This is the fourth girl that's tried to rape me this month!
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Somewhere in the house Kankuro sighed wistfully and somewhere in Konoha Tenten, Ino, and Hinata sneezed.
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Back in the bedroom, Sakura was scaring the shit out of Gaara.
"I've been waiting to do this for quite a while and now that you're Kazekage…" she said getting closer and closer to Gaara.
Nooo! I'm too sexy to get raped, he thought.
Gaara shook his head fearfully. Sakura pulled back her arm and… bitch-slapped him!
"That's for beating up Sasuke-kun!" she yelled and she stalked out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.
She can't slap me, he thought furiously, I'm Kazekage! Don't I have guards or something?!
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Somewhere else in the house, said "guards" were playing Halo.
"Sweet!" said one of the guards. We'll call him Bob. "Did you see me shoot down that thingymajiger? Awesome!"
"Yeah, but I have the feeling we're forgetting something…" said the other guard. We'll call him Larry.
"Whatever," said Bob.
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Well, that's the end. Tell me what you think.
Next chapter: A pokemon battle? Who writes this crap?! Oh, wait, I do! Until next week (hopefully)!