I don't own 'Harry Potter'
"I have something to tell you."
Gin turned and looked at him, brown eyes boring seriously into his, no hint of their usual warmth or mischief. Her lips twisted into a grimace. "Yeah, me too."
Harry raised a brow in question. "Together, on the count of three?"
It surely couldn't get any worse than it already was.
The redhead nodded resolutely. "On three."
They both took a deep breath and started counting. "One, two, three …
"I'm gay."
Two sets of eyes widened simultaneously, blinking furiously while trying to process this turn of events. Harry had been planning this mammoth confession for months now, feeling like a complete and utter prick, and definitely bracing himself for a serious of painful yet interesting curses at the hand of his fiery girlfriend.
Except she came out, too.
"What …?" Gin just looked bewildered before she burst out laughing, tipping backwards onto the grass as she let loose with hysterics, physically shuddering with the force of her amusement. Harry shook his head slowly before he snorted, seeing the funny side to the situation. All that mental torture and worry, and it turned out they both decided to come charging out the closet at the same exact time, to each other. Their current romantic partner.
They were two crazy peas in a pod.
Not a minute later and Harry was lying back too, laughing along with his female friend at how utterly mental the current circumstances were, and feeling freer than he had in years.
They'd figure things out somehow.
"You know, it's not unheard of for gay people to get married to each other."
Harry lifted his head from his Potions work and blinked at the non-sequitur. (And he was going to get a bloody fantastic grade in this godforsaken subject, if only for vindictive revenge against that greasy wanker.)
"This isn't your way of proposing to me, is it?" he asked dryly, finding the conversation pretty funny in its own way.
Gin shrugged. "I mean, how else are you going to have kids? Magic might be fucking awesome, but not even that can help same-sex couples have their own children. Children which you kind of need now, Lord Potter-Black." She paused to snigger at him, laughing even harder at the quill that bounced off her head. "Also, do you know of any other women that'll marry you willingly, and not expect sex? And will happily find you a man on the side as long as she also gets a woman?" Gin asked while wiggling her brows more than a little suggestively.
His face twisted in mild disgust. "I don't know what's worse: how much of a perv you are, or how much that bullshit actually made sense."
"See! I knew I was awesome." Brown eyes crinkled with mirth. "So Potter, you up for getting hitched?"
Harry shook his head, lips pulled up in a wry grin. "I do wonder what it says about us that this is our go-to plan."
She smirked. "It says we have common sense. Besides, I have a fool-proof plan for our future employment, seeing as I know damn well you want to avoid the Aurors."
"Oh? Anything else I should know before we screw over the entire constitution of marriage?"
"Yeah," she replied with a snicker. "You should be damn grateful I've got lighter hair than your mum. Now you won't be accused of having an Oedipus Complex!"
Harry blanched. "You're fucking vile!"
Why was he agreeing to this madness?
"I fucking love magic."
Harry eyed his spaced-out wife warily and looked back at the cot, eyeing the two little twins inside.
While having two kids at once was going to be mad, as well as Teddy, at least they were cute.
The Medi-Witch bustled in and smiled at him brightly. "Have you and your wife decided on names yet, Lord Potter-Black?"
Harry smiled back at the women. "We've decided to go with the Black tradition to honour my godfather and my grandmother's family."
Gin perked up. "I know! How about Betelgeuse and Azelfafage?"
"Just to be clear, she also doesn't get a vote, especially not in this state," he deadpanned.
The other woman looked like she didn't know how to react to the odd couple and Harry sighed, turning to his very high, post-labour wife. "I'm going to choose based on what we spoke about before, alright?"
Brown eyes were wide as they looked into his intently. "Whoa! Did you know that your eyes are like, really green? Like, really, really green?"
Harry spun back to the nurse. "Ignore her. Their names are Castor James Potter and Leo Arthur Potter. Okay, Gin?"
"I feel so floaty …"
The man nodded. "Castor and Leo."
"O-oh, sure. I'll just … go and get the paperwork."
Harry gazed down the newborns before switching focus to their mother. "Just to be clear, you are never naming any of our offspring, got it?"
Gin giggled. "Hedwig Pigwidgeon Potter. Luna would love it."
Green eyes widened and looked at the woman, horrified at that atrocity.
