Author's Note: Welcome to my first foray into the world of Lucifer fanfiction. Been a fan for a while now, written a few works but finally getting around to sharing them. Hope you enjoy.

There are spoilers here for Season 4. You have been warned.

The days go slowly, and Chloe moves through them with a numbness that festers in her soul. At night it hits her. She tries to sleep but she's haunted by the never-ending dreams. He's always there, sometimes in his alabaster angel skin, his perfectly puckered pocket square and Armani suit. Sometimes he's the red devil with the majestic dragon wings that commanded the demons away. Every time she runs to him, and every time, he pulls away. She cries until morning.

Her eyes are permanently sunken now from sleepiness and sorrow, but she doesn't bother with sunglasses, she doesn't have enough energy to care. She yawns frequently, forcing herself awake while going through the motions of a job that doesn't excite her anymore. It reminds her of Lucifer, of what she lost, and while that's one of the things that keeps here there, she also stays because it gives her something to do.

A week after Lucifer leaves, she receives a call from his lawyer. He's left everything to her. She cries again, but she agrees to keep the club open and oversee its running. It's another way to be close to him after all, and she wants things to be the same when he comes back.

For two months she stays this way, burning herself into nothing, detective by daylight and club owner by night. She's still convinced that Lucifer will find a way to come home. By the third month it starts to sink in that he's gone for good.

With an innocent wisdom born from being the child of two detectives, Trixie watches her mother helplessly passing the days by, knowing she's dying inside. She hears Chloe calling out Lucifer's name every night since that night, and Trixie prays to Lucifer every chance she gets, begging him to come back. He never does.

Trixie yells at him one night, so loudly that Chloe comes in, and she has to pretend she's not shouting at the top of her lungs at the devil. Chloe sees through it, and once she gets past the fact that her daughter knows the truth, they cry together. Time moves on.

Chloe reaches the next stage of grief after five months. She's sitting quietly, repeatedly trying to read a case file that won't stick in her head. Ella approaches her desk like a frightened deer, extending yet another invitation to tribe night. Chloe tries to be kind, making excuses about Lux. Ella perches on the desk, leaning in.

"Chloe, it's been months. You could use a night to blow off some steam. Can't you get Patrick to run the place for the night?"

But Chloe stares, focused on the exact place Ella is perched – the place he always perched. She stands up abruptly, her chair scraping the floor as she scrambles to fight back the emotion in danger of leaking out. Ella is sweet, but Chloe knows it's not what she needs right now. What she needs even less is Dan making a beeline for her desk, having heard the conversation.

"You know what, Chloe? You've been moping about since Lucifer left. We've all seen you, and I'm sick of dancing around it. It's time for you to move on. All he's done is hurt you. Every time you guys get close, he runs off. Let him rot, wherever he is, and good riddance. The precinct is a better place without him."

Ella tries to defend her, to provide a buffer, and Chloe appreciates it, but all she feels is anger. Dan's finally pushed the wrong button.

"I know where he's gone and why, Dan!" she exclaims. "And I'm not moping, I'm grieving. Lucifer didn't just run off, he's…he had to go."

She pauses. "I'll never see him again and I have to live with that."

"You can't tell me you're not the least bit relieved to be rid of his devil craziness!"

Between the lack of sleep, the grief, and the anger at Dan's unfounded comments, something in Chloe snaps.

"It wasn't craziness!"

Her voice is hard with resolve, anger, and maybe even recklessness.

"He wasn't lying," she continues, her words getting softer.

"He's gone back, he-"

"He went home?" Dan asks, curious. He's never heard Lucifer mention home.

"It's not home…" she protests.

And then Ella rubs Chloe's back carefully in a soft circular motion, causing a quieting calmness inside of her. She feels a sob forcing its way out as Ella bundles her to the conference room, locking Dan out.

"I'm going to call Linda," Ella says. "I think you guys need a heart to heart."

"I'm fine," Chloe repeats, but she knows that's a lie.

"Chloe, you're anything but fine. You're hollow. You're starting to spout the same things Lucifer did, and girl, a psych eval isn't something you want coming your way right now."

Chloe forces back a chuckle at the irony, before wiping her eyes and heading toward her desk again, leaving Ella to watch with sympathy.

That evening she tries to get her mind off things by reading. She borrows Trixie's Twilight books and finds herself engrossed. With the first book barely taking up the evening she starts the second, gets partway in and-

"You bastard!" she cries.

