"Where are those other clods?" Said a very annoyed Peridot as she continued to work on the Gem Drill at the barn.
It was a normal day for Beach City. No Gem monsters, no Gem missions, nothing. Which made Peridont even more infuriated that no one was helping her."Do they not care that the Cluster is going to destroy this Planet!?" Said Peridot to herself.
However things were about to take an unexpected turn.
As Peridot continued to work (and ramble on to herself about the "Clods"). A red truck pulled up to the barn. The red truck was holding six propane cylinders in its trunk, and all of the cylinders read "Strickland Propane".
Peridot decided to stop working and investigate what this truck was doing there. As she walked up to the truck, a human stepped out of the truck. Peridot was not very happy about this. She was already not happy as it was, but she really didn't want to talk to a random human.
"Hank Hill, Strickland Propane" said the man happily. However this just confused Peridot. "Why are you pro pain?" Asked a confused Peridot. Hank just stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. "Um… are your parents home?" Asked Hank. "Parents? I'M NO CHILD!"Screamed Peridot. Hank looked a little scared. "However I would like for one of the other Gems to explain why you are here, If only I knew where they were…"
Meanwhile…
Steven and Amethyst were hanging out in beach city with Connie.
Pearl was nowhere to be found.
And Garnet was watching rock porn. Which consists of Dwayne the Rock Johnson wearing no shirt staring at the camera seductively while holding two rocks, and repeatedly hitting them together. "This is hot" Said Garnet to herself. (OR they. However the fuck you faggots like to refer to her as).
Back at the barn…
After Hank got the propane tanks off the truck, Peridot began inspecting them. While Hank was just staring at her in confusion. "Are these weapons?" Asked Peridot. "I can assure you that these great blessings of God are not weapons." Said a very proud Hank Hill. "Are you sure? Because they smell like weapons." Said Peridot. "If you wanted a toxic weapon, then you should have gotten that bastard gas" Hank said sternly.
Peridot then pulled out her voice recorder. "Some human has come to the barn, bringing with him some kind of gas called PRO PAIN. The human named Hank Hill claims that its not a weapon, but how could something that smells so terrible not be a wea OW!" Peridot was interrupted by Hank Hill punching her in the face, which knocked her on the ground. "Shut up you little BITCH!" Screamed Hank Hill. "I'm sick of you Illegal aliens coming to our planet, and talking shit about our propane! Trump is right, we do need to build a wall around Earth!" (#MakeEarthGreatAgain)
Hank was about to leave, but something was happening to him. He could feel it inside him. It was his narrow urethra. He could feel it expanding! At that moment, he knew he was cured.
Peridot was still on the ground, dazed from the punch. "WHERE ARE YOU CRYSTAL CLODS!" Peridot screamed into the air.
Meanwhile…
Steven and Amethyst were freaking out over the fact that Connie has just told Steven that he got both her, and her mom (Dr. Priyanka Maheswaran) pregnant. Steven was scared because he was not ready to be a dad, and Amethyst was scared because they were now going to have mix race babies.
Pearl was still nowhere to be found. (However some people theorize that she went off to have sex with Uncle Grandpa)
And Garnet was now fused into ruby and sapphire. They were having awesome lesbian midget sex while thinking about Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Then Greg walked in, and saw the two in the act. Ruby and Sapphire look at Greg, but their lust causes them to see him not as Greg, but as Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Back at the barn…
Hank Hill was staring at Peridot with lust in his eyes. His urethra was no longer narrow, and his wife was all the way back in Texas. He needed to test out his new found penis freedom, and he had the perfect test subject…
"You stupid Clod! You think you can just get away with hitting me?" Peridot said as she stood back up. "Well if you don't want me to hit you, then how about a DICK IN YOUR MOUTH!" Hank said as he unzipped his pants, revealing his fully erect 9 inch cock, and shoving it into Peridots mouth. Sence Gems don't have to breath , This made it easy for Hank to shove his cock into her Throat.
After about three minutes, Hank screamed "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDD!" And climaxed into her mouth. With hank suffering from blue balls for so many years, there was so much sperm that it started to leak out of Peridots nose. As Hank pulled his cock out, Peridot fell to her knees. However Hank was not done yet.
"Thats it im fucking your ass!" Screamed Hank Hill. Hank then tore off all of Peridots clothing, and pushed her to the ground. Hank the proceeded to ram his cock into Peridots ass.
Peridot then pulled out her voice recorder. "Update OW this pro pain human OW appears to be attempting to OW as he puts it OW fuck my ass, I must OW let him conduct these OW tests on me so that I may OW learn more about OW human culture."
As the ass fucking was going on, Peridot still wondered where the FUCK THE CRYSTAL GEMS WERE!
Meanwhile…
Steven and Connie were discussing what they were going to do about the fact that not only did Steven knocked her up, but also knocked her mom up. Amethyst was off to give Connie's mom an abortion. Because one mixed race baby was bad enough, but two is where she crosses the line.
Pearl was dancing at the strip club… Just kidding, I don't actually know where the fuck she is.