Thank fuck I'm not actually in love with her, that would be a nightmare.
"Look! We have a Black Heiress, not an Heir! How about Hecatebolus?"
"Don't you dare listen to that crazy woman! Her name is Asterope Lily Black!"
"Ooh, another Black! I think –"
"Good timing, Ma'am! Meet little Altair Sirius Black! Let's make sure the paperwork gets done quickly now, I don't want you to have too much to do. Here, I'll even help you write it down now."
"Lord Potter-Black, how do you feel knowing that some people look down on your decision to be a stay-at-home father while your wife plays Quidditch for a living? Not to mention having Mrs Andromeda Tonks as your proxy, despite being disinherited years previously?"
"I'd say I don't give a rat's arse. I get to raise my kids and make sure they don't end up as spoiled brats riding their parents' coattails, I have a wife I genuinely love who doesn't care that I'm not working, said wife is pretty damn happy on a broom, and as for Andromeda, the only people who don't want her on the Wizengamot are the ancient bastards whose pride can't admit that a younger person – a woman at that – can talk circles around them and prove them wrong for all to see.
"So honestly, I don't think you could actually pay me to care even less than I already do about people bitching all the time. I'm happy, and it's not my fault others aren't.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some chocolate for my children. And me. I'm not the one who has to keep to a Quidditch diet like my wife, sucker that she is."
Harry stopped as he felt a pair of firm lips on his, pressing intently but not forcefully.
This was pretty weird in and of itself, mostly because he hadn't had a proper snog in over a year, let alone a good shag. Being a stay-at-home parent for five kids wasn't exactly conducive to a productive love life. Then again, Gin was also stuck in a perpetual dry-spell thanks to her training schedule, so Harry just comforted himself in the knowledge that he wasn't alone. And that he wasn't stupid enough to do a job where celibacy was more-or-less enforced on him. Gin was a fucking idiot.
The other man pulled back and peered nervously down at Harry – he was not cursing his short height; he was way more mature than that – looking as if he had no clue how Harry was going to react to the impromptu kiss. Which was pretty fair, to be honest.
He certainly hadn't expected to be accosted by one Neville Longbottom in the corridors of Grimmauld Place.
Harry blinked, face twisting into a frown. "Nev … I know I'm not the smartest bloke around, but aren't you forgetting someone? You know, Luna? Your wife?"
Neville smiled genially, the gentle expression at odds with the heat in his blue eyes. "Did you know that I only asked Luna to marry me after you got engaged to Ginny? Our situations are the same, Harry, and Luna and I only got married so we could have children and not have to worry about dealing with potential problems."
The taller man paused before carrying on, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Speaking of, I'm pretty sure our wives are upstairs defiling Ginny's bed."
Harry thought over the situation; Gin smirking at him, her shipping off their kids to The Burrow for the day, the redhead eagerly inviting the blonde woman into their home …
His wife was either desperate, or a sex maniac. Or both.
Not like it's my place to judge. Besides …
Harry stepped closer to Neville and wound his arms around the other man's neck, smirking at the obvious lust he could see. "Fun fact: did you know I also have a bedroom that's ripe for its own defiling?"
The next moment he was slung over Neville's shoulder as the man hurried through the house, and Harry was cackling like a nut. And celebrating the imminent death of his dry patch.
Thank God for stamina potions.
"Do you ever think about what would have happened if we'd tried to have a proper marriage?"
Harry paused with his wine glass in the air and thought that through. Not even ten seconds later and he physically cringed, imagining the two of them – two very obstinate individuals – trying to build and navigate a genuine marriage with each other when they weren't even romantically attracted to one another.
It was a recipe for disaster.
He snorted and drained his glass in one. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank fuck for your spur-of-the-moment insane ideas." He remembered the infamous confession and carried on, adding, "And let's give ourselves a pat on the back for actually having the balls to come out. Things would have gone to shit otherwise."
Gin hummed, gazing into the sunset. "Yeah. I might not have ever gotten to see what Luna's got hidden under all those bright colours."
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're a bloody pervert."
"I prefer to think of it as having a healthy awareness and appreciation for sexual interest," she quipped. "Besides, don't even pretend you aren't grateful for what Neville's got packing underneath that cardigan of his," Gin finished with a smirk.