The book leaves her hands before she registers it, and Chloe watches as some paint chips off the wall with the collision.

"Why did you leave her? You didn't need to protect her!"

She falls to her knees, weeping. "Why did you leave…?"

That night, the dreams are worse.

Maze returns abruptly from her sabbatical on the sixth month. She doesn't tell Chloe what she did during that time, but they reconcile and finally talk.

The topic of Eve comes up, and Chloe is concerned they haven't heard from her since Lucifer left. Maze isn't worried, something about Eve wanting to find herself, but Chloe sees through Maze's disinterest. She knows how much Eve's disappearance really hurt the demon, though it was nothing compared to how deep of a cut Lucifer's departure had made. She shares an understanding and grief with Maze – Chloe for the man who left her, and Maze for the home she'd never see again. Maze reminisces about Hell and Chloe listens intently, determined to become familiar with the kind of place Lucifer exiled himself to. Even when it becomes too much, she listens, because it makes her feel closer to Lucifer.

Chloe continues running Lux, while Maze spends her days making up for her absence by tending to baby Charlie. More requests come in for the lady who sang 'Wonderwall' and Chloe calls Maze, who agrees to sing again, just this once. Surprisingly, the demon finds it so cathartic she agrees to do it regularly.

"You don't have to do this, you know," Maze says, "running Lux."

"I want to," Chloe protests, but she knows its because she's clinging to old memories.

Maze sighs. "Well then, I won't let you do it alone."

They divide out responsibilities between them, and Chloe's evenings become much less busy. It finally hits her just how much she'd taken on, and how exhausted she is, but she's scared of what more free time will mean for her. Although having more expendable income is certainly a perk, Chloe had never agreed to run Lux because of the money. She had done it to use up her every moment, to keep her mind occupied, and now she actually has to face her grief.

After a couple of weeks, Maze approaches her with the suggestion of closing or selling Lux. Chloe appreciates how new it is for Maze to admit she's concerned, but the thought of closing Lux leaves Chloe cold. She's under no illusions - Chloe knows that keeping Lux open has only delayed the sense of finality that would inevitably come, yet running it has become something of a comfort to her. Maze agrees to respect Chloe's wishes and they continue in their routine, with Maze stepping in when Chloe has other obligations, and Chloe stepping in when Maze has a bounty to hunt. All is relatively well, for a while.

On the seven month mark, Chloe regresses, feeling herself becoming colder and more withdrawn. Ella stops asking her to tribe night, and Dan interacts with her only when required. When Trixie is with Dan, Chloe spends her nights at Lux in the penthouse. Sometimes she ventures downstairs, dressed to the nines, forcing herself to forget, to have fun. It never works. Linda invites her to see Charlie, and she almost goes once, getting as far as parking outside their house, but she loses her nerve. Seeing Linda and Amenadiel with the life she wants is too hard.

That night, she drinks until she passes out on Lucifer's bed. She dreams of a place with tall stone walls and ethereal blue light, a cold place with many doors. She sees him on a throne so high it would put Everest to shame, and his eye catches hers with alarm. He doesn't pull away; he heads toward her with those beautiful majestic wings.

She wakes up crying, her pillow soaked through with tears. There's a moment of concern for the expensive cloth but it's forgotten as soon as it comes, because there is a revelation. It was not a dream.

The eighth month moves quickly as Chloe tries everything to reach the same place in her dream. She tries lucid dreaming, hypnosis, meditation, and drinking herself into oblivion, but they all fail. She gets bolder.

When Chloe doesn't turn up to work one day, Ella goes to check on her. She finds Chloe face down on the silken sheets amongst a deluge of sleeping pills. Barely holding it together, she dials for an ambulance.

Chloe sees his face again, she's in his arms.

"Chloe, stop this," he pleads, heartbroken.

His face turns into the paramedic's as they pump her stomach. She falls unconscious again.

The psychologist signs her off for two weeks. She's chastised for not taking the time earlier to grieve. Dan finally shows sympathy and volunteers to take Trixie. Chloe is quietly grateful. She hadn't been trying to die, but she'd overestimated the dose for a heavy sleep. Chloe knows that if she dies and goes to Hell – she certainly feels guilty enough – she might see him. But she loves Trixie, so death is not an option. She brainstorms.

The path she's been walking has only given her glimpses of him, stolen moments, and apologies. He misses her too but he still won't come home. If she could only go to him, she was sure she could persuade him to return. Chloe knows it won't be easy, but it gives her resolve.

