Disclaimer: none of the characters belong to me, this is the way I waste my time and try to improve my English.

Well, I discovered this show some weeks ago and I couldn't resist the temptation to write abothe these two. And English is not my first language so I'm sorry for the mistakes.

Part I

"I lied." He says suddenly and for one second Steve thinks he misheard him but after some seconds he repeats the words. "I lied." Steve doesn't know what he is talking about so he waits to see if Danny wants to explain himself. "I had to lie to you, you know...?" But Steve doesn't know. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Danny mumbles something else that he can't hear. And Steve mustn't ask about what he is talking about because Danny is not in any condition to have a normal conversation but Steve is curious now; so he has to restrain himself. It would be wrong to take advantage of Danny when he doesn't know where he is or can control what he's saying. So Steve bites his tongue and remains in silence while Danny keeps muttering things about lying to him.

"I know I shouldn't keep things from my partner but it's better this way." And Steve thinks that maybe he is not talking about him because he could be talking about any other partner, right? "I know it's wrong but you trust me, right Steve?" Well, Danny is obviously talking about him which makes Steve nervous and he feels guilty because this is something he shouldn't be hearing. Knowing Danny like he does, Steve knows Danny is sharing some private thoughts that are not for the public, not even him.

"Of course I trust you Danny." He says because maybe that way Danny will forget about that. "Don't worry about that." Steve adds to make him feel better.

"But I do because that's what I do... Steve... I worry too much." That is true but Steve is not going to say anything about that in a moment like this when Danny is not in complete control of what he is saying. "That's why I lied... but you understand why, right?"

"Of course I do."

"I've been lying for a long time... well... it's not lying exactly." He continues because apparently, a drugged Danny is a chatty one and Steve doesn't like that. "It's more of a not telling kind of thing, you know?" What if he says something private? What if he says something he doesn't really want to? Steve is not sure about how he can stop him without being rude. Danny looks really stressed right now hence Steve is sure the last thing he needs is Steve being crude and unpleasant. "I can't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong... it's like my brain works and... and... I know... Steve, I know I promised I'd try the power of positive thinking but... I just can't..." Steve doesn't know what he is talking about, he is completely lost but he is not going to ask. "I've been hiding a lot of things from you... but that's fine... because it's the best for us."

"I'm sure it is." Steve tries to comfort him and taps his shoulder. He looks his watch, the rest should be here in any moment now to take them out of the building.

"That's why I love you Steve." It is something Danny has said multiple times but, for some reason, it sounds different now. He said it like it is a secret. Steve looks at Danny who is smiling too much. "You're too good." Danny hugs him and Steve accepts the contact and embraces him.

"Do you feel right?" He asks because he needs to change the topic. There is something Danny is doing that Steve knows is because of the drugs. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him..."

"I feel amazing!" Danny cuts him breaking the hug. "For the first time in my life my brain is quiet." The worst part is Danny seems genuinely happy for that. "What is the worst thing that could happen now?" He asks and Steve is thinking an answer when Danny continues talking. "I don't know and I don't care!" He exclaims. "I don't care Steve! No negative shit invading my mind."

Steve doesn't know what to do. It hurts to see him like this. Danny doesn't talk a lot about this, in fact Steve knows about his anxious problems because a building fell over them and Danny had to talk about this. Therefore this is something Danny would never say in a normal situation. Steve is trying to find a topic innocuous enough for them when Danny starts talking again.

"It feels so liberating to be like this." His smile is too wide and it doesn't seem natural. "Is this how normal people feel all the time?" He asks and Steve doesn't know if he's expecting an answer from him.

"Be careful Danno." Steve warns him softly.

"Why should I be careful?" He stands up and Steve is afraid he will fall because the drugs have messed with Danny in every possible way. "For the first time in my life I can be me."

"Babe, this ain't you." Steve says worried because Danny sounds so happy right now. This is not Danny, his Danny. And Steve hates what he is hearing because it is not Danny. The drugs are talking and what worries Steve is the fact that maybe later Danny can feel like this persona is better than the real Danny.

"It is me without all that negative shit messing with me! It's exhilarating!" Danny moves and Steve stands up too to go after him. "I wish I could be like this forever..." Danny mumbles.

"Danny, listen to me. I'm sorry for letting..."

"Don't be sorry. Nothing happened to me. I just feel better." Danny faces him and Steve froze. This is so wrong. Steve always wanted Danny to relax and give an opportunity for positive thinking and just to be happy for one second but this is not what he was expecting. "Babe, don't worry. I feel good. I am good."

"Why don't we sit?" Steve asks.

"I am fine Steve. Maybe I scared you some minutes ago but I'm fine." Danny stops for some seconds like he is thinking about something. "I know I scared you with the lie thing." Steve moves his head. "I know I did."