Harry returned the wicked expression and took another sip of wine. "Let's just say that all that manual labour in the greenhouses has done wonders for our Professor friend, in more ways than one."
Ginny cackled, throwing her head back and laughing uproariously into the summer evening. Her red hair was a few shades lighter thanks to all the training in the sun recently, something that has also resulted in a lovely tan that made her freckles stand out even more than usual. She'd recently cut her hair into a short pixie cut, gleefully giving the metaphorical – and probably literal, knowing her – middle finger to society's expectations of Ladies. She looked beautiful in Harry's opinion.
The woman looked a hell of a lot better than that nervous teen who'd once stared at him next to the Black Lake, miserably preparing to end their hopeless relationship. He was glad they'd sorted things out all those years ago. It was …
Harry blinked and smiled bemusedly, shaking his head as his mind supplied the startling information. Nineteen years. Nineteen years ago, they'd decided on a ridiculous arrangement, neither one of them looking back since.
Now, four kids and unconventional relationships later, they were still in their home. It definitely wasn't the sort of marriage his parents had had, or Remus or Tonks, or any other couple he'd seen as a kid, but it worked for them, and Harry was sure the family he'd lost would have understood his reasons. (He had a feeling Sirius at least would have gotten it, but considering his teenage reputation, Harry wasn't sure that was the best endorsement.)
Harry turned to his best friend – as the mad woman had managed to become over the past couple of decades; he'd finally lost it, no doubt about it – and threw a grape at her head to get the redhead's attention.
"You prick! What do you want?"
"Are you going to sign back on with the Harpies next season?"
Brown eyes lit up with mirth. "I thought about it, but I have won every single year since starting. I kind of fancy a change. And wouldn't you know, there's a vacancy at Hogwarts for Quidditch Instructor next year! Just in time for our beloved youngest to join the school! It's a shame I didn't get to terrorise Teddy, but I suppose I'll just have to work extra hard on the others to make up for it."
He considered calling out the woman on her sadism, but she did grow up with six brothers and Molly for a mother. That part of her was there to stay, for better or worse.
Gin turned to him with an inquisitive expression. "What about you? Hard to be a full-time parent if all the kids are at school."
His lips pulled up in a vindictive smirk, the expression being a pretty big indicator as to how the hat had even considered him for Slytherin in the first place. And how it also got one of his kids there, not that Harry cared. Seeing people terrified of a Slytherin Potter was fucking hilarious.
"Well, speaking of Hogwarts vacancies …" he trailed off, evil grin widening at the glint in his wife's eyes. "Did you know that our beloved school is currently on the hunt for a Potions Master? Can you imagine: the boy whom Snape once mocked as having no talent in the subject, instructing hundreds of children on that very topic? I'm sure his portrait will be fuming."
The woman next to him slapped a hand over her mouth, trying and failing to muffle the hysterical giggles she couldn't contain. Harry watched her fondly, a grin of his own threatening to erupt into crazy laughter. It was pretty funny, and no, it wasn't petty of him to take a job just for the hope of giving a painted bastard a heart attack. The twat deserved it, end of.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair, watching the sky darken as his wife lost it next to him. Teddy had already graduated, the twins would graduate next year, and his youngest was going to start in a couple of months. Things have gone by quick.
"Time passes fast, doesn't it?"
Gin smiled and lifted her glass, and the two of them toasted their glasses silently, both lost in thought. The woman snorted suddenly and he raised a brow.
"If things are going that quickly, it won't be long 'til we get bloody grandkids."
Harry blanched and shook his head. Nope, not happening. I'm not even forty yet, I better not end up with any grandkids before that!
A thought occurred to him and he smirked, raising his glass once more. "Another toast, and I think you'll like this once.
"Here's to future kids we can foist back onto their own bloody parents."
The woman started cackling like an Azkaban escapee before lifting her glass and clinking it against Harry's, mirroring his grin as she did.
Here's to a lifetime of us and all it entails. May the madness never end.
A/N: Hello guys!
This actually started as a little slash oneshot for 'A Different Kind of Magic', but it went entirely out of control, and this is what I was left with.
Ngl, I love the idea of Harry and Ginny as gay bff's. I think they'd be so funny together, and I kind of feel sorry for their children.
I hope you guys enjoy the insanity of my mind :D