She returns to work much like herself again, diving headfirst into cases, and even agreeing to a few tribe nights. Chloe holds it together and visits Amenadiel and Linda, and she tears up when she holds Charlie. In her spare time she lives a double life. She travels to the biggest Satanist library in LA and pours over the rituals: how to summon the devil, how to get a message to him, how to get into Hell. She reads endlessly, trying to find something consistent, something that sticks. When the Satanic texts fail her, she pours over biblical scriptures. What she finds isn't much help. Out of desperation, she asks Amenadiel to take her to Hell.

"You have to stop, Chloe," he says. "This is killing you."

"Then go down there, Amenadiel. Go down there and bring him back!"

Amenadiel sighs with sadness, but he reluctantly agrees to speak to Lucifer. When he returns, she's waiting for him, but is met with disappointment.

"Nothing's changed, Chloe. He says he still can't come back."

But she doesn't cry, not this time. She plans.

In the ninth month Chloe summons a demon. He stands inside the devil's trap she painted on the floor of the penthouse, his judgmental eyes looking at her expectantly. She doesn't give him a chance to talk.

"You tell Lucifer I'm pissed off," she says. "You tell him I'm coming down there, and I'm going to drag his self-righteous, snarky, charred ass back to Earth!"

The demon blinks with shock that someone would be so blasphemous toward Hell's ruler, and then it hits him.

"You must be Chloe Decker."

And just like that she has more evidence that Lucifer hasn't forgotten; the demons know he left her behind. She still isn't sure if that's good news or not.

The demon smirks. "I'll deliver your message," he says, and disappears.

She starts to think that if she can summon a demon, maybe she can summon Lucifer too. Chloe shows up at a Satanists' church, hoping to glean some information about how one goes about summoning the devil. It doesn't go as expected - they all know her name already and welcome her inside. Apparently they believe Lucifer about being the devil, and think she's a queen of some prophecy, but she's had about enough of those. Chloe thinks about how angry it would make Lucifer to know she's here, but she doesn't care. She hopes it makes him angry enough to come back.

After talking with them over coffee and cake, it quickly becomes obvious there is no way to summon Lucifer, so Chloe takes her leave. They ask her back for a pot roast, but she declines. The hero worship is a little much, and she starts to understand why Lucifer avoids them like the plague.

Ten months in, Chloe finds out that she can see angels, even when they don't want to be seen.

"Who are you talking to?" she asks when she enters the lab, her gaze locking immediately on the short dark-haired woman in the corner.

Ella stutters and denies talking to anyone, but the person next to her seems resigned.

"You can see her?" Ella suddenly realizes. "Can you see ghosts too?"

It dawns on Chloe this is the ghost Ella was talking about, and also that this woman is no ghost. Maybe she's been around too many celestials not to know, and the woman senses it too.

"I'm Azreal," she says. "Nice to finally meet you, Chloe."

"Wait, what? I thought you were Rae Rae," Ella asks.

"My brother used to call me that," Azreal reminisces. "But my name is Azrael, Ella, and I'm not a ghost, I'm an angel. The angel of death, to be precise. I'm sorry I lied to you. I promise you there were very good reasons."

Ella is stuck between frustration and amazement, and for the first time she seems unable to voice exactly what she wants to say. Azreal looks apologetically at Chloe, but Chloe doesn't want her apology, she wants her help.

"Take me to him," Chloe demands.

"Wait, what?" Ella stutters, wondering how the conversation got away from her so spectacularly. "Take you to who?"

"To Lucifer," Azreal says quietly, regretfully. "And I can't."

"Why not?" Chloe demands, her voice wavering.

"Because I can't," Azreal admits, tears in her eyes. "I'm not allowed to deliver a living soul to Hell. You have no idea how much he wants to see you, Chloe, but he…"

Azrael looks away with guilt.

"Whoa, wait a sec. Lucifer is your brother?" Ella asks, finally having caught up. "And you're an angel. Which means...oh no."

Chloe feels the bear hug the moment it lands.

"This changes everything," Ella says.

Chloe is touched that even when working through a mind-altering revelation, Ella is thinking of her.

She excuses herself and leaves them alone to talk, but Ella makes her promise to clear her schedule that evening so they can discuss this thing properly, and Chloe doesn't deny her that. She knows how it feels to have one's world flipped on its ear. Despite her apprehension, Chloe finds their chat comforting. Ella is remarkably open minded, so much so that she feels ashamed of her own reaction to Lucifer's truth. It's a relief to listen as Ella prattles on about how she knew the devil wasn't a bad guy, and it how makes so much sense now why Chloe was upset. But with that knowledge comes doubt, and Chloe catches the moment when Ella runs her fingers nervously along the cross on her necklace. Having just come out the other end of a crisis of faith, Chloe wonders how Ella's resolve will hold. Chloe knows she herself certainly has no warm and loving thoughts of God, since it is his punishment keeping Lucifer away from her.

"So he's down there protecting us…" Ella trails off, looking out into the night from her position on the balcony.

Chloe moves to stand beside her.

"Yeah," she says with resignation. "And we're up here, picking up the pieces.

By the eleventh month Chloe has accepted the hole inside of her as a new normal. Talking with Ella helps, and she starts visiting Linda and Amenadiel more, along with going to tribe nights. She starts to find the routine of work comforting again.

Chloe learns the piano to accompany Maze's singing at Lux. She knows she'll never be as good as Lucifer, but she puts her emotion into the music as much as he did, and it feels good to release her pain into an outlet.

The nights are still hard. Even though he's in her dreams, he seems so distant, her fears realized. She wonders how much time has passed in Hell, and hopes he hasn't forgotten about her. The thought leaves her cold.

More time passes, and nothing changes.

On the one-year anniversary of his departure, Chloe feels she needs to do something. She digs out the research she's done on rituals and rifles through it hurriedly until she finds the one that can send something down to Hell. Moving with purpose, she puts together a care package with a packet of Lucifer's favourite snacks, a bottle of his best whisky, a pack of his brand of cigarettes, and one of his favourite Prada suits. She puts it in a box and wraps it in paper brandished with cutesy devil faces – one she ordered online – and addresses the tag with his name.

She leans back to admire her work. Doing something for him makes the hole grow a little smaller, and Chloe wonders why she didn't try it sooner. She sets up and finishes the ritual flawlessly, but the result is disappointing. The tears hitting the floor are the first sign that she's falling apart, and Chloe makes her way to Lucifer's whisky cabinet, hoping to drown her sorrows in it. Before she can pour a glass, she breaks into heaving sobs, her first real breakdown in months.

"I just miss you," she says.

When she looks up, the gift is gone, a note in its place.

"I miss you too," it says in his flawless handwriting.

She handles it less well than she expects.

When Maze arrives, she's sitting on the penthouse balcony in one of his shirts, having polished off half of one of Lucifer's decanters of whisky. Her eyes closed, she sits there praying, hoping he'll come back.

"Praying again, Decker?" Maze asks. "You know he won't answer."

Chloe jumps. "Maze," she begins, "this really isn't a good…"

She pauses at the sight of Maze's appearance. Her clothes are torn and dirty, and blood is smudged and smeared across her face and body, which sports several half-healed gashes and a black eye.

"What happened?" she asks, horrified.

It's then she notices Maze's hand jittering.

"You want him back, Chloe?"

"Of course I do. But Maze, I've tried, and there's no way I can get to him. Don't give me false hope, I've had enough of that for a lifetime."

"What would you do to see him again?"

"Whatever it takes."

It slips through her lips faster than she can think.

"He was here, Maze," she begins. "I made him a gift, tried to send it to Hell. It didn't work, but he came for it. He left me a note."

She pulls the paper out of her pocket, smoothing it carefully, as though it were made of precious cloth.

This was around the time where Maze would normally make a comment about rituals being bullshit, but the fact Lucifer actually came to Earth only moments ago is throwing her off.

"He was here?" she asks with disbelief.

"Only for a second, and I didn't see him," Chloe explains.

Maze regains her composure. "Look, that doesn't matter. Did you mean it? Would you really do anything to get him back?"

"I wouldn't say what I didn't mean."

Her body tenses as the frustration passes through it.

"Good. Then I have my answer."

The sudden sound of a coin being flicked through the air makes Chloe jump and scramble to catch it. The cold metal bounces against her hands and she closes them quickly, before slowly prying them apart to examine it. On the coin, a goat's head sits inside a star, surrounded by alternate names for Lucifer. The words "Morning star" are engraved, along with "In God we are damned." She turns it over carefully to see the depiction of the crucifix and the holy trinity.

"Maze, what is this?"

"It's what I've been searching for since Lucifer left."

Chloe shifts uncomfortably. Maze is being intentionally cryptic, but Chloe just wants answers. She doesn't have to wait long.

"Decker, this is our ticket to Hell."