"Seriously, it's fine. I trust you."

"I know you trust me babe." Danny smiles. "And I know you think I'm not in control of what I'm saying but I am." Danny puts his hand on his chest and it feels warm for some reason Steve can't understand. "It's the best for us Steve because right now I feel amazing but when the effect fades I will be the same stupid person who thinks too much and is too afraid of everything."

"That's not true." Steve replies.

"But it is." Danny doesn't sound sad. "I wish I could talk with Gracie and Charlie..." He sighs. "I'd tell them so many things I don't dare." Suddenly Danny sits again and for the first time since the drug affected him, he looks sad and defeated. Danny looks at him and Steve can feel his pain like it is physically punching him. He sits next to him and watches the time. What is taking so long? The team should be here. "I'm in a locked room and I haven't had a panic attack." Danny says and Steve realizes he's right. It is not a small room but in a normal situation Danny would have been terrified and grabbing his hand to feel safe.

Steve looks at Danny whose smile is a sad one now. Extremely happy Danny is gone now and Steve doesn't feel better about that because this is not his Danny still. He should say something but he is not sure about what. It is painfully obvious Danny is going through something thanks to the drugs but Steve doesn't know what can be the best way to act with him.

"It's wrong to keep things from my man." He starts talking again. "But I have no other option because I know if I do speak I will screw things up eventually." He continues.

"You don't have to worry about that Danny. I..."

"You trust me." He finishes. "But that's not the thing..." Danny grabs his hand and squeezes it. "The moment I say something I will regret it because my mind will think about all the things that can go... that will go wrong and..." Danny stops and his blue eyes go around the room for some seconds before he can continue. "Tomorrow when I remember this talk I'll be mortified." He states. There is no doubt in his voice. "I will go over and over this conversation thinking about all the things I shouldn't have said."

"You haven't said anything wrong."

"I know that now but tomorrow I will be my usually mess." Danny's free hand covers Steve's hand. None of them are wearing the gloves so Steve can feel his warm touch against his skin. It feels so good. "I don't want to hide things from you because I known it would work but my brain will destroy it... I'm my own ruin."

"Don't say that." Steve frees his hands and cups with them Danny's face.

"I'm all the things that are wrong with my life."

"You're amazing Danny. Nobody's perfect and I know you can be depressingly negative sometimes but..." Steve is not sure about what to say next. "It's the way you are and there is nothing wrong with that. I love you this way."

"I love you too babe..." And Steve knows he is implying something else but Danny doesn't add anything. There is some intimacy that makes Steve shivers. Nothing has happened between them out of the ordinary but Steve can feel something different, special going on. Danny's eyes are shinning in a way that leaves Steve breathless. And for one second Steve feels the urge to kiss him but he restrains himself because this is not the moment. Danny puts his hand on his neck and rubs it carefully. "I will never do this again." Danny says, it sounds like a promise and Steve denies with his head. "Because my mind is a mess."

And something hits Steve. Revelations always happen in the most uncomfortable moment, like this one with Danny drugged and talking nonsense.

Danny places his head on Steve's shoulder and closes his eyes. He's completely relaxed, Steve can feel his muscles loosened against his body. Danny is smiling. "I wish I could be like this forever." His hand travels to his shoulder and he squeezes his fingers making the contact more intense for several seconds. Steve wants to say something but before he can think about a good reply Danny is sleeping.

"I would hate that." He murmurs finally even though he can't hear him anymore. Steve has known for years Danny has anxiety problems but never thought it would be this serious. Danny hardly ever complains, just in extreme situations, so Steve never had the chance to realize how serious that could be. And apparently it is really serious. He has to pay more attention to Danny and help him to deal with this problem in a healthier way because it's obvious he is struggling and there are things that need to be said between them.

Finally the team comes and Junior apologizes for being this late. The place is a maze and they got lost some times before they could find them. Steve nods with a smile because he understands them. All criminals have been caught and they have all the information about the drug.

"He's going to be fine." Says Tani with a smile while the ambulance is taking Danny. "They just want to make sure he doesn't suffer from any secondary effect." Steve nods and lets them take care of him without giving them too much problems. "I thought you were gonna go with him."

"I need air." Steve sounds relaxed but he is not. He is as far as possible of calm because of what just happened in the room. He can't explain exactly what is different in their normal interactions but something has changed because of what Danny said. That 'I love you too babe' has changed so many things. Now Steve understands better Danny and maybe Danny hasn't said exactly what he is hiding but Steve has been able to read between lines. "I really need some air."

"That hard?"

"What?"

"Is that hard to be with a drugged Danny?"

"It's not that." Steve doesn't know how to explain what it was to be with Danny in such state. "It was intense but not hard.

End of part I

This is all, the second part will be ready soon.

Likes and reviews will make me really happy :)