Greg was having threeway sex with Ruby and Sapphire. However Ruby and Sapphire were pretending he was Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Back at the barn…
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Said Hank as he came in Peridots ass. As sperm started to leak out of her ass, Hank turned her around. "It's time for one last test!" Said Hank to Peridot.
Peridot was happy. She loved conducting tests, and this was shaping out to be her favorite one yet. Peridot smiled and blushed as she knew what final test Hank Hill was talking about. There was only one hole left for Hank to spread his propane love into. It was what humans called a pussy.
Peridot did not want to wait any longer, so she spread her legs and prepared for Hank. However Hank needed some backup. So he took some of the propane, and began to huff it. This gave him the power he needed. He became so powerful that not even that faggot Garfield could match him.
It was now time, penis to vigina, cock to pussy.
Hank wasted no time, and instantly stuck his cock into Peridot. They both screamed in absolute pleasure. Peridot then pulled out her voice recorder. "This… Test is… absolutely Wonderful! Why has… no one told me of… this before? It's… OOOOOOOHHHHHH!" Peridot had what humans called an orgasim. A few seconds latter, Hank also had an orgasim. However Hanks sperm was so powerful that it caused Peridot to rocket off his penis, and land next to his truck.
However before hank stood up, he noticed something. Someone was watching them. He looked at his truck and noticed someone in the trunk.
"Who's there?" Asked Hank. The figure stood up, and to Hank and Peridots shock, IT WAS PEARL!
"Wait how long have you been there, and where are the other gems?" Asked Peridot.
Meanwhile…
Steven was ready to accept the honor of becoming a father. Steven then decided that he and Connie should go tell Greg.
However when they got to the temple, they saw Greg wearing a Dwayne the Rock Johnson mask while fucking Sapphire and Ruby. However Sapphire knew this would happen, and desperately wanted to have sex with Connie. So she asked them to join. Steven and Connie slowly left the house and… I'm just joking they all had a massive orgy, and Greg the Rock Johnson showed Steven how to have sex with a gem.
Also Amethyst was thrown in prison for attempting an abortion on Connie's mom, who turned out not to be pregnant, she just put on some weight.
Back at the barn…
"How did you get there?" Asked Hank. "I snuck in after you punched Peridot, I was going to see if my plan worked" Pearl said to Hank. "Plain? What plain?" Asked Hank Hill. "My plain for you to kill that bitch Peridot. I knew that she would talk shit about your propane." Hank gasped. "So you were the one who put in that call!" "Yes Hank, but you fucked everything up! You were supposed to kill her, not fuck her!" Pearl then looks at Peridot. "And you! You have no idea what true sex is, you have no idea how much sex I have had!"
"It's true, she has had tons of sex throughout human history, but her level of sault makes it so that she can only have sex with the most evil people to ever live, and she will use all the sex power to take over the world" Said a random voice. "Who said that?" Asked Peridot. "Me, I am Carl Sagan, defender of the Cosmos." They all looked up to see Carl Sagan in the Spaceship of Imagination. "Admit it Pearl!" Hank and Peridot looked a Pearl. "Yes it is true, I have had sex with some of the most evil people to ever live." Hank and Peridot were stunned. "Infact, I had so much sex that it turned my pink skin to pale white." Peridot looked confused. "Who could you have possibly had sex with?" Asked Peridot. Pearl smiled. " I have had sex with Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Un, Sauron, Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Bathory, Jesus, every ISIS member, Obama Bin Laden, George W Bush jr, Pan Pizza, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Anita Sarkeesian, Jonathan McIntosh, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, Sonic, Vince McMahon, Big Dick Dan, Black Bigger Dick Dan, The Postal Dude, And so many more!" Pearl said with pride. "Enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!" Screamed Carl Sagan as he jumped out of the Spaceship of Imagination and charged at Pearl.
Pearl summoned her spear, but Carl Sagan already got a punch in before she could even set up a defence. His punch dazed her, and he used this opportunity to charge up his Carlhameha.
When Pearl regained focus, she was met with a Carlhameha right to her face, and she was instantly poffed.
Hank and Peridot cheered Carl Sagan, but Carl did not look happy. "Hank! You must leave now! Carl sternly said to Hank. "Your presence here is disturbing the Cosmos, and the sex didn't help either." Hank looked sad, but he understood. "Ok Carl Sagan, I understand." But before he could start walking back to his truck, Peridot stopped him. "Wait!" Said Peridot. "Before you go, I just want you to know that even though you punched and raped me, this was one of the happiest moments of my life." Said Peridot. Hank smiled and said "This was one of the happiest days of my life to." They both smiled and hugged.
Hank walked back to his truck, and waved goodbye. As he drove away, a tear formed in his eye.
After Hank was gone Peridot wondered what would happen next. "Hey Carl, what should we do with Pearls gem?" Peridot asked. "Take it back to the temple, my Carlhameha removed all the evil sperm from her, she is now good." Said Carl Sagan. "Oh and Peridot, there is an orgy going on at the temple." Said Carl. "Thank you Carl Sagan, but what will you do now?" Ask Peridot. "I'm going to go smoke Weed with Snoop Dogg." Said Carl Sagan Happily,
Peridot smiled and waved goodbye as she ran to the temple. Carl Sagan went back into his Spaceship of Imagination and left.
The